Disclaimer ~
If I owned this show I would have pleaded with Kevin to stay yadda yadda yadda
don't sue me!
Summary ~ The troll dies, Pacey cries, Dawson lies and Jen screams good byes.
Just another tasty treat on Heather’s Dysfunctional Creek
Background ~
Jack & Andie are vacationing in France, and Gretchen is back at college.
Drue doesn’t exist.
Part One: The Death
"Why
don't you just go jump off a cliff Joey! I don't need you anymore! How dare you
have sex with that monkey Pacey!" Dawson screamed in his most Gumby like
tone.
"Why
don't I Dawson?" Joey jumped in the creek and the last thing Dawson ever
saw of her was her troll like face.
"Oh
no! Pacey's gonna kill me! I better run to my mommy! Oh wait, she's off
screwing co-anchor Bob! Wait! What about Mitch!? The self absorbed asshole--
wait a second-- didn't I used to call him dad?" All this and more was
Dawson thinking as he got in his beat up old truck and drove back home.
He
was thinking 'Should I go make sure she's dead?' and 'I think I'll just tell
them all that she left me a note and said she was running away and when I went
to find her, her troll face scared me so much I dropped the note and found Joey
jumping off a cliff into the creek'. He knew that wouldn't work but God knows,
when does Dawson listen to what his brain tells him.
Meanwhile,
back at Pacey's, Pacey was writing in his journal about Joey. He had never
thought about her in a negative way. He always considered her a Barbie, rather
than a troll. Pacey heard a knock at
Doug's door. He got up and answered it.
"Hey Dawson, you look like you've seen a ghost"
"Pacey
um.. I have some really bad news about the tro-- I mean Joey"
"Dawson
what man? What happened!? Is she okay!?"
"Pacey she uh.. she committed suicide..."
Pacey's jaw
dropped and his eyes filled with tears. What was he going to do? And more
importantly, who was he going to imagine screwing now?
Later that evening, the story of Joey's death was flashing
all over the news. Jen just sat in her room and laughed. Jen picked up a little
Norfin Troll she had from when she was about 8. "You always did look a lot
like Joey.. I just never saw a dead troll before." She snickered at her
own joke.
Part Two: The Funeral
Well, three days had passed and still people were giggling
over the “Troll Massacre”. Dawson & Pacey agreed that it should have been
thought of as a tragedy. Everyone thought it was pretty funny that jailbait put
herself out of her misery.
“The funeral is today,” Jen thought, “hmm, what should I
wear!?”
At the B&B (hey, that’s all they could afford!) Bessie
was preparing to have the viewing. She wasn’t exactly upset over the whole
thing, I mean hey, less kids running around having sex! She placed a few black
roses over the coffin and whispered.
“Joey, darling, I never loved you. Who could ever learn to
love a troll, besides that moron Pacey who you brainwashed!?” She giggled.
Pacey drove over to Dawson’s house and found a note on his
bed that said
“I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I MISS HER TOO MUCH! GOODBYE
CRUEL WORLD! I’LL SEE YOU ALL IN NEVERLAND!”
Dawson had hung himself in the bathroom while jacking off.
Two trolls, two deaths. And yet, they still don’t end up
together.
….to be continued…