Yet to be titled by Rachel
Part 1
I don’t believe anyone will ever love
her the way I do.
I’ve known her for
three years, eight months, and twenty-one days, and she’s my best friend. She’s
the most beautiful person in the world to me, and I’ll always hold her so. We
started out with hardly anything in common, and came to be each other’s twin.
Where she went, I went. Where I went, she was there. I was her reflection, as
she was mine. I think that’s the way it was meant to be…even knowing how they
will end. I wont regret being her friend.
As I said, I love her. She’s my kindred
spirit, and I don’t know what my life would be without her. I was all too happy
to get lost in her. That was my mistake. My other mistakes were letting her get
lost in something that couldn’t be good, and then getting swept away myself.
Pacey didn’t know what would happen
wither. So it’s not his fault. And I don’t blame him. We should’ve been
smarter. All of us. We should’ve been much smarter…
Jack bound into the house. He was tired, but in a great mood. Jen followed drudgingly, lagging behind
him. She didn’t say much of anything,
except to mumble ‘Goodnight’ to her Grams who they passed in the hall wearing a
robe on her way to bed.
“Goodnight Jennifer, goodnight Jack.
Sweet dreams,” She had called out as she had closed her door.
“That was fun today, everyone spending
time together like that,” Jack looked very pleased as they walked through the
bedroom door. “I’m really going to miss
everyone when they leave for college…” Jen took off her shirt and threw it on
the bed. Jack peered out the window
through the dark at the Leery property, and didn’t notice.
“Want to take a bath?” Jen asked, her
voice hushed. She slipped off her skirt, letting it fall to the floor.
“Yeah, I need one. But you go ahead first, I’ll go after
you.” Jack answered, yawning, and still
looking out into the dark
“Want to take a bath with me?” She whispered.
Astonished, Jack looked up.
“I—I— ” He floundered for words that
weren’t there. Instead he stared at her awkwardly and in a whisper asked,
“What?”
“I asked you if you wanted to take a
bath with me.” Jen stated quietly.
“Jen!” He almost shrieked.
“What, Jack?” Her words were too
soft…he almost couldn’t hear them. She
seemed to float towards him. She looked up into his eyes; her face almost
blank, except for a hint of longing there that seemed to haunt her. As her
hands reached for his chin, Jack was stricken. He pushed her hands away and
took a step back.
“Jen…I…I don’t know,”
He started to take offense from lack of
knowing what else to do. He looked away
from her, trying not to focus on anything, but his eyes always drifted back to
her; standing there, her naked form, right before his eyes…offered to him in
the most sensitive of ways...
He couldn’t move.
“What am I supposed to say? Huh?
What am I supposed to think of this?”
He scowled as he stood over her.
“Jack, we’re so close…”
“Jen, I’m gay,” He stated coldly.
“Are you?” She whispered.
“YES!”
“Then simply taking a bath with me
shouldn’t bother you,”
They shared a long look that conveyed
more than Jack would ever admit.
She reached out softly, running her
fingers across his lips.
Jack closed his eyes at her touch and
breathed in sharply at the tiny feel of her fingertips against him. He leaned
in towards her until their foreheads were almost touching. He could sense her
body so close to his…but honestly so far out of reach.
Jack sigh…not out of frustration
something close to that. Jen pulled her fingers away. Jack opened his eyes to
see her turning away.
Not looking back to see if he would
follow, she crossed the carpet, and disappeared into the bathroom.
Jack stood there baffled at what had
just happened.
He heard water rushing through the
pipes in the walls of the old house, and he heard the bathtub slowly filling up
with water. Steam rose in through from
beneath the door.
His wits suddenly about him, Jack
didn’t know whether to walk out, or to scream at her that she was crazy. He sat down, hard, on the bed, appalled at
her nerve. At first he sat there dumbly, trying to organize his thoughts…
He heard her shutting off the water
then step into the tub. He heard the
water swish around her as she slid down into it but not a sound had passed her
lips.
At each passing second, Jack was
growing more confused.
He glanced angrily at the bathroom
door, and slammed his fist down against the edge of the bed.
He would have to just get up and leave.
He’d go to Pacey’s and sleep on his couch, or maybe just go across the lawn to
Dawson’s, but he wouldn’t deal with this!
Not from Jen. He couldn’t, and
he shouldn’t have to.
What was she thinking…why would she do
this? To him? What on earth was happening in her head to think that she could
just throw herself in his path, using their friendship to…to…
Jack wasn’t sure what she was trying to
do.
Slowly he got up, crossing the room to
the bathroom door. He reached out to
turn the knob, then froze, thinking. His mind was suddenly clouded over with
rage.
How dare she! How dare she put him in this position! As if his life wasn’t complicated and confusing enough! She needed to know that she can’t just act
this way! She can’t just expect him to…
to… to do this!
Before he realized what he was doing,
he stormed into the bathroom, ready to have it out with her, ready to end
things right then and there.
But the light was off.
A soft glow came from a nightlight
plugged into the wall, illuminating everything in a soft yellow haze. He looked down at her, in the bathtub where
she lay back, soaking in a pool of bubbles; the bath salts filling the room
with the scent of vanilla.
Her eyes opened as she looked up at him
silently and innocently.
His heart thudded in his chest.
From anger?
He wasn’t sure.
He looked her over, trying to think of
what to say. She held her gaze on him,
unwavering. Waiting? Was she waiting for something? He began to speak, and then couldn’t. He attempted to tell her off, to yell at
her, and tell her how self-centered she was, but he wasn’t capable…and he
didn’t want to.
Jack took a deep breath.
He stripped off his shirt, then took
off his shoes, socks and pants. Jen
closed her eyes again and once he was undressed, Jack slid into the tub across
from her.
‘What the hell am I doing?’
The question sped through his mind at
least a hundred times in that moment.
‘What the hell am I doing?’
Jack felt her leg stretched out against
his. For a moment, he just sat there,
stunned of where he was, feeling her soft skin pressed against his somewhere
below the bubbles.
Still feeling very awkward, he lifted
her foot from beneath the foamy surface of the bubble bath. Taking the loofah from beside the soap dish,
he began massaging her foot.
She murmured something softly as he
gently scrubbed her skin. He felt her
whole body relax further into the warm water.
Jack was beginning to feel delirious as
steam rose around their faces. And in
the muted glow of the nightlight, reality seemed distorted.
He began to feel numb as his body
relaxed, as if he no longer had control of his limbs. His mind felt lazy and his muscles felt loose. Despite its haziness, his mind cleared and a
sudden feeling deep inside made him feel incredibly vulnerable.
He stared at Jen. Her eyes were still closed as if in a
trance, or perhaps asleep. His hand was
still gripping her ankle. He lifted her
foot up again out of the water. He
wiped away the soap, then pressed his lips to her toes, feeling her hot
skin. He kissed them slowly.
Jen’s eyes opened and she gazed at him
through the steam. The moisture on her
face reflected against the dark. She
looked sultry, and sexy, and he felt attracted to her. Her eyes closed again and this time, he
picked himself up letting himself fall forward against her. He touched her face.
She could feel his breath. She kept her eyes closed, mostly because she
felt too exhausted, in mind and body, to do anything else. At moments she thought she was asleep, and
then she felt his lips pressing against hers.
She lay there, unmoving, and he kissed
her again, parting his lips. She let
her mouth move with his. She felt his
tongue brush against hers. She could
feel his face hovering over hers. She
couldn’t tell if she was awake anymore.
She felt her mind slipping away, back from reality. She felt a dream surround her.
Jack pushed her hair back away from her
face. He knew she was asleep. He watched her for a moment before backing
away. He climbed out of the bath,
wrapping a towel around his waist.
He took a towel and laid it out across
her bed. He entered the bathroom again
and knelt down, taking Jen’s hands to rouse her. He put her hands around his neck, and she allowed him to lift her
out.
He carried her to her bed, and as he
laid her down on it, her last thought was pushed from her mind and she
surrendered to sleep.
Jack toweled her off then dressed
her. He slipped her nightgown over her
head and arms, then laid her back against the pillows and covered her. Slipping on his pajamas, he crawled into bed
beside her. He, too, soon fell asleep.
He
turned the water on, turning the temperature up as hot as his skin could
endure, then hastily stripped off his soiled, sweaty clothes. Thick steam
filled the room like a fog, shrouding the mirror and everything polished it
touched. Jack cast aside the last of his clothes and opened the shower door,
slipping inside and immersing himself in the warm, soothing downfall. He sighed
as he relaxed, closing his eyes and slumping back against the tiled wall,
letting his body go, and freeing his tired mind to wander aimlessly in shallow
thought.
Jack
wasn’t thinking of anything here nor there; not of last night, not of this
morning, and not of anything in the future. He was vaguely aware of the creak
of the bathroom door as it opened.
He kept his eyes closed and did not
flinch at the sound of the shower door slipping open, or the cool blast of air
that came with it, or the hands outstretching to caress his face and shoulders,
and he did not flinch at the feel of cool skin pressing against him, rubbing
against him, as lips enveloped his.
He accepted a deep kiss, his own body
beginning to react hungrily, eyes still closed, as his fingers found their way
down slick, silky skin.
Jen.
He reached up and gripped her face in
her hands imploring her mouth harder and harder, forcing her head back as he
dug at her lips with his own. He raked her body with his…feeling her swells and
reveling in how comforting they seemed.
She grunted hard when he spun her
around, pinning her against the shower wall, hot water streaming over their
bodies as he pressed into her soft feel, still locked in a feverent kiss, their
ragged breaths and the sound of the water deafening.
Jack grabbed her hard, pushing her up
the side of the wall until her hips were pinned above his. He dug at her, his
lips biting into the flesh of her throat and jaw; one hand cupping her bottom,
the other grasping her face. Another harsh gasp escaped her, and Jack opened
his eyes.
They were face to face, only
millimeters apart; eyes peering into hers, their bodies holding still in the
space of a second while Jack started to awaken reality.
She looked almost lost and forlorn
there, in his grasp, and Jack suddenly remembered himself. He tried, but
couldn’t tear his eyes away from hers…so innocent and wide, as her lip quivered
slightly in his grasp.
Jack softened his hold on her, and with
a look from her eyes, started kissing her much gentler than before.
She wrapped her arms around his neck,
keeping him close as she lost herself in him, and he lifted her; slower…more
carefully, up the wall until he was able to move within her and there, also
loose himself.
After that, everything changed.
Weeks had passed while we were
together. It was something that just happened, not something we talked about.
Maybe that was the mistake. Maybe we should have talked about it…realized some
of the consequences that would eventually be the end of us. Maybe we could have
tried to control what was driving us there to begin with… I don’t know.
I do know that we became reckless with
eachother. And soon, we’d become reckless with another.
Football was over and Jack had never
felt so much relief in his life.
The sport had become a burden and he
was glad to be rid of it. In weeks passed, he’d lost almost total interest in
football…and everything else…everything except for her.
He’d missed practice so many times,
he’d almost been kicked off the team, which would have been better than fine
with him, but Coach Leery wouldn’t have it. He held Jack down by tying a weight
of guilt around his shoulders, reminding him of his responsibilities, reminding
him of what he owed to “the team”. Again and again hacking over “what football
had given him” and why “these might be the best years of his life”.
“The team,” Jack snorted sourly.
By the time it was all over, Jack was
sick to death of it all and had decided to distance himself as far away as
possible from football and the people involved with it, especially his
teammates, and he vowed never to get that wrapped up in anything again…
But he was already wrapped up in
something.
He was wrapped up in Jen.
Reluctantly, and only at the urging of
Jen, did he decide to go to the last big victory party of the season. Capeside
won the final game…now Jack could be free.
“Come on Jack,” Jen implored quietly,
pouting her lips as she ran her fingertips up and down his bare back.
Sitting on the edge of her bed, the
sheets around them, after school, in the after noon before Grams got home.
Jen’s hair fell softly around her face, touching her shoulder where the strap
of her camisole had slipped down; the rest of their clothes left on the floor.
Jack stared into space, thinking.
“You have to at least make an
appearance.” She murmured.
“I don’t know, Jen. What do I need with
those people? I don’t owe them anything, and they have nothing to offer.
“Of course you don’t owe them
anything,” She said, her eyes trailing down his smooth, solid chest as she
leaned forward and started moving her wet mouth in small pressing kisses over
his shoulder. Jack sighed and looked at her. “Jack,” She said again. “It’ll be
fun. Besides…me and a pony keg could get to be really good friends, and I am
sorely in need of friends, right now,”
He chuckled outloud.
“A pony keg, huh?”
“Yeah.”
He looked away, sighing.
“But Henry will be there.”
“I know.” She said. “But it doesn’t
matter to me anymore.”
“It doesn’t?”
She didn’t respond right away.
“No…not anymore.”
Jack turned back to her, his eyes
watching her carefully; noticing every trace of melancholy that lingered within
her, and feeling it transcend through her body into his own. He reached
forward, and gently cupped her face in his hands, forcing her to look into his
eyes.
“Do you really want me to go?”
“Yeah,”
“For you…” His thumb traced her lower
lip as he leaned in closer and started to kiss her face. “I will.”
“Good.”
She closed her eyes as his mouth roved
over hers, running her hands up his back, over his neck and into his hair. Jack
closed his eyes, forgetting everything else, and taking in the feel of her warm
skin; so comforting, so within reach.
He would have done anything for her.
Because of her, I let myself be dragged
into a party full of people I didn’t give a damn about; of people who would no
longer care about me. Because of me, she subjected herself to life full of
regret, and because of us, Pacey lead himself down a dark and twisted path.
I don’t think Pacey understood.
He walked into a trap, and he walked
into it innocent. Without intent…much as I had, I guess. He may have been looking
for something; just as I had, just as she; but I know it was not what he wanted
to find…
By midnight Jen was staggering drunk.
Jack had sat back, watching her as she
downed drink after drink in an effort to loose herself for one night, just one
night, without worries or turmoil. She started pounding the booze harder when
she saw Henry.
He had just stared at her, not saying a
word, then left with the sophomore he’d dumped her over the summer for. Jen
didn’t say anything, didn’t attempt to deal with it at all. Jack flashed her a
look, but she turned away, denying it, and acted as if nothing had happened.
Jack sat on the couch, his fourth bottle of beer in his grasp, and watched her
dance with a group of football players; their busy hands never shying away from
her inviting curves, and her eyes never saying ‘no’.
Jack was annoyed with the way they
handled her; greedy and tactless…and sloppily. But he sat their quietly,
sucking down his beer. He wouldn’t act unless she needed him to.
But she was smiling, obviously enjoying
herself.
Jack’s watchful eyes never left her.
He watched her like a hawk from his
seat on the couch in the corner, and she was vaguely aware of it. This prompted
her to act out even more; thoroughly enjoying the fact that he was there and
aware of her every movement, and thinking about her and watching her, and
wanting her and caring for her.
Jen rubbed closer to one of the guys,
and just smiled more when his hands slid down her waist to her ass and she felt
the pressure of his fingers squeezing her.
“Hey, Jack.”
Jack looked up to see Pacey standing
over him, a half empty bottle of beer in his hand, and a tired but whimsical
look in his eyes, clearly not sober, and while much drunker than Jack, in
better shape than Jen.
Pacey threw himself down in the seat
next to Jack in a huff, and tipped his beer to him.
“Is it me, or does this party suck?” He
asked, his words slightly slurred as he glanced around at the dying party.
“It sucks,” Jack confirmed, tipping his
beer back. The both took long sips in retribution.
“Looks like Jen’s having a good time,”
Pacey said almost caustically.
“Jen always has a good time,” Jack said
softly, smiling adoringly at her from across the room.
“Glad to hear,” Pacey sat back and
sighed.
Jack looked over at him and grinned,
his beers finally kicking in and his head starting to spin.
“What’s wrong?”
“Huh?”
“What’s wrong?”
“Oh…” Pacey shrugged slowly, shaking
his head tiredly. “Just things…where the hell have you been anyway? I haven’t
seen you, or Jen for that matter, in like, weeks,”
Jack was only halfway listening. He
suddenly laughed out loud as Jen slapped one of the guys who’s hands had cupped
her breast all too quickly across the face. He was dumbstruck, and she and his
friend burst into hysterics at the look on his face. She caught site of Jack
watching her, and quickly forgetting the two guys, made her way towards him and
the couch he shared with Pacey.
Pacey looked up briefly as she flounced
down in the narrow space between them, her legs pressing against each of theirs
and the warm soft skin of her back pressed up against Jack as she practically
fell in his lap. She looked from Jack to him.
“Hey Pacey!” She said, almost as if
she’d just realized he was there.
“Hey Jen,”
“Well,” She said, her voice husky as she
leaned her head all the way back until she was looking up at Jack’s chin.
“Hello there, Jackers.”
“Hello there Jen,” He whispered, his
eyes gazing down into hers as his hot breath touched her face; triggering
something within her that she couldn’t wait on. Her hands went to his face and
lifting herself forward she started kissing him; first his jaw, then as she ran
her tongue quickly up his chin, his lips. Jack gripped her tightly to him, one
hand down around her waist, the other working his hand up the smooth hot skin
of her bare thigh beneath her skirt.
Pacey took another sip of his beer and
almost spit it out as he looked over and caught them making out. He watched,
incredulously, eyes wide, and mouth ajar, his head spinning as his gay friend
delved deeper and deeper into his straight friends mouth, so intriguingly and
intimately groping her in the middle of a crowded room as if no one else were
there.
Pacey gulped, glancing around
helplessly only to find he was the only one paying attention and taking and
interest in this seemingly lewd act. He was alone in witnessing it, and as
embarrassing as it felt, he couldn’t turn his eyes away.
Mid-kiss, Jack opened his eyes and
caught Pacey watching them. He paused, even as Jen still gushed around him, and
stared back, something transcending from within him, something that Pacey would
later understand.
Jen opened her eyes now and followed
Jack’s gaze back at the confused boy across from them. The three of them sat
staring at each other silently.
Finally Jen started to giggle, and just
for the fact of being drunk, Pacey did too, though his was nervous. Jack
grinned slyly, looking away as he slid Jen off his lap and back between the
two, wiping his lips in the process.
“What the…” Pacey shook his head. “What
the hell was that!”
Jen laughed harder, doubling over and
unable to catch her breath.
“You okay?” Pacey asked, clapping her
on the back as she struggled to control herself.
“Yeah,” She said breathlessly, a smile
across her lips.
“You sure?”
“Yeah.”
Pacey rubbed his eyes as things got
quiet. He was blushing, as were Jen and Jack.
“For a minute there,” He started
slowly. “I thought I saw you and Jackers here making out,”
“Were we!” Jen mocked, looking at Jack,
shocked. He held back his smirk and shrugged innocently. Pacey nodded.
“Ummm..yeah?”
Jen smiled mischievously, and after a
moment, took his hand.
“Let’s get out of here,”
She pulled Pacey to his feet, then
reached out a hand and pulled Jack to his.
“Where are we going?” Pacey asked.
“Out of here!” She said, leading them
by the hand towards the exit.
They ended up outside in Pacey’s truck
watching the party outside on the lawn from far across the gravel driveway,
faintly hearing the music coming from within the house. Pacey sat in the
driver’s seat, staring out dazedly as he took the last sip of his beer and then
tossed the bottle out the window. He started to roll up the window when Jack
and Jen started going at it again. Pacey slowly turned his head and watched as
she straddled Jack, rubbing against him and kissing him hard.
Pacey cleared his throat uncomfortably.
Jen looked over at him, her gaze
seductive even in his embarrassment; still kissing Jack, fumbling with the
zipper on his pants, and roving her hand down in them until she found what she
was searching for.
Pacey watched, completely engrossed in
what was happening before him.
Jack moaned from behind her lips as his
hands reached their way around her, gracing her perfect ass while she grinded
her hips down on his. He gasped.
Pacey gasped himself as his own body
started to react to her motion.
Jen grinned at him as she pulled away
from Jack’s lips, and Pacey was surprised when she started inching her way
towards him.
“Feeling left out?” She asked, voice
drowsy with intoxication. Pacey was too baffled to answer as her hand reached
out, fingers tracing his cheek as she leaned into him.
Within minutes the air in the cab of
the truck was moist with sweat, the windows fogged, and Jack watched idly as
Jen moved lower and lower, her face trailing down Pacey’s shirt, down his chest
to the zipper of his pants were she had already exposed him.
Pacey had forgotten all about Jack the
moment her hot, roving lips had started to taste him. His heart pounded in his
chest, his blood raced through his veins, and he gasped and sighed as he
struggled to stay calm against the vigorous movements of her mouth. He
shuddered slightly as her teeth grazed him lightly but in a moment she made up
for it when he couldn’t hold back any more and relief finally washed over him.
He sat back, gasping for air, his
vision slightly blurred as he pressed his head back against the cool glass of
the driver’s side window. He couldn’t move.
Jen raised her eyes to meet his, softly
licking her lips and leaning forward and kissing his jaw. Pacey just watched
her dumbly. After a quick smile she turned her attention back towards Jack who
enveloped her in his arms and they started kissing again.
Pacey sat stunned in silence, trying to
gather his wits as they continued to have sex in front of him.
End part 1