Got Some Free Time on Your Hands?

Newspaper Headline of the While:

Excuse of the While:

Pickup Line of the While:

Imponderable of the While:

It's easy to figure out why many mass mailers (such as utilities or credit card companies) use window envelopes for the bills they send to you. Bills are prepared by computers and are stuffed into envelopes by inserting machines. The window eliminates the costly process of addressing each envelope separately.

But why the window on the return envelope? Couldn't the companies simply preprint their address, avoiding the problem of customers inserting the reply portion of the statement upside down or wrong side out?

There is a good reason for window reply envelopes. Many large companies use various geographical locations for receiving remittances. The window envelope saves the company the cost of printing several different addresses on reply envelopes.

Although the dire warnings on the back or flap of envelopes have almost eliminated the problem of incorrectly stuffed reply stubs, Pavey Envelope and Tag Corporation, of Jersey City, New Jersey, has recently developed the idea of clipping a corner on the return stub and gluing a corner of the envelope so that the stub can be inserted only one way--the correct way.

Submitted by Pat O'Conner, of Brooklyn, New York

page 111 of Why Do Clocks Run Clockwise? and Other Imponderables

Duct Tape Tip of the While:

Prevent dog bites by making bite-proof multilayered duct tape leggings. For really big dogs, you might want to consider the Total Body Armor described on page 92 of this book.

Duct tape and scrap iron combine to make effective and inexpensive armor for the whole body. Perfect if you happen to be making one of those postapocalyptic films.

Poem of the While:

An Ode To Orange Juice

I slowly but surely
Open the door
I smell a beautiful orchard
As I'm sitting on the floor.
The firey glaze consumes me
As I look into the sun
Bright color can be seen
As I glimpse into the horizon
It is coming, moist and cool
Refridgerating my mouth
Pooling up, starting to drool,
This awesome taste from the South.
The sky is falling now
I hear an ocean in a bottle
Empowering me in wealth
I lean back, now in full throttle.
A taste of the sun as it rises
Like an orange off the peel
Almost too good to be real
Too lazy for a mug
I am swigging from the jug.
Just letting loose
As I finish up this Orange Juice
I slowly but surely
Close the door
Knowing that soon
I will be back for more.
--Jianell Parker 2004