Oh great, BJ
�Hey, you�re up!� �So? I�m always up at this time.� �It�s the army way of life.� �I�m not army.� �Coulda fooled me. Where�ve you been?� �What are you Hawkeye? I�ve been for a run what�s wrong with that?� �Nothing, I was just�� �Playing concerned parent?� �No, playing concerned friend.� �Well Hawkeye�s playing concerned parent so I guess you gotta play a role somewhere.�
Patronising Hypocrite
�What�s this about not army?� �Oh, didn�t he tell you? I thought you people would know more than I do by now. I quit, that�s what.� �WHAT?� �You deaf? I said I quit.� �Why?� �I hated it. I hated all the damn rules. I�m allowed to hate it aren�t I? You and Pierce certainly were.� �I�m not saying you�re not allowed to hate it�why are you asking me? You don�t need my permission.�
Don�t need permission? HA!
�Oh don�t I? Seems everything I do is wrong�I just don�t want to UPSET anyone.� �Why, what�s so wrong about that. People do it all the time it�s a part of human nature.� �Oh ho, don�t go all Sigmund Freud on me, you just step back and play your role�humble DAMN lackey!�
Poor, Poor BJ, going to miss people the most, deserves to be out the most�LIKE HELL!
�Fine Margaret, you want to be disagreeable, then you do that. I�m not going to play Hawkeye, I�m not going to yell and scream back�so you can just deal. I agreed to help and that�s what I�m going to do.� �Oh it�s a damn good thing you�re not him.� �Don�t try and threaten me, now if you�ll excuse me, I�m going to find my family. Goodbye.�
Good riddance. I haven�t been here a day and this place is ALREADY getting to me.
�Knock, knock.�
Oh joy �Potter�s here! Lets all have a pick on Margaret because she�s a psycho party!
�It�s open.� �Margaret, you�re�� �If I here one more �you�re up��� �I was going to say you�re here.�
Yeah right.
�It�s not like I have the chance to run away. Now please, if you�re going to yell at me or say anything, you better get it over with. Or even better, don�t bother.� �Margaret, I�m�we�re all here to help you. You do know that?� �How can I not? EVERYONE keeps reminding me.� �But do you REALLY know it?� �Yes, sure I do.� �You do know that you have a problem?�
Didn�t I just answer that�or are you a little thick?
�Again everyone�� �NO, honestly.� �Honestly, from where I see it there�s nothing wrong with me. I�m here because Hawkeye wants me to. And if he thinks there�s a problem he can. And if by a large chance there is, he can fix it.� �What do you mean large chance?� �Colonel please, you know I�m not the most stable person you�ve met.� �No, you�re not.� �So I�m bound to be screwed up somehow.� �So you�re admitting it?�
WHAT?
�NO, I�m not saying that at all.� �But you just�� �I�m SAYING that�oh don�t worry about it.� �No I will�why do you think I would drag me and the missus down here if I didn�t think this was serious?� �Miss me?� �Besides that. No, more than that. I think of you as my daughter, and I don�t want�I don�t like to see my children sick.� �Sick? WHAT DOES EVERYONE THINK I AM?� �Whoa, Margaret calm down.� �No I will not calm do�down.� �What�s wrong?� �Just a�it�s nothing okay? BJ�s up, go bitch to him.�
Oh God Oh God Oh God�headache go away!
�Wow�I can see her brain!�
�Hmmm�hasn�t been used in a while.�
�No wait�look, that parts glowing!�
�Crazy central�yeah you�re right�that part is being used�overused.�
�Haven�t you two got tired of giving me a headache?�
�Watch out�she�s using another part.�
�I�m surprised that you haven�t figured out the sicker I get�the closer I get to dying?�
�Hey, she�s got a point there.�
�You know�she�s right. Well done Margaret��
�Margaret?� �Hmmm?� �Are you okay? I thought I heard you say something?� �No, I�m fine Colonel, how are you and Mildred?� �We�re�okay.� �Where�s BJ, I thought I heard him come in?� �Uhhh, yeah you said he was up.� �I thought I heard him. Where�s Mildred?� �Still at Dan�s place. Margaret�are you feeling alright?� �A little hungry.� �How about I get you something?� �Toast and jam would be great thanks.� �Coffee?� �Yeah�white� �One sugar, I remember.� �So how was your trip?� �Oh, we flew, nice scenery Maine has�I could live here if mother wasn�t so found of Missouri.� �Yeah, this place does grow on you a bit�I�ve only been here a day.� �Okay, why don�t I go see if anyone else is up?� �I�ll just go watch some television.�
Hmm, this is nice. Just like breakfast in Korea�except made in 1954 not 44. News, news, news�ahhh, finally some entertainment.
�Margaret?� �In here Hawk!� �How was your run?� �Cold to say the least�but refreshing.� �Toast and Coffee coming right up.� �Did Potter wake you?� �Yeah, that�s okay�I was sick of sleeping anyway.� �Yeah, nothing gets done�life�s been pretty boring lately.� �Why do you say that?� �Well, I tried working for a few months�I just got sick of being treated�like a nurse. I want to do more�I�m too old to go back and do something else. I�d be happy settling down, getting married�you know, all that.� �I had a few thoughts about that myself. What are you watching?� �Fantasia�I love this movie.� �The Disney one?� �Yeah�it�s wonderful, how Mickey and the brooms�and I love the mushrooms at the beginning� they�re kinda like you.� �Me? How?�
Oh Pierce! I figured you would know this movie off by heart!
�Just how mischievous the odd one out is�you�re so easy to spot in a crowd.� �So uh�you feel up to eating?� �I�m starving�It�s like I haven�t eaten for days.� �Uh�Margaret, do you remember this morning?� �I got up, had a shower, said good morning to you and went for a run.� �Where did you get those pants from?� �I really can�t rem�you gave them to me I think�didn�t you?� �Toast and coffee, some for you too Pierce�I�ll go find BJ.� �Do you remember when?�
Hmmm, what�s wrong?
�Sometime this week�what�s with the 20 questions?� �Nothing, come on, the toast is getting cold.� �Mmm, this is nice.� �It�s all in the jam. My grandmother spends 2 months just making jars and jars of it, all different varieties. Then at thanksgiving, she gives us 14 or so jars each.� �14?� �I have a large family so she ends up making well over 200.� �200 JARS?� �Yeah, but she loves it�and it�s not half bad either.� �I�ll say.�
This is great!
�Hey Hawk you�re up.� �You were right Margaret, he was up earlier.� �Of course I was didn�t you�never mind.� �Where�s Peg, I�m dying to meet her.� �Right here. Hello Margaret, nice to finally meet you.� �You too�and this must be Erin?� �Hiya!� �Your daddy was wrong�you�re even more cuter than he said you were.� �Were you really with my daddy and uncle Hawkeye in a war?� �I was�but I was with Hawkeye for longer.� �Was she Uncle Hawk?� �That�s right. Remember Uncle Trapper was there before your daddy was.� �Oh yeah! Did you know my uncle Trapper too?� �Yes and your Uncle Charles.� �Wow�I thought only men could be doctors!�
She�s sooo cute!
�Well I was a nurse you see.� �Like Melissa at your work daddy?� �Not quite�she�s my secretary�like Aunty Kate. My sister.� �She�s a nurse?� �3 Generations of doctors kinda made up her�yeah she is.� �Do you have anymore Uncles?� �Of course I do! There�s uncle Max and uncle Radar�though his fianc fianc�� �Fianc�e� �She calls him Walter�I think that�s funny!�
MARRIED? RADAR?!
�Radar�s getting married? Since when?� �A couple of months ago. Emma�s really nice.� �You met her?� �Uh, yeah�a month ago they came down.� �I wish I could have seen him.� �We wish you could have too.� �So mommy�can I have a brother?� �Daddy and I are still talking about it.� �If we do�what happens if it�s a sister?� �Can I name her then?� �Anything you want!� �YAY! How about�Margaret!� �Oh I think we have enough Margaret�s for now.�
Certainly has the influence of Hawkeye.
�No, you�re Aunty Margaret�not baby Margaret.� �How about it BJ?� �And what if it�s a brother?� �HAWKEYE!� �HA! Now we DEFINITLY have more than enough Hawkeyes in the world.� �Hey! I take that as an offence!� �Well it�s all in how you inter�pret it.� �Hey, you okay?� �Just a slight headache�� �Still bad?� �Still?� �You were holding your head before�just before I found Hawkeye.�
�They�re onto you Margaret�
�Yeah, gotta get out of there.�
�Margaret how about some fresh air?� �Yeah.� �Is Aunty Margaret okay?� �Remember honey, she�s a little sick but I think we can make her better.� �Aunty Margaret�s really skinny�� �I know sweetie. I know.�
�See�now the kid knows somethings wrong��
�You okay?� �What the hell just happened?� �What do you mean?� �In there�I blanked out�what did you give me?� �Nothing�just coffee and toast.� �TOAST? What�how�when�� �It�s just some toast, not like anything�s going to go wrong.� �No Hawkeye�something will go wrong�something bad�something VERY bad.� �Margaret�MARGARET STOP!� �What is it Hawk?� �She�s doing it.� �Come on Erin�let�s go get you��
And that�s all I can hear.
*cough cough*
�Thatta girl Margaret, get it all out of your system.�
�Margaret stop it STOP IT!� �Hawkeye�� �She�s doing it�I can�t stop her�I CAN�T STOP HER!� �Hawk�what are you doing?� �Breaking down the fucking door�she�s got to stop this�Margaret STOP! Don�t you see what you�re doing to yourself�DON�T YOU SEE WHAT YOU�RE DOING?� �Hawkeye�I�� �Come on, come on, don�t black out on me. Come on�� �It was just a piece of toast�� �JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!� �Shhh, Margaret�Margaret it�s okay, it�s alright.�
And now�here I am. Sitting on Hawkeye�s lap, crying like a baby, him rocking me back and forth�kinda like sea-sickness.
�Don�t Hawkeye I think I�m gonna��
Don�t throw up on the floor, don�t throw up on the floor, don�t throw up on the�
�It�s okay�it�s okay. Everything�s going to be alright.�
Here he is again�holding my hair back while everything else goes forward and�
�I�m calling Sidney Hawk�� �Beej� �Hawkeye it�s for the�� �Tell him to hurry.� �Right.� �Hawk�Hawkeye�� �Shhh, don�t talk right now�come on, let�s get you cleaned up.� �I�I don�t think I can move�� �What?� �Has this happened before?� �A�A few times. Just lately though.� �Are you sure?� �Of course I�m sure�don�t you think I wouldn�t know if I couldn�t?� �Come on�just lie down.� �Hawkeye�� �Hmm?� �I�I don�t wanna be left alone.� �Sherman, could you tell dad what�s happened and everything?� �Okay son.� �Come on, I�ll carry you.�
I�m going to cry�I DON�T CARE ANY MORE!
�I just feel so out of control�� �I know�we can tell�� �I really don�t want to feel like this�but�� �But what?� �I�deserv-ve this.� �NO, no no no Margaret don�t say that please. You don�t deserve this. You don�t deserve to be alone�you deserve to be loved�you deserve to be better.� �I don�t deserve to be helped.� �Margaret�how can you even think that?� �I just don�t want to be alone.� �I�ll stay with you.� �I�ve been alone for so long Hawkeye.� �Shhh, don�t talk. We�ll just lie here.� �We?� �Come here.� �Hawkeye�� �I won�t try anything, I promise.�
And so I�m letting him. Letting him put his arms around me, lying down on his bed.
�I miss being held by someone.�
�What?� �I�I miss being loved.� �I do too.� �You don�t understand.� �What don�t I understand? I want to, but you have to tell me. Please Margaret�let me help you.� �Just don�t let go.� �I won�t�ever.� �You say you haven�t been with anyone since me.� �That I did and it�s true.� �I have.� �That�s okay Margaret.� �But not like that last night in Korea. I�I�I don�t feel anything. I don�t feel the love, not from them, not from me.� �Them?� �Everyone I�ve been with�I don�t want to do it anymore�when I do I just feel so�I feel like a��
Slut, Whore�take your pick!
�Don�t say it�you�re NONE of those. You are Margaret Houlihan, a beautiful, magnificent, wonderful, loving woman. Who I care for more than anything else in this whole world.� �Just like the letter.� �Exactly.� �But I�m not�I�m NOT Margaret Houlihan�she�s dead�she died back in Korea.� �No she didn�t. She�s alive. As alive as I am. She�s just lost. You want her back?� �Of course I do, like you even have to ask.� �You need to tell me when you started to feel like this.� �You didn�t know me when I started feeling like I do now.� �When then? When did all this start?� �When I started vomiting�I�ve been unhappy half my life Hawkeye. I�m just so tired�I want it to be over.�
I HATE IT I HATE IT HAAAAATE IT!
�It will be�I will always be here to help you. Whether it takes 5, 10 or 50 years.� �But you can�t Hawkeye�not by yourself.� �That�s why I called BJ and everyone. I knew I couldn�t handle this�handle seeing you like you are.� �I know�I�m really scaring you.� �Yes you are�and I�m scared what will happen.� �I�m scared too.� �But they�ve all agreed to stay as long as you need.� �They all hate me.� �No they don�t.� �Yes they do. I yelled and screamed at BJ and Potter and Trapper thinks I�m nuts. Charles�probably both. And you�I nearly hit you.� �It wouldn�t be a first.�
Hawkeye�please DON�T
�Please don�t bring that up.� �Okay, I�m sorry. Like I said before, you can scream, you can yell, you can swear your head off at me, you can sock me, but I am NOT giving up on you.� �It�s not that simple�� �Look, I understand this is going to be hell for you. It�s going to be hell for me too�nothing is simple. I don�t know the full story.� �I don�t either.� �You remember when I got sent to Seoul near the end?�
I hated those 2 weeks. Slowly nod
�Well I was just like you. I had no idea what was wrong with me�as far as I saw it there was nothing wrong. Sure I acted crazy�but I do that all the time.� �So what happened?� �You know why I went nuts�� �Yes� �It took Sidney 2 weeks to literally pull the truth out of my mind. First on the bus, there was a party, then a chicken, then�the baby. I blamed myself for his death�� �You know it wasn�t.� �I do now�I sat there on the bed crying my eyes out at�the memory.� �We don�t have to talk about this�� �No, I�m okay. But I had only been that way for 2 weeks��
I�ve been sick for 15 years
�I�ve been like this for 15 years.� �So, I don�t know how long this is going to take, but I�m here for the whole ride.� �You sure you don�t want to get off before it starts?� �I�ve got my seatbelt strapped tight�I�ll be fine.� �Maybe after we can get some candy floss.� �It�s a deal!�
Or lobster�this is Maine after all. I�I have to ask him�I can�t do this alone�
�Will you sleep with me?� �Uh�� �I mean sleep�nothing else.� �Now�okay.� �No�I mean at night.� �Margaret�� �It�s just�I don�t trust myself. And I feel better knowing I have someone close. Please?� �Since you asked so well�of course. Whatever YOU Margaret, want.�
Me, Margaret�I like that. Still�
�I�m sorry about everything�getting you involved in my fucked up life.� �I got involved in it a long time ago�� �I mean now�now I look and act like a freak.� �Margaret, don�t cry please�you�re not yourself, you haven�t been for a long time. When you feel better�then you can talk.� �So you agree I am?� �Not a freak�just sick.� �Hawkeye�I�m cold�� �Cover yourself up.�
WHAT? Don�t leave me! PLEEEEASE!?
�Where are you going?!� �Dad just called,� �I didn�t�� �He did�I�ll be back in a minute�I promise. Dad!� �HAWK! What happened?�
Mmm this is nice�and cosy. I could fall *yawn* asleep.
�All�s calmer.� �Mmm�don�t go.� �I�m still here, not going anywhere.� �I don�t want you to go.� �I said I wasn�t�� �Just stay here�I�ll be good.� �Shhh�Margaret, you�re dreaming. Go to sleep.�
So I did. I�ve been sleeping the rest of the day away�I know he�ll want me to eat soon�I want to do what he wants�but I can�t. Why? I don�t know�Hawk, you can�t help me on this one�I need Sidney�s help.
�Hey�Hey Hawk?� �Mmm?� �Sorry to wake you Margaret.� �No�I�ve been sleeping more and more lately, that can�t be healthy.� �Margaret, just go to sleep.� �Looks like someone hasn�t though.� �The last year�s been tough. He found everyone he wanted to�� �But me, I know, I�ve been a real bitch to everyone.� �I wouldn�t go that far. But I am glad you�re�yourself at the moment.� �I enjoy being a little more Margaret and a little less�whoever.� �And I enjoy more sleep.� �Sorry.� �What�s up?� �Trapper and Charles called, they�ll be back tomorrow.� �Already?� �Armed with every bit of medical knowledge about it.� �BJ, it�s not medical�� �I know�it can�t do any harm though?� �Mmmhmm.�
Don�t fall asleep�
�Did they mention anything in particular?� �There have been quite a few cases�nearly all girls between 12 and 24. And similar ones between 22-35.� �That fits�� �Not quite. Margaret, you show aspects of both cases�but not entirely every aspect. Unless there�s something you�re not telling us.� �Medically speaking yeah. But bound to be more mentally.� �Aspects like what?� �Well the lack of weight � obviously� �Gee thanks a lot.� �You generally gain weight after eating mess tent food, even Erin noticed.� �I know.� �What else?� �Mood swings, lack of appetite. But that�s general.� �And mine�s at certain times.� �Which is a good thing because that�s what�s sustained you for this long.�
Great � insanity does have an upside.
�Margaret, I said we had to do the tests remember?� �Does it have to wait?� �Why?� �What mood am I going to be in tomorrow?� �I really want the others there. 5 doctors are better than 3.� �Okay�no guarantees.� �Margaret�this is a rather personal question, but are you�lacking certain things? Medically speaking.� �Like what Beej?� �Just say it BJ�we�re all medical professionals.� �Speak for yourself.� �When was your last time of the month?� �Oh�that.� �What is �oh that?�� �Not for about 5 months.� �MARGARET!� �Well you try having it for 17 years and see how well you like it!� �That was common in both cases. Though 98% of them were only young girls. I don�t have much idea of how it�ll affect you in the long run.� �But don�t worry about that now, what else?�
Oh great, lack of cycle, lack of children. You�ve really fucked yourself now Margaret.
�The vomiting was in one case, which�� �Which I do have big time.� �Which is not good. As you suspected Hawk, the stomach acid rots the teeth, but most of these girls were � as you are � hygiene obsessed. Stomach lining not that crash hot. Complications like that.� �What about the other things?� �Well, as far as they can tell, these girls had a food obsession. Often gorging themselves and using any method to get rid of it. Also storing of food, making a lot of it, cooking for people but never eating it themselves.� �No, it�s more of a food phobia than anything else.�
Not like I didn�t have enough things wrong to begin with.
�That was a big thing in both cases. Which is why yours is more concerning.� �How? Wouldn�t it be better to have less wrong?� �I never said it was less. The gap in this illness has to be filled by something else. The danger is, no one knows what it is?� �Well, that�s why you called Sidney.� �Oh, and to add more seriousness to the situation. A 35% increase of heart attack.� �Wonderful! I think I need some air. Any habits besides what you said?�
Of course there would be�it is an �illness.�
�At random, drinking, gambling�� �Smoking?� �Some.� �Why?� �Take a guess!� �You want me to come with you?� �If I brought the packet from home�What about sex?� �What about it? Is it a habit? These girls were pretty young�but I can only guess so.� �Great!� �What?� �I�ll tell you later.� �Yes�got em!� �Oh, everyone�s here too.� �How long is recovery?� �The oldest record I think Charles said was 1947�happily married now.� �Great, seven years.� �The trend is the older, the longer.� �How old was she?� � When it started, 17.� �That�s a good sign, 2 years ahead.� �But 6 years younger.� �Yeah, and Sidney?� �He�s busy at the moment. Told us to keep doing what we were and that he�d come up when he could. Probably next week sometime� �Wonderful, but we�ll have to change the table seating, 6 not 5 plus the nut.� �I�m sure our waiter can sort something out.�
I think these people are crazier than I am! HA!
