Introduction: In the summer of 1998 I toured with X Japan. It would be an experience that would change me as a person forever. For four months I travelled, ate, slept across continents, did everything with a band of five men I had never known before this save pictures on the internet and in books, and an entourage of other staff, roadies and groupies. Now let me tell you this won�t be a fairytale. Some of things that happened over those months weren�t what would be classified as happy or great in anyone�s books. But this is all that I saw through my eyes, and felt in my heart. This is my story. I�m going to tell it like it is.
On Yoshiki: I can remember that first day I met Yoshiki Hayashi. The weather was horrible; muggy, humid. The hot moisture clung to your clothes and it permeated through the cloth to your skin. Perhaps it wasn�t the best day for me to have met Yoshiki. Maybe I should have had neater hair rather than a hastily tied back pony-tail and a more expensive-looking suit instead of khaki army fatigues and a black tank. Or maybe I should have had bigger cleavage. My first impressions were that Yoshiki was an unfeeling egotist. For the first fortnight or so he made me feel like an outsider, someone that didn�t really fit in with him or with the rest of the group. During that time when he wasn�t ignoring me, he was mechanically giving me orders. But then that time came to pass, and then, well, things changed. I came to learn that not all things are as they seem to be, and that you can�t judge a person until you get to know their story.
�Hi, I�m Aubrey.�
�I know.� His fingers kept scribbling away, making pencil marks on the music he was examing. The soles of my sneakers squeaked noisily on the wood of the auditorium floor, as if voicing my annoyance for me.
�Well I�ll be joining you guys for your tour.�
�I know.� Scratch scratch, scribble, squint.
�JC told me you�d be in here and I-�
�Aubrey is it?�
At my nod he continued.
�I�m working, as you can probably tell, why don�t you come back here another time?�
�Well I-�
�Excellent, you�ll be on your way? I trust you know the way out.�
�I just wanted-�
�Good day then.�
�You know, would it kill you to look at me? I mean, I know you�re the famous Yoshiki and all but...�
I think the ice in his glare actually froze me in my spot. I jumped suddenly as a loud bang resounded through the hall, and it took me a moment to realise that it was the sound of the music being slammed on to the closed piano lid. Yoshiki brought his hands up and rubbed at his temples with long elegant fingers, while I just stood there dumbfounded.
�I�m trying very hard to be a nice, patient person here-�
�Not doing a very good job.� I growled.
�But I don�t have time for people like-�
�Like me huh? Well let me tell YOU something. I can understand you have a lot of things to do. I can understand I�m only hired help. But just who do you think you are? Wait-� I held up my hand. �I don�t even want to hear your answer to that.� And with what dignity I could muster at that moment I stomped out of the auditorium. It might have been me who had the last word in that argument, but I knew without words it was he who had won. Because Yoshiki was always like that, you know? He exuded this aura of complete superiority, and it meant that it didn�t matter what you said or did, he had the upperhand in any situation thrown his way.
Of mice and men...and hide: What can I tell you about hide? hide was...well, he was everything. The fuzzy pink perverted love-machine defied the laws of man and nature. He was a psychotic rumble-tumble ball of energy that didn�t stop for a minute. Thinking back, of everyone in X Japan it was hide I grew to be the closest to, though it was someone else I would give my heart to. hide was like a brother to me in some ways. I think it was something about the fact we were so alike, so...wild. hide would always say it was something to do with the universe or our planets being in-line or aligned. But he was always like that. When he was drunk he would get wax-philosophical. He�d start talking about the cosmos and the stars, and go on for hours about all these amazing things. Either that or he�d throw a tantrum and that would end with either him or Yoshiki storming out of the room, neither party apologising until the next morning. Ah, but those were good times we had. hide was the one who made me change my mind and decide to stay onboard for the tour. Mostly it would be hide who healed my wounds and dried my tears. He had this innate ability to make you laugh during even the toughest times. Like the time the boom stands for the microphones kept falling down and Toshi had a complete fit. Or the time JC spilt beer down the front of Yoshiki�s shirt, and the guy nearly had an aneurism.
�You okay?� I looked up from where I had my face supported by my hands, elbows propped up on my knees...and nearly toppled over backwards off the railing. A mop of neon pink hair, ridiculously large orange goggles; it could only have been the infamous hide.
�You look okay. You must be okay!� Such was his logic. Have to admit, it was always optimistic.
�I just had a run-in with her majesty in there.� I cocked my thumb towards the door to the theatre.
�Mou, Yo-chan in a bad mood again?�
�Understatement of the year.� I grinned at hide and he grinned back. I was
captivated immediately by how much happiness he radiated. when he smiled it
reached all the way up to his eyes - it wasn�t one of those fake-polite smiles that people give just because they feel obliged to.
�Why don�t we go get a drink at the bar? You can tell me all about what chaos he�s caused this time.�
�But..I�m not sure, you see. I don�t know if I�m even going to stay on this tour. I mean, I could already be out of a job this moment.� I realised faintly that I was babbling. �Or if I want to stay with the tour anyway.�
�Mouuuuu well...you don�t wanta be around me any more?� hide dramatically buried his face on my shoulder and let out gigantic sobs.
�Um...�
�Just kidding!� I jumped as hide suddenly looked up, and beamed broadly. �C�mon, I want you to stay. I like you, you seem cool.� hide�s comments were accompanied by him rocking backwards and forwards on his heels nodding knowingly. �Hai...cool cool. Even if Yoshiki acts like a child and tries to banish you from his kingdom-� He rolled his eyes. �-I�ll defend you!� He struck a macho pose so that looked so comical on him I just had to laugh. Then I contemplated his offer very seriously. On one hand my serious side was urgently questioning whether or not I wanted to spend the next few months of my life being constantly around a pretentious self-absorbed snob. But then again, there were other people on this tour so I wouldn�t be stuck with Yoshiki 24/7.
�Okay, but only if I can borrow those glasses.�
�Banzai, deal!� hide took off his glasses and placed them in my hand. From that moment we were friends, as we went off towards the bar chatting happily.
All play and no work could get a girl fired...unless she leaves first: Somewhere in the middle of hide trying to convince me his favourite brand was the better brand of beer, we were interrupted by a flustered Toshi. Ah...Toshi, Toshi, Toshi...I never really got to understand Toshi fully. Yoshiki was ice, hide was fire, and Toshi was...distant. It�s not that we didn�t get along, I mean, we did get along, and he was always very polite and nice and we would have pleasant conversations but that was where it kind of stopped. Maybe we weren�t on the same wavelength. Whatever it was, it kept us on two different sides of the fence.
�Yoshiki�s calling us all in for a meeting.� Toshi sighed as he looked at all the empty mugs of beer sitting on the bar in front of hide. �Asked for you to come as well, Aubrey.�
I closed my eyes and prayed for a miracle. This wouldn�t be pretty. I�d heard all about Yoshiki�s famous lectures from JC, and with the way things had gone earlier, I could tell I was in for a scolding. I mentally told *myself* off. I mean, I was nineteen. I didn�t need to be afraid of Yoshiki, big-shot musician or not. I must have been thinking for a long-time because Toshi was giving me a funny look.
�You look pale, are you all right?�
�She�s just worried about meeting the rest of the gang, aren�t ya Aubrey?� hide slapped his hand on my shoulder and winked. �But they�ll love her!� hide planted a big sloppy kiss on my cheek. I never knew whether it was alcohol-induced or something else, but with hide it didn�t matter. Love interest or friend, in hide�s opinion they were all one and the same.
�You�re certainly nicer than a lot of the roadies we�ve had.� Toshi smiled. �I�m sure we will get on just fine.� I shook the hand he offered to me and returned the smile.
�Well I was reconsidering...�
�No she wasn�t!� hide whined, slamming his fist on to the counter top with utter conviction. �She�s coming on the tour with us.� He pouted at me with big puppy-dog eyes. �You promised me.�
�But I don�t know if I should.� I muttered, staring out the window.
�Why shouldn�t you?� Toshi asked. �Is there a problem with anything?� I considered his question. I decided that it would be better to give this job another go. I told myself that if Yoshiki started pulling theatrics again then we�d see, but otherwise, it would be silly to give up on such an opportunity. Most people waited years and worked a load of lousy gigs before they pulled such a good one as a job with X Japan. I�d merely had to ask JC, a friend of my big brother.
�Nah no problems.�
�Yay!� hide pulled me and Toshi into a three-way bear hug.
�hide.� I tried to mumble, but it came out �hee-way.�
�hide - you're - crushing - us.� Toshi tried to wriggle out of hide�s embrace.
�Oh, hehehe, sorry �bout that.� hide let us go, looking as a sheepish as a freshly scolded child.
