Perfect Pairs

 

Jade Sabre

 

 

Luke snuggled closer to his wife, reluctant to wake up.  He kept his eyes closed tight, listening to the hum of the ship's engine, and felt the gentle vibration of the hyperdrive through the mattress.  The Jedi felt his wife stir in his arms.  His wife...  Somehow, even after spending the past several weeks on their honeymoon, it still seemed impossible that he was married.  Married.  A husband.  Contentment coursed through his entire being.  He no longer had to feel he was missing his 'other half', and he no longer had to damp down the rush of jealousy he experienced whenever he watched his sister interacting with her family.  He had Mara now.  Maybe, someday, they could expand the Skywalker family with a little one of their own.  A thrilling, exciting notion flickered through Luke's mind. Maybe they could even start working on that right now....  He reached for his wife, only to discover she was pushing him away.  The loss of her warmth made him open his eyes, just as she turned on the cabin lights.

 

"Not now, Luke," Mara mumbled, sitting up on the edge of the bed and rubbing the still-sleepy expression from her face.

 

"Why?" he asked before he could stop himself.  Inside, he cringed slightly, realizing he sounded like a petulant child.  If he wanted to become a father, he'd have to work on that particular tone of voice.

 

Mara arched her eyebrow, trying to keep her expression somber, despite her inner amusement.  "Because," she said sternly. "We're scheduled to come out of hyperspace in less than thirty minutes.  So unless you trust Artoo to land my new ship in heavy Coruscant space traffic - which I can assure you isn't going to happen - we'd better get up."

 

"Our honeymoon was too short," Luke said with a sigh.

 

"It can't be helped," Mara replied with a laugh.  "The galaxy needs you."

 

Reluctantly, Luke flung off the covers, shivering slightly in the cooler cabin air.  Then a vague warning sense coursed through his body, and he shut his eyes as he tried to concentrate and focus on the Force.

 

"What's the matter?" Mara prodded, her voice becoming concerned.

 

Images flitted through the Jedi's mind.  Bright lights, confusion, embarrasment...anger.  The faces of Wedge, Iella, Corran, and Mirax mingled with Mara, Leia and Han.  And they all seemed upset.  Unfortunately, that was the extent of the Force-vision.  Luke looked up at his wife.  "I... I'm not sure."

 

"Are we in danger?"

 

"No," Luke replied quickly.  That there was no danger seemed quite clear.  But why would so many people he knew be so upset?

 

"Then what?" Mara asked as she got dressed.

 

The vision was gone, and although the warning tingle remained, Luke felt confident when he told Mara, "It was nothing.  Don't worry about it."

 

********

 

Four hours later....

 

Leia threw her arms around Luke's neck, hugging him tightly.  "Welcome home, brother!"

 

A second later, Han gave him a hard slap on his back.  "Guess you're off the galaxy's most eligible bachelor's list, huh?"

 

"I think that happened a few weeks back, Solo," Mara shot back.

 

Han grinned at his sister-in-law.  "Sometimes these rushed marriages don't survive the honeymoon, though."

 

"Rushed?" Luke spluttered out, before realizing Han was teasing.

 

"Once a farmboy, always a farmboy," Mara said with a sigh as Han and Leia laughed at Luke's expense.

 

"Are you hungry?" Leia questioned.  "I'm making dinner, and there's plenty."

 

"You're making it?" Luke asked.  "I just got finished with two weeks of Mara's cooking... don't you think I deserve - "

 

"Don't go there, Skywalker," Mara interrupted, her green eyes narrowing.  "Unless you want to experience our first married fight."

 

"And learn the joys of sleeping on the sofa," Han added.

 

Leia put her hands on her hips.  "So the men don't like our cooking?  Is that what I'm getting here?"  She looked at Mara, getting a wicked grin on her face.  "Then I think they need to take us out to eat.  Some place very nice."

 

"I hear the 'Starlayne Dinner Club' is excellent," Mara suggested. 

 

"I hear it costs a small fortune," Luke put in, his warning sense feeling a sudden rebirth.

 

"That's a great idea," Leia told Mara.  "I've wanted to eat there for months already, but nerf-herder here keeps complaining that it has a dress code."  As a thought occurred to her, Leia's face lit up. "And you won't believe this, but just last week I received a coupon for the 'Starlayne.'  Buy three meals, and you get the fourth free."

 

"Maybe it's not even a real coupon," Luke said thoughtfully.  "It could be forged, you know."

 

"Forged?" Mara asked.  "Who would bother forging coupons?"

 

"People will forge anything if they think they can get away with it," Han replied.

 

"You ought to know," Mara shot back.

 

"If they're sending out coupons, they're probably desperate for business," Han pointed out. "Besides, what kind of idiotic place makes you put on formal clothes to eat? Let's take the kids and go get a bantha-burger at the 'Space Rocket.'  They don't care what you wear, and I have coupons for them, too.  A free forty-five ounce fizzy drink with every Big Burp Burger."

 

Leia held up her hand to stop the argument. "Threepio will feed the children the dinner I made so it won't go to waste.  You go get dressed up, flyboy.  We're going out tonight and celebrating Luke and Mara's homecoming."

 

Glaring at Luke, Han muttered, "This is all your fault."  Then his face got hopeful.  "Maybe they won't have any tables available."

 

"Your wife's the President, Solo," Mara pointed out, rolling her eyes.  "I doubt reservations will be a problem."

 

Han stomped off to the bedroom, defeated.

 

"Go home and get ready," Leia told her brother.  "I'll make the reservations, and we'll pick you up in a couple of hours."

 

Mara grabbed Luke's arm, pulling him out of the room, and ignoring his protest, "I have a bad feeling about this...."

 

**********

 

 

Two hours later....

 

The Offices of Baron Lando Calrissian, Director of The Coruscant Philanthropic Aid Society.   That's what the fancy scrollwork on the outer doorway bragged, anyway.  Wedge Antilles pushed the gold button, listening as strands of a famous five-hundred year-old opera filled the wide, carpeted corridor.  His wife, Iella, shook her head in awe or disgust - Wedge couldn't quite tell which.

 

"Lando likes things first-class," Wedge commented into the silence, shifting in his suit.  Lando had insisted they come 'dressed in their finest.'

 

"Why does he want to see us?" she asked for what seemed to Wedge like the hundredth time.

 

"He didn't say," Wedge replied for what seemed like the hundredth and one time.

 

The door parted silently, and a shiny silver droid stood before them.  "Welcome, General and Mrs. Antilles," the droid said formally.  "I am C-4A2, Baron Calrissian's personal assistant.  Please follow me." The droid waved his hand inside the huge main lobby.  "The Baron is expecting you."

 

Wedge shrugged at his wife, then took her hand as they followed the droid past the lobby and down another long hallway.  At the end of this hall was another dark terrelwood door with gold lettering stating - "Baron Lando Calrissian".  The droid pressed a button, and Lando's voice came over a small speaker mounted outside the door.  "Yes?"

 

"General and Mrs. Antilles have arrived," the droid informed his master.

 

There was silence for a few seconds before the door slid open, and Lando appeared, throwing his arms around Iella in a huge hug.  "You look more beautiful each time I see you."  He gave a wide grin at Wedge.  "How did you get so lucky, you scowl-dog, to win the hand of such a refined beauty?"

 

"What do you want, Lando?" Wedge asked suspiciously.

 

Lando gave an affronted look.  "Who, me?"  He smiled back at Iella.  "I'd just like to take my two friends out to dinner at the 'Starlayne Club', that's all."

 

"The Starlayne?" Iella asked, impressed.  "That's the hottest restaurant on Coruscant right now."

 

"Beautiful and brilliant," Lando gushed, nodding in approval.  "So you'll come with me?"

 

"Isn't it extremely expensive?" Wedge questioned, warning bells madly ringing in his brain.  Sometimes you didn't have to be Force-sensitive to know when something seemed wrong... terribly, terribly wrong.

 

Lando waved his hand dismissively.  "Cost is no object.  I'm part owner of the place, anyway."

 

"We'd love to go!" Iella said enthusiastically.

 

"And we'll be paying later, I'm sure," Wedge mumbled under his breath as he followed Calrissian and Iella toward the private landing dock.

 

********

 

 

The Starlayne Dinner Club

 

Just as Mara predicted, Leia had no problems getting reservations.  When the two couples arrived, they were quickly escorted by the establishment's Bith host to a secluded, and strangely large, table overlooking the sparkling lights of the endless city. 

 

Han opened the electronic menu, wincing slightly at the flashing, scrolling words that extolled the many offerings. "Eight hundred credits for one bottle of wine?!" Han gasped.  "Are they insane?"

 

"Look," Luke pointed out dryly.  "Here's a more reasonable one.... only five hundred credits.  And you get a hint of citrus in the aroma, too."

 

"I wonder why it's so much cheaper, then," Han commented.  "The eight hundred bottle doesn't come with a hint of citrus.  Maybe citrus is a bad thing."

 

"Do you think they'd let us keep the bottle?" Luke wondered, trying not to laugh.

 

"For that much money, I want a vacation home overlooking the vineyard." Han squinted at the menu again.  "How about we stick all the food on one check, and then order three salads?  That way we can use the coupon for the expensive items, and we'll only have to pay for the lettuce."  He pointed at the scrolling menu.  "Look, one stupid salad costs twenty-five credits all by itself!"

 

"I don't think that's the intent of the coupon, Solo," Mara said.  "It's probably very clear that you have to purchase three meals, not three salads."

 

"You don't know that," Han argued back, then looked at Leia.  "Let me see that coupon."

 

"No," Leia hissed, pushing the coupon out of Han's reach.  "You're not embarrassing me in front of the waiter."

 

"They haven't put down any water yet," Luke mumbled.  "We could still go get those free fizzies with a Big Burp."

 

"And it'll only cost us twelve credits, tops," Han said, nodding.  "A giant-sized bucket of tuber fries included."

 

"They call them Hyperspace Curls," Luke remarked wistfully.  "I love those Hyperspace Curls... I think they're addictive."

 

"Yeah," Han agreed.  "You practically need three hands to hold the Big Burp.  This place probably serves up a nerf steak the size of my thumb, then sticks a weed on the side of it to fill up the plate."

 

"Are you two planning on complaining the entire meal?" Leia asked testily.

 

"As a matter of fact," Han replied, tugging at his tight collar. "Yes."

 

"One hundred and fifty credits for stuffed Nabooian bog-fungus appetizer?" Luke asked as he continued reading the flashy menu.  "They'd have to pay me a hundred fifty credits to eat bog-fungus... I don't care what they stuff it with."

 

While Han snorted in laughter, Mara glared at her new husband.  "Keep it up, and it'll be stuffed with a Jedi."

 

Leaning forward, Han whispered at Luke, "Better lay off the griping, kid.  Your wife owns a lightsaber."

 

"So do I," Leia said threateningly toward her husband.

 

"Fine," Han muttered.  "I'll stop complaining.  But don't think for a second I'm takin' a loan out on the Falcon to pay for this meal."

 

"I doubt your ship is worth that much, Solo," a deep voice laughed from behind Han's shoulder.

 

Han twisted around in surprise.  "Lando?"

 

The Baron Calrissian grinned broadly as he shook Luke's hand.  "Welcome back, Luke... and the ever beautiful Mara Jade."  He bent over, taking Mara's hand and kissing it gallantly.  "You do know how heartbroken I am, now that Skywalker has stolen the most stunning creature in the galaxy right out from under my nose."

 

"Yes, Lando," Mara responded.  "I can see you look completely devastated."

 

Lando put his hand up to his heart.  "I am.... truly."  Then he looked over at Leia.  "The esteemed President visiting my establishment.  I can't tell you how much I appreciate what this type of publicity will do for 'The Starlayne'.  I was just telling my dinner guests, Wedge and Iella, that this place is performing beyond my wild - "

 

"Wait a second," Han interrupted, sparing a sideways glare at Leia.  "You own this place?"

 

"I didn't know that," Leia said a bit defensively, as she glared back at Han.

 

"Only a share of it... fifty-five percent, I believe."

 

"Wedge and Iella are here?" Luke questioned.

 

"And you're treatin' them?" Han added, somewhat indignantly.

 

"We just arrived," Lando explained.  "I had no idea you were coming tonight."  He eyed the expansive table.  "In fact, I'd love to treat you, as well.  Now that I'm paying for your meal, you won't be needing that coupon...."  He started to reach for the small flimsy, but wasn't quite fast enough.

 

Han lunged forward, nearly knocking over his wine glass, and managed to snatch the coupon up before Lando could retrieve it.  "No... we can save it for next time."  He paused, then added, "Not that we're ever comin' here again."

 

The Baron gave Han a strained smile. "Of course.  Feel free to use it next time. You wouldn't mind if the four of us joined you, would you?"  Without waiting for a reply, he turned and headed toward the entrance.

 

"I knew that coupon was fake," Luke mused, pleased he was right.

 

"Lando's lying," Mara mumbled just loud enough to be heard.

 

"Lando?  Lie?" Han said, feigning disbelief.  "I'm shocked you would say such a thing, Mara.  Shocked."

 

"Mara's right," Luke put in, his warning sense kicking up several notches.  "Lando knew we would be here tonight.  He probably sent us that phony coupon just to get us to come."

 

"That's not so odd he'd know we were coming. If he really is one of the owners, he could've had the maitre-d' alert him when any of us made a reservation," Leia commented.  "But why is he acting like he wasn't expecting us?"

 

"Who cares," Han replied.  "As long as he's payin', I can put up with whatever con job he's trying.  Let's order the eight hundred credit bottle of wine, and the stuffed bog-fungus."  He gazed at the menu for a few more seconds.  "This broiled skrob appetizer looks mighty tempting, too.  Especially at ninety-five credits."

 

"Well, it'll be good to see Wedge again," Luke said, trying to see the bright side of the situation.  "And Iella is very sweet.  I just can't help but worry that this meal isn't really going to be free."

 

"When it comes to Lando Calrissian, everything he does has some angle," Mara said.

 

The four looked over as Wedge, Iella, Lando and his fiancee, Tendra, made their way over to the table.  Several waiters scurried over and rearranged the chairs and settings.  Suddenly, the large table was no longer quite so roomy.

 

"Order whatever you like," Lando said, snapping his fingers and whispering to the Bith server.  "Price is no object."

 

"That's what the man keeps saying," Wedge grumbled.  "Free....free...free.."

 

"Isn't this nice?" Iella asked, smiling brightly, her eyes betraying a bit of worry.  "We weren't expecting to see you here.  But it sure is nice... anyway."

 

"It seems to be gettin' better and better," Han agreed with a straight face.

 

*********

 

Two

 

Lando leaned back, watching in pride as the waiter set the dessert aflame.  "The perfect ending to the perfect meal," the Baron declared, patting his napkin at his lips. 

 

The waiter served generous portions to the already stuffed patrons, then bowed and hurried away.  Tendra took a small bite.  "Isn't Lando's restaurant wonderful?" she said, unable to keep herself from bragging about her fiance's accomplishments.  "He's such a fantastic businessman."

 

Iella brushed a stray blonde hair back behind her ear, then tasted the dessert.  "I don't think I can eat another mouthful."

 

"I've got to admit, this has been one of the best meals of my life," Wedge said.

 

"Even the stuffed bog-fungus was superb," Mara remarked, then gave her husband a pointed look.  "Right, dear?"

 

"Right," Luke agreed. "I think you have a winner with this restaurant. Everything was great."

 

"Especially the eight hundred credit bottle of wine," Han said, grinning.

 

"We managed to go through three of those," Lando commented, pulling another chilled bottle from the silver bucket.  "Not to mention this first-class dessert wine."

 

"Really, Lando, you've been far too generous.  Let us at least pay part of it," Leia said, ignoring her husband's finger poking her leg under the table.

 

"I wouldn't think of it," Lando objected.  "I do, however, have a small request."

 

"Here it comes," Wedge grumbled under his breath, wincing as Iella kicked his ankle.

 

Tendra suddenly looked uncomfortable.  "Maybe this isn't the best time..."

 

"If Lando needs a favor, we'll be happy to help," Leia said, frowning at Luke's sudden coughing fit.  "Are you okay?"

 

"Su..sure," Luke managed to say between hacks.  "Let's hear what this favor is first, before saying yes, though."

 

"Gotta agree with the kid," Han put in, leaning back in his chair.  "Spill it, Lando."

 

"It's just a small thing, really," Lando said smoothly.  "You've heard I'm the director of a modest organization called the Coruscant Philanthropic Aid Society?"  When the group nodded, Lando gave a wide grin.  "I need your help with a fund raiser for the homeless sentients that live in the lower levels.  Mostly children, I might add."

 

"First you ply us with expensive wine, then comes the plucking of our heartstrings," Mara remarked.  "You never change, Lando."

 

"It's for a good cause," Tendra inserted defensively.  "His group is completely upfront and legitimate."

 

"I never said it wasn't," Mara replied, not wanting to upset Tendra.

 

"You could have just asked," Luke added.  "You didn't have to bribe us with a meal."

 

"Personally, I happen to like bribes," Han put in.

 

"What does this fund raiser involve?" Leia asked.

 

"A holothon."

 

Iella frowned in confusion.  "What?"

 

"A holothon... our group holocasts throughout the galaxy in a big extravaganza.  We'll have famous singers, comedians, holostars... all giving a performance while ordinary beings send in pledges for credits."

 

"Who do you have signed up so far?" Mara questioned.

 

"No one, yet."

 

"Sounds like you're off to a great start," Mara said, laughing. 

 

"I don't sing," Wedge told Lando very emphatically.

 

"Leia's got a pretty good set of pipes," Han said, moving his chair away from his glowering wife.

 

"You could get Wes to be your comedian," Iella suggested. 

 

"Maybe Mara and I could give a lightsaber demonstration," Luke added with a shrug.  That sounded fairly harmless.

 

"Listen up," Lando roared out, then quickly lowered his voice.  "I'm not putting on some lame amateur night when it comes to the entertainment."

 

"Then what do you need us for?" Luke questioned.  "We'd be pretty lame at that stuff."

 

"A celebrity-type game show," Lando explained, grinning.  "Famous husbands and wives in a game show.  Instead of earning credits though, you'd get points.  Before the game show portion, we take pledges based on the points each couple earns.  Say... each correct answer is worth one hundred points, and you each answer five questions, ten for each couple.  If you get all ten right, you'd have a total of one thousand points.  Then the pledger... is that a word? .. sends in a thousand credits.  Or they could just pledge half a credit per point, so the total they'd be obligated to would come to five hundred, tops.  Or maybe we'd have more questions for fewer points.  I haven't worked out all those little details."

 

"What type of questions?" Han asked suspiciously.

 

Tendra was the one that answered, "Oh, Lando already assured me it would be fun questions like 'what's your husband's favorite breakfast food?,' which would be a question the wives would get asked."

 

"Then," Lando continued, "she'd write down on a vid-screen what she thought was the correct answer.  After five more questions, the husbands would come out and actually answer each question, and then the screen is displayed with her answer on it."

 

"And if it's right, you get the points," Mara surmised quickly.

 

"Correct!" Lando gushed.  "I can see you're going to do great on this show."

 

"Who said we were going to agree?" Luke asked, since his Force-warning was practically punching him in the nose at this point.

 

"If you say yes, then Lando will have a much easier time convincing big-name singers and celebrities to appear," Tendra pleaded.  "Doesn't this sound like fun?"

 

"So it's just us?" Wedge asked.  "The four couples at this table?"

 

"Unfortunately, Tendra and I can't participate, since I'm running the show, and it's husbands and wives," Lando replied.  "But I'd like to have a fourth couple."

 

"Who?"

 

Lando smiled at Wedge.  "Corran and Mirax, actually.  Between you and Luke, I figured you could convince him to join in the merriment."

 

At the mention of Corran and Mirax, Luke felt a chill as the memory of his Force-vision flooded back into his thoughts.  He barely heard Tendra speaking as he tried, in vain, to get Mara's attention.

 

"Will you?" Tendra begged.  "Please?"

 

Leia and Mara exchanged helpless looks.  If it had been just Lando pitching this scheme, it would have been easier to say no.  But Tendra looked so... earnest.

 

"Han and I will do it," Leia said with a defeated sigh.

 

"HEY!" Han objected. "Don't I get a say in this?"

 

"So will we," Mara added, ignoring Luke as he was frantically shaking his head 'no.'

 

"Of course, Tendra," Iella answered.  "We'd be honored."

 

"Rodders," Wedge muttered under his breath.  "I knew it.  Now we pay...pay... pay."

 

*********

 

Luke restrained himself until he was back home with Mara.  "We can't go on that game show."

 

"Why not?"

 

"My Force-vision... it had all of us in it.  You, me, Leia, Han... Wedge and Iella, and Corran and Mirax.  And that's exactly who Lando wants to appear on his show."

 

"I thought you told me there wasn't any danger, and I wasn't supposed to worry about it," Mara replied.  "Now, all of a sudden, we're doomed if we answer a few simple little questions to help the poor?  What's the real reason, Luke?  Are you afraid we'll lose the game?"

 

"I don't care about the game," Luke shot back.  "My vision had all the people in it that Lando wants... don't you understand?"

 

"Then I'll ask you again - are we in danger?"

 

"We're..." Luke trailed off.  "We'll be in danger of, um, embarrassment."

 

"Oh.  Well, we certainly can't be embarrassed now, can we?"  Mara smiled sweetly.  "What's my favorite breakfast food?"

 

"What does that have to do with anything?"

 

"If you're so afraid of a little embarrassment, we'll have to study."

 

"We can't do that!"

 

Mara frowned.  "Why not?"

 

"That's cheating!"

 

**********

 

Han thrust a flimsy and a writing stylus at his wife.  "What's that for?" she asked, taking off her earrings.

 

"We need to cheat."

 

"What?"

 

"Well, not really cheat," Han clarified.  "More like practice.  So we don't lose."

 

"That doesn't seem fair," Leia responded, trying to keep from laughing.

 

"Fair?  Since when is life fair?  Never!" Han answered himself.  "We can't lose, Princess.  We've known each longer than any of those other couples.  How will it look if you don't know my favorite breakfast food?"

 

"Corellian spiced nerf-sausages and scrambled rekken eggs.  With hot sauce."

 

Han grinned, pleased.  "You do know!"

 

"I know because I can't stand all that greasy, spicy Corellian garbage you love."

 

"But I'm sure Lando will ask other things... like, um..."

 

"Like what?  We have no idea."  Leia patted Han's arm.  "Don't worry so much.  I'm sure we'll do fine.  We know what we like for breakfast."

 

"Right," Han said cheerfully.  "What do you like, anyway?"

Leia threw her shoe at her husband.

 

**********

 

"I TOLD you this wasn't going to be free!" Wedge yelled from the refresher.  "I hate Lando!"

 

"It'll be fun," Iella replied.  "Tendra said so."

 

"Tendra's in love.  She'd say anything to make Lando happy."

 

"So, what does that mean?" Iella asked, her voice growing cool.

 

Wedge stuck his head out of the 'fresher.  "Huh?"

 

"Obviously, you must not be in love with me.  Right?" Iella questioned, crossing her arms.  "Or you'd want to make me happy.  Right?"

 

"Don't be stupid."

 

"STUPID?"

 

"Uh... that's the wrong word.  Stubborn.  That's what I meant...stubborn."

 

"So you think I'm stupid and stubborn?  Anything else?"

 

This conversation wasn't going exactly the way Wedge envisioned.  "I... I'm sorry?"

 

"Are you?"

 

"What do you want, Iella?  I'll do anything you want me to," Wedge said, getting desperate.  Sleeping on the sofa was looking like a strong possibility at this point.

 

"Order Corran to appear on the holothon."

 

"I can't do that!"

 

"Why not?  You're his superior officer."

 

"But... ordering something like that isn't ethical.  You know that."

 

"I agree," Iella responded.  "So I'll convince Mirax, and you tell Corran how happy and excited you are to be on the game show.  There won't be anything unethical about that."

 

"Happy.  Excited," Wedge muttered unhappily.  "Right....got it."

 

*********

 

Three

 

 

Dex's Diner

 

Corran Horn pushed through the heavy lunch crowd and made his way over to the booth where Wedge and Luke sat, sipping on beverages.  The Corellian Jedi sat down beside Wedge, and greeted his companions.  "Master Skywalker...  General Antilles."

 

"This is lunch, Corran," Wedge informed him.  "Not a formal meeting.  So you can cut out the titles."

 

"Yes, sir," Corran returned with a mock salute and a genuine smile. "So, Luke, I imagine you had a great time on your honeymoon."

"Very nice," Luke supplied, fighting a grin as pleasant memories filled his mind. "We just got back yesterday afternoon."

 

A droid rolled up to their table, asking to take their orders.  "Put his order on my tab," Wedge told the droid as he pointed toward Corran.

 

"You don't have to - "

 

"Sure, I do.  We invited you, so I'm paying."

 

"But..."

 

"That's an order."

 

"You just told me to cut out the titles," Corran protested.

 

Wedge shrugged.  "As your superior officer, I can change the rules on my whim."

 

The droid politely listened, then moved away after the orders were placed.  Corran leaned back in his booth, his green eyes flickering back and forth between Luke and Wedge.  "Something smells odd, and it's not the cooking in this grease pit.  What's the problem?"

 

"Problem?" Luke asked quickly.  "No problem.  Just some friends getting together.  Can't we do that?"

 

"Mirax got a call this morning from Iella and Mara, asking her to go shopping with them.  Since when does Mara, or Iella for that matter, care to waste a day on shopping?"

 

"They might need some nice, new clothes for...uh, something," Wedge replied defensively.  "You never know what might come up."

 

"Come up where?" a loud, very boisterious voice said from over Luke's shoulder.  Sighing, Luke turned and faced the intruder.

 

"Hello, Wes."

 

"Lunch without Wes Janson being invited?" Wes spluttered out.  "That's like a party without alcohol.   Mind if I join you?"  He pushed in next to Luke, and waved the wait-droid over.  "I'll have your Daily Special, with an extra large ciyll-juicer.  And make it snappy."

 

"Yes, sir," the droid replied, sounding a bit miffed.

 

"What are we talking about?" Wes asked, turning his attention back to the now-quiet booth.

 

"I have no idea," Corran returned.  "Luke and Wedge seem nervous about something, though."

 

"We are not!" Wedge said, a bit too quickly. 

 

"It's ... it's..." Luke started out, not knowing how to exactly approach this issue.

 

Wes held up a salt shaker to his lips, mimicking a holo-mike.  "Live... from Dex's Diner!  Gentle-beings of the galaxy, how often do we, the mere mortals of society, see the Great Jedi Master Luke Skywalker... tongue-tied?"

 

"Wes, you're a pain in the - " Wedge started out.

 

"Lando conned us into appearing on his holothon, and we're suppose to ask you to be the fourth couple," Luke inserted before Wedge could start shouting at Janson.

 

"We're supposed to act happy and excited, Luke," Wedge grumbled.  "Can't you follow instructions?"

 

"Who is us?" Corran questioned.  "And what is a holothon?"

 

"Us is me and Mara, Leia and Han, Wedge and Iella... and..."

 

"YOU!" Wes yelled loudly into the salt-shaker.  "You... Corran Horn and the lovely Mirax!  Come on DOWN!"

 

"Wes, I swear...." Wedge threatened.

 

"And the holothon is to raise money for Lando's aid group, so they can help the destitute children on Coruscant," Luke added.  "So it's for a good cause.  Really."

 

"What do we have to do?"

 

Wes leaned forward, sticking his salt-shaker in Wedge's face.  "Yes.  Answer the gentleman, General Antilles.  To what levels will Jedi Horn and the lovely Mirax have to sink?"

 

Wedge snatched the shaker out of Janson's hand.  "You're pushing it, Janson."

 

"Well, I'm hurt," Wes said, his lower lip sticking out in a pout, grasping his chest.  "I'm not invited on this holothon."

 

"What do we have to do?" Corran repeated, ignoring Wes as best he was able.

 

"Just play a dumb game, where the wives get asked stupid questions about their husbands, and then find out if they were right," Luke explained.  "Then, apparently, it's the husbands turn to answer questions about the wives."

 

"Easy questions," Wedge put in, frowning at some of Luke's descriptive phrases.  "Like your favorite breakfast food.  Things like that."

 

"And the points we earn are tied in to pledges for credits that the viewers comm in ahead of time," Luke continued.  "So, really.... it's just a simple thing."

 

"And it'll take just a few hours," Wedge added.

 

"So while I'm here, being strong-armed by you two, my poor wife is getting this deal shot at her by Mara and Iella.  Now I understand."

 

"And the ladies will want new clothes for the holo-show," Wes surmised, grinning.  "Kills two mynocks with one blaster-bolt."

 

"Will you do it?" Wedge practically begged.  "I'll probably be sleeping on the sofa if you say no."

 

Corran grinned. "That might be worth it."

 

"I could order you to appear."

 

"And for one hundred credits under the category of 'Unethical Behavior'..." Wes shouted, half-standing and pointing at Wedge.

 

Wedge stood up, glaring at Wes, who scooted out of the booth.  "Gotta go.  Been nice chatting with you..."

 

"What about your lunch?" Luke called after Wes. 

 

"Eat it.... you'll be paying for it, anyway!"

 

Corran watched as Wes hurried out of the diner.  "He's up to something."

 

"Yeah, I'm getting a bad feeling about him, too," Luke said. He turned back to Corran. "So will you and Mirax do this?"

"I will... but only if Mirax wants to."

 

*********

 

Mirax picked at her salad, trying not to squirm under the intense, double-barrel pressure of Mara and Iella.  "It's hardly fair, you know," she finally said.

 

"Fair?" Mara asked.

 

"You know... you got a very expensive meal at the Starlayne, and I'm just getting lunch at the Galaxy Gate."

 

"The Galaxy Gate is a nice restaurant," Iella argued, knowing it didn't compare to Lando's place.  Of course, neither did the prices.

 

"And you promise the questions will be very simple?"

 

"That's what Tendra said," Mara replied.  "I'm sure we can handle it."

 

"Will there be a live audience watching us?"

 

Mara and Iella exchanged puzzled looks.  "We don't know."

 

"What day will it be held?"

 

"No idea."

 

"Are we expected to pledge credits?"

 

"Don't know."

 

Mirax sighed.  "What do you know?"

 

"Tendra promised us we'd have fun," Iella replied, realizing how uninformed she was.  Why, exactly, did they agree to this?  "Maybe we can meet some famous actors and singers."

 

"Oh," Mirax said dryly.  "I can just imagine how excited that will make Corran."

 

"So... how about it?" Mara prodded.  "The good news is that the men absolutely hate this idea."

 

"You know," Iella said thoughtfully as a sudden - and slightly wicked - idea came to her.  "This could work to our advantage.  If the men get more questions wrong than we do, we could make them pay."

 

"How?" Mara asked, a little bit worried since she was the newlywed of the group.  Making Luke 'pay' didn't seem like such a wonderful plan to her.

 

"Guilt, Mara," Iella said, laughing.  "It's a great thing.  If we can make them feel guilty because they don't know us as well as we know them -"

 

"Which I'm sure is true," Mirax inserted.

 

"- we can get another dinner at the Starlayne out of them.  Guaranteed."

 

"That was a wonderful meal," Mara agreed. 

 

"Will Leia go along with this?" Mirax asked.

 

Mara grinned.  "Forcing her scoundrel husband back into stuffy, formal clothes, and make him pay actual credits to a restaurant that belongs to Lando of all people?  She'll be thrilled."

 

"Then I wouldn't miss this little game for anything," Mirax declared, grinning.  "Now, let's skip lunch and go directly to dessert."

 

********

 

Lando looked up from his desk, surprised to see Wes Janson standing in his office.  "Janson?  What brings you all the way over here?"

 

"I'd like to offer my assistance with your holothon."

 

"How did you find out -"

 

"I was at lunch with Luke and Wedge when they pitched your game at Corran," Wes replied, looking suspiciously innocent.

 

"Did he agree?"

 

"I think so, and that's when I had my idea for helping you," Wes said, then pretended to be upset as he added, "Since I can't be on the show and all."

 

"How would you like to help?"

 

"Oh... anything you'd need help with," Wes said sincerely.  "I'm sure you have a million little things that need to be done.  Hiring the holo-cam crew.... finding a building large enough to hold your show.... writing the questions for the game show ....  Are you going to have a live audience?  That always makes things more interesting... instant, live feedback.  I could print the tickets up, and distribute them to friends and family.  You know... important beings you'd like to have in attendance."

 

"Those sound like great ideas, Wes," Lando replied happily.  "I am swamped here, so anything you'd like to do, just tell my assistant in the next room."

 

Wes smiled and gave Lando a salute.  "I'm more than glad to help, my friend."

 

*********

 

Four

 

Two months later...

 

The Coruscante D'Grandious Hotel had leased out all its available meeting space and nearly every guest suite to The Coruscant Philanthropic Aid Society's First Annual Charity Holothon organizers. Banners and holoscreens had been advertising the event for weeks now, and the 'Net had been saturated with endless pleas for donations. 

 

Lando had successfully signed up several dozen 'big name' stars, and the entertainment lineup was first-rate.  The highlight of the day-long event would be the 'game show,' which had been tentatively titled: 'Heroic Spouses of the New Republic - How Well Do They Know Each Other?'  This title was strongly pushed by Wes Janson, despite Lando's complaint it was too wordy.  Wes had then suggested, 'Bet the Rent on Eternal Bliss or Imminent Divorce.'  Lando had not been amused.  Eventually, Lando had decided on the cute and harmless, 'Perfect Pairs.' Perky ads showing those famous faces flashed across holoscreens - all smiling and happy -  as the background voice of Lando urged people to call in pledges based on how many 'points' their favorite couple would earn.

 

After some consideration (and another suggestion by Wes) Lando had concluded that each wife and husband team would answer five questions per person, each right answer worth fifty points, then a second round would raise the 'points' to one hundred per question, and the questions would become more difficult.  Therefore, each couple would answer ten questions per spouse, twenty total, with one bonus question at the very end worth 500 credits, for a total possible score of 2,000.   The pledges could be based on as little as one-half credit per point. 

 

Lando had worked the holocomm relentlessly in order to get pledges from prominent beings.  Mon Mothma had picked Wedge and Iella, General Rieekan went with Han and Leia, Borsk Fey'lya had pledged credits with all four couples, Talon Karrde had gone with Luke and Mara, and Booster Terrik had, of course, bet on Corran and Mirax. All these beings had been given complimentary 'tickets' to watch the show live.  Other tickets had been given to members of Rogue Squadron, New Republic politicians and important business-beings, and some had been 'auctioned off' to the general public.  The five thousand seat auditorium had been sold out for weeks.  

 

In the days leading up to the show, Lando had repeatedly asked Wes for the game show questions he'd prepared.  Wes always had some excuse why he wasn't able to produce those questions.  This annoyed Lando, but he was far too busy and distracted to push the issue, especially since Wes guaranteed everything would be fine.

 

Now it was finally the day of the show. In his private suite, Lando brushed a tiny speck of lint off his burgandy cape, then straightened up his silk shirt.  A soft knock finally tore his eyes off the mirror, and he cleared his throat before asking, "Who is it?"

 

"Wes," came the muffled reply.

 

"Come in."

 

Wes entered the dressing room, whistling in admiration.  "You're really going to pull this off, aren't you?"

 

"Of course," Lando replied, irritated.  "Why would you think otherwise?"

 

"Well..." Wes pursed his lips in thought, then changed the subject.  "All the guests are seated, and the first act is getting set up.  Five minutes until you're on.  Billions and billions of beings will be watching, so don't be nervous."

 

Lando gave a slight smile.  "I'm not nervous.  Do you have the questions?"

 

"What questions?"

 

The look of sheer panic on the Baron's face made Wes crack up.  "Of course I've got the list of game questions.  Do you want to review them?" 

 

The comlink on Calrissian's table buzzed, and he quickly replied to the caller, "Yes?"

 

"We need you on stage, Baron," the director's firm voice ordered.  "Now."

 

"I don't have time," Lando mumbled to Wes before taking one last look in the mirror.  "Just hand them to the director later."

 

As Lando hurried out the door, Wes grinned.  "No problem," he said with a chuckle.

 

***********

 

Later that day, in the secluded suite reserved for the men contestants -

 

"I think I'm going to be sick," Wedge complained as he held his stomach. "Do you know how many beings will be watching us?  Lando said BILLIONS!"

"Wedge, you've flown in battle against two Death Stars and countless Imperial fighters," Luke pointed out.  "That's got to be more nerve-racking than this.  It's just a dumb game."

"Dumb?"  Wedge shook his head.  "I don't think our wives think it's dumb.  I could've sworn I heard Iella whispering on the holo-com a few nights ago to Mirax.  They're scheming...."

"You're imagining things," Luke replied.

"I don't think so, kid," Han argued.  "Leia's been lookin' at me funny lately."

"Can you blame her?" Corran muttered.  "I saw Isolder in the audience earlier. It probably just occurred to her she's stuck with you forever, when she could have had a handsome Prince."

"Hey," Han informed Corran, flexing his biceps.  "Leia's married to the hottest Corellian in the galaxy."

"In your twisted fantasies, Solo," Corran returned.  "Actually, I'm the hottest."

"You?" Wedge laughed.  "Iella doesn't think so."

"Iella doesn't think I'm good-looking?" Corran asked, offended.

Luke shook his head in dismay.  "Being locked up in a room with three Corellians is frightening.  But I think Corran has a point, anyway."

"There is no way Corran is hotter than me," Han objected.

Luke glared at his brother-in-law.  "I meant about the women plotting something.  Mara's been shielding her feelings from me a lot lately.  It's not like her."

"What do you think they're planning?" Corran wondered.

"Simple," Wedge replied.  "They want to make us look bad by proving they know us better than we know them."

"Then we've got to match more of their answers than they do of ours. It's a matter of honor," Corran declared.

"Guys, this is a charity fundraiser. The idea is for all of us to match as many answers as we can," Luke said, trying to be the voice of reason.  With three stubborn Corellians, he wasn't sure 'reason' was possible.

"Ah, kid, you worry too much," Han said dismissively.  "According to Lando, pledges are so high that if we only match a tenth of the questions, they'll be able to pave the underground streets in gold. 'Sides, think of it this way - the more questions we get right, the more credits come rollin' in, and if we get more right than the women, they won't be able to flaunt their superior knowledge in our faces.  It's a win-win situation."

There was something a bit off-kilter about that argument, but then Wedge and Corran quickly agreed with Han.  Once again, that long-ago Force-vision floated back to the surface of Luke's mind.  But it was too late to prevent this snowball from becoming an avalanche.

********

In the secluded suite with the women contestants....

"Ever since we agreed to do this, Han's been trying to get me to practice with him," Leia told the other three women.  "I can't tell you how annoying he's been lately, following me around and asking me non-stop questions about my favorite color, perfume... you name it."

"Have you been practicing?" Mara questioned Leia. 

"That would be cheating," Iella pointed out before Leia could respond.

"No," Leia answered Mara, feeling slightly miffed.  "I don't cheat."

"And we won't need to cheat in order to get more questions right than they do,"  Mirax said.

"This is supposed to be fun," Mara tried to point out.  "I don't think we should make this a secret war  - women versus men."

"Newlyweds," Mirax muttered, shaking her head. "Mara, once you've been married for a few years, you'll understand married life better.  I really need to get more questions right than Corran, or he'll never feel guilty enough to take me to the Starlayne for dinner."

"Wedge would never have taken me," Iella said.  "Not without Lando's offer to pay."

"You have to admit, spending nearly two thousand credits for two meals is rather extravagant," Mara pointed out.  "I had no idea the prices were so high, or I would never have suggested it."

"Besides, it's not just winning to get an expensive meal," Mirax told Mara. "It's the point of proving that we know them better than they know us.  They've got egos the size of the maw, and it's our job to prevent them from getting even bigger."

"Not Luke," Mara protested.

Mirax and Iella looked doubtful, but Leia agreed, at least in part.  "Okay, Mara.  Luke's ego isn't bigger than the maw's.  But you can't tell me he doesn't have a small one."

That comment made Iella and Mirax grin and Mara felt her face flush before she muttered, "We're talking about egos."

"Ladies, we cannot let the men show us up," Iella declared as Leia and Mirax both nodded in agreement. "We'd never hear the end of it."

"Right. Don't think for one minute that they're not plotting against us, in their own feeble way," Mirax added. 

Mara felt another rush of guilt as she thought about her kind-hearted husband, sitting innocently in the next room.  "Luke would never plot - "

"He's a man, isn't he?"

"Yes, absolutely," Mara agreed with a grin. "Very manly." Luke wasn't so innocent in everything he did, so maybe the other women were right...

Shaking her head, Leia spoke up, "Mara, he's my brother, and I love him dearly. But even Luke has a streak of pride in him. How many chances is he going to get to best you in a galaxy-wide holocast?"

"This is definitely going to be the only one."

"My point exactly."

 

*******

Five

 

 

The men were led onto the stage minutes after the ladies had taken their seats.  Four rather comfortable sofas were placed facing the audience, each one positioned about three feet away from the other.  A small screen had been placed on a stand directly in the center of each sofa, where they would write down their answers, and then the display would go blank.  Those answers would be displayed on a large screen directly behind the sofas only after the spouse gave their response.  The spouses would then be able to read the smaller screen to see if their answers matched.  This screen would also keep track of the point total of each couple, since that is what pledges were being based upon.

 

 

Lando bowed dramatically to the wild applause that accompanied the famous spouses on stage.  He had been hosting this holothon for hours already, and was getting a bit tired, but since this was the last big event, the Baron felt a renewed surge of energy as the director handed him a nerf-leather binder with the prepared questions.  Grinning, Lando introduced all the couples, and then laid out the rules of the game.

 

 

"And I'm very pleased to announce that we've had nearly three million beings scattered throughout the galaxy comm in pledges based on the point accumulation of their favorite perfect pair!" Lando declared grandly.  "If our couples even answer half these simple questions correctly, we'll be collecting over five hundred million credits!"

 

 

This proclamation was greeted with thunderous applause, and Lando beamed down at the New Republic leaders sitting in the front row.

 

 

"Now, if the gentlemen will be so kind as to follow my lovely fiancee, Tendra, off-stage to the sound-proof room on the right, we will begin the game!"  Lando waited while the men trudged back off, trying to ignore their death-glares in his direction.  They'd be thanking him later for this, he was quite certain.

 

"Okay," Lando said, half facing the audience and half facing the women still seated on their sofas.  "Let's begin... remember, these first five questions are worth fifty points each.  If your answers match with your spouse, you'll earn two hundred and fifty points!"

 

He waited for the wild audience cheers to quiet down, then flipped open the dark binder.  "And the first question...."  He looked down, quickly scanning the top flimsy before looking up, smiling widely.  "What will your husband say is your favorite dessert?"

 

Lando waited while the women paused in thought, then scribbled on their screens.  "Are you done? Good!  The second question....what color was the last vegetable you ate?"  That was rather bizarre, but Lando shrugged.  It couldn't be too easy now, could it?

 

Flipping the page, he frowned a bit at the third question.  "Will your husband admit he notices other women when he's out in public with you?"  All four women gave him a decidedly uncomfortable look, and the audience laughed.  Still, they wrote something down.

 

Clearing his throat, Lando turned the sheet and read question number four.  "Would you say you're a more feminine woman, or he's a more masculine man?"  Loud laughter from the audience followed this question.  Lando was starting to wonder if Wes had been taking spice while he'd been writing these questions.  However, the audience seemed to be enjoying this, which would mean the holo-net audience wouldn't lose interest, either.  The four ladies laughed along with the audience, then wrote down an answer.

 

"Now for the last question of round one," Lando said, feeling a bit of relief.  "Your first impression of your husband was of a little boy, a big boy, a bad boy, or a good boy?"  Boy? Lando wondered, re-reading the question.

 

The ladies quickly wrote, their expressions that of vague desperation to exit the stage.  Lando slammed the folder shut and smiled.  "Now, if you'll follow Tendra to the left side of the stage to your sound-proof room, we'll bring out the men to answer their five questions."

 

********

 

"What the hell was that all about?" Mirax grumbled the second that Tendra shut the door to their sound-proof waiting room.

 

"Did Lando think those questions were funny?" Iella snapped.  "If he did, he's got a lot to learn."

 

Leia groaned and sat down.  "Other women?  Bad boys?"

 

"And questioning their masculinity?" Mara added, her green eyes blazing.  "Lando's going to be the one questioning his own masculinity when I'm done with him."

 

"No wonder he wouldn't be one of the contestants," Mirax muttered.  "Doesn't he know we have to go home tonight with our husbands?"

 

"The first two questions were what I expected," Leia remarked.  "But then...."

 

"Then those last three," Mara finished for her.  "Luke isn't going to be happy about this.  I can hear him already...'Mara, a Jedi must be more dignified than that....' he'll be lecturing me when we get home."

 

"Han won't be lecturing... he'll be yelling, 'I told you so!,'" Leia said with a sigh.  "I hate it when that nerf is right."

 

"We can forget about ever going back to the Starlayne," Iella grumbled.

 

"Going back?" Mirax said.  "At least you got to go once.  I'm just glad the lights prevented me from seeing my father's expression."

 

"Don't you wonder what questions Calrissian is asking our husbands?" Mara asked.

 

**********

 

 

"Welcome back, gentlemen!" Lando boomed out, taking a new binder from the worried-looking director.  "If you're ready, we'll plunge right into your five questions, then bring the ladies back out and reveal everyone's answers." 

 

When the men just gave grunts in response to this statement, Lando flipped the binder open and read the first question.  "What pet nickname does your wife usually call you, and what pet nickname do you call your wife?"

 

"Hey, that's easy," Han yelled, grabbing the stylus.  Then he hesitated, staring at the screen.  "But there are so many...."

 

"No talking!" Wedge protested.  "Tell Solo no talking!"

 

"No speaking until your wives come back out on stage," Lando said firmly.  "I thought we went over these rules."

 

"You know what you can do with your rules, Calrissian," Han grumbled, while Corran nodded in agreement.

 

"Are we done?" Lando demanded while the men looked blank, then finally wrote something down.  "Let's move on to question two.  Are there more holo's in your home of you, her, or the two of you together?"

 

"Who wrote these stupid questions?" Wedge asked loudly. 

 

"No talking!" Corran and Han yelled at the same time. 

 

Luke groaned, wishing he could concentrate. "What was that question again?"

 

Grinding his teeth, Lando repeated the question.  After tapping his fingers impatiently for several long minutes, he continued, "Did you get married closer to the date she or you wanted?"

 

"Which time?" Corran asked loudly.

 

Han raised his hand, then asked without waiting, "Does kidnapping count toward this answer?"  This brought a huge roar of laughter from the audience, and stony silence from the host.

 

Gripping the binder, Lando read question number four.  "What is the one demand of yours that she keeps ignoring, and you're getting upset about?"

 

Corran leaned over, squinting at Wedge's screen.  "He's cheating!" Wedge shouted.

 

"Am not!"

 

"Keep your eyes on your own screen, gentlemen!" Lando ordered.  "Question five.  And then we can bring out your poor wives.  Gentlemen, when you first got married, were your wife's culinary skills better than you expected, the same as you expected, or worse than you expected?"

 

"What type of question is that?" Wedge demanded.  "I can't answer that!"

 

"Just answer it, Wedge," Luke said out of the side of his mouth.  "The sooner we get finished, the sooner we can go home."

 

"Well, at least I have the Falcon to go back to tonight," Han grumbled as he wrote his answer down.  "And none of you are invited, either."

 

********

 

Six

 

 

Tendra smiled and waved at the boisterous audience as she brought out the four wives, then escorted them to their seats next to their husbands. 

 

Mara noticed Luke's apprehension through the Force almost immediately, but stuck by the rules of 'no talking' until after the answers were read.  She was also determined not to communicate through their Force-bond, since that would be highly unethical, even if they didn't 'discuss' the questions.

 

"Alright, then," Lando said, shifting on his feet nervously.  "Let's get right to the ladies' questions and see how well they know their perfect mates'.  Once I read the question again, the men will give their answer out loud while the screen behind them displays their wives' answers.  Please notice that the screen is placed so that only our audience can see it, and not the spouse.  Gentlemen, after you give your answer, your wife's response will show up on the screen in front of you, and keep in mind correct answers are worth fifty points."  Lando held up the flimsy and read the first innocent question about desserts.  "Corran, please answer now."

 

Corran grinned confidently.  "Easy as pie.... tanzie-cream pie!"

 

The audience let out loud hoots of laughter, since they could see Mirax's answer, and Mirax looked surprised.  "Pie?"

 

"You ate a piece a few nights ago," Corran pointed out.

 

"You brought it home from the store," Mirax responded.  "It's not my favorite!"

 

Corran looked down at the screen, which was now displaying Mirax's answer.  "Crinkle Cake?"

 

"So Corran's answer was incorrect," Lando said.  "Too bad.  Let's move on to Han."

 

The ex-smuggler leaned back on the seat, his face one of sheer confidence.  "Neat-o Whip!"

 

"Neat-o Whip?" Leia spluttered.  "That's not even a dessert... it's just a dessert topping!"

 

"Hey," Han protested.  "I squirt it in my mouth all the time for a quick dessert."

 

"It's not Neat-o Whip," Leia snapped.  "It's creamed letten pudding."

 

Han made a face.  "That slimy poo-doo?"

 

"I can see we're off to a great start," Lando interrupted.  "Let's move on to Wedge, now."

 

"Hmmm," Wedge mumbled, then finally decided.  "Ryshcate."

 

Iella beamed as the audience clapped.  "Yes!"

 

"Well, finally," Lando grumbled.  "One right.  Luke?"

 

Having had the advantage of some extra time to ponder the question, Luke piped right up.  "Berry-bliss ice-cream!"

 

"I'm impressed," Mara whispered, pleased Luke knew the answer despite the female 'plot.'

 

Relieved that a few points now showed up on the tally board, Lando moved on to question two, which failed to move the points much higher.  All the men said the last vegetable color their wives ate was 'green,' and only Corran guessed right.  This moved the couples into a three-way tie, with only Han and Leia having no points at all.  Han was getting worried. 

 

Leaning over, he whispered, "I told you we should have practiced."

 

"Question three," Lando said loudly, glaring at Han.  "Will your wife say you notice other women when you're out in public with her?  Han?"

 

Flushing, Han slouched down on the sofa.  "I don't notice other women."  Then he added a bit defensively, "But there ain't nothin' wrong with just looking!"

 

Leia snorted in disgust.

 

"Wrong again, Han," Lando groused.  "Are you even trying?  Luke...you're next."

 

"No," Luke spoke up quickly.  "I don't look at other women.... why should I?  I'm married to the most beautiful - "

 

"Bottle the space-dust," Mara interrupted.  "You're wrong."

 

"But I don't look at other women!"

 

"Jedi aren't supposed to lie, Master Luke," Corran informed Luke, smirking.

 

"Corran?  Your answer, please," Lando requested.

 

"I'd say she'd write down that I do notice," he answered, then quickly added, "But I don't."

 

"So much for Jedi not lying," Luke muttered.

 

"Very good answer," Mirax said, nodding.  "Now we'll have to work on that issue, though..."

 

"But we're winning!"

 

Lando shook his head.  "Wedge?"

 

"I'd never, ever look at another woman!"

 

"Wedge!" Iella shouted.  "You are such a  - "

 

"Okay, folks," Lando quickly inserted.  "On to the next question..."

 

The feminine woman versus masculine man question created another stir.  Wedge tried putting things right with Iella by telling her she was more feminine, which actually was her answer.  Corran refused to back down, claiming he was more masculine.  Amazingly, this was also correct.  Luke told Mara she was more feminine - another wrong answer, and Mara was getting annoyed.  Han was too proud to say anything besides he was more masculine, and was rewarded with a kiss on the cheek for finally getting a question right.

 

The last question the men had to answer was the 'boy' question.

 

Corran was asked to go first.  "Big boy.  No question."

 

Mirax sighed as the screen flashed 'Bad boy.'

 

After Lando pointed at Luke, the Jedi pursed his lips, staring off into the overhead lights.  "Little boy... although I hope that opinion has changed since our honeymoon."

 

"Good boy!" Mara snapped, swatting her husband as the audience chuckled at Luke's remark.  Didn't he know her at all?

 

"It's your turn, Wedge," Lando instructed the General.

 

"Uhhh.... good boy?"  Wedge felt he was certainly as good as Mara seemed to think Luke was.

 

Iella shook her head.  "Little boy."

 

"Little?" Wedge questioned, annoyed.  "In what way?"  This response drew a huge roar from the auditorium, and Wedge slumped down in embarrassment as he glared at Luke for putting that idea for 'little' in the mind of the audience.

 

Last came Han's turn.  "Bad boy."

 

The Princess smiled.  "Way to go, flyboy!"

 

**

 

"And now for the men's questions," Lando declared.  The nickname question was read to the women, and Leia was told to answer first.  Both answers had to be correct in order to count.

 

"Scruffy and Princess."

 

"How many times do I have to tell you... I'm NOT scruffy looking!" Han shot back.  "The answer was scoundrel.  Scoundrel and Your Worshipfulness!"

 

"And how many times have I told you I don't like that nickname?" Leia hissed out.

 

Next came Iella.  "Flyboy, and... sweetie?"  Wedge let out a whoop, and the audience cheered.

 

Mirax frowned in thought.  "Corsec and Cuddles."

 

Corran shook his fist in the air.  "Yes!"

 

The pressure was on Mara, since they were now way behind in points. "I call Luke 'Farmboy,' and he calls me..." She stopped, trying not to blush.

 

"You have to answer, Mara," Lando prodded.

 

"Red," she said finally.

 

"You know I don't call you Red," Luke protested. "It's Moonie-dew!"

 

"You TOLD them you call me MOONIE-DEW?" Mara yelled, making Luke flinch. "You promised me you'd never tell anyone!  Now the entire galaxy knows! Rodders!"

 

Lando looked over at the director.  "Did you get that word bleeped out?"

 

"I thought we were trying to win," Luke grumbled.  "Now we're even further behind..."

 

The number of holo's in the house went a bit smoother, and for the first time all of the answers matched.  The next question about wedding dates was slightly rockier....

 

"We got married when he wanted to," Mirax said with certainty. 

 

"Which time?" Corran growled out, annoyed that she'd answered incorrectly.  "I wanted to wait..."

 

Eye's wide, Mirax shouted, "WHAT?"

 

"We got married on the Lusankya because you couldn't wait for a normal wedding on Coruscant!" Corran argued. "Who needs two weddings, anyway?  I tried telling you we should wait until everyone could attend, but you just had to push it." 

 

"Let's move on," Lando quickly injected.  "Mara?"

 

"When he wanted to," Mara replied.  "I thought I'd die of old age waiting."

 

Luke gave a nervous laugh, but was pleased Mara answered correctly.

 

"Iella?" Lando asked.

 

"We got married when I wanted to."

 

"I love you, sweetie," Wedge gushed.

 

Last was Leia's response.  "I'd have to say we got married when Han finally wanted to...after I took drastic measures."

 

"Drastic measures?" Han questioned, ignoring the fact Leia got the answer right.

 

"You don't think I really intended to marry some Prince I hardly knew, did you?"

 

A refined Hapan male voice rose from the audience.  "Hey!  You used me?"

 

"On to the next question," Lando told everyone.  "What is the one demand of your husband that you keep ignoring, and he's getting upset about?  Mara?"

 

"Not sleeping with my lightsaber under the pillow."

 

"It is dangerous, love," Luke pointed out, giving her a quick kiss as the audience cheered.

 

"Mirax?" Lando asked.  "You're next."

 

"I always take more than my share of the blanket at night," she replied, hopefully.

 

Corran gave a dramatic groan.  "The blanket?  What about always using my special shampoo?"

 

"Oh... yes.  That, too."

 

"Too bad, Mirax," Lando said sadly.  "Leia?"

 

"Spending more time with him, and less time with politics," Leia answered.

 

"And you plan on continuing to ignore me and spend all your time with politics, huh?"

 

"Of course, scruffy," Leia said, proud of her correct response.

 

"And last but not least... Iella.  What's your answer?" Lando questioned.

 

"I don't put things away in the cupboard in alphabetical order, and according to size."

 

"You didn't have to tell them that!" Wedge grumbled.  "I said you don't put the silverware down in the right place on the table."

 

"You're weird, boss," Corran said, leaning over and grinning.

 

"And this is the last question for round one -  ladies, when you first got married, were your culinary skills better than he expected, the same as he expected, or worse than he expected?  Iella?"

 

"The same."

 

"And the Antilles are back on track!" Wedge bragged.

 

Lando nodded.  "Mirax?"

 

"The same."

 

Corran grinned.  "Corellian women are the best cooks in the galaxy."  This was met with scattered applause throughout the audience.

 

 

"And Leia?"

 

"Better.  Much better."

 

Han shook his head.  "Princess... cooking has never been one of your better talents."

 

"You're going to pay for this, Solo," Leia threatened, reading his scrawled 'worse.'

 

"I already am," Han muttered, thinking about how this entire holothon happened because he'd insulted Leia's cooking and ended up at the Starlayne.  Life could be cruel.

 

"And for the last response of round one.... Mara!"

 

"Worse," she admitted.

 

"I love your cooking!" Luke argued, as his answer of 'better' flashed up.

 

"Better?" Mara questioned sharply.  "So you weren't expecting much to being with?"

 

"That's not what I meant," Luke said, his eyes pleading for mercy. "I meant I love your cooking."

 

Mara shook her head.  "You'd eat anything... what kind of endorsement is that?"

 

Lando waved his hand at the tally board.  "It appears the ladies definitely matched more than their husbands did... the grand total for round one is Wedge and Iella Antilles with three hundred points, Corran and Mirax Horn tied for first with three hundred points...Han and Leia Solo with two hundred and fifty points, and Luke and Mara Skywalker right behind with two hundred points."

 

Mara leaned over toward her husband. "Last place!  How embarrassing is that?"

 

"It's just a game..." Luke started, then trailed off at Mara's icy glare.  "We'll do better in round two," he promised.

 

********

 

Seven 

 

Borsk Fey'lya snickered as he watched the women being led off stage.  "This is going to ruin her career," he cackled under his breath. 

 

General Rieekan heard the comment, and instantly defended the Princess.  "Why should it?  This is just for fun and charity.  Good, clean fun."

 

"And my daughter is in first place," Booster bragged.  Although he didn't admit it, some of those questions made him rather uncomfortable.  There were things a father just shouldn't know about his daughter and her husband.

 

Talon Karrde leaned forward.  "I still think Mara and Luke will pull it off."

 

"No way," Booster argued.  "Mirax has this wrapped up and delivered."

 

"Care to make a wager?"

 

"I'd love to."

 

"Gentlemen," Mon Mothma admonished.  "This is a charity event.  Not some poor excuse for gambling."

 

"No, it's just a poor excuse for entertainment," Fey'lya grumbled.

 

"A thousand credits on the Skywalkers," Karrde said, ignoring Mothma.

 

"You got yourself a bet," Terrik shot back.

 

"She never intended to marry me!" Isolder muttered from his seat between his seething wife and Mon Mothma.  "Can you believe that?"

 

********

 

"Last place," Mara griped, pacing the waiting room.  "If that farmboy doesn't start knowing some of those answers...."

 

"Wait a minute," Mirax interrupted.  "We don't want them to know more than us."

 

"That's what you think," Mara shot back.  "You're in first place, so it doesn't matter to you."

 

"I never knew you were this competitive, Mara," Leia said.

 

"At least Luke loves my cooking," Mara told her hotly.  "Unlike Solo."

 

"He was just being kind," Leia said, irritated.  "He told you he never looks at other women, too."

 

"So did your husband!  And your husband said lots of really stupid things out there."

 

"Like what, Moonie-Dew?"

 

"Don't call me that!"

 

"Uh.... ladies?" Iella inserted.  "Why are we fighting?"

 

"This isn't for credits, Mara," Mirax pointed out.  "It's just points."

 

"And pride!" Mara yelled.  "The point is I have a little pride!"

 

"We know," Leia muttered.

 

Mara glared at her sister-in-law. "What?"

 

"Come on," Iella cajoled.  "We have to stick together.  Us against them."

 

The three women looked at Mara expectantly. Finally, she gave up.  "Us against them," she agreed reluctantly.

 

********

 

Meanwhile, back on the stage, Lando took the next binder from the director.  "Round two, gentlemen.  All points are now doubled at one hundred.  So even if you're in last place," he said, looking pointedly at Luke, "you can still easily catch up.  Try to get more right this time.  We want that charity money to roll in."  He opened the binder.  "And the first question for round two is, what is the last thing you denied doing, but really did?"

 

"You want us to admit to something like that?" Corran asked in horror.

 

"How about we beat up Calrissian after the show, and deny doing it?" Wedge suggested.

 

This made the audience laugh loudly, and Lando smiled.  The director had whispered earlier to him that the ratings were going steadily up, and the holocomms were lighting up with new pledges.  Despite a few inappropriate questions in round one, things were going better than Lando could have hoped for.  "It would be too late to use that in the game, Wedge," Lando replied lightly.

 

"You think that's gonna matter?" Han grumbled, staring at his screen.

 

"We're not supposed to be talking," Luke reminded the Corellians.  A wave of hostility rose up from his friends, and for a second Luke considered taking out his lightsaber for protection.

 

"Hurry up, gentlemen," Lando said with a sigh.  "We don't have all night.  Next question..."

 

"WAIT!" Luke yelled.  "I can't think of anything!"

 

"Of course not," Han said sarcastically.  "Since when does perfect little Lukie need to deny anything?"

 

"I am not perfect!"

 

"Maybe you can use that as your answer," Wedge suggested.  "Luke denies he's perfect, but he really is."

 

"Why is everyone picking on me?" Luke protested.

 

"QUIT TALKING!" Lando shouted, getting angry.  Composing himself, he continued, "Since you've been married, is your wife nagging more, uh.... sagging more, bragging more or gagging more?"

 

"Oh, sure," Corran said, groaning.  "We're all going to put down 'sagging,' right?"

 

"The next person that talks out loud is disqualified!" Lando warned.  The audience let out a loud, long boo, and he belatedly realized that threat was rather pointless.  Disqualifying would only hurt the holothon, and he was certain the men would be more than happy to leave at this point.  "Maybe not disqualified," he amended. "But I'll put tape over your mouth."

 

"Have I mentioned yet that I hate this game?" Han griped, his eyes daring Lando to do something about his talking.  "Have I mentioned I hate you, too?"

 

Lando wisely did nothing.  "Are you done yet?  Actually, I don't care if you're not... on to the next question.  What comes to mind first when you think of her, err.... chest?"  He hesitated while the four men glared vibro-blades at him and the audience howled.  "Mountains, boulders or pebbles?"  He really was going to have to kill Wes when this show was over.  Maybe he'd even hire Boba Fett to do the job right.

 

Luke jumped to his feet, his face red.  "I'm not answering that!"  He turned and informed Han, "And you're not answering that about my sister, either!"

 

"You have to answer," Lando ordered, yelling to be heard over the audience.  "It's part of the rules!"

 

"Calm down, kid," Han said, trying to soothe his upset friend.  "It's just a game."

 

"A dumb game, I believe is how you described it to me," Corran inserted.

 

"A dumb game that billions are watching," Han warned, nodding toward the holocamera.

 

Seething, the Jedi took his seat, chanting under his breath, "There is no anger, there is only peace... there is no anger...."

 

"Speak for yourself, Skywalker," Wedge said, scribbling down an answer.

 

With great trepidation, Lando flipped the page and read question number four.  "Which is truer lately in the romance department - she's been making more excuses, or you've been making more excuses?"

 

"You're the one with no excuse, Calrissian," Corran informed the now sweating host. 

 

Booster Terrik's voice shouted from the audience.  "I know where you live, Horn, and I have a code-key to your apartment.  Just remember that as you're answering these questions."

 

The men slowly wrote down responses, then slammed their writing styluses down on their screens.  "This is the last question," Lando croaked out.  "And I'm sure we're all glad to hear it. Fill in the following blank.... my wife's blank is so deadly, that she ought to carry a warning sign."

 

"That one is easy," Luke said with a sigh of relief, quickly writing something down and ignoring his flustered friends yelling in his direction, "EASY?"

 

********

 

Han sank down with a thud on the waiting room's sofa.  "I hate Lando.  Why do I keep getting involved with him?  Why did I agree to do this?"

 

"This wasn't our fault," Wedge pointed out.  "This was our wives' idea.  And we're going to make sure they never, ever live this down."

 

Corran perked up.  "So we can twist this to our advantage?"

 

"Of course," Wedge replied. "When we get home, we lay on the guilt.  They'll be so humiliated at what happened, we'll be living like kings for months and months.  Breakfast in bed... foot rubs..."

 

"Hot love-making," Han added.

 

"HAN!" Luke yelled, mortified.  "That's my sister you're talking about!"

 

"Yeah, kid," Han said with a snort.  "Those kids of ours just appeared by your Force hocus-pocus...."

 

"Gentlemen," Corran interrupted.  "We need to plan our real revenge... against Calrissian."

 

"Revenge is..." Luke started to say, then changed his mind.  "Oh, kest.  Let's start planning."

 

*********

 

Baron Lando Calrissian mopped his forehead as the wives trouped back onstage, then forced a smile on his face.  After all, they had been much easier to deal with during round one.  "Ladies... welcome back!  Your husbands have finished up and now it's your turn in the spotlight again.  Question one... it would be totally out-of-character for my husband to blank."

 

"Blank?" Mirax questioned blankly.

 

"You replace the word 'blank' with your answer," Iella answered before Lando could explain.

 

Mirax nodded. "Ah."

 

The women hesitated for a moment, then wrote down answers.  Lando felt a wave of relief that the question didn't seem to upset them.  "Question two... before you married him, did he toy more with women's affections, or did you toy more with men's affections?"

 

The ladies smiled tightly, and Lando could tell the question irritated them, then they scribbled on the screen. 

 

Taking a breath, Lando turned the page.  "What is the one thing he's hoping you won't tell us about him, because it doesn't match his macho image of himself?"

 

"I love this question," Mirax stated as she wrote.  "Corran thinks he's so macho, anyway."

 

"Not just Corran," Leia said.  "Han lives for his macho image."

 

"Luke is very secure with his own masculinity," Mara informed them.  "He doesn't need to act like that."

 

"You can sure tell she's a newlywed," Iella muttered, writing down her answer.

 

For a moment, Lando considered reminding them of the 'no talking' rule, then shrugged.  Why bother, when the men had so blatantly disregarded the rule?  "When you first married him," he continued on. "You had to take him as he is, which unfortunately includes his blank."

 

"That could be so many things," Leia mused, and everyone laughed before she realized she'd spoken aloud.

 

After giving them a minute, Lando hurriedly read the final question, eager to get this game over with.  "The first time you saw your husband in his life-day suit...."  He was interrupted by the audience, which screamed in hysterical laughter.  After the noise died down, Lando continued, although he didn't dare look directly at the women.  "Did you take a quick peek or a good long look?"

 

Leia felt her face flush with mortification.  She could swear she heard Fey'lya calling for her resignation over the wild audience.  At the very least, Mon Mothma would surely lecture her about keeping the proprieties of the office of Chief of State.

 

"Calrissian, just so you understand - you are going to suffer for this question," Mara threatened.  "Slowly and painfully."

 

As the audience roared again, Lando felt like sinking into the floor.  Wes was definitely living on borrowed time.  Then again, he reflected, he probably was too.

 

**********

 

Eight

 

 

The men filed back onstage to loud applause.  Luke felt a strange sensation coming from the packed auditorium - much like a crowd that watches speederbike races and waits impatiently for the inevitable crash.  Lando seemed even more nervous now that he'd been when the men had left the stage a short while ago, and Mara's Force-sense was radiating anger and embarrassment.  All this led Luke to have another bad feeling.  A very, very bad feeling.

 

Running his hand over his mustache, Lando waited until everyone was seated.  "Just to recap... we have a tie of three hundred points between the Horns and the Antilles, the Solos are in second place with two-fifty, and the Skywalkers are right behind at two hundred points.  Out of a possible two thousand first round points, our four couples only managed to earn one thousand fifty," Lando informed the audience.  "Let's hope they can redeem themselves, and actually get some bigger scores this time.  And don't forget, we have one bonus question at the end of the game.  The wives will be answering and the husbands will attempt to match."  He shifted his focus back to the four couples.  "Are we ready to begin?"

 

This was met with grunts from the men, and grim looks from the women.  "Well, good," Lando said, attempting to be enthusiastic.  "The women go first this time around.  The men were asked what was the last thing they denied doing, but really did.  Can you remember what that was?  Mara?"

 

"Sure, pick me first," she grumbled under her breath.

 

"What was that?" Lando prompted.  "We couldn't hear you."

 

"Luke denied thinking I was a bad cook, but he really does!"

 

Shocked, Luke drew away from his wife.  "When?"

 

"A few minutes ago!"

 

"You mean during this game?"

 

"Yes!"

 

"That's not the right answer," Luke stated, annoyed.  "I don't even think using an answer from this game counts."

 

"Of course it does," Mara returned evenly.  "If you don't believe me, let's ask Lando."

 

"Uh, I don't know if the rules actually cover that, but your husband's answer was that he denied you told him to bring home bread, but you actually did," Lando said, reading the holoscreen.

 

"You know what you can do with that bread, don't you?" Mara muttered.

 

"Well, let's move on to Leia," Lando said, tugging at his collar.  Why was it so hot in here?

 

"Let's see," Leia said, tapping her finger on her chin.  "This happens so often..."

 

"It does not!" Han protested.

 

"He denied taking his loser smuggler buddies out drinking last week, but I know he did, because he came home late, reeking like stale cigarras and cheap whiskey."

 

"That's right!" Han said, amazed she actually matched his answer.

 

"You are in so much trouble, nerf-herder."

 

"Kest," Han muttered.  "I knew admitting that would be a mistake."

 

"Iella?  You're next."

 

"He denies bringing home vacation brochures for Corellia.  I know he did... I found them under the bed."

 

Wedge groaned.  "That doesn't really count."

 

"Then what did you do?"

 

Flushing, Wedge looked at the floor.  "I spent an entire day last week playing hologames, and when you commed me to ask where I was, I told you I was in a meeting.  I thought you knew."

 

Iella was astounded. "How would I know that?"

 

"The noisy space game playing in the background?"

 

Lando grinned.  Maybe the men would be in so much trouble, the women would forget all about him. "Mirax?"

 

"I asked him if he was using lifts in his shoes to make him taller," she said, a bit smugly.  "I found a sales receipt on the floor."

 

"I do not use lifts!" Corran argued hotly. "That was for arch support! My answer was drinking milk directly out of the container.  I denied drinking milk out of the container, but I was!"

 

"Let's not ever go over to their house for dinner, Princess," Han told his wife.

 

"Alright, then," Lando said wearily.  "We're off to another bang-up start in this round.  Next question.  Since you've been married to your husband, are you nagging more, sagging more, bragging more or gagging more?  Iella?"

 

"He'd better not have said sagging," Iella said, her eyes narrowing.  When Wedge remained silent, she said, "He'd say I was nagging more."

 

"And I'd say you're right!" Wedge declared happily.

 

"Thanks," Iella responded dryly.

 

Mara was asked next, and she had no idea what to say.  "I guess gag more."

 

"GAG?" Luke shouted.  "How could you say that?  How do I make you gag?"

 

"What did you say?"

 

"Brag!"

 

"Of course," Mara said, shaking her head.

 

"Just explain to me how I make you gag?"

 

"Moving on," Lando quickly put in.  "Mirax?"

 

"Knowing my husband, and keeping in mind this has nothing to do with reality, I'd say brag."

 

"Nothing to do with reality?" Corran grumbled.

 

"You're right!" Lando said happily.  "Leia?  Your turn."

 

"Han would say brag, too.  Corellians are rather predictable."

 

"You think so?" Han asked, eyeing his wife.  "Just wait for the next question, Your Worshipfulness."

 

"I see that I'm right," she responded smugly as Han's response of 'brag' came up.

 

"Next question," Lando declared nervously.  "What comes to your husband's mind when he thinks about your chest.  Mountains, boulders or pebbles?"

 

"I didn't want to answer this," Luke said sullenly.

 

"Mirax?" Lando asked, glaring at Luke's comment.

 

She felt her face flush, thinking about her father sitting in the audience.  "Boulders."

 

"I said mountains!" Corran yelled. 

 

"Don't yell at me!"

 

"Why would I say boulders?  Boulders are hard!"

 

"And mountains are soft?" she asked in disgust.

 

"If they were covered with snow, they could be."

 

"Let's continue," Lando hurried forward.  "Iella?"

 

"Boulders?"

 

The screen flashed 'boulders,' and Iella smiled.  "Thank you, honey."

 

"No problem, sweetie."

 

"Gagging should have been her answer," Luke grumbled.

 

"Leia?" Lando asked.

 

Glaring at Han, she replied, "Pebbles.  He'd say pebbles."

 

Han laughed.  "Mountains, sweetheart.... mountains!"

 

"Are you crazy?" Leia asked incredulously.

 

"He's delusional," Corran supplied.  "Comes from too much whiskey."

 

"Are you insulting my wife's chest, Horn?" Han growled out.  "'Cuz if you are, I'll have to challenge you to a duel."

 

"Anytime, Solo.  Anytime."

 

"And lastly, Mara...." Lando waved his hand at the red-faced red-head.

 

"Boulders," she mumbled.

 

Luke's face lit up.  "That's right!"

 

"Don't ask me to ever compare your body parts with inanimate objects, Skywalker," Mara warned her husband. "You won't like what I come up with."

 

The next questions about excuses in the romance department went somewhat better.  All the women guessed correctly they had made more excuses, knowing too well there was no way their husbands would admit otherwise.  Leia had been tempted to say Han made more excuses, based on the fact he was so much older, but she wanted the points more than she wanted to wound his Corellian pride.

 

"The last question for the ladies," Lando stated.  "Your blank is so deadly, that you ought to carry a warning sign.  Leia, would you like to answer?"

 

"No, I would not," she responded.  "But since I don't have a choice.  In keeping with my dear husband's thinking, I'll say cooking."

 

Han groaned, and moved as far away from his wife as the small sofa would allow.  "That's not what I said."

 

"You're kidding!"  She looked down at his scrawled response.  "I can't read this.  What does it say?"

 

Frowning up at the holoscreen, Lando nodded his agreement.  "I can't read it either, Han."

 

"Uh.... it says cooking," Han mumbled, his eyes darting between his wife and the screen.

 

"You just said that was wrong," Leia countered, squinting at the screen. "That's definitely not a 'c' at the beginning."

 

Han mumbled under his breath.

 

"What?" Leia prodded.

 

"Tongue...okay?  It says tongue!"

 

"You think I have a deadly tongue, you low-down, scruffy looking nerf-herder?"

 

"Pretty much.  Yeah."

 

This brought thunderous applause from the audience while Leia continued to glare at Han.  "Just wait until we get home, laser-brains."

 

Lando held up his hand.  "Iella?"

 

"Intelligence," Iella said after a bit of thinking. 

 

"I said bad piloting skills," Wedge replied sadly.

 

"What's wrong with my piloting skills?"

 

"Nothing, sweetie.  I'm just better."

 

"Don't call me sweetie," she said icily.

 

"Well," Lando said with false bravado.  "We're getting a bit testy, aren't we?  Mara?"

 

"Lightsaber," she answered without hesitation.

 

Luke jumped up on the sofa, looking at the other men.  "I knew that question was easy!"

 

"Sit down," Mara hissed out.  "Have you lost your mind?"

 

Realizing he was acting a bit undignified, he quickly sat back down.

 

"Mirax, we need your answer please," Lando asked politely, noticing that  Mirax wasn't looking at Corran.

 

Mirax waited so long, Lando wondered if she was even going to reply.  Finally she said, "My blaster."

 

"Blaster?" Corran quickly asked.  "I said your father."

 

"My father?"

 

"That's a good answer, Horn," Terrik yelled from the audience.  "I'll try to prove you right later."

 

****

 

Lando instructed the audience to look at the tally board.  "The Antilles are still in first place with six hundred points, the Solos are now in second place with five hundred fifty points, the Horns have dropped to third with five hundred, and the Skywalkers are making a comeback and are tied with the Horns at five hundred.  It's still anybody's game, folks!  So on to the last half of round two.  Try to redeem yourselves from round one, gentlemen, and get more right than your wives.  Question one... it would be totally out-of-character for you to blank.  Luke?"

 

"Lose my temper," Luke replied, grinning.  Surely, Mara would have written that down.  Her answer flashed on the screen, and he leaned forward to read it.  "Wear colorful clothing?"

 

"Brown and black.  Black and brown. It gets boring," Mara huffed out.

 

"You could have Calrissian take you shopping," Han suggested helpfully.

 

"Han, please answer next," Lando instructed.

 

"Hmmm.  How about gettin' outta bed before she does?"

 

When the audience started laughing, Han read Leia's answer.  "Use proper grammar?"  He turned and glared at his smirking wife.  "That's a low blow, sweetheart."

 

"And calling my tongue deadly isn't?"

 

"Corran, please answer," Lando said, pushing the game along.

 

"Put the dirty dishes in the cleaner."

 

Mirax smiled sweetly.  "Oh, I forgot about that one.  I wrote down, levitate objects with the Force."

 

Corran turned and glared at Luke and Wedge.  "I'm going to kill you two for dragging me into this."

 

"Please do," Wedge replied.  "Just make it fast and painless."

 

Lando quickly asked Wedge for his answer.

 

"Uh.... I guess volunteer to pick up groceries."

 

"I put down kissing me in public."

 

"Why would you want me to kiss you in public?" Wedge questioned, annoyed. 

 

"Gentlemen, congratulations.  Not one of you answered that correctly. Next question!" Lando inserted.  "Before you married her, did you toy more with women's affections, or did she toy more with men's affections.  Wedge?"

 

"Since I don't kiss in public, the answer is she toyed more with men's affections."

 

"How dare you!" Iella said hotly. "You're the one with the trail of broken hearts, not me!"

 

"Me?" Wedge asked in amazement.  "Are you sure you remember who you're married to?"

 

"Corran," Lando said desperately.  "Please get this right."

 

"Since the ladies all enjoyed my company," Corran started, then Han began coughing loudly.  Glaring at Solo, he tried again, "I'd say I toyed more with women's affections."

 

Lando gave a grin.  "And that was Mirax's reply."

 

Corran leaned over to give Mirax a kiss, and she leaned away to prevent him.

 

"Luke?" Lando pushed forward.

 

"Mara toyed more with men's affections."

 

Mara stood up.  "WHAT?"

 

"You dated Lando...."

 

"And you dated Callista, and Gaeriel Captison and Tanith Shire, and who knows how many others."

 

"Callista is the only one I actually dated," Luke protested.

 

"Exactly!  You toyed with the affections of all those others!"

 

"I did not," Luke shot back.  "Besides, I didn't dare try to date you when I met you... you wanted to kill me!"

 

"It's getting that way again, farmboy!"

 

"Han?" Lando croaked out. 

 

"Leia toyed more."

 

Brown eyes wide, Leia turned to face her husband.  "That's so incredibly wrong! How can you even say that?  You dated hundreds of women!"

 

"Hundreds might be a bit of an exaggeration," Han told her.  "But that's not the question.  The question is toying with affections.  I never toyed.  I always delivered the goods."

 

"You won't be delivering those goods to me anytime soon," Leia grumbled.

 

"So far, gentlemen, your matches are pathetic," Lando informed them.  "Only one right.  Let's move on.  What's the one thing you hope she won't tell us about you, because it doesn't match your macho image of yourself?  Corran, you go first."

 

Corran figeted for a while before coming up with a reply.  "I sing to my son when I put him to bed at night."  This answer was met with a big 'aww' from the audience, then laughter.

 

Leaning forward, he read Mirax's response.  "What?  You told them I highlight my hair?  First you tell them I put lifts in my shoes, and then you tell them I highlight my hair?"

 

"It's the truth," she said defensively.

 

Lando shook his head, then asked Wedge to answer.

 

"I guess, err, that I collect model spaceships," he admitted.  "But they're not toys!  They go up in value every year!"

 

Iella was pleased.  "That's what I wrote down!"

 

"Okay, maybe this will get us going," Lando said hopefully.  "Han?"

 

"Have I said how much I hate this game yet?" Han grumbled.  "Let me think.  I suppose she'll have told you I like to polish my boots all the time."

 

"Sure, Han," Leia said sarcastically.  "That's what I put down."

 

"What did you..."  He trailed off as he read what the audience was laughing at.  "You told them I cry during sad holoshows?  Once!  I cried one krethin' time when a kid's pet dog died, and you have to go tell the galaxy!?"

 

"Would you like a little lace hanky for a life-day present, Solo?" Corran asked.

 

"I don't know," Han snapped.  "What color hair dye would you like me to buy for you?"

 

Lando sighed.  "Luke?"

 

"I... I sing in the shower."

 

Mara laughed.  "I told them you once went out in public with nothing under your Jedi robe."

 

"MARA!" Luke shouted, appalled.  "I only did that because you bet me I wouldn't!"

 

"Who knew that bet would come in so handy?"

 

"What did you win in the bet, kid?" Han wanted to know.

 

"Okay," Lando stated.  "Next question.  When your wife married you, she had to take you as is, which unfortunately included your blank.  Han?"

 

"My ship," Han muttered.

 

A huge burst of applause followed this, since Han was actually right.

 

"Corran?" Lando asked.

 

"My ego," he said, glaring at Mirax.

 

"I said your past," she snapped out.

 

"My past?" Corran asked.  "You're the one with the shady past, not me!"

 

"Really?  Did MY father send YOUR father to Kessel?"

 

"If my father sent your father to the mines, it was because he deserved it," Corran said firmly.

 

"You'll be going to Kessel willingly once we get home, Corsec," Mirax threatened.

 

"You tell 'em, honey!" Booster yelled out from the audience.

 

"Luke... you go next," Lando instructed.

 

"That's hard," Luke complained.  "Let me think.  My always cheerful disposition?"

 

Mara groaned while the audience laughed.  "I put down your constant lectures on the Force."

 

Luke looked affronted.  "Constant?  I thought I was being helpful."

 

"It's helpful the first hundred times you hear it," Mara replied shortly.  "After that, it's only annoying."

 

"And Wedge, your turn."  Lando rolled his hand, trying to hurry this along.

 

"My cooking?"

 

"Cooking?" Iella asked, astounded.  "Since when do you cook?"

 

"Exactly," Wedge replied, nodding in agreement.  "You had to take my lack of cooking!"

 

"That's not what you said," Lando pointed out.  "And Iella put down whistling through your nose while you sleep."

 

"I do not!"

 

"You do too!" Iella shot back.  "Tonight I'll record it, if you don't believe me!"

 

"And that was yet another really, really bad round from the men," Lando announced.  "The last question before the big bonus point question is this... the very first time your wife saw you in your life-day suit, did she take a quick peek or a good long look?  Luke, you go first again."

 

"Thanks," the Jedi muttered unhappily, trying not to look in Leia's direction. It was just too embarrassing. "She took a good long look, because she liked what she saw."

 

"In your dreams, farmboy," Mara said.  "You don't even know the first time I saw you in your life-day suit."

 

"I do so."

 

"When?"

 

"When you were spying on me taking a swim on Yavin," Luke said, grinning.  "You didn't think I knew you were hiding behind that tree, but I knew it."

 

"So that's why you posed so long in my direction after you got out?"

 

This statement practically brought down the house, and both Luke and Mara blushed furiously.  Luke then leaned over, whispering in Mara's ear, "See?  I knew you took a good long look."

 

"It appears you managed to go through that entire round and not get any answers right, Luke," Lando informed him sadly.  "This was for charity, remember?  Corran, you may go next."

 

"She took a long, long, long look," Corran said, smirking.  "What woman in her right mind wouldn't?"

 

"Unfortunately, Mister Ego here has it right," Mirax admitted.

 

"I didn't need to know that," Booster yelled again from the audience.  "In fact, no one needed to know that."

 

Calrissian looked at Wedge.  "Your turn, General."

 

"Iella peeked," Wedge said, nodding.  "She's very modest."

 

"I am not," Iella protested.  "And you got it wrong.... I took a good long look."

 

"Really?" Wedge asked, grinning.  "Thanks, sweetie."

 

"And the final response is from Han," Lando said grandly.  "Try to get it right."

 

"She peeked," Han said instantly.  "I remember exactly when it happened too.... on the way to Bespin.  I was stepping out of the shower, and she just accidentally walked in the 'fresher at that same moment...."

 

"It was an accident!" Leia insisted, knowing the lecture from Mon Mothma was now a certainty.  And she knew General Rieekan was undoubtedly quite unhappy with her appearing on this show, too.  She could only pray that Chewbacca had turned off the holo-set and told the children it was time to do their homework.  The idea of having Jacen, Jaina and Anakin actually watching this right now was almost too much to contemplate.

 

"But the good news is Han actually got it right again!" Lando said happily.  "And the final tally going into the big bonus round is - Han and Leia are leading with seven hundred fifty points, Corran and Mirax and Wedge and Iella are tied for second at seven hundred points, and Luke and Mara are still at five hundred points, since Luke failed to get one answer right." 

 

Lando shook his head.  "I hope they can all get this bonus question, and raise these points up, since out of a possible six thousand points they've accumulated a pathetic two thousand, six hundred and fifty."  Lando waved his hand, and Tendra appeared from off-stage.  "Gentlemen, if you'll follow my lovely fiancee off-stage, I'll read the one bonus question to your wives.  It's worth five hundred points, so it's your last chance to get those points accumulated, and redeem yourselves."

 

 

*********

 

Nine

 

Back in the sound-proof room...

 

"I didn't get one lousy match," Luke moaned, sinking down in the sofa.  "Mara is going to kill me."

 

"Aw, kid, don't feel so bad," Han told him.  "It wasn't all your fault, ya know."

 

Luke looked up hopefully.  "It wasn't?"

 

"Nah... you answered that peeked or long look question right," Han pointed out.  "It wasn't your fault if Mara lied in her answer."

 

"Mara doesn't lie!" Luke protested, defending his new wife.

 

"Sure she did," Wedge said.  "She stared at you through the trees, and then said she only peeked the first time.  That's a lie."

 

"I.... I should never have told her I knew she was there," Luke mumbled, stricken.  "And to tell her while billions were watching...."

 

"Leia should never have told the galaxy I cry watchin' holo-vids," Han said, miffed.  "I'll never live that down."

 

"You?" Corran grumbled.  "The galaxy thinks I highlight my hair and wear lifts!"

 

"So Mirax was lying about that?" Wedge asked, grinning. "Along with the inability to levitate objects?"

 

"Shut up!" Corran snapped.  "You can't levitate anything, either, unless you can levitate your little toy spaceships when no one is looking."  Then as an afterthought added, "Sir."

 

"Hey, Luke," Han injected into the conversation. "Maybe you should find out where Horn gets his shoe lifts."  As Wedge snorted, Han couldn't help adding, "What are you laughin' at, Antilles?  You could use a pair yourself."  He looked around at the three men.  "Those X-Wings stunt everyone's growth?"

 

Trying to ignoring Han, Wedge turned his focus toward Luke.  "You are wearing something under those robes today, aren't you?"

 

"How am I going to face my students back at the Academy?" Luke mumbled, burying his face in his hands.

 

"Have I said how much I hate this game?" Han asked to no one in particular.

 

"YES!" all the men yelled back at him.

 

*********

 

"All right, then," Lando said, trying his best to maintain a cheerful expression, even though the four women contestants were all glaring at him.  "We need to move on to the big bonus round.  Think carefully before answering, because this one question will determine the winner, and if you all get it right, the charity will benefit."

 

"Just get to the question, already," Mara groused out, steaming over the fact Luke had failed to match a single question in that last round.

 

Still smiling, even though his cheeks were hurting from the effort, Lando opened the final binder that the director handed him before rushing away.  "And the last question is......."  His smile faded and his eyes became wide in shock at what Wes had written.  "Eating utensils... in the bedroom?" he mumbled under his breath.  "Who in their right mind would take sharp objects to bed?"

 

"What?" Mirax asked loudly.  "You're mumbling, Calrissian."

 

"Speak up," Iella requested.

 

Lando quickly looked up, slamming the folder shut.  "Well.  Now.  On to the last bonus question."

 

"You already said that," Leia pointed out impatiently.  The sooner he asked the question, the sooner she could escape with what little dignity she had left.

 

"Yes," Lando agreed, nodding. "I sure did, didn't I?"  He turned to the audience.  "Have you had a good time, everyone?"  The audience clapped loud and long.  "Well.  Good.  And my director has informed me we've taken in more pledges than we anticipated, even when you consider how poorly our perfect pairs did on this game.  Although they tried their best, didn't they?  Let's give them a big round of applause."  More applause followed.

 

"What in kest is the question already, Calrissian?" Mara asked as soon as the clapping died down.

 

"What did you eat for breakfast this morning?" Lando asked quickly.

 

"Is that the question?" Iella said.

 

"Yes."  Lando nodded frantically.  "That's the question."  The audience booed, and he glared at them.  "Just write down your answers, ladies."

 

The women quickly jotted something down, then looked up, their expressions that of relief.

 

"Are you done?  Good. Tendra, will you go get the men?"

 

The men filed back in, and sat down next to their wives as far away as the small sofas permitted.  It wasn't necessary to be Force-strong to see how flustered and nervous they were.  Once seated, Lando nodded again.  "The question put to your wives - and it's an easy one, so you'd better get it right - what did your wife have for breakfast this morning? We'll go with the leading team first.  That would be the Solos."

 

"Ha!" Han said, grinning.  "That's easy.... it's, it's..... awww... Hell fires of Corellia!  I can't remember!"

 

"You can't remember?" Leia snapped.  "It was twelve hours ago!"

 

"A lot has happened since then," Han said lamely.  "Frosted Toaster Doodles?"

 

"THE KIDS EAT FROSTED TOASTER DOODLES!" Leia yelled, standing up and towering over her cringing husband.  "I HATE Frosted Toaster Doodles!  I had sweet neachy slices and a para-roll!"

 

"Uh... can you sit down?" Lando requested, a trickle of sweat running down his temple.  "Corran, can you go next?  Please?"

 

Gulping, Corran pulled at his shirt collar.  "I don't think she ate breakfast this morning..."

 

"I most certainly did!" Mirax informed him, folding her arms across her chest.

 

"Oh.  Well.... then, I guess she ate, err.... honeycrust bread and sarkanian jelly."

 

"I had a gukked egg and juice," she said in a low tone.  "How could you forget?  You had an egg, too!"

 

"Oh.  Yes.  Now I remember.  Can we go home now?"

 

"You'll have to wait until after the game," Lando said, a bit too brightly.  "Wedge?"

 

"Breakfast.... breakfast...." Wedge muttered, staring at the floor.  "Think, Antilles.... you can do this....."

 

"You'd better," Iella replied.

 

"Ryshcate," he said quickly.

 

"Ryshcate?" Iella repeated in total disbelief.  "For breakfast?  I told you that was my favorite dessert!"

 

Wedge hit himself on the forehead.  "That's where that came from!"

 

Lando sighed.  "Her answer was butter-baked hot oats.  I guess this question wasn't as easy as I thought it would be.  And our very last contestant, currently in last place... Luke?"

 

The Jedi bit his lower lip nervously.  Everyone else had given the wrong answer, and Mara was still glaring at him for missing every reply from round two.  The pressure was on.  "Oh, well, she sometimes has a protein shake in the morning, but she didn't have that this morning," he rambled pointlessly.

 

"So what did she have this morning?" Lando prompted.

 

"Uh.... I do remember what she had the first morning of our honeymoon."  Luke gave a wide grin.  "Said it was the best she'd ever had."  This brought loud catcalls and whistles from the audience, and Luke looked over at Mara, who was now turning red and staring blaster bolts in his direction.  "Best breakfast, I mean.  To eat.  For breakfast," he tried desperately to clarify.

 

Mara buried her face in her hands, and mumbled out of the side of her mouth, "Just tell them what I had for breakfast today, farmboy!"

 

"Hey, Han!" Wedge piped up.  "Does Luke have a nice comfy couch in their apartment?"

 

Han shook his head in mock sadness.  "It's brand new, and hard as a rock.  Not broken in at all yet."

 

"Too bad," Wedge said, laughing.

 

"It was Citros-Snow Cakes... with a dollop of berry-bliss cream on top!" Luke said in a rushed voice.

 

"YES!" Mara shouted, grabbing Luke around his neck and kissing him.  "You remembered!"

 

"With that correct response, the Skywalkers now have one thousand points, and have won the game!" Lando boomed out over the loud cheering.  "Congratulations!"

 

"That's not fair!" Wedge protested instantly.  "They cheated!"

 

Mara turned her glare at Wedge.  "Cheated? How?"

 

"Uhh.... you're both Jedi... you probably read each other's mind," Wedge explained hurriedly.

 

"Is that right?" Mara said, standing up and stalking over to Wedge.  "Well, maybe we won because we're the only team without the handicap of having a Corellian!"

 

"Hey!" Mirax protested.  "I resent that!"

 

"Me, too," Iella said hotly.

 

Mara had the grace to look slightly ashamed as she realized both Mirax and Iella were Corellian.  "I meant Corellian men..."

 

"Sure you did," Mirax snapped.  "You hate all Corellians!"

 

"She does not," Leia spoke up, feeling the need to defend her sister-in-law.  "And my brother doesn't cheat, either."

 

"Well, I think they did," Mirax returned.

 

"Why don't you ask your Jedi husband if he thinks we cheated?" Mara shot back.  "Maybe you can explain to him why we teamed up against the men while you're at it!"

 

"What?" Corran asked.  "You teamed up against the men?"

 

"Is that what you were planning?" Wedge asked his wife.  "Why?  I thought we were supposed to be the 'team.'"

 

Han stood up and pointed at a very quiet Lando Calrissian.  "This is all your fault."

 

Backing up, Lando held up both hands, palms out.  "I.... it wasn't my fault... I didn't write those damn questions!"

 

"Then who did?" Han demanded, ignoring Leia's attempts to get him to stop walking toward Lando.

 

Lando turned toward the frightened director.  "Could you please take this off the holo-net now?  I think we're done here."

 

 

*************

 

Ten

 

After the curtain lowered, Karrde leaned forward and tapped Booster on his shoulder.  "Pay up."

 

"I don't have one thousand credits on me!  Besides, Antilles might be right... maybe those Jedi cheated."

 

Mon Mothma looked appalled and said,  "I can assure you, Jedi Master Skywalker would not cheat!"

 

"You don't have any proof though, do you?" Booster shot back.  "He probably was missing all those answers earlier on purpose... just to throw everyone off."

 

"Pay up," Karrde warned.  "Or I'll...."

 

"You'll what?"

 

Talon Karrde jumped up, and threw himself over the seat, wrestling Booster to the ground.

 

"I still can't believe Princess Leia was using me to get Solo to propose!" Isolder moaned, right before Queen Teneniel Djo slugged him in his arm.

 

"Did I say this wasn't good entertainment?" Fey'lya asked, watching the men fight.  "For the first time in my life, I may have been wrong."

 

**************

 

"Janson!" Lando managed to squeak out. "This is all Janson's fault!" 

 

Han waited until the glittery curtain lowered and hid the stage before hauling off and giving Lando a belt in the nose.  "Han!" Leia scolded.  "Stop that!"

 

"Why?" Mara asked, walking up beside her.  "That's the least he deserved for what he just put us through."

 

"Stand up," Wedge shouted at the prone Baron.  "I'll give it to you again!"

 

"You will not," Iella ordered.  "Didn't you hear him?  Wes wrote those questions."   

 

The agitated holo-show director scooted over to his boss.  "Baron Calrissian?  What should I do when the advertisements are over?  You were scheduled to give a thank you speech, and read the big final pledge board tally."

 

Holding a handkerchief up to his bleeding nose, Lando staggered to his feet.  "I can't give a speech looking like this!"  He glared at Han.  "Or maybe I should.... and let the galaxy know who did this to me."

 

"Go ahead," Han returned.  "I'd love that.  It might salvage some of my macho reputation!"

 

Corran stared at Lando.  "Why did you let Wes write those types of questions?"

 

"I had no idea what he'd written - "

 

"Sure you didn't," Han interrupted.

 

"I DIDN'T!"  Lando forced himself to calm down.  "I kept asking and asking to see the questions, and he always had some excuse not to show me.  Before I knew it, it was the day of the show and I didn't have time.  I trusted him...Force help me, I trusted him.  You should be thanking me for changing that last question.  You wouldn't have believed what he had down for that!"

 

"You should have changed them all," Wedge spluttered out. "What made you decide to trust Wes Janson?  Why was he even involved?"

 

By this time, Tendra had approached the group of angry contestants.  "Because... he's a very trusting being," she said, taking his arm protectively.  "You should be mad at Wes, not Lando!"

 

"And he volunteered to help me," Lando explained.  "The day after I took you out to dinner he came to my office.  He told me he'd help me in anyway he could, and writing those questions was just one thing he did to help out."

 

"Help?" Han sneered.  "Some help."

 

"That seems reasonable," Luke told Corran.  "Wes must have gone to Lando right after Wedge and I talked to you in Dex's Diner."

 

"This is exactly something Wes would do," Iella surmised.  "I'm sure he thinks it was a big joke."

 

"He's undoubtedly home right now laughing his fool head off," Mirax agreed.

 

"By the time I'm done pounding him into the ground, he won't be laughing," Han groused out.  "Maybe I'll let Chewie pull his arms out of his sockets."

 

"You're not pounding anyone into the ground, nerf-herder," Leia informed her husband. 

 

"The advertisements are about to be over!" the director twittered nervously.  "What shall we do?  We can't show a curtain!  I've never had anything like this happen to me before... and I've been in show business for twenty years!"

 

"Are you related to Threepio by any chance?" Han asked the thin man.

 

"Who?"

 

"Han," Leia admonished, then turned to the director.  "I'll give the farewell speech if it will help."

 

"You will?"  The man bobbed his head up and down.  "Good... all you have to do is read the holo-prompter - "

 

"I know what to do," Leia interrupted.  "I give speeches all the time.  It's my job."

 

"Oh..." He flushed.  "Of course, Madam President.  Please follow me to your mark, and we'll get this holothon wrapped up."

 

"Thank you, Leia," Lando mumbled through his throbbing nose.  "I owe you."

 

"You owe all of us," Wedge informed him.  "Big time."

 

As Leia followed the director, Lando started desperately trying to think of a way to get a stay of execution.  "If I can think of a plan to get back at Janson, will that put things right between us?"

 

"It'll be a start," Corran said sullenly.

 

"I don't know if we should be getting back at Wes," Luke mused thoughtfully.  "Revenge is -"

"If you finish that sentence, you really will be sleeping on the couch tonight," Mara threatened.

 

Luke was about to reply, when he tilted his head to one side.  "Leia's calling me through the Force.... something is happening out in the auditorium!"

 

Carefully, Han peeked out from behind the curtain.  "It's a riot!"  He took off toward his wife yelling, "Leia ... it's time to get outta here!"

 

"A riot?" Lando asked, his eyes wide.  "That can't be!"

 

"Sure looks like a riot to me," Wedge informed him after checking for himself. 

 

"Can we leave now?" Corran asked Mirax, trying not to sound whiney.

 

"We'd all better leave," Iella told the group.  "Before the law authorities come through the back door."

 

Luke hesitated.  "Shouldn't we do something to help?  I could use the Force to calm everyone down."

 

"It doesn't look like anyone is getting hurt, Luke," Mara told her husband as she pulled his arm.  "We should probably leave." 

 

Lando nodded in agreement.  "I had to hire hundreds of security guards because the Chief of State was appearing on the show.  I'm sure they can handle it."

 

"Just like you were sure Wes could handle those questions?" Corran grumbled sarcastically as they all hurried out the back door.

 

*********

 

An hour later, in the Horn apartment

 

"You didn't say one word all the way home," Corran groused.  "Why are you the one acting so mad?  Did I tell the galaxy you dye your hair?  Or that you wear lifts in your shoes?  And to top it all off, you and your friends were trying to make us look bad!"

 

Mirax turned around slowly, her face stony.  "Are you done now?"

 

"I guess."

 

"In the first place," Mirax said slowly, like she was speaking to a child, "the only thing we were 'planning' was getting you to take us out to the Starlayne, since I've never been there.  Was that such a bad thing to want?"

 

"No... not as bad as what we were wanting, I suppose..."

 

"Who is we?"

 

"Us... the men.  We wanted to get more points so you'd feel guilty and be, um, sort of slaves to our desires - "

 

"WHAT?"

 

"I wasn't really going to, though...."

 

"You can sleep on the sofa tonight," Mirax said frostily.  "See if that satisfies your desires."  The bedroom door slammed shut behind her.

 

********

 

In the Antilles apartment.....

 

"I told you this was a bad idea..." Wedge kept saying.  "I told you we'd be paying and paying for that meal.  I told you -"

 

"Stuff it!" Iella yelled.  "I'm tired of hearing you say 'I told you so' already!"

 

"We've always been a team," Wedge kept complaining.  "And then you go and connive behind my back... what was that all about?"

 

"You got three lousy matches!" Iella returned.  "I didn't plan that... you did that all by yourself!  You don't know me at all!  And I do not fly a ship badly, either!"

 

"I couldn't think of anything!" Wedge shot back.  "And why won't you tell me what you had planned with the women?"

 

"We..."  Her reply was cut short when the holocomm lit up.  "Yes?" she answered shortly.

 

"Iella... it's Mirax.  Has Wedge told you what the men were planning on doing to us if they got the most points?"

 

Iella turned her steely gaze at Wedge.  "No.  He hasn't mentioned anything."

 

"Love slaves!  Guilt-ridden love slaves!  Can you beat that?"

 

"Oh?  Really?"

 

Wedge held up his hands.  "I can explain..."

 

"Can you?"

"Uh.  No."

 

*********

 

In the Skywalker apartment....

 

Mara put her hands on her hips.  "One match?  ONE?"

 

"But, but I got the bonus one right.  So that's two.  Technically."

 

"Technically," she repeated.

 

"Well... like the guys said, I would have gotten more, if you would have been honest..."

 

"HONEST?"

 

"About the peeking question," Luke continued, somewhat belligerently. 

 

"Oh.  Pardon me for not wanting to admit that in front of billions of beings."

 

"We won, anyway," Luke cajoled.  "So we don't have to fight.  Let's go to bed, and you can reward me for getting that big bonus question right."

 

"You want a reward?" Mara asked, eyes wide.

 

"Well, that's what the guys - " He stopped, suddenly looking guilty.

 

"What, Luke?  That's what the guys...?"

 

"Um.  They were kind of saying if we - the guys - got more points than you, you'd reward us."

 

"Reward."

 

"But the guys only meant - "

 

"What in blazes were you doing listening to a bunch of Corellians?!  Didn't your bachelor party teach you anything?  I thought you knew better than that!"

 

"You women are the ones that insisted we go along with Lando's scheme! I tried to warn you.  But you trusted Lando Calrissian more than you trusted me.  Your own husband.  A Jedi Master."

 

"A Jedi Master that preens in the nude when he knows women are watching from the bushes?  A Jedi Master that admits he goes around with nothing under his robes!"

 

"You're the one that told them that.  I didn't tell them anything embarrassing about you!"

 

"You told them I made more excuses in the bedroom."

 

Luke shook his head in exasperation. "That's what you said, too."

 

"Well, you didn't have to agree!  You're supposed to be complimenting me!"

 

"I said your chest was the size of boulders," Luke argued.  "What else did you want me to say?"

 

"Oh, that's right.  Thanks a lot for announcing that to the galaxy! Your sister gets compared to mountains, and I only get boulders."

 

"The idea was to match, and that's what I thought you'd say, which you did, I might remind you," Luke said, struggling to keep his voice even.

 

"Funny how you didn't know what I'd written down on any of my questions."

 

"Yes, I did!"

 

"Food ones!" Mara shouted.  "All you notice about me is what I eat!  And you didn't even get all of them right!  Yellow hava beans, Farmboy!  Yellow!"

 

Mara turned on her heel and headed toward the bedroom as Luke followed, his face hopeful.  Before he made it inside, the door slid shut, and gave a click as it locked.

 

"Mara, honey?  Moonie-dew?"  The door reopened, and Luke's face lit up.  "I knew you'd see - " A pillow and blanket hit him in the face, and the door closed again. " - reason."

 

**********

 

In the Solo apartment....

 

Han flopped down on the bed, putting his hands behind his head as he leaned back against the headboard.  "Punching Calrissian felt good."

 

"Lando's reputation is ruined," Leia chided her husband.  "After tonight, he'll probably have to resign from his charity."

 

"Big deal.  That's what he gets for letting Janson write those stupid questions.  And speaking of that... what's with tellin' the galaxy I cry watchin' holo-vids?  They'll be playin' this over and over on the 'net. Now we have to hope for some galactic crisis to come along and push us outta the spotlight."  Han narrowed his eyes at his wife. "And what were you scheming females plottin' behind our innocent male backs?"

 

"Innocent?"

 

"Ah, Princess, you know we were tryin' to do our best.  And we sure weren't planning on shooting you outta the airlock, like you were doing to us."

 

"Doing your best? Really? I can't believe how you answered some of those questions, flyboy!"

 

"Me?" Han asked incredulously.  "Your predictable, grammar deficient, cryin' husband? What did I say that was so terrible?"

 

"My tongue is deadly?  How dare you say that."

 

"It's stopped me dead in my tracks a few times," Han informed her.  "'Sides, I wasn't making plans with the guys just to make you look bad."

 

"Is that so?  Then why do I get the feeling you're holding something back?"

 

"Don't use that Force garbage on me.  It ain't fair."  He patted the bed.  "It's been a long night..." 

 

"What did I have for breakfast?"

 

"What?" Han asked, confused.

 

"Today.  This morning.  What did I have for breakfast?"

 

"I... um...."

 

"You still don't remember, do you?"

 

"Does it matter?" Han questioned, annoyed. 

 

"Yes!  It does matter!"

 

"Why?  I'm tellin' ya, sweetheart, let's forget this day ever happened.  Starting with breakfast.  See?  I've already got a headstart on you."

 

"You can't use that as an excuse, Solo, so until you can remember," Leia told him, pointing toward the door.  "You can sleep out there!"

 

"Are you kidding?"

 

"CHEWIE!" Leia shouted.  "Can you come in here?"

 

Han jumped up, grabbing his pillow.  "I'm going...."  Walking out the door, he muttered loudly.  "Did I say how much I hated that game?"

 

**********

 

Eleven

 

 

Mara woke up to the early morning sunshine, and reached over for Luke.  He wasn't there, and for a few seconds she wondered where he went so early.  Then the previous day's events flooded back, and with those memories came guilt.  I shouldn't have yelled.  And I certainly shouldn't have made him sleep on that hard couch.  Poor Luke... I embarrassed him even more than he did me.  Determined to put things right between them, Mara got up and headed out of the bedroom. 

 

Luke wasn't on the sofa, either.  Frowning, Mara reached out with the Force, surprised to discover his Force-presence wasn't anywhere in the apartment.  She was about to reach further out when her comlink buzzed.  Maybe that was Luke calling her.  "Yes?"

 

"Mara, it's Leia," her sister-in-law's concerned voice came over the small speaker.  "Is Luke there?"

 

"No, as a matter of fact, he's not.  I just got up and found out he's already left this morning.  I don't even see a note."

 

"Oh."  She sounded disappointed.  "Han is gone, too."

 

"Leia, I'm feeling pretty bad about yesterday..." Mara started to say before Leia interrupted.

 

"Me, too.  The more I think about it, the worse I'm feeling.  They didn't really do anything we didn't, and it was our idea to be on the show."

 

"I know.  If it wasn't for the love-slave part..." Mara said dryly.

 

"Love slave?  LOVE SLAVE?"

 

"They wanted to get more points than us, just so we'd be really, really nice to them, if you know what I mean," Mara explained, grinning.  "I was annoyed when Luke told me last night, but now I'm over it.  We were plotting against them, too."

 

Leia was silent for a moment, then laughed.  "You're right, except my nerf didn't confess about that little detail last night.  I made him sleep on the sofa when I asked him again what I had for breakfast yesterday, and he STILL couldn't remember.  After I got up this morning, there was a bowl of neachy slices and a para-roll on the table.  Just no Han."

 

 

"I'll contact Iella and Mirax and see if their husbands have mysteriously disappeared," Mara volunteered.  "In the meantime, I wouldn't worry about it.  I have a feeling whatever they're up to, Wes is the one that probably should be worried, not us."

 

"I'll talk to you later," Leia said, clicking off.

 

Mara spent the next several minutes contacting both Mirax and Iella.  They had the same story to tell - waking up and finding no spouse.  Neither woman was particularly angry anymore, and at least Wedge had left Iella a note telling her they all went for breakfast at Dex's Diner.  Mara could easily sense through the Force that Luke was in no danger, and she strongly suspected all the men had gotten together to make some dumb plans for revenge on Janson. 

 

**********

 

Dex's Diner

 

"How was the new sofa last night, Luke?" Wedge taunted.  "Nice and hard?"

 

Luke peered up from his breakfast.  "It wasn't too comfortable.  I guess I should have kept my mouth shut about our love-slave plot."

 

Han speared a piece of nerf-sausage, glaring at Luke.  "You confessed?  Why'd ya go and do that for?"

 

"I think Mara could already tell," Luke muttered glumly. "Sometimes being a Jedi has its drawbacks."

 

"You think?" Wedge asked, chewing his toast.  "I could have held out against Iella's interrogation, but no....."  He looked accusingly at Corran.  "You went and told Mirax.  You Jedi and your blasted conscience, anyway."

 

Corran looked down, sipping his caf.  "I thought Mirax would laugh... you know... think it was funny.  And I told her I wouldn't really have gone through with it." 

 

"What's wrong with giving us poor husbands a little extra attention now and then, anyway?" Wedge wanted to know. 

 

"Right after we tell the galaxy we lie to our wives and compare their chests to rocks?" Han asked sarcastically.  After a bit of hesitation, he added, "It took me until the middle of the night to remember what she had for breakfast.  Stupid game.  Leia never did tell me what the women wanted from us." 

 

"Dinner at the Starlayne," Corran replied miserably.  "I would have taken her ten times if only we wouldn't have appeared on that dumb holoshow.  This is all your fault," he grumbled, looking at Wedge and Luke.  "I didn't want to appear on the holothon, but you guys made me."

 

"It was our wives' decision to go along with Lando's plan," Luke replied.  "They would have talked Mirax into it no matter what we had to say."

 

"I'm going home with a dozen roslin lilies," Wedge informed them.  "And I'm taking her out to the Starlayne again.  This time I'm paying the credits, instead of accepting Lando's gift."

 

"It wasn't supposed to turn out that way," Lando's quiet voice spoke from behind Wedge.  The men looked up at a sheepish Lando.  "Wes set us all up... you've got to believe me."

 

"How did you find us here?" Corran asked, annoyed.

 

"I called your homes, and Iella told me where you went."

 

The men turned their glares at Wedge, who held up his hands defensively.  "So I left a note... big deal.  She was already mad enough at me, and I didn't want to make things worse."  Wedge glanced up at Lando. "What I still can't believe is that you'd accept help from Wes Janson in any way, shape or form.  Haven't you heard enough about all the stunts he's pulled?"

 

"I don't hang around with you Rogues that much.  And I don't remember him being the one that caused all the trouble at your bachelor party."  Lando looked pointedly at Luke.  "In fact, he helped take care of those Imps that tried to crash your wedding."

 

"Maybe he was saving all his mischief for an occasion just like this," Corran suggested. "And someone just handed him the occasion on a silver platter."

 

"A fact I'll be regretting forever," Lando lamented.

 

"We can't blame Lando entirely," Luke conceded.  "We were the ones that told Wes about the holothon in the first place."

 

"Don't you Rogues know loose lips shoot down ships?" Han complained, glowering at Luke, Wedge and Corran before turning his attention back to Lando. "How'd the riot go last night after we took off? I hope you got arrested."

 

"It wasn't really a riot," Lando explained.  "Only a scuffle between Karrde and Terrik.  And a bit of a tiff with Prince Isolder and his wife.  No one got arrested, and things calmed down pretty quickly."

 

"Too bad," Han grumbled.

 

"You'll be thrilled to know the Coruscant Philanthropic Aid Society's board is holding a meeting later today to decide if they're going to 'go in a different direction,' as they so nicely put it," Lando informed the men. "I'm a victim here, too."

 

"Isn't that what you said on Bespin?" Han shot back hotly.

 

"It was true then, and it's true now," Lando replied defensively.

 

"We're going to have to live with the fallout, too, you know," Corran told the Baron, rubbing at his sore neck. "We already have lived with it."  

 

"I know."  Lando pulled up a chair to the booth.  "I've been thinking..."

 

"Oh, great," Luke complained.  "Thinking is what gets us in trouble."

 

"Gotta agree with that," Han said, nodding.  "Thinkin' is downright dangerous."

 

"Hear me out, gentlemen.  You want to get back at Janson, and so do I.  Those questions were just as embarrassing for me as they were for you - "

 

"I doubt that," Corran put in.

 

Lando didn't miss a beat.  "You need to get back in your wives' good graces, and I want to help put you there.  We can do everything at once."

 

"What does this involve?" Luke asked suspiciously.

 

"Another free meal at the Starlayne."

 

Han started shaking his head.  "Uh uh.  No way.  Not again."

 

"Wait a second," Corran told the group.  "If that's what Mirax wants, that's what she's getting."

 

Grinning, Lando leaned forward and lowered his voice.  "Wes has no idea you guys know about his involvement, and I can keep it that way.  At least until after we're done."

 

"Done with what?" Wedge questioned.

 

"First of all, has any of you told Janson about the fact I own the Starlayne?"

 

"No," Wedge muttered, looking around as the others shook their heads negatively.

 

"Good... good.  Now listen carefully......"

 

*********

 

Leia's apartment.... later that morning.

 

Tendra smiled.  "Thank you for agreeing to see me.  I didn't know if you would."

 

"Tendra!" Iella objected.  "Why wouldn't we want to see you?"

 

"After yesterday...."

 

"Nonsense," Leia told her.  "That wasn't your fault."

 

"It wasn't Lando's fault, either," Tendra said quietly.  "He was too trusting.  Couldn't you tell he didn't know?"

 

"I could tell," Mara admitted reluctantly.  "But I was too upset at the time to care."

 

"Anyway," she smiled brightly.  "That's why I'm here.  Lando's with your husbands right now - "

 

"Oh, no," Mirax grumbled. "How'd he find out where they went?"

 

Iella looked uncomfortable. "I might have told him...."

 

"This could only mean more trouble," Leia said, shaking her head.

 

"No.. it's not what you're thinking," Tendra objected, then frowned.  "Well, I don't know what you're thinking, but it's probably not correct, anyway.  Lando really wants to get back at Wes, and we need your help.  All of you."

 

"What do you want us to do?" Mara asked, not sure if she wanted to hear the answer.

 

"Are you still angry with your husbands?"

 

"No, I'm not mad at Luke," Mara told her honestly.  "How can I be?  He's such a farmboy at heart.  I don't think he answered any of those questions to try and make me angry." 

 

Leia shook her head.  "As much as I'd like to make Han squirm a bit for that lame love-slave plot, I just can't stay mad either."

 

"I never really was angry at Wedge," Iella confessed.  "Making him sleep on the sofa was a matter of principle."

 

Mirax laughed.  "I'm not mad at Corran anymore, either.  I'd like to keep pretending that I am, but he's a Jedi, so it won't work."

 

"Good!" Tendra declared.  "Then you won't object to going back to the Starlayne?  It will be free, of course."

 

"I'd love to go," Mirax said happily. 

 

"Free?" Mara questioned, eyes narrowing.  "That's what you said last time."

 

"True," Tendra agreed.  "But this time it comes with an extra perk."

 

"What kind of perk?" Leia asked.

 

"Payback," Tendra replied, her voice lowering into a whisper.  "Lando has a plan."

 

Leia smiled.  "Tell us about this plan.  We'd love to hear it."

 

*********

 

Twelve

 

A day later....

 

 

Sitting at his desk, Wedge grinned as Wes Janson walked in his office.  "Haven't seen you much lately, Wes."  He indicated the pilot should sit down.  "What've you been up to?"

 

Wes shifted on his chair, worried about this meeting.  Surely Lando had told Wedge and the others he was responsible for writing those embarrassing questions, and now he was going to get a lecture by his superior officer.  "Not much, sir.  Why?"

 

"Staying out of trouble?"

 

"Of course," Janson replied quickly.

 

"Good."  Wedge nodded.  "I'd like to ask you for a little favor.  Really, Luke asked me to ask you.  No...actually, Mara asked Luke, who asked me to ask you."

 

Frowning in confusion, Wes said, "Huh?"

 

"Corran's wedding anniversary is coming up in a few days. Did you know that?"

 

"No," Wes answered, wondering why he needed to remember when Corran's anniversary was.

 

"And it's a big one.  Fifteen years... can you believe they've been married fifteen years already?"

 

"Time flies," Wes muttered, trying to remember how long ago the Horns had celebrated number ten.  Had it been five years already?

 

"Yes, it sure does.  So anyway, fifteen is a big deal, and Corran and Mirax are throwing a little dinner party at the Starlayne."

 

"Really?" Wes asked, perking up a bit since this seemed to have nothing at all to do with the holothon. It appeared Lando - for some unexplained reason - hadn't told anyone about his involvement with the holothon.  Wes decided he'd have to thank Lando later.  Maybe take him out to Dex's Diner for lunch. "Corran might have to sell some of that special Jedi blood to pay for this dinner."

 

Wedge laughed.  "It's not that many people, really.  Just a few close friends.  Me and Iella, Han and Leia, and of course Luke and Mara."

 

"Sounds nice.  What does this have to do with me?"

 

"Well, this is where the problem comes in," Wedge said, shaking his head in dismay.  "Mara's friend from her days on the Wild Karrde is visiting the Skywalkers, and they don't want to leave her sitting alone while everyone else is out having a good time.  That's not a good way to treat company."

 

"Mara has friends?" Wes asked, amazed.

 

"Of course she does," Wedge snapped.  "What kind of question is that?"

 

"I didn't mean anything by it," Wes explained lamely.  "She just seems like the sort that wouldn't be chummy with girlfriends."

 

"Iella and Mirax are her friends," he pointed out. "And so is Leia."

 

"Well... sorry.  What does this have to do with me?" he asked again.

 

"Shirlee is coming to the dinner, and Mara wants her to have a date."

 

Wes jumped up from his chair. Maybe he was wrong about Lando keeping his mouth shut.  "A blind date?  You're setting me up on a blind date?  How... humiliating!"

 

"Humiliating?" Wedge said through clenched teeth, trying to keep calm. Wes was worried about a date being humiliating, after everything he'd put them through?  "Shirlee will feel uncomfortable unless she has a dinner companion."

 

"What if I say no?"

 

General Antilles gave a wan smile, leaning back in his seat.  "No?  Are you sure?  Because I guess I can find someone else..." 

 

"Good.  You do that."

 

"And you can always go on this next mission," Wedge continued, shuffling some flimsies around.  "I was wondering who I should send to pick up Ambassador Quobett and his entourage from Nal Hutta.  I guess the job is yours."

 

"Quobett?"

 

"Quobett the Hutt," Wedge clarified.  "It says here his entire family wants to see Coruscant, and you can be their escort after they arrive.  Eighteen of them, it looks like," Wedge continued, looking at the flimsy.

 

"Eighteen Hutts?  You want me to be a tour guide to eighteen Hutts?"

 

"They'll only be here six days, not counting the travel time."  Wedge smiled.  "Be polite to them, Wes."

 

"What if I agree to the blind date?" he asked desperately.  "Do I have to go to Nal Hutta then?"

 

"Of course not.  You won't have time."

 

"I'll be Shirlee's date," Wes agreed, thinking that a few hours wouldn't kill him, even if it turned out she was ugly as a rancor. "I'd love to be Shirlee's date, in fact."

 

"I'm sure Shirlee will be thrilled."

 

************

 

 

Two days later....

 

 

The private room held one large, round table with ten place settings.  Soft music played over the hidden speakers, and the muted lighting gave the room a soft, warm glow.  Wes stuck his head inside, noting the couples had already broken up into two groups... the men standing on one side, discussing the latest Corellian corvettes specifications, and the women near the window, holding glasses of sparkling wine, listening as Leia discussed the political climate.

 

Luke noticed Wes first.  "Come in..." he said, waving his friend over. "We've been waiting for you."

 

"Sorry I'm late," Wes muttered as he entered the room.  "I couldn't decide what to wear."  This was a complete lie, since the real reason had been Wes's fear over meeting his blind date.  What if she looked like a Gamorrean?  Not that there was anything wrong with being a Gamorrean....as long as you were another Gamorrean.

 

"Nice ya could finally make it," Han called out to Wes.  "I thought I was gonna have to start chewin' the candlesticks, I was gettin' so hungry."

 

The women turned around, then headed over to their husbands, Mara leading the way with a woman Wes had never seen before. 

 

"Wes... I'd like you to meet my friend, Shirlee Faughn," Mara said by way of introduction.  "She works for Talon Karrde."

 

"Uh...." Wes stuttered, holding out his hand.  The woman was stunning.  Blonde and tall... everything he fantasized about.  "Hi."

 

"Hello," Shirlee replied, politely taking his hand.  "It's very nice to meet you."

 

"Uh...."

 

"You already said that," Corran informed the dazzled Wes.  "Why don't we sit down and order?"

 

"Oh... um..." Wes turned to look at Corran. "Congratulations."

 

"For what?"

 

"Isn't it your anniversary?"

 

Mirax laughed.  "Of course it is.  Corran is just teasing."  She glared at her husband.  "Aren't you?"

 

"Yes.  I'm just the galaxy's biggest tease."  He took his wife's arm, then moved to the table.

 

The meal was every bit as elaborate and lovely as the first time, and Han had barely finished his last bite when Leia's holocomm went off.  "Yes?" she answered.  Then she leaned her ear close to the soft speaker, listening carefully.  "Okay, Threepio, we'll be right there."  Leia smiled apologetically at the group.  "Han and I have to go home.  Threepio says the children ate all the desserts in the house, and won't go to bed.  His exact words were... 'they seem to have overcharged on sugar.'"

 

"I told you we should have left them with Chewie," Han grumbled as he stood up and pulled Leia's chair out.  "Can't trust Goldenrod alone with the kids for a few hours.  Something always happens."

 

"Sorry we have to leave so soon, Corran and Mirax.  Happy anniversary, though."

 

"No problem," Mirax told her.  "Just go home and tame the wild beasts."

 

"Now let's cut the dessert," Corran said as the waiter brought over a huge, frosted cake as the Solos left.

 

Wedge held his stomach.  "I think I'm feeling a bit, err.... off."

 

"Are you alright, honey?" Iella questioned worriedly.

 

"No.... I think I'm going to be sick." He leaned over, gagging loudly.

 

Iella looked at Mirax, her face unhappy.  "Wedge has such a sensitive stomach.  He always gets woozy when he eats rich food."  She helped her husband to his feet and they staggered away.

 

Corran waved goodbye to the couple.  "You go home and get well, Wedge.  Thanks for coming."

 

He served the cake in large portions to the three remaining couples, and they continued the meal.  After they were finished, Mirax stood.  "I need to use the refresher."

 

Mara quickly got up.  "I'd like to go, too.  Shirlee?  Would you like to come with us?"

 

"Sure," she answered.  The three women exited the room, leaving Corran, Luke and Wes staring at each other.

 

"Why do women always go to the refresher in groups?" Wes finally asked. 

 

"It's like their bladders are on matching timers," Corran agreed.  They made polite small talk about the weather for nearly a quarter of an hour.

 

"I wonder what's taking them so long? I'm going to go check," Luke announced.  "I'll be right back."

 

Wes smiled nervously at Corran.  "Looks like it's just us."

 

"Oh, joy," Corran muttered. They remained silent for long minutes. 

 

Then the waiter stuck his head in the room.  "Mister Horn?  May I speak to you about..."  He looked around.  "You know."

 

"Sure," Corran said.  Then he looked at Wes.  "Don't set the place on fire while I'm gone, Janson."  Corran followed the waiter out of the room.

 

Wes waited.  And waited.  And waited some more.  Finally, he stood up, and paced around the room.  Where was everyone for so long?  He stuck his head out of the door into the common dining area.  It was getting late and the number of guests had dwindled to half a dozen occupied tables.  He couldn't see Corran or Luke anywhere.  Their waiter approached him, a white towel across his sleeve.  "May I help you, sir?"

 

Wes coughed.  "Um... I was wondering where everyone went."

 

"Everyone, sir?"

 

"You know... all the people in my party."

 

"Oh.  They left."

 

"Left?" Wes asked, astounded.  "When?"

 

"Nearly half an hour ago."

 

"They left me sitting alone in that room?" Wes questioned, annoyed.  "What about my date?  That was just plain rude!"

 

"I can't speak for your date, sir."

 

"Fine, then.  I'm leaving too."  He started to push past the waiter, but the man stopped him. 

 

"You can't leave yet, sir."

 

"What'ya mean, I can't leave?  Why not?"

 

"The bill," the waiter explained.  "It hasn't been paid yet."

 

"This wasn't my party!" Wes objected loudly, causing the restaurant's patrons to turn and stare at him.  "Why should I pay?"

 

"It truly doesn't matter to me whether it was your party, or not.  You're the last one here, and the bill has not been paid.  Therefore, you are responsible."

 

"No way!"

 

"What's going on here, Peron?" a familiar voice spoke from behind Wes.

 

"Lando?  What are you doing here?"

 

"This is my establishment, Janson," Lando said coolly.  "I'm the owner."

 

"Thank the gods," Wes breathed out.  "Saved!" 

 

"This man is the only remaining member of a large dinner party," the waiter named Peron explained to his boss.  "And he refuses to pay the bill."

 

"You have to pay, Janson," Lando informed the pilot.  "I'm not running a free meal clinic here."

 

"Are you kidding me?"

 

"Do I look like I'm kidding?"

 

"But... what about all that work I did for you!  Free...for nothing!  Can't you consider us even?" Wes pleaded.

 

"Even?" Lando repeated tightly.  "You nearly cost me my position as director of the Coruscant Philanthropic Aid Society.  It took all my considerable talents to convince them I was innocent in that little prank you pulled.  Now...pay the bill, Janson."

 

The waiter thrust a small electronic reader at the pilot, who stared at the amount with his mouth hanging open.  "Six thousand credits?  SIX THOUSAND CREDITS?  I can't pay this amount!  I can't even pay a third of that!"

 

"Too bad," Lando said, stroking his mustache thoughtfully.  "That means you'll have to work off the debt to the Starlayne.  Since I use only the finest porcelain and crystal, you can start by washing the dishes.  You can't stick those delicate items in a recycler, you know...they must be carefully hand washed and dried, or the finish gets ruined."

 

"You.... want me to wash dishes?" Wes gasped, his eyes wide.

 

"At ten credits an hour... and if you come in every night for eight hours...."  Lando paused, mentally calculating.  "You should be in the clear in eleven weeks."

 

"ELEVEN WEEKS?!"

 

"That's without giving Peron a tip," Lando pointed out.  "And if you refuse, I'll call security and you'll be digesting your food inside a cell for quite some time.  I hear prison grub is really bad, but at least you'll have good memories of this fine, last meal as a free man.  I will press charges, believe me."

 

"YOU PLANNED THIS!" Wes screeched out, as he suddenly realized he'd been set-up.  "THIS WAS ALL PLANNED BY YOU AND... AND THOSE...."

 

"Perfect pairs?" Lando filled in, smiling. 

 

*********

 

In the Solo apartment....

 

 

"Don't you feel a little bit bad about what we did to Wes?" Leia called out from the refresher.

 

Han laughed, folding down the bedspread.  "Are you kidding me?  It wasn't nearly enough payback."  He frowned as the lights dimmed, turning around to see his wife's slender body framed in the refresher door.  "What are you wearing?"

 

She stepped forward, smiling as Han's mouth dropped open. "My slave-girl costume.  I haven't worn this in a long time, have I?"

 

"But...." Han's protest was halted as Leia grabbed him, and they both went tumbling onto the mattress.  After a long, breathtaking kiss, Han leered at his wife as he unbraided her hair.  "Why?"

 

"You got all dressed up to go to the Starlayne again," she whispered in a sultry voice.  "I figured it was time for my payback.  Your very own love-slave for the night."

 

"That sounds like a pretty good deal to me, sweetheart."

 

She nibbled on his earlobe, then whispered, "Maybe I can show you how deadly my tongue can really be...."

 

"Don't stop now," Han warned her with a moan.  "Or I will cry."

 

*********

 

In the Skywalker apartment.....

 

 

Mara gave her friend a hug.  "Thanks a million for going along with that, Faughn.  I owe you one."

 

"I saw the holo-show, Jade. Why do you think I agreed so fast to help you? It was the best entertainment I've had in ages. We recorded a copy on the Starry Ice to play at company parties." Faughn laughed at Mara's worried look. "Don't worry, I'm kidding. And the only thing you still owe me for is scoffing when I said you and Skywalker here make a good team." She eyed Luke. "Maybe you can just name your firstborn after me."

When Luke's eyes widened, Faughn shook her head and smiled. "You'd better learn more about your wife, Skywalker. Next time she might not be so forgiving." Giving them both a wink, she turned and left.

 

Luke sighed.  "I'm glad that's finally over.  I still feel guilty about sticking Wes with that huge bill.  It wasn't even Corran and Mirax's anniversary."

 

"Luke, Luke," Mara said, shaking her head.  "You are such an innocent farmboy."

 

"Innocent?" Luke protested.  "I'll have you know I didn't wear anything under my Jedi robes tonight."

 

"You are such a liar."

 

With an exaggerated flourish, Luke peeled off his outer robes, letting them drift to the floor. "Calling your husband a liar isn't nice," he said, relishing Mara's shocked expression. He stretched his arms out to the side, posing. "And you're taking another good, long look, too."

 

Mara glared at him, then starting stalking toward him.  "Just wait until I catch you," she threatened as Luke took off toward the bedroom, with Mara in hot pursuit. 

 

Luke laughed as his wife caught him around the waist. "Then what, Moonie-dew?"

 

"I'm going to make you my love slave," Mara declared, kissing him.

 

I already am, Luke thought as they collapsed onto the soft bed.

 

THE END