Delusions of Grandeur

 

Set between ANH and ESB

 

 

Delusions of grandeur, Han was thinking as he approached his ship, watching as his partner welded some errant part back onto the top of the saucer shaped freighter.  The kid thinks he's a Jedi.  Stupid, hokey religion.  No such thing as the Force, but will he believe me?  Nooo, of course not.  After two years with the Rebellion, you'd think the kid would have had some sense knocked into his head.  Jedi, my eye.  No matter how many times Han tried to point out the error of Luke's ways, the kid always ignored his advice.  It was such good advice, too.  If I didn't care about the kid, I'd just keep letting him practice with that stupid weapon instead of using with a good old blaster.  Can't beat a blaster, if ya ask me.  Of course, it didn't help any that the Princess was always smiling at Luke, encouraging that Jedi nonsense.  Why doesn't she ever smile at me?

 

"Chewie!" Han bellowed, looking up at the Wookiee.  Chewbacca jumped in surprise, startled out of his deep concentration.  By suddenly moving his foot, he knocked the hydrospanner sitting next to him, sending the heavy object skidding off the roof and sailing down to the ground below.  Only there was something between the top of the Falcon and the surface of Nagih, the latest Rebel base.  Or more precisely, someone.  Chewie roared in fear as the object glanced off the Corellian's head, and watched in horror as his human friend dropped to the ground without a sound.

 

*CUB!!*  Chewie quickly climbed down off the Falcon, and hurried over to his partner, cradling the unconscious man in his strong arms.  Han was breathing, although a large, red welt was already forming on his forehead.

 

"Chewie?" a woman's voice called across the hanger.  "What happened?"

 

The Wookiee looked up as Leia Organa rushed over, frowning down in concern at Solo.  Chewie picked up the hydrospanner and pointed up at the top of the ship.  Instantly, Leia understood.  "Let's get him to the medcenter," she ordered, trying to keep the worry out of her voice.   Why did these things always happen to Solo?

 

**********

 

A while later.

 

Luke Skywalker knocked quietly on hospital door, stepping back a bit when it opened.  "I heard about the accident.  How's Han doing?"

 

The Princess folded her arms across her chest, looking back over her shoulder at the peacefully sleeping Corellian, and the Wookiee hovering over his bed.  "He has a concussion, but the doctors think he'll be okay by morning.  Sometimes that thick skull of his comes in handy."

 

"Is he awake?"

 

"Not yet," she answered, shaking her head.  "They've given him medicine for the swelling.  I'm sure he'll be fine."  She sighed.  "Poor Chewie, he's feeling very guilty about this."

 

"I'm sure it wasn't his fault," Luke pointed out.  "Han's been knocked out more times than he can count.  He won't be mad."

 

"When it comes to Solo, you never know.  Let's go - we can't do any good waiting around in here."

 

*********

 

Morning.

 

A panicked Wookiee rushed into the cafeteria very early the next morning, and hurried over to where Luke and Leia sat eating breakfast.  *Where is Han?  He was still asleep, so I stepped out for a snack, and when I came back a few minutes later, he was gone!  It was only a few minutes!*

 

Luke and the Princess exchanged puzzled looks.  "Threepio, can you come over here?" Luke called over to the droid.  "We need an interpreter."

 

"Why, yes, Master Luke," the prim and proper droid replied, walking over to their table, followed by Artoo. "I am always happy to assist, since I am fluent in over six million languages."

 

*Where is Han?* Chewie repeated, grabbing the droid by his shoulders and shaking him.

 

"I am quite sure I haven't seen him, Master Chewbacca!  Why would Captain Solo tell me where he is going?  I am fairly certain he does not even like me, although I cannot imagine why.  I have been nothing but polite to him, if you ask me."

 

"Han's missing?" Luke asked, standing up.

 

*He left the medcenter when I was gone.  No one saw him leave, and I cannot find him!*

 

Threepio turned his photoreceptors to Luke.  "Captain Solo has turned up missing.  He is a very inconsiderate human, I must say."

 

"Don't worry, Chewie," Luke tried soothing the worried Wookiee.  "Han probably woke up and just got bored.  You know how he hates hospitals.  We'll help you look for him."

 

*I will go check the Falcon again,* Chewie woofed as he hurried away. 

 

Luke, Threepio, Artoo and Leia took different directions, spreading out to locate the missing pilot.

 

*************

 

"Beerroop," Artoo warbled from behind the tall droid as they made their way over the sandy soil outside the main base.

 

"What did you say?"

 

Artoo swiveled his dome, and beeped again.

 

"Are you quite certain that is Captain Solo?" Threepio questioned, looking where the little astromech droid was 'pointing'.  "He is acting very strangely - more so than usual, I might add."

 

"Vrreeep!"

 

"Well, fine!  I was just asking.  You don't have to be rude about it."  The protocol droid made his way over to the Corellian, who was currently hitting low hanging branches with a large stick.  Even stranger, Solo was wearing a brown blanket with a ragged hole cut out of the center, where his head stuck through, creating a poncho that hung to his knees.  "Captain Solo!  Captain Solo!"

 

The Corellian spun around, nearly hitting Threepio with the stick he was holding in both hands.  "Are you talking to me?" he demanded.

 

"Yes, sir," the puzzled droid replied, taking a step back from the weapon.  "You have made everyone quite concerned with regards to your whereabouts.  What are you doing, anyway?"

 

"I'm practicing my lightsaber dueling," Han snapped out.  "What does it look like?"

 

"Actually, it looks like you are attempting to defoliage trees with a large stick," Threepio replied.

 

"SHUT UP!  You don't talk to a Jedi like that!"

 

"Reeepppeeeo?"

 

The Corellian took a menacing step toward the little droid, waving the stick in his direction.  "Yeah, I'm a Jedi Knight.  Whose side you on, shorty?"

 

"Dear me, Artoo," Threepio said, backing away from the obviously defective Captain.  "I think we should go find Master Luke.  Immediately."

 

As the droids hurried away, Solo went back to swinging his stick at the innocent branches.

 

************

 

*Threepio must have misunderstood,* Chewie woofed out as the three hurried outside.  *Han would never claim to be a Jedi.*  The Wookiee shook his shaggy head - Han would be very annoyed at the droid for getting everyone upset.

 

As they entered the pretty meadow where Threepio had told them he'd last seen Han, they stopped in shock.  "What's he doing?" Leia whispered to Luke.

 

"It looks like he's.... meditating," Luke whispered back as he observed his normally boisterous friend sitting cross-legged in the middle of the field, eyes shut, humming tunelessly.

 

*MEDITATING!??*

 

Han's eyes snapped open.  "I knew you were here, you know.  You can't sneak up on a Jedi."

 

"You think you're a Jedi?" Leia asked, incredulously. 

 

Jumping to his feet, Han snatched up his stick.  "Of course ... I'm Han Skywalker, the Last Jedi Knight.  Let's practice lightsaber dueling." 

 

*Han..... you must return to the medcenter.  You are ill.*

 

"I'm NOT ill!" Han yelled. "I'm a Jedi, we all act like this!"  He waved his stick around wildly.  "See?  I even have a lightsaber."

 

"That's a stick, not a lightsaber," Leia said.  "I think you need to lay off the whiskey, Solo."

 

"Leia, it must have been the blow to his head," Luke said quietly.  "Maybe we should humor him."

 

"Whiskey?" Han yelled, pointing at Luke.  "I don't drink, unless that mean smuggler makes me."  He smiled shyly at Leia, kicking at the ground with his toe.  "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.  What's your name, anyway?"

 

The Princess's eyes grew wide, and she looked over at Luke, who nodded encouragingly.  "Uh.... Leia Organa."

 

"Leia Organa.." Han said, dreamily.  "That's the most beautiful name in the galaxy, too."  He looked over at Leia, a dopey lopsided smile plastered on his face.  "I think I'm in love with you."

 

"What?!"

 

"Leia," Luke hissed out.  "Humor him."

 

"Oh, okay!"  She glared at Solo.  "I ... I think I love you, too."

 

"Ha!" Han started dancing around, swinging his 'lightsaber', stopping for a second, and sticking his tongue out at Luke.  "See?  She does love me, and not you!  A Jedi always wins over a stupid smuggler.  Nah, nah!"

 

Stepping forward, Luke put his arm around Han's shoulders.  "How would you like it if Chewie an' me taught you how to play sabacc?  Sabacc is a real man's game."

 

Frowning suspiciously, Han tried to move out of Luke's grip.  "I'm a real man.  I hardly ever whine anymore."

 

Ignoring that comment, Luke continued to push Han toward the base where the Falcon was parked.  Eventually, they entered the ship, and Chewie retrieved the playing cards.

 

"I think I've played this game before," Han said, watching Chewie deal.  "You must have already taught me to play."

 

"A little bit, but you're not very good.  You need to practice.  A lot."

 

So all four played sabacc.  Hours and hours worth of sabacc, until Han could barely keep his eyes open.

 

"Well, I'm out," Leia remarked glumly, throwing down her last hand.  She nodded at Han's large stack of metal nuts and bolts.  "It looks like you wiped us out, Jedi Han."

 

"And here I thought I was the greatest sabacc player in the galaxy," Luke said, keeping in his role of smuggler and Captain of the Falcon. "It looks like you get the girl AND all the winnings, Jedi."

 

"I think I'd better go back to my quarters," Han mumbled tiredly. 

 

"No, just sleep in the spare bunk," Luke put in quickly.  "Like you usually do when you stay this late."

 

"Oh.  Okay."  Han stumbled to his feet, then stopped and smiled down at the Princess, shuffling his feet and coughing nervously.  "Thanks for being so nice, Leia Organa.  I'm glad you love me and not him."

 

"You're welcome," she replied, standing up.  Leia gave Han a quick kiss on the cheek.  "Have a nice night, Jedi Han."

 

"Aw, shucks, Leia.  You're the greatest, smartest, most beautiful girl in the galaxy."  He turned and hurried away.

 

Luke glared at the retreating smuggler, then looked over at Leia, who smiled sweetly back at him.  "I do NOT talk like that!"

 

*************

 

The next morning.

 

"Where's Han?" Leia whispered to Chewie as she entered the Falcon. 

 

*I just heard him leave the refresher,* Chewie replied, tilting his head down the curved corridor.

 

"Does he still think he's a Jedi?"

 

*I have not spoken to him yet,* Chewie woofed, shrugging his shoulders to indicate he didn't know the answer.

 

Leia made her way down the hall, knocking softly on the spare door. 

 

"You looking for someone?" Han's voice said from behind her.

 

Startled, Leia turned around and faced the Corellian, who was dressed in his usual white shirt and black slacks.  "How are you feeling?"

 

"Fine.  Why wouldn't I be?"

 

"Well... yesterday....."  She trailed off, not knowing how to continue.

 

"Yesterday?  What happened yesterday?"

 

"Do you know who you are?"

 

"I don't know.  Who am I?"

 

She looked up in his eyes, and saw amusement dancing in his hazel eyes.  "Last time I checked, you were a scruffy looking nerf-herder who thought he was a Jedi."

 

Han started laughing.  "A Jedi?  Listen, sweetheart, if I ever think I'm a Jedi, you have my permission to lock me up in a padded cell."

 

"Too bad I didn't know that," Leia shot back.  "Because you'd be sitting in that padded cell right now."  She sighed, then added,  "Thank the Force that you're back to normal - at least what passes as normal for you, flyboy."  Then she turned and stalked off the ship.

 

But if I had been normal yesterday, then you wouldn't have given me a kiss, Princess.

 

THE END