Silence Is Not Golden
Patt
Things are falling apart.
I feel like I'm dying.
God, I miss being with him.
He's so angry.
He won't even yell at me.
He doesn't even look at me.
I must have said or did something that I shouldn't have.
At least I'm talking.
I can't stand this silence.
He's breaking my heart.
Everyone at work is asking what the hell is wrong with my partner.
What can I say?
I don't know what it is either.
He's so mad.
Sometimes he looks like he wants to strike out at me.
I know he would never hurt me physically.
The mental abuse is sometimes worse.
Not talking to me is like major abuse.
Talking is my world.
He knows this.
He stopped talking to me.
He stopped touching me.
He stopped looking at me.
I think he may have stopped loving me.
I'm dying inside.
I'll have to get something out of him soon.
I hope that it's not too late to fix this.
He gets up out of a meeting and goes to the bathroom.
I follow thinking he's sick.
I open the door and I can hear him sobbing.
I close the bathroom door and lock it.
He'll need some privacy here.
Something major is going on.
He's over in the corner sitting down with his head in his hands.
What the hell is going on?
I stop when I get near him and say his name.
He looks up with big tears sliding down his face.
I get into his space, hold on to him and know I have to ask.
"Jim, what's wrong?"
He starts crying hard now and holds on tight.
As I hold on to him, he starts relaxing.
He smiles at me saying, "Blair, have you ever been with anyone else since
you
and I have been together?"
Well, now this was not what I was expecting.
Without blinking, I tell him, "Never."
Then he cries harder.
It seems that someone has been calling Jim.
Telling him that they want to be with me.
That I don't know how to tell him and that I feel sorry for him.
I just looked at Jim and as I listened, I got madder and madder.
I jumped up, away from him and asked, "Who the fuck do you think I really
am?"
That he could believe something like this is just too much for me to think
about.
"I love you, Jim Ellison, and I would never ever hurt you for anything."
He just sat there smiling at me.
But it's too late.
The silence did the damage already.
Now I'm pissed off big time.
I told him I would see him later.
I left him.
Just like that.
When I got home tonight, he was sitting on the couch with his head hanging.
He knows he's in big time trouble.
I walked over and asked him, "Do you love me?"
He nodded his head quickly and I said, "Prove it."
As I went into his arms, I could feel the relief come over his body.
He led me upstairs where he would indeed prove finally I was his.
In addition, he is mine.
I still might knock him upside the head.
However, I love this jerk.
Forever.
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