No Bed of Roses

Ramblin Rose



When Jim was in the locker room cleaning up after finishing up a very messy case, two officers confronted him.  

“Ellison, do you think your kind should be in our locker room?”

Jim knew that there would be problems when they were accidentally outed at the station but he was hoping for at least a week to prepare for it.  Sighing, he turned and said, “You got a problem, Landers?”

“I sure do, Ellison. I don’t think that you belong here anymore. Why don’t you do us all a big favor and leave?” Landers growled out as he was walking by.  

“Well, I was good enough to save your ass last month, wasn’t I?” Jim asked, getting right up into Landers’s face.  

“I would've rather died than been saved by a fag.  God, you fucking make me sick to my stomach.  Don’t you know how much the guys around here hate you?” Landers asked.

“You’re such a fucking whiner, Landers.  Grow up and shut the fuck up.” Jim said.  

Before Jim even had a chance to think, four men his size had him held against his will and shoved into his closed locker.  “You think you're so cool, Ellison, don’t you?  Well, we could show you how helpless you really are.”

The four men drug Jim into the shower and held him under the water.  Very hot water until Jim yelled out.  “You son-of-a-bitch.  Do you think I won’t tell Captain Banks?”

“So tell.  There are four of us, one of you.  Who do you think they’ll believe?  Four upstanding cops or the fag cop.” Landers said, finally letting go of Jim.  

Conner walked into the locker room and just stared at all of them.  She saw Jim being shoved further into the shower and she just stood there.  Jim pleaded with Megan with his eyes but she turned away and walked out of the room.  Jim struggled as the four men once again held him and stripped his clothing off and then cuffed him to a pole in the middle of the room. It was not an easy task.  Jim fought them with the strength of two men. It still wasn’t enough when there were four, just as strong.  “Landers, you'd best watch your back because I will fucking kill you.” Jim said with such hatred that he scared even himself.  

They all laughed as they walked out of the room and Jim was left there wet, cold, naked, handcuffed to the pole.  No way out until someone would set him free. Jim was still in shock about Megan Conner.  She was one of Blair’s best friends.  She and he had never been close but Blair and she had always been.  Jim just leaned his head into the pole and tried to take deep breaths until someone got there.  

He heard someone coming into the room and saw it was Rafe and Brown.  Both men ran over to Jim, un-cuffing him and giving him a towel at the same time.  “Who did this, Jim?” Brown asked.  

“It doesn’t fucking matter, Brown.  I’ll take care of it.” Jim said savagely.  

“It does matter, Jim.  Simon'll have to hear about this.” Rafe said.  

“They want me to go and whine to Simon.  That’s what they’re waiting for.” Jim said getting dressed in his change of clothing from his locker.  

“Where's Hairboy?” Rafe asked.  

“He’s fine, Bri, he’s with Conner.” Brown said.  

“What do you mean he’s with Conner?” Jim asked.

“He’s upstairs doing the paperwork from the case they were working on. Don’t worry so much, Jim.  We’ll keep our eyes on him.” Brown said.  

“Thanks, guys.” Jim said as he started out of the room, then turning back he said, “Will you guys keep this to yourselves?  I don’t want Sandburg to know.”

“Jim, that’s not a good idea.” Rafe said.  

“Rafe, how many times have I helped you when you needed it?” Jim asked.  

“Fine, but if something happens to you, it will all come back to this and he’ll fucking blame me and Henry.”

“Don’t worry so much, Rafe.” Jim said, leaving the room.  

“So what the hell was that about?” Rafe asked Brown.  

“Who knows?  I mean, you know Ellison.  He’ll never tell us who it was.” Brown said.  

“I still think we should tell Captain Banks.” Brown said.  

“Yeah, I do, too.  Let’s wait for Jim to take off and we’ll tell him.” Rafe said. “I’m afraid that Jim will end up killing one of these men or something. I'd guess there's more than one.  Not even on a good day could I take him out on my own.”

“Agreed.  I think there had to have been at least three or four.  Was anyone around here when we were on our way down?  Do you remember?” Brown asked.

“Henry, it was Landers.” Rafe said. “As we came down the stairs, he and his pals were going up.”

“Good, now we have a name.  I wonder how long they’ve been hurting one of ours?” Brown asked.  

“I think maybe we should watch them for a few days and then go to Simon.” Rafe said, “What do you think of that idea, Henry?”

“No, I think we should go to see Simon tonight.  After Jim leaves.”

“Okay, we’ll do that then.  I hope we know what we’re doing.” Rafe said as they walked out of the room.   

Jim got up to the bullpen and sat at his desk.  His partner smiled from his desk and said, “Where you been?”

Smiling and trying to stay calm, he said, “I was changing in the locker room.”

Conner walked into the room and Jim stood up and said, “Conner, could I talk to you for a minute?”

“Sure, Jim, we’ll go in room 3.  No one's in there.” she said.  

Once they got into the room she turned to him and said, “What do you want?”

“Conner, I thought we were all friends.” Jim asked.

“Ellison, we’ve never been friends.  Never.  I’m friends with Sandy, not you.”

“But you know how much we love each other.  How could you do this to him?” Jim asked incredulously.

“Ellison, get real.  No one cares about you.  You’re giving the rest of us a bad name and you’re ruining Blair’s chances of getting anywhere.  They’ll start on him soon if you don’t drop him.”

“Conner, they can’t do this.  It’s against the law.  You know that better than anyone.”

“Think about it, Ellison, because it won’t be long before they treat him the way they do you.  Do you want this to happen to Sandy?”

Jim didn’t answer and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.  Blair caught up with him and said, “Hey, man, what’s up?  Why are you and Megan fighting?”

“Just agreeing to disagree, Blair.  Don’t fuss so much.  Nothing to worry about.” Jim said sadly.  

“Is everything all right, Jim?” Blair asked, looking at Jim’s face with such love that Jim almost melted on the spot.  

“Yeah, I’m fine, Chief.  Want to go out for dinner tonight?”

“Sure, Jim.  I just need to go get cleaned up and change my clothes.” Blair said, heading for the locker room.  

“We’ll go home first.” Jim said quickly as he led Blair to the elevator and they got on.  Blair glanced over at Jim, seeing the nervous look on his face and knew that something had happened today that Jim wasn’t sharing.  

The drive home was very quiet. Once they arrived, Blair jumped into the shower and asked Jim if he wanted to join him. “No thanks, Chief.  Remember, I just showered at work.”

“Jim, get your ass in here.” Blair demanded.  

Jim walked into the bathroom and looked at his naked lover and tried not to think about sex.  “What do ya need, Blair?” Jim asked calmly.  

“Okay, you never call me Blair unless you’re in trouble or you’re saying you love me.  What’s going on?  I want to know right now.”

“Chief, there's nothing going on.  I had that argument with Conner and it put me in the wrong frame of mind.”

“What are you and Conner fighting about?” Blair asked, watching Jim’s face to see if he would lie.   

“Chief, does Conner act all right around you since we’ve been outed?”

“Yeah, she’s one of my best friends.  Why would that change?”

“Because she’s not happy with me.  She thinks I’m wrecking your life.”

“Man, you must have misunderstood because she knows how much I love you.  I’ve told her about us.”

“Chief, contrary to popular belief, most people at the station aren’t happy about you and me being a couple.” Jim said sadly.  

“Man, that pisses me off.  What's their problem?  We’re not hurting anyone.  We’re happy.  Why should they care, right?”

“Don’t worry about it now, Chief.  Maybe they’ll come around.” Jim added as he walked over to make dinner.  

“Want some help there, big guy?”

“No, that’s okay, just sit down and relax.  I’ll make dinner tonight.” Jim said as he busily started pulling pots and pans from the cupboard.  

Blair knew something was up because Jim hated cooking dinner unless he had to and it wasn’t Jim’s night.  So, something was going on.  “Hey, Jim, I’m going to go and get us some wine for dinner, okay?”

“Sure, Chief.  Be careful.”

As Blair shut and locked the door Jim was left to his thoughts, which sometimes was a very scary place. He sure didn’t know what to do with them. * Those men would have to be dealt with or they would end up hurting Blair.  Or Jim would have to leave Blair.  Could he do that?  Yes, he could.  He had to.  He would have to do what would be best for Blair’s safety.  If that meant, they would just go back to being friends, then so be it. *   The thought of having to leave Blair as his lover made him want to cry.  * God, you are such a wuss, Ellison. Real men don’t cry.  Blair deserves better. *

When Blair got to the store, he picked out a nice wine and went to pay for it.  Then as soon as he got back in his car, he just sat in it and called Conner on his cell phone. 

“Conner,” she answered.  

“Hey, it’s just me.  What’s going on?”

“Nothing much.  What are you doing?  Are you home?” Conner asked, wondering why he was calling her now.  

“No, I needed to get some air.  So I’m at the store buying some things and decided to call for a second.  Are you busy?”

“I’m never too busy to talk to you.”

“Conner, how do you feel about me and Jim being together?” Blair asked quietly.  

“You want me to be honest?”

“Yeah, I need you to be honest because, for some reason, Jim's really upset tonight and I need to know why.” Blair pleaded.  

“Okay, I hate it.  So do most of the other officers in the station.  They feel like Jim has ruined your chances of moving up.”

“Wait a minute!  So everyone's mad at Jim?”

“Well, more or less.  We all know how he is when he wants something.  You probably didn’t even know what you were getting into,” Conner said, trying to sound like his best friend.  

“Conner, I can’t believe that you, of all people, would think that?  Guess what?  Jim’s never been with a guy before.  Guess who has been?”

“No way.” Conner said, shocked to her very core.  

“Conner, it was me.  I came on to Jim and it took a while to talk him into it but I’m like a pit bull when I really want something.  I don’t let go.”

“It doesn’t matter, Sandy.  They'll still blame him.  That’s just part of life.” Conner said.  

“Why can’t they just leave us alone and let us be together?”

“Sandy, grow up.  This is real life.  They don’t like gays on the force.  It’s as simple as that.”

“So we won’t be friends anymore, I guess, since you seem to agree with them.  You said something to Jim, didn’t you?  He was so depressed today.”

“Sandy, he was upset because I didn’t come to his aid in the locker room. I figured if he was so macho he could take care of himself.”

“He didn’t tell me anything about this.  What did someone do?” Blair asked, getting more angry than he had ever been in his life.  

“I don’t know.  When I walked in, they were just shoving him into the shower.  Nothing major, Sandy.  Jim’s a big boy; he can take care of himself.”

“No, he can’t.  Especially, if there was more than one person.  How many, Conner?”

“There were only four, Sandy.  He could take care of himself.”

“Stop saying that.  We’re supposed to watch each other’s backs.  I can’t believe you knew this was going on and didn’t say or do anything. God, I fucking hate you right now.  I never want to talk to you again.” Blair said with tears in his eyes.  He shut his cell phone and cried all the way back to the loft.  When he got there he composed himself and walked up the stairs but he knew that Jim would know something was wrong.  

Blair opened up the door, walked in and didn’t see Jim.  He walked into the kitchen and saw Jim sitting on the floor.  Jim was crying, silently.  Blair went down on his knees beside him and said, “Jim, I love you so much.  No one's going to break us up.  Ever.”

“I’m sorry, Blair.  I’m so sorry.  I wanted your life to be better than this. I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m sorry.” Jim got up and walked up the stairs to their bedroom.  

Blair just stood there with his mouth hanging open.  * Did Jim just more or less break up with me?  I think not. * Blair rushed up the stairs like a man on a mission.  

Jim has his back to Blair and said, “I really want to be alone.”

“Tough shit, big man.  We’re going to talk about this now.  I’m not fooling around here.” Blair demanded.  

Jim turned on his side and looked into Blair’s face.  He saw that the man he loved was angry.  Not at him or even with him.  Just angry at the world not being different.  Hell, Jim wished the world was different, too.  

“What do you want to talk about, Chief?  Want to talk about how when they’re all done with me, they’ll start on you?  Want to find out how people you’ve worked with for years won’t even look at you now?  What?”

“I want to start with you not telling me about the locker room today.” Blair said, voice shaking.  

“Fuck… Brown and Rafe said they wouldn’t tell you.  Why did they tell you?”

“They didn’t.  Conner said something.” Blair said. “What happened that Brown and Rafe would make that kind of promise to you?”

“It doesn’t matter, Blair.  It’s over with now.  I’ll take care of things my own way.”

“It matters to me, Jim.  Do you love me?” Blair asked as he went into Jim’s arms.  

“Of course I love you. You could never doubt that.”

“Then you have to tell me what’s going on.  Jim, I’m not someone that has to be sheltered.  Tonight, I talked to Conner and I told her to more or less fuck off.  I never care if we talk to her again.”

“See, this is what’s going to happen.  Soon, we won’t have anyone at the precinct.” Jim said sadly.  

“Well, then, maybe it’s time for us to get out of the business.  We could open up our own agency.  What do you think?” Blair asked, hoping this would give Jim something to think about.  

“Blair, you gave up your whole life.  You’re now a cop and you’re going to give that up?  I don’t think so.”

“Jim, you don’t seem to understand what I’m saying.  I don’t want to work with those assholes.  Anyone that would hurt you doesn’t deserve to ever be around you.” Blair said looking deeply into Jim’s eyes.  

“Chief, we’ll see if we can’t work it out at the station first.  Don’t make me sorry I told you this stuff.”

“Jim, you didn’t tell me anything.  Now fill me in on what the guys helped you with in the locker room.”

So Jim told him what happened and he watched as his lover got up from the bed and started pacing.  He knew that Blair wasn’t mad at him.  He was just mad.  Never at Jim.  

“We watch each other’s back from now on. Understood?” Blair asked.  

“Understood.  We’ll try it your way and see what happens.”

“Things will either work out or we’ll leave the station.  It’s not the end of the world.  I’d follow you anywhere, big man.”

Jim pulled Blair back onto the bed and said, “Blair, love me.”

“I can do that,” Blair said as he slowly took his clothes off and began taking Jim’s off next.  Tonight was going to be a slow lovemaking night.  There would be no rushing around.  He wanted Jim to feel as if he was worshipped because, after all, he really was.

They would take one day at a time, at the station.  Things would work or not.  Just like Blair had said.  Jim smiled as his lover made him feel like a man with no problems.  * I can’t believe I considered giving him up. *

Jim pulled Blair into his arms and said, “I just want to lie here with you in my arms for a short time.  Could I do that?”

“Sure, baby.  You can hold me for as long as you want.”

And hold him, Jim did.  They fell asleep knowing that their love was the one thing they could both count on for the rest of their lives.  Things would work out.  Either one way or another.  It didn’t matter.  

Jim and Blair went to work as usual the following morning but Blair had something on his agenda.  He intended on finding out who hurt Jim and he was going to hurt them back.  Blair had taken as much as he could with the shit they had been dealt.  They weren’t hurting anyone.  It isn’t like they made out in public or anything.  Not that it was a bad thing but everyone acted like it was. 

First stop was Brown’s desk and he said, “Hi, Henry, can I talk to you for a minute.” Brown looked around to see where Jim was and found him in Simon’s office.  Turning to Blair he said, “Sandburg, what do you want?”

“Cut the shit, I know about the locker room.  Now I need some names.”

“Sandburg, he’ll kill us if we talk.  I mean that.  He was really embarrassed.  He’ll take care of it.” H said. 

“Brown, do you think I’m less of a man than Jim is?”

“Hell, no.  Sometimes you scare me even more.  He’s kind of the action type of guy.  You’re more into using your mind.  You could screw someone over before they even knew you were doing it.” Brown said smiling. 

“Are you going to tell me or not?”

“Fine, but don’t say one word to Jim.  Do you follow?” Brown asked. 

“Of course, I won’t.  Now who is it?”

“The main person's Officer Landers.  Jim saved his life a month or so ago.  What a prick.” Brown said savagely. 

“Brown, I need you to start a rumor.  Think you can do that?”

“Why do I feel like I’m going to be really sorry about this?” Brown asked, wiping the sweat from his forehead. 

Blair whispered into his ear and Brown smiled and said, “I’ll take care of it.  I’ll tell Rafe and we’ll get right on it.”

“Thanks, Henry.” Blair said as he walked away and sat down at his desk. 

Conner walked up to him and said, “Sandy, could I talk to you in private?”

“No.”

“Sandy, I really need to talk to you.” Megan pleaded with her best friend. 

“Too fucking bad.  Fuck off, Conner.”

“Sandy, I thought it over last night and if I apologize to Ellison, will you talk to me?”

“No.”

“What can I do to make it right? I have to make this right.” Conner continued pleading

“Conner, you can march into Simon’s office and tell him who the four men were that attacked Jim in the locker room and then you can apologize to Jim.”

“You know I can’t do that, Sandy.  I'd be implicated along with them because I didn’t do anything to stop them.”

“Exactly.  That's the problem.  So, no matter what, it’s not going to work.  Go find another best friend.  One that isn’t gay.” Blair said and stormed into the break room. 

Jim walked out of Simon’s office and Conner said, “Ellison, could I speak to you?”

“No.” Jim mumbled and walked over to his desk and sat down. 

“Ellison, if I tell Captain Banks who the men were and say I witnessed it, will you talk to me again?” Conner asked. 

“Conner, why would you do that?  Then you’ll be an outcast, too.” Jim said coldly. 

“Because he’s my best friend and I hurt him.  I might not like what you’re doing but I love him.”

“Well, that’s not good enough, Conner.  I want you to stay away from him.  In fact, don’t speak to us again unless it has to do with work.”

“Ellison, you can’t tell me who I can or can’t talk to.  He’s a grown man.  He can make his own decisions.  When he hears that I tried to make this right he might forgive me.”  Conner said walking away. 

Jim had a terrible feeling that he would lose on this one.  Conner was right.  Blair was a kind gentle soul and he would forgive her and things would go back to normal.  Even if Jim didn’t want them to. 

Blair came into the squad room and sat at his desk to start paper work.  “Hey, how’s it going?”

“Everything's fine, Chief.  Don’t worry so much, okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll do that the same time you stop worrying about me.  Deal?” Both men started laughing and continued their work.  At about noon, Landers came storming into the squad room and went up to Jim’s desk and said, “Ellison, I'll make your life so fucking miserable if you don’t tell everyone that the rumor is a lie.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Jim asked. 

Landers could tell that Ellison knew nothing about it and then he looked at Sandburg.  * Fuck… The little asshole thinks he can play with the big boys, eh? *

“Sandburg, you have a choice.  You can tell everyone it was your idea of a joke or we’ll take care of some things with Ellison right here and now.”

“So take care of them.” Blair said, standing next to Jim.

“You fucking fag!  What did you do?” Larson asked. 

“I didn’t do anything.” Blair said honestly. 

“What do you think my partner did, Larson?” Jim asked

“He spread a rumor that he’s pissed off at you because you slept with me.” Larson spat out and made a gagging noise with his finger sticking into his mouth. 

Jim looked over at Blair and said, “Chief, please tell me you didn’t say that.”

“I didn’t, Jim.  I swear... I never said a word.” Blair said sweetly. 

“Larson, get out of here.  Next time have your facts straight before you come whining to us. Oh wait, you won’t be able to if you’re not straight.” Jim said, laughing, as he walked away from Larson. 

Jim had no warning, Larson jumped him and Blair was on top of Larson in the next moment.  Simon came rushing into the bullpen and said,  “Gentlemen, I suggest you all get up off of the floor before I call IA and have this investigated.”

Jim got off Larson and so did Blair and they straightened their clothes.  Simon yelled, “So who started this?”

Both Blair and Jim pointed to Larson and Larson said, “You’re going to believe them, right?  Figures.”

“Larson, come into my office and we’ll talk about what happened.” Simon said as he opened his office door. 

“Captain Banks, they started it and I knew you would take their side because they're your boys.” Larson spat out. 

“Excuse me?” Simon said. 

“Well, everyone knows how tight you are with those two.  So I’m not surprised at all.” Larson said, not realizing he was playing with the wrong person for sure. 

Simon picked up the telephone and dialed a number and said, “Michael.  This is Simon Banks.  I need you to send up an officer to investigate a problem in Major Crime.”

“What’s going on, Simon?” Detective Michael Mann, a top IA officer, asked. 

“Well, we have two officers that have been harassed for awhile now by this officer and today he jumped one of the men right in front of the rest of the squad. I need this taken care of.”

“Fuck you, Banks.” Larson jumped up and yelled. 

“You're suspended, as of right now, Larson.  Give me your badge and gun.” Simon demanded. 

Larson threw his gun and badge at Simon and stormed out of the office. 

Blair called out, “See ya, Larson.”

Jim smacked him on the back of the head and said, “You’re cruising for a bruising, Sandburg.  This isn’t that funny.”

“Well, it is to me.” Blair said, walking away. 

Simon called everyone into the office when Detective Mann, got there.  He ran a full investigation within one day and decided that Officer Larson would be suspended without pay for six months.  He could only come back with approval from a shrink.  Things looked like they might work out. 
 

Two Weeks later:

Blair walked into the bullpen and said, “Rafe, seen Jim this morning?  I can’t find him.”

“Hairboy, I’m not in charge of watching him today.” Rafe said smiling. 

“Well, shit, I wonder where he is?  We were supposed to go and question some suspects.  It was important. I’m a little worried.” Blair said, pacing in front of Rafe’s desk. 

“Sandburg, I’m sure he’s fine.  What could happen to him in the last few minutes?” Rafe asked. 

“Rafe, I haven’t seen him since this morning.  We were supposed to go to lunch but he called and said he couldn’t make it.”

“Sandburg, he hasn’t been here all day.  I haven’t seen him at all and I’ve been here all morning and afternoon.”

The phone rang on Blair’s desk and he rushed over to answer it, “Sandburg.”

“So, hot shot, wonder where he is yet?” Larson asked, laughing wickedly. 

Blair covered up the phone and told Rafe who it was and then went back to business while Rafe started a trace.  

“What do you want, Larson?”

“I want your kind out of our workplace is what I want.  You think you are so cool, don’t you, Sandburg?  Well, you won’t think you’re so cool when you see what we did to your boyfriend.”

“Larson, where is he?” Blair asked, looking scared for the very first time to everyone in the bullpen.

“Not such a hot shot now, are you?”

“Where is he?  I’ll do anything you ask.” Blair said. 

“I want you to resign.  And I don’t mean just say you did.  I want to see it in writing. I have people in Major Crime that'll be watching you and you'd better put your resignation in right away or you won’t see him again.”

“Larson, you must know that you won’t get away with this. You’ll never be able to show your face again without being arrested for kidnapping. Why're you doing this?”

“I want you both out of there. I don’t think we’ll have a problem with your boyfriend; he’s been pretty cooperative today.”

“Before I do anything, I need to talk to him and see if he’s all right.”

“Fine, I’ll put him on but you’re not going to get anything out of him.  Believe me, we’ve scared him this time.”

“Sandburg?” Jim said as strong as he could. 

“Jim, are you all right?”

“I’m fine, Sandburg.  Now I want you to do two things.  First, tell Simon what’s going on and second, tell them to go fuck themselves.  Do you hear me?  Tell them to fuck themselves.” Jim screamed into the phone as they pulled the phone away from him. 

Blair could hear them punching and hitting Jim and winced every time he heard a sound. “Jim?”

“Your boyfriend isn’t as smart as I thought he was.  So, now we’ll make him suffer again. Now you be a good boy and go do what I said.”

“I will, right now.” Blair said jumping up and almost running into Simon’s office.  Simon had listened on another line so was aware of what was going on.  Blair rushed into the room and stood there like a lost child.  He didn’t know what to do.  Simon walked up to him and said, “ Sandburg, the FBI has been called already.  You need to sit down now and let us take over for you.”

“I need to give my resignation, sir.  I told him I would.” Blair said in a shaky voice. 

“Sandburg, sit down.  Were you not listening to your partner.  He asked you to tell me about this and not to resign.  Did you hear Jim when he said that?” Simon asked in his best ‘I am the boss’ voice. 

“Sir, with all due respect, he’s mine not yours.  And I’ll do whatever they want.” Blair said, almost crying. 

“Sandburg, this is what they want.  Chances are they’ve hurt Jim already and he’s willing to be hurt more until we figure out where to find him.”

“Simon, this is all my fault.  I couldn’t leave well enough alone and had to make a big joke out of it and now they’re hurting Jim. Shit… Fuck…”

“Sit down, Sandburg, and I’ll get you a cup of coffee.” Simon said, handing him a cup once it was filled. 

Taking the cup, he tried to relax by smelling the mocha coffee.  Blair looked at Simon with tears in his eyes and said, “So who do you think he was talking about when he said he had someone here?”

“I don’t know, Sandburg.  It could be anyone. We can’t go around guessing.” Simon said staring at Blair. “You are not going to try and figure out who the person is.  We need to concentrate on Jim.”

“You don’t need to tell me this, Simon.” Blair said sadly. 

Brown and Rafe walked into the room and  Brown said, “Don’t you worry, Sandburg, we’ll find him and bring him home.  No one hurts one of ours.”

Blair got up and said, “Simon, I’m going to run to the break room.  Do you want anything?”

“No, Sandburg, I’m not hungry.” Simon said looking at him strangely.  Simon knew that Blair wasn’t hungry.  He knew that he wouldn’t be getting food.  So what exactly did Sandburg want?

Simon told Rafe, “Go and keep an eye on him.  Don’t let him too far out of your sight.”

“Yes, sir.” Rafe said and hurriedly left the office and found Sandburg talking to Conner.  Rafe stood outside the room listening. 

“Conner, I know you know who's behind this.  Who is it?” Blair pleaded. 

“Oh now you’ll talk to me?  Go fuck yourself, Sandy.” Conner said and started to walk away. 

Blair grabbed her and pushed her up against the wall and said, “I need to find him.  Now. You’ll help one way or another.”

“Sandy, you can’t make me tell you anything. In fact, I wouldn’t tell you if I did know.”

Rafe heard a punch and wondered why Conner hit Sandburg.

“Now, you stupid bitch, you either start talking or I’ll hit you again.”

Rafe walked into the room and said, “Hey.”

Megan Conner was trying to get her breath back from the punch in her stomach. “What do you want?”

“Conner, if you know what’s good for you, you’ll tell us what you know.” Rafe said. 

“What I’m going to do is go and tell Simon that Sandburg just attacked me in front of you and you did nothing to stop him.”

“Fine.  Go ahead, be my guest.” Rafe said stepping back.  As Conner walked by him, Blair grabbed her again and said, “I’m going to beat the answers out of her, Rafe.”

“Sandburg, I can’t let you do that.” Rafe said as he grabbed Blair’s arm and pulled him towards him and away from Conner.  She glared at Sandburg and said, “You’ll never find him, you little fucker.”

Blair twisted and tried to get away from Rafe but Rafe didn’t let go.  “Hey, she’s just pushing your buttons, Blair.  Calm down. You need to find Jim, not fight with Conner.  She’s still mad at you about not talking to her.  She’s just mad.  She wouldn’t really hurt Ellison.”

Blair leaned into Rafe and Rafe could feel the tremors going through the smaller man’s body.  Rafe pulled him in closer and said, “We’ll find him, Blair.  We’ll find him.” After about ten minutes, Blair pulled away from Rafe and said, “Thanks, man.  That would have been really ugly.  I lost my head.”

“Understandable.  Now let's go put our thinking caps on and find Jim.” Rafe said as they made their way back to Simon’s office. 

When they walked in Conner was sitting there on the sofa.  Blair looked at her and said, “What do you want?  You won’t be happy until he’s dead?”

Simon walked around his desk stopping Blair from advancing on Conner and said, “Sandburg, she just gave me four names.  I’m running them now.  We’ll hopefully have a place to look soon.”

“Conner, what made you change your mind?” Blair asked. 

“No matter what I think, Sandy, you’re still my friend and I would never hurt Jim.  I might not like what you two are but I would never agree to hurt him in any way.  I was asked to join a group.”

“Do you know what they planned on doing to Jim?” Blair asked. 

“No, at the time he was still here, so I didn’t know what the plans were.  I’m sorry that I didn’t join now.  I could have used the inside information.” Megan said, looking out the window. “Captain Banks, down in the parking lot is a white step van.  What's it doing there?”

They all walked over to the window and Simon said, “Conner, no one would be stupid enough to keep Ellison on the property.”

“Sir, I beg to differ.  We’re talking about some men that don’t care about anything and they figure they’re safe here.  No one would look in the parking lot.  They probably made it sound proof.”

Simon yelled at Rafe, Sandburg and Brown to follow him.  Conner followed Blair and said, “I’d like to help, Sandy.”

“You've already helped.  I don’t want you involved.” Blair said as they got some more officers and went downstairs. 

By the time they got to the parking lot there were 12 cops looking for Jim.  They all fanned out and surrounded the van.  Simon had a nightstick and used it to hit the window, breaking it out. 

Simon was the first one into the step van, and found a barely alive Jim Ellison.  They had beaten him within an inch of his life.  “Call for an ambulance, right now.” Simon yelled out. 

Blair jumped into the step van, knowing it would be bad but wasn’t ready to see Jim so badly beaten up.  His eyes were swollen shut.  His nose was badly broken and looked like his jaw might be broken, too.  Blair remained very professional even though he wanted to grab Jim and hold on to him forever.  He knelt down next to him and started talking to him.  “Hey, Ellison, you in there.  Can you hear me?”

“Chief,” came a whispered reply. 

Blair leaned in closer and said, “I’m right here, Jim.  I won’t leave your side.  I won’t leave you, ever.”

Again, the semi-conscience man said, “Chief.”

“I’m right here, Jim.  I’m not going anywhere.” Blair said as he heard the ambulance arrive. 

He moved when they had to work on Jim but as soon as they loaded him in the ambulance, he was right there with him.  The EMT said, “He’s in rough shape, Sandburg, so give us enough room here.  We’re not going to fight you on leaving his side but give us room to work.”

“Thank you, guys.” Blair said quietly as he began his long vigil beside Jim.  He knew they were in for some rough stuff. 

Once they got to the hospital, they rushed him in saying his blood pressure was dropping.  This time, Blair wasn’t allowed to be with him.  Simon came into the waiting room and pulled Sandburg into his arms. 

“Everything'll be fine, Blair.  Just hang in there.  He needs you strong.” Simon said as he held Blair tight.

“I know, sir.  I’ll be here for him every step of the way.”

A doctor walked and said, “Are either of you here for Detective Ellison?”

“Yes.” Blair and Simon both said together. 

“Well, I just wanted to let you know that we have to go and repair some damage to his lung.  When they broke his ribs, one punctured a lung, so we have to inflate it and get him healing there.  His jaw isn’t broken, but his nose is.  Both of his eyes are damaged but we think that will heal.  We can’t tell yet.  So, basically, he’s doing much better than he looks.  He’ll be here awhile though.”

“Thank you, Doctor. When can we see him?” Blair asked. 

“I’m aware of the situation and won’t try to keep you apart.  Once he’s in ICU, I’ll call you and you can sit in there and make sure no one comes around him.” the doctor said. 

“Thank you, Doctor.” Simon said shaking his hand. 

“Yes, well, we’ll call you as soon as he’s in his room upstairs. I suggest you get some coffee.” he said, walking to the elevator and getting on. 

Simon said, “See, I told you he’d be all right.”

Blair couldn’t help it.  He started crying softly.  Simon pulled him into his arms and just held him.  Brown and Rafe walked into the waiting room and seeing them like this thought the worst.  Both men wrapped themselves around Simon and Blair.  Simon looked over at them and said, “What're you doing?”

“Did something happen to Jim?” Rafe asked. 

“No, they told us some good news.” Simon said, almost smiling at the scared detectives.  He was thrilled that most of his men and women would be thrilled to know that Jim would be all right. “Now I need volunteers to stay here at the hospital until Jim is better.”

“Rafe and I will be on the first shift, sir.” Brown said. 

“Good, glad to hear it.  Now, I have to get back to the station.  Will you stay with Sandburg until they call you upstairs?” Simon asked already knowing they would. 

“Of course we will, sir.” Rafe said. 

“Go find those bastards.” Brown said. 

Rafe, Brown and Sandburg all sat down in the waiting room outside the ICU unit.  Blair wanted to be close by in case they missed them.  As they sat there, Brown saw Blair shaking and Brown put his arm around Sandburg and pulled him closer to his side and said, “Sandburg, it’s okay to be scared.  I’m scared, too, and I’m not in love with him.”

Having said that, Blair fell apart in Henry’s arms.  Rafe sat on the other side of Blair and rubbed his back.  “Blair, we’ll get them and we’ll take good care of both of you.” Rafe said quietly.

“I know you will.” Blair said just as quietly. 

Blair fell asleep in Brown’s arms and the two officers waited for news on their fellow officer.  They should've heard something by now.  What the fuck was taking so long?

As soon as that thought was in Brown’s mind, he saw them wheel a gurney in with Ellison on it.  * God, it doesn’t even look like Ellison.  Jesus, how's he going to get over this? *

Brown shook Blair and said, “He’s here, Blair.”

Blair jumped up and ran to Jim’s side and waited for the doctor to say something.  The doctor finally said, “He’s going to be out of it for a long time yet.  So don’t worry.  He’s doing pretty well.  He had more damage to his lungs than we'd thought.  He’s not going to be able to return to full duty.  He’ll have to stay on desk duty. 

Blair didn’t say anything but he had silent tears rolling down his face.  He glanced over at Brown and Rafe and saw the same thing on his co-worker's faces.  This was going to be so fucking hard.  What would Jim do?  He wasn’t a desk jockey. 

When they got him settled into his room, Brown and Rafe joined him there to watch over their friend. 

Rafe broke the silence and said, “Sandburg, have you ever thought of a business that all of us could open up and work at?”

Blair looked over at him and said, “He wouldn’t expect you to leave the PD for him.”

“I’m not staying there, Blair.  Not after this.  I don’t think Simon will, either.” Brown said. “He had that really insane look in his eyes.  That told me he was madder than he’d ever been.”

“Well, first, let's get Jim all better and then we’ll worry about it.” Blair said as he sat holding his love’s hand.

“We’ll be right outside if you need us.” Rafe said. 

“Thanks, guys.” Blair said to their retreating backs. 

“Well, big man, you have good friends all around you.  When you’re better I’m going to tell you all about it.  For right now, I’m going to tell you all about the first time I noticed you in a sexual way. You’re going to be the first person to know how soon it was that I was in love with you.”

Blair talked for hours until he fell asleep with the guards outside the door.  Jim still hadn’t woken up but his vitals were good.  The doctor’s were optimistic.  Blair was, too. 

Tomorrow was a new day. 

Blair woke to the doctor checking Jim out first thing in the morning.  “Good morning, Mr. Sandburg. How are you holding up?”

“The question is, how's Jim?  We didn’t really get a chance to talk much last night.” Blair inquired.  Blair started to get up and the doctor pushed him back into the chair.  “May as well stay sitting.  I have quite a bit to tell you.”

“He’s got five ribs that were cracked.  He’s got the broken nose, his left hand's sprained, his left shoulder's broken, his pelvis has a fracture and there's a specialist coming in to talk to you about recovery from these types of injuries. Oh, and I almost forgot, he has a concussion.  We’ll have to wait and see how he does with waking up.  Right now, we’ll just keep an eye on his vitals and watch for swelling in his brain.  He’s actually doing pretty well, considering.  You’re very lucky to have him here at all.”

“So, Doctor, what are his chances of waking up soon?” Blair finally asked. 

“He won’t be waking up for a day or so, at least.  He’s got a lot to recover from. Then, keep in mind, he’s got to get over the fact of being attacked by fellow officers.  That would not be a good thing to want to wake up to.”

“But you think he ‘is’ going to wake up, right?” Blair asked in a very frightened voice. 

“Yes, Mr. Sandburg, he’s going to be fine once we get him healed up, but this recovery's going to take a lot of hard work.  This man's in the most excellent shape and he’s not going to like giving up the workout’s.  He’ll get used to doing things a little slower as time goes on.”

“So, you don’t think he’ll be able to resume his old job as a police officer?” Blair asked. 

“No, not in the same capacity.  He’s going to have to change his life.”

“Thank you, Doctor.  I’ll talk to him when the time comes.” Blair said, getting up to shake the nice Doctor’s hand. 

“Try not to worry so much.  He’s going to be fine.  He just looks really bad right now.  Things will look better in a few weeks. How about a shower in this bathroom? I can bring you some clean scrubs.”

“Doctor Connelly that would be so great.  I don’t want to go far from his side.”

“No problem, Blair.  I’ll be right back with the clean clothes.” he said as he walked out the door. 

A few moments later he brought in fresh scrubs and also some strong and very hot coffee. “Thought you might want some coffee.”

“Thank you.” Blair said, accepting the coffee, drinking it slowly because of the temperature.  God, it tasted so fucking good.  It was almost like it reminded him of normalcy again.  The thought made him shiver.  “I’ve got to see who’s on duty this morning and ask them to sit with Jim while I shower.”

“We’ll see you later.” Dr. Connelly said. 

“Well Jim, that's one fine doctor.  He’s taking care of both of us.  You’ll like him, baby.” Blair said quietly to his lover, who slept on, even though Blair thought he might be able to hear him. 

Blair opened up the door and saw Officer Dalton and said, “Hey, Cole.  Could you do me a favor?”

“Sure, Blair.  What do you need?” Dalton said. 

“I need to shower but I don’t want to leave Jim alone in the room.  Could you come in here and sit with him while I’m in the shower?”

“Sure, no problem.  Go and take your shower.” Dalton said, smiling as he sat next to Jim’s bed and started talking to Jim.  “Ellison, you’re in luck.  Your partner's going to finally get in the shower.  You won’t have to smell him all day long.”

“Ha ha.” Blair said, “I almost forgot to laugh. Thanks, man.”

Blair stepped into the hot shower and felt like a new person already.  He scrubbed off the old blood smell and washed his hair three times before he felt clean. If Jim would just wake up he’d be even happier. Blair leaned against the cold tile and began to sob softly.  There was a soft knock on the door and he heard Henry Brown’s voice. “Sandburg, can I come in?”

“I’m all right, Brown.  I’ll be out in a moment.” Blair called out but was ignored by Brown as he opened the door and walked in.  Henry grabbed a towel and handed it to Blair and once he was dried off, Henry hugged him and said, “It’s okay to cry, Sandburg.  He’s your friend, your partner and most importantly, the love of your life.”

Blair leaned into Henry and cried softly until he felt somewhat better.  * Why does crying sometimes make a person feel better?  It should make a person feel worse but, for some reason, it made him feel like there was hope. *

Henry said, “You okay to get dressed now, Blair?”

“Yeah, thanks, man.” Blair said to the retreating figure. 

When he came out dressed in the scrubs he sat down next to the bed and took Jim’s hand into his and smiled at Rafe and Brown both. 

“What’d the doctor say, Blair?” Rafe asked. 

Blair went into the whole long story of everything that was wrong with Jim right now.  He noticed that both men seemed to be getting more angry as time went on.  Rafe finally said, “I need to call Simon now.  He said to call as soon as we knew what was what.”

The door of the room opened and in walked Simon Banks.  He wasn’t dressed in his usual dapper dress clothes but instead a polo shirt, jeans and boots.  “Good morning, men.  How's Detective Ellison this fine day?”

Blair again went into great detail about every known injury that Jim had.  Simon listened the whole time and said, “Well, I’m glad that we’ll all have so much time to spend here.”

Blair looked at all of them strangely and said, “What do you mean, Simon?”

“We don’t work for the Police Department any longer, Sandburg. I expect you to resign also.”

“Why would all of you resign?” Blair asked, honestly confused. 

Rafe stood up and said, “Blair, do you think we could stay in a place that allowed this to happen to one of our friends?”

“Guys, I think you should give it some more thought.  At least wait until Jim wakes up so that he can tell you not to do it.” Blair said. 

“Sandburg, what’s up with you?” Simon asked. 

“I don’t want you doing this so that Jim will feel guilty and think it’s his fault for the rest of his life.”

“Sandburg, we’re doing this for ourselves.  IA came in this morning and they were assholes. We can’t stay.  They want to wipe this all under the rug.” Rafe said. 

“Rafe, they can’t wipe kidnapping under the rug.” Blair said incredulously. 

“They’re going to sure as hell try.  They’ll try and talk Jim into dropping charges as soon as he’s awake.  That’s why we left.” Brown said. 

Blair stared at their friends, mouth hanging open, not really knowing exactly what to say.  He settled on, “Thank you.”

“You're welcome.” Rafe said. 

“Okay, let's just sit and talk to Jim for awhile.” Simon said, pulling a chair over to the bed and starting to talk softly to his best friend.  The other two men stood vigil while their captain did what made him feel better. 

They did this every single day.  There were police officers watching the room for the next four days but that wasn’t enough for Simon, Rafe or Brown.  They insisted that one of them be there with Sandburg at all times.  It helped Sandburg a great deal.  On the morning of the fifth day, Simon was sitting and talking to Jim when Jim opened his eyes. 

“Jim?” Blair asked quietly. 

“Blair?” Jim said back. 

“Now that roll call's over, how are you feeling, Ellison?” Simon asked trying to lighten the mood.  He saw the tears in Blair’s eyes and knew Sandburg was close to losing it.

“Like shit, Simon.  Like shit.” Jim whispered.  A nurse came walking into the room and said, “So you decided to join us again, have you?”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Jim whispered again. 

Blair leaned down and kissed Jim’s forehead.

“How bad do I look, baby?”

“It doesn’t matter, Jim.  You’ll heal.  You’re going to be fine.” Blair said. 

Jim turned to Simon and said, “How bad is it, Simon?”

“Jim, you have a lot of broken and battered parts of your body but nothing that won’t heal.  Let’s focus on that.” Simon said taking charge of this situation. 

“Did you get them? The men that did this?” Jim asked. 

Jim, we haven’t had a chance to talk to you until right now.  You know all of the men’s names?” Simon asked. 

“Yeah, Larson and three of his goons had me in a step van.  They wanted to kill me.  I think they intended on doing it, too.  You must have busted up the party.” Jim said trying to smile but it didn’t come out right since his face was so swollen. “Niles, Pearson and Richards are the other three that were involved.”

Simon was writing this all down as Jim was talking and intended on seeing that something was done.   

Jim touched his face and had a very odd look on it when he pulled his hand away.  “Chief, what’s wrong with my face?”

“Jim, they did a number on your face.  Your eyes are swollen badly and your nose's broken.  They even found a broken cheekbone in there.  A lot of swelling but nothing that can’t heal.  Are you listening?”

“Chief, why am I in the hospital?”

“Jim, they hurt you bad.  I guess you don’t remember it.” Blair said, happy for once that Jim’s repression skills were in tact. 

“I want to go home, okay, Chief?” Jim asked with such a sound of hopeless despair that it was breaking everyone’s hearts.

“We can’t go home for awhile yet, Jim.  Sorry.” Blair said sentinel soft.  And big Jim Ellison started to cry softly.

Blair touched him and said, “Jim, it’s okay.  Everything's going to be all right.  We’ll get through this.  I love you, baby.”

“Please, Blair?  Take me home?” Jim begged. 

“Jim,” Simon said, standing next to Jim’s bed, “you can’t go home yet.  You can’t get around.  You aren’t healed enough to even leave ICU yet.  We’ll see how soon the doctor will let you out, though.”

Jim took ahold of Simon’s hand and pleaded, “Please, Simon.  I need to get out of here.  I don’t want to be here anymore.”

Simon looked at Blair with a confused look on his face.  Actually, none of the men knew why Jim was so adament about leaving the hospital.  “Jim, why do you need to get out of here so fast?” Simon asked. 

“I want to have Blair close to me in our loft.  They’re going to kill both of us.” Jim said matter of factly. 

“Jim, you know we won’t let anything happen to you guys, right?” Simon asked. 

“Just like they weren’t supposed to hurt me in the first place, Simon.  I can’t let them get Blair.  I won’t.” Jim said trying to gain some strength in his words as he pulled himself up.  But instead he felt all of the pain and broken body parts and cried out. 

“Jim, knock it off.  They’ll make me leave you if you hurt yourself.” Blair said, trying to calm his love.

“Blair, you can’t be here all the time and when you leave, they’ll go after you.” Jim said close to a panic attack. 

Simon moved closer to Jim and said, “He won’t be alone until you’re out of here, Jim.  Don’t worry, we’ll be here the whole time.”

“Simon, you have to work.  When you’re at work I can’t trust anyone else.” Jim said. 

“Well, now that you brought it up, I don’t have to worry about work anymore.  I resigned.  So I’ll have plenty of time to help you both.” Simon said, smiling over at Jim. 

“Jesus, Simon.  You gave up your career because of me?” Jim asked, still on the edge of panic. 

“Not hardly, Ellison.  I quit because we’re surrounded by assholes and idiots.  I couldn’t see this kind of thing happening again and standing by.  So... I left.  It’s as simple as that. But I want something from you.”

“What?” Jim asked. 

“I want to know that you won’t go back.  I want to know that maybe you and I can open up that Security place that we talked about all of those years ago.” Simon said hopefully.

“You want to go into business with us?” Jim asked. 

“Yeah, I do.  Well, that’s not all.  Jim, Brown and Rafe need a job, too.” Simon added. 

“Shit, you all left?” Jim asked.  “What were you thinking? Blair, where the hell were you when this was taking place?”

“I was sitting at your bedside, tough guy.” Blair said as calmly as he could. 

“You didn’t need to stay here. They could have gotten you here.” Jim said. 

“Yeah, well, they would have had a hell of a time getting past the nurses and these three guys who have been here since day one.” Blair said smiling at his friends. 

“Thanks, guys.” Jim said looking at all of them.  “Chief, is my eyesight going to get better?  'Cuz I have to tell you, it sucks right now?”

“Yeah, Jim, it’ll get better as you get better.  The doctor said not to worry.”

Rafe walked up to the bed and said, “Can I talk to Jim alone everyone?  I need to ask something.”

“You can ask it with us in here.” Blair said flatly. 

“Simon, this is really personal and I need to speak with him alone.” Rafe continued. 

“Come on, Sandburg, let's go and get some fresh coffee.  We’ll come right back.  Rafe won’t let anything happen to him.” Simon pulled Blair towards the door.  Jim saw the look of fear on Blair’s face and said, “Chief, it’s okay.  I wanted to talk to him anyhow. Go with Simon and take a break.  I’ll tell you about it later on.”

As they left the room, Rafe began to pace and finally got the nerve up and said, “The doctor said they didn’t have time to check for all injuries so we don’t know if you were sexually attacked.  They had to stablize you first. I need to know if they hurt you sexually.”

“I don’t remember, Rafe.  Wouldn’t the doctor know?” Jim asked, looking as scared as Rafe did. 

“The doctor told me this morning that as soon as you woke up he’d do a complete physical and list of all of your wounds and so on.  But I was hoping that you’d be able to tell us.”

“Rafe, I don’t know.  Shit… Would you get the doctor now and keep Sandburg away from here for awhile?”

“Yeah, I’ll get him right now.” Rafe said as he walked out of the room. 

When he came walking back in the doctor was with him. 

“Mr. Ellison, you don’t remember if you were sexually attacked?”

“No, Doctor, I don’t.  But I need to know.”

“Of course.  I’ll do an exam right now.  You had a lot of damage done to your penis and testicles but we never got any farther than that.  We had to get you better before we could look for more.”

“I understand but I need to know now.” Jim said, shaking badly now. 

Rafe walked over to him and said, “Want me to stay in the room, Jim?”

“Maybe.  Could you lock the door.  I really don’t want Blair coming back to this.” Jim asked quietly. 

Rafe walked across the room, locked the door and was back at Jim’s side within seconds.  The doctor helped Jim turn on his side carefully as to not hurt his broken bones.  Jim’s hand came up and grabbed Rafe’s hand and Rafe put his face down to Jim’s and started talking softly to him.  Telling him how much Blair loved him and that he was lost the whole time Jim was unconscious. It was working.  Jim was relaxing so the doctor could get this over with right away.  He finished and stood up and said, “Good news, Mr. Ellison.  You weren’t sexually attacked.  They just physically attacked you.  There is no semen, rips or tearing in your anus. 

Jim had tears running down his face and he said, “Thank you, Doctor.  I had to know.”

The doctor helped Jim move back onto his back and got him more comfortable when Blair pounded on the door.  “Open up, Rafe. What’s wrong?”

Rafe opened the door and Blair flew in and was at Jim’s side before Rafe could say or do anything. 

“It’s okay, Chief.  I had to have the doctor check for one more thing before I could go on.”

“What?” Blair asked. 

The doctor said to the guys, "Why don’t we leave these two alone for a short time so they can talk."  The four men walked out of the room, and Jim held on to Blair’s hand.  “Chief, I’ve got a lot of pain in my cock and balls so I was afraid that they did something sexual to me.”

“Oh, fuck.  And you did this without me here.  What were you thinking, Jim?  I’m supposed to support you through these things, not out having coffee.”

 Jim started crying again and that was the extent of Blair’s anger.  He quickly kissed Jim anywhere his face wasn’t beaten or battered.  “I’m sorry, Jim.  I’m sorry.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me. God, I love you. What did the doctor say?”

“I have damage done to my cock and balls but I wasn’t penetrated.”  Jim said looking away from Blair. 

“Can I see what they did to you?” Blair asked. 

“Blair, I don’t want you to see me like this.” Jim said, pulling the cover up as tight as he could. 

“Jim, please let me see what they did to you.  Then I know how much damage to do to them.” Blair said.  “No, don’t worry, I don’t mean physically.  I’ve been looking for a lawyer and I think I found one in the coffee shop.”

Jim finally let go of the sheet and turned away from Blair.  “Jim, look at me.  This is not your fault.  They abused you.  You didn’t ask for it.  Remember how much I love you, okay?”

“Okay, Chief.” Blair pulled the sheet down and lifted the gown.  He wasn’t prepared for the type of brusing and swelling that he was seeing.  “God, Jim, I’m so fucking sorry.” Blair said as he started to cry softly. 

“Blair, don’t leave, okay?”

“Leave?  Where would I go?  I live here with you until you go home.” Blair said holding on to Jim’s hand again, and with his other hand, pulled the cover up.  “I’m sorry I had to see that, Jim.  I know you didn’t want me to.  But I need to tell the lawyer all about this and the only way is to see everything.”

“I love you, Chief.  I love you so fucking much.  You’ve had to put up with so much shit since you met me and now this.” Jim said sadly. 

“Well, Jim, if you want someone to blame, blame me.  I thought it was so fucking funny teasing that fucker.  He lost it and made you pay.  I’ll never forgive myself for that. I’m really sorry, baby.” Leaning over, Blair kissed Jim’s cracked and split lips but Jim didn’t seem to mind.  He was so thrilled that Blair still wanted to kiss him that he didn’t care about anything else. 

“Do you have any questions, Jim? About anything before I let everyone else in?”

“Do I look as bad as I feel?”

“Yes.” Blair said and moved to the door to open it. 

“I love you, Blair.” Jim called out to his love and Blair hearing it, turned and said, “And I will always love you, Jim.”

Blair opened up the door and found all three men standing in the hallway waiting to come back in.  “Come on in, guys.”

They entered the room and Simon said, “We’ve figured out a schedule so that Blair can leave and sleep in your bed at home once a day for at least four hours.  Don’t even try to argue, Sandburg.  We’ve worked this out and this is the way it’s going to be.”

“Simon, thank you for taking care of both of us.” Jim said. 

“No biggy, Jim.  There'll be one of us up here at all times.  I’m taking the graveyard shift.  Rafe will have the day shift and Brown will have the evening shift. Sound okay to you, Ellison?”

As long as someone's with Blair at all times I don’t care what you do.” Jim said. 

“Well, we figured out that he could sleep when you’re sleeping.  So, he’ll go to the loft and Rafe and Brown will take turns staying at the loft sleeping.  So, he won’t be alone ever.”

“Simon, thank you.” Blair said. 

Rafe said, “Jim, did Blair tell you about the lawyer he met in the careteria?  She thinks she can help all of us.  And we’re all going to sue.”

“Yeah, he started to tell me about it.  I’m glad we’ll have someone in our corner.  Sounds like IA is going to try to do the usual 'let's pretend it didn’t happen.'” Jim said angrily. 

“You got it.  You wouldn’t believe what idiots they are.  At least we have the names now and we’ll go after them.  The only thing I ask is that you resign.  I don’t want you to go have to that place.” Simon said. 

“Yes, dad.” Jim said smiling for the first time since he woke up. 

They all started talking and looked over at the quiet Ellison and saw he was sound asleep.  “God, Simon, this is going to be hard.” Blair said in a murmur. 

“Yes, it’s going to be very hard but we have to move on and help Jim get through this. You up with that, Sandburg?” Simon asked. 

“Yes, sir.  I’m more than happy to put those fuckers behind bars and make them pay.” Blair said. 

Rafe handed a card to Blair and said, “The lawyer came while you were in the room.  She said to call her tomorrow anytime and she’ll be here in a flash.  She seems to know what she’s doing.”

“Thanks, Rafe.  I’ll call her soon.  Thank you all.  Now, I need to rest a little bit with Jim.  He sleeps better if I’m close to him and sleeping, too.”

“Okay, well we have to start our shifts anyhow.  Talk to you soon.” Brown said. 

After everyone left, Blair allowed himself to cry for the pain and anguish his lover must have had to deal with. He’d never be able to make up for this, ever.  Blair knew that their lives would never be the same again. 

The new four weeks were like a walking talking nightmare.  Jim was put through rigorous physical therapy that hurt him like he’d never been hurt before.  But the fact remained that he had to get back in shape before the doctor would release him for any reason. 

One morning during the fourth week, Megan Conner decided to come in for a visit.  She’d been a big help to the lawyer for the lawsuit, but she hadn’t come and seen Jim yet.  It was time.  She needed to suck it up and see him.  She really needed his forgiveness. 

Knocking on the door, she walked in when Jim said, “Come in.”

Rafe stood up and said, “What do you want?”

“Jim, I hope you don’t mind but I wanted to see that you were all right in person.  I feel terrible.  I’m so sorry.” Conner said with tears in her eyes. 

From behind Conner came Blair’s voice, “Well, it’s too fucking bad, Conner.  He’s not going to forgive you.  Now get out. We don’t want to see you again.”

“Sandy, please.  I’m so sorry.  I just want things to be like they used to be.”

“Oh, you want someone to beat the shit out of him again? Well, it’s not going to happen. Now get out of here.” Blair almost screamed. 

“Jim?” Conner begged. 

“You’re upsetting Blair.  We’ll talk once I’m home and doing better. For now, you'd better leave.” Jim said calmly.

Once Conner walked through the doorway, Blair turned to Jim and said, “What the fuck was that about? Please tell me you’re not going to let her get away with this.”

“Chief, I can’t go on with all this hatred.  It can’t be good for a person.  I really wish you would drop some of it, too.”

“Jim, she doesn’t deserve to be forgiven for what she did.  She didn’t help you in the first place.  I’ll never forgive her for that. Not to mention she hates gays.”

Jim turned to Rafe and said, “Rafe, I know that you like us but how do you feel about us being gay?”

“What?” Rafe said clearly shocked that he was brought into this. 

“Just tell us how you feel about us being gay and don’t worry about it.” Jim continued. 

Rafe cleared his throat and said, “Truth?”

“Truth.” Jim replied. 

“Well, when I first found out I was disgusted.  I thought you were both insane.  It didn’t bother me to a point where we wouldn’t be friends anymore.  But at the same time, it made me rethink many things I used to do all the time.  Like hug Sandburg or touch him now and then.  I stopped doing that because I didn’t want anyone thinking less of me. I’m sorry, guys.”

“No, this is what I meant.  Do you still feel this way?” Jim asked. 

Rafe hugged Sandburg and said, “I don’t think so.” All three men started laughing at that one. 

“Rafe, why didn’t you come to us when you were so confused?  We could've talked about it.” Blair asked. 

“Oh yeah, I could see it now.  Hey, Jim and Blair, the thought of you guys together makes me ill.”

“So, you’ve come to terms with it?” Jim asked. 

“Oh yeah.  We all have.  Henry was confused, too.  We spent many a night at the pub getting wasted wondering what the hell happened to you two.”

“I’m sorry that we weren’t there to help you through it.  We should have been more open with you all and talked about it more.” Jim said. 

“Jim, we’re talking about you.  You don’t talk that much.  This is the most I’ve heard you say in months.” Blair said, smiling. 

“I could say, shut up, Sandburg.” Jim said smiling back. 

“Nah, you wouldn’t because you love when I talk.”

“Yeah, I do. I love you.” Jim said suddenly. 

Rafe was so used to this now that it didn’t seem odd to him at all.  “If you guys are going to start making out could you warn the het guy so he could get the hell out of dodge?”

All three men started laughing until there was a knock on the door. 

“Come in.” Jim called out. 

Ms. Meg Parmeter came walking into the room and said, “I’ve got some good news, men.”

“What?” Blair asked as he sat down on the bed next to Jim.

“Well, I had a meeting with the DA, IA and a judge.  They’ve come up with something I think you can live with.  Well, I hope you can live with it.” Meg said. 

“I’m ready for some good news.” Jim said hoping she was right. 

“Okay, here goes.  The judge said they all have to do time, no way around that.  They kidnapped an officer of the law.  So, he said he’d let them do five years each in the section for cops. They’ll lose everything, their pensions and no chance of ever going back to work in any state, city or county job.  Next, IA will agree to this if you settle out of court for a monetary amount so that the papers don’t know all about it.  The DA was happy with everything they came up with. Now, you tell me what you think of this before I tell you how much money is involved.”

“Shit, Meg, you mean, they get a lousy fucking five years?  For what they did to him?  They ruined his life.” Blair said angrily. 

“Blair, they didn’t ruin my life.  They just delayed it a bit.  I’m going to be fine.  I just know it.” Jim said sadly. 

Rafe said, “So what happens next?”

“Well, I need Simon and Henry up here so we can discuss all of this.  No more talk until they get here.” Meg said and she was still smiling. 

Jim called Simon and Henry and told them to come up.  In the meantime, they all sat and talked and Rafe said, “Would you like me to run and get some lunch stuff?”

“Yeah, that would be good. Leave me your gun, please.” Jim said. 

Rafe handed over his weapon and walked down the hallway to the elevator. 

Meg asked, “Why did you ask for his gun?”

“Because there are still people that would like to see us hurt or dead.  And those guys won’t go to prison if we’re dead.” Jim answered. 

“My god, you’ve been living on the edge all this time.  I never even thought in those terms.  I’m so sorry for not seeing this sooner.” Meg said. 

“Not your problem.  Do you think that five years is enough for what they did to me, Meg?” Jim asked seriously. 

“No, I don’t, Jim.  But I think that if we take it to court, the jury will be sympathetic. They’ll hear about Blair taunting them and think that Blair asked for all of it.  Hush, Blair, I know it’s not true but they’ll think that.  Once these men have gone to prison, their lives are more or less over.” Meg said. 

Rafe got back with Wonderburger for all of them.  Although he didn’t want to totally piss Sandburg off, he picked him up a salad, too, just in case.  But Blair ate the damn hamburger and seemed like he really liked it. 

They all sat talking about different things until Henry and Simon came walking into the room. 

“Hey, everyone.” Brown said as he came through the door. 

“Hey, yourself, H.” Rafe said laughing. 

“So what’s this all about?” Simon asked pulling up a chair and sitting down. 

“Well, I have some things to talk to all of you about.  Now, first of all, let me tell you what the DA, Judge and IA are willing to do, charges wise.” Meg said. 

She filled them in on everything that she had told the other men so far.  Simon stood up, very angry and said, “That’s bullshit.  Five fucking years for almost killing Jim?  Not to mention they kidnapped him. What the fuck's that judge thinking?”

She then told them how they thought the jury would be sympathetic about the taunting by Blair and it might be swayed in their direction. 

“It’s still fucking bullshit.” Simon said, sitting back down.  Jim looked at his friend and smiled and said, “Thanks, Simon.”

“Okay, gentlemen,” Ms. Parmeter said, “this is the deal.  You can take it now or go to court.  It’s as simple as that. If you’re not happy, you know I’ll fight like crazy to take care of this.”

All of the men were sitting and watching her as she began pacing.  “Simon, for you having to give up your spot after all of those years, they’re going to offer you $3,000,000.  Rafe and Brown, for your jobs and anguish, they’re going to offer you each $1,000,000.  Blair, they’re willing to offer you $6,000.000. and finally, Jim, they’re going to offer you this one time settlement for the pain, injury and suffering that you have had to deal with.  There will be no extra medical.  This has to pay all of your medical expenses that will come up over the years.  They took that into consideration.  The amount is $30,000,000.”

Everyone in the room was sitting there with mouths hanging open.  “Well, gentlemen, I don’t know if this is good or bad.  Why doesn’t someone say something.”

Simon finally said, “Jim, is that enough in your mind?”

“I never dreamed they would give us this much.” Jim answered. 

“So what do you all think?” Meg asked.  

Jim said, “Where are the papers to sign.  I’ll settle for this.  Shit, we can open our business. Are the amounts all right with you guys?”

Meg interrupted and said, “Jim, I just want you to know that I had asked for much more but this is the best offer I could get out of them. I’m really sorry about that.”

Simon started pacing and said, “Jim, maybe we should go to court.  These guys still kidnapped and tried to kill you.  They’re only going to get five years.  They’ll be out in five years to try and get all of us.”

Rafe said, “How about if we all move?”

Simon looked at him and said, “Move to where?”

“Somewhere warmer.” Blair said smiling. 

“I like that idea.  We could all move.  Not that they wouldn’t be able to find us but it might be harder.” Jim said. 

“So you all would just up and move?  What about my son?  You don’t have any kids but I do.” Simon said.

“So bring him along.  I’m sure no matter where we go there will be colleges.” Blair said, laughing. 

“Guys, guys, guys.  Slow down.  Do we have a deal here?  Because if you agree, I have all of the paperwork and we can get this show on the road.” Meg said. 

“Yeah, it sounds fair to me.” Jim said. 

“I like the idea, Rafe said.

“Jim, do you know how to use money in stock markets and things like that?” Brown asked.

“Yeah, I’ll help you invest wisely so you won’t have a worry in the world.” Jim said. 

“I can’t wait to get out of here.” Blair said. 

“Okay.  Let's get this paperwork signed, sealed and delivered.” Meg said, smiling. 

Everyone signed their papers and Meg Paremeter went the court house to file all of the paperwork and talk to the DA and Judge. 

When she left, Jim said, “Where are we going to move to?  California?”

“That’s a thought.  I love California.” Blair said. 

“So do I.” Rafe said. 

Brown frowned and said, “Too many earthquakes there.  I hate that.”

“I have to agree with Henry. I think somewhere nice would be Arizona, Nevada or New Mexico.  What do you think?”

“Oh I love New Mexico.” Blair said. 

“I do, too.  I’ve been there a few times.” Rafe said. 

“I love New Mexico.” Brown said.  

“I’ve never been there but I could check into the colleges around there for Daryl.” Simon said. “Which part of New Mexico?”

“I know.  Santa Fe.  It’s not that far from Albuquerque but far enough to keep us away from the smog and traffic.  Plus, this small town's filled with rich people.  We’d have a lot of work there.” Blair said, smiling for the first time in ages. 

“What do you think of that idea, guys?” Jim asked smiling back at his love. 

Simon looked over at Jim and said, “So Jim, you never said how you feel about this.  How do you feel?”

“About moving?  About the settlement?  About those assholes?  What?” Jim asked. 

“All of it, Jim.” Simon said. 

“Well, I like the idea of a warmer area.  God, I’m sick of rain and cold.  The settlement's good, I think.  It’s enough for me, anyhow.  Those assholes will never suffer enough as far as I’m concerned but there’s nothing I can do about that. Does this answer everyone’s questions?”

“Yeah, that tells us how you’re feeling, Jim.” Blair said, lying down next to Jim and hugged him hard. 

“Geeze, get a room.” Rafe said, laughing. 

“I know.  They’re worse than newlyweds.” Simon said. 

“Newlyweds get to fuck so we’re not like that.” Jim said. “If you’d get out of here maybe we could take care of some of that.”

“Jim!” Blair said, turned crimson. 

“We don’t need to be told more than once.  We’ll be right in the hall.  We won’t let anyone in.  Have fun.” Simon said laughing as they walked out of the room. 

Jim pulled Blair into his arms and said, “I asked the doc and he said as long as I was careful and didn’t do anything too strenuous, we could fool around.  I’m hot for you, baby.”

Blair pushed Jim’s gown up and started kissing his nipples to hardness.  Jim started moaning.  “Jim, do I need to put a pillow over your face.  I’d like to not advertise this.” Blair said, smiling into his love's eyes. 
“I’ll try to be good, but Jesus, I’m horny.  Please touch me, baby.” Jim begged. 

Blair took off his jeans and boxers and crawled on top of Jim and started rubbing their erections together.  Jim pushed Blair harder and harder into his body.  Both men wanted it so bad that they knew it wouldn’t take long.  Blair kissed Jim’s ear and whispered, “If you’re good, tomorrow, I’ll tongue fuck you.”

Jim came with a shout and Blair followed right after as his cock slid in and out of Jim’s warm come.  Blair got up and cleaned them both off, got his clothing back on and then got Jim all settled in bed and then crawled in next to him and they both fell asleep. 

The three men in the hallway had heard Ellison come with a loud yell so they were waiting for the door to open up, but no one came out.  Finally, Simon said, “I’ll see if they’re ready for company yet.” Opening the door just a crack, he saw both men decent and sound asleep. 

“It’s safe, come on in.” Simon said. 

“So Simon, are you really okay with a move?” Rafe asked. 

“Yeah, I am.  You know you all are the best friends a person could ask for.  I’d probably follow any of you, anywhere.”

“Thanks, Simon.  We feel the same way about all of you.” Brown said. 

When Jim woke up, everyone was gone, except for Brown.  “Hi, H.  Did we scare everyone off?”

“Not hardly.” Henry answered. “Simon wanted to get some sleep for tonight's shift. And Rafe just wanted to think.”

“It’s a lot to think about, isn’t it? The move I mean.  If you don’t want to move, then we can stay here.  We should have made that clear.” Jim said. 

“No, Jim, we’re fine with the move.  Rafe just met someone new and he’s sad about that but he wants to come with us.” Brown said. 

“Well, tell him to ask her to marry him.” Jim said. 

“I think he might. How do you feel about having a wife in this group?” Brown asked. 

Blair smiled from Jim’s arms and said, “Well, I’m like Jim’s wife so I guess she wouldn’t be the first.”

Starting to laugh, Jim said, “No way.  I would never call you that, baby.”

“Okay, sorry, Jim’s my wife, so Rafe’s woman wouldn’t be the first.” Blair said and got a swat as he jumped and ran from the bed.

Brown smiled at the love that was coming from the two men.  It was almost back to normal.  He had hoped that things wouldn’t change too much.  Looked like it might work out okay. 

When Brown left, Simon came on.  Jim and Blair readied for bed and said goodnight.  During the night, Jim heard Simon in the bathroom talking on the telephone.  He was talking to Daryl.  When he walked out, he saw Jim was awake and he said, “Sorry, Jim.”

“It’s all right.  How's he taking the news?” Jim asked. 

“He said he’s going to start packing right now. So I guess it wasn’t all that tramatic for him.  Maybe it’s harder for me and not at all for him.” Simon answered. 

“Well, Simon, it’s a big fucking step.” Jim whispered.  Jim slid out of bed and sat down in one of the chairs next to Simon.  They ended up talking till almost morning. 

The doctor came in first thing that morning and said, “Good morning, how's my patient today?”

“I’m fine.” Simon said. 

Jim laughed and said, “He’s such a smart ass, isn’t he?”

“Yes, that he is.  How are you feeling, Jim?  Have you been up for long?” The doctor asked. 

“Well, I had some things to discuss with Simon, so yeah, I’ve been up for about four hours. “ Jim answered. “I feel great. I can’t wait to get out of here.”

“Well, today's your lucky day.  Your therapists said you’ve gone past the limit they were expecting, so you can get out in three days.  I just need to have more blood work done and a few other things.  Then you’ll be free.”

“Thanks, doc.  Not that I don’t appreciate you all but I can’t wait to get home to my own bed.” Jim said. 
“The feeling's mutual.  If things go right, you’ll be out of here in three days.”

Blair was going to be so fucking thrilled.  Blair hated the damn hospital more than Jim, if that was at all possible.  Jim couldn’t wait to have the next three days over and done with. 

Rafe walked in and said, “How goes it, Ellison? Good morning, Doctor.  Morning, Simon.”

“Good morning, Mr. Rafe.” the doctor said. 

“Morning, Brian.” Blair said waking up. 

“I’m doing pretty good, Rafe.  Guess who might get out in three days?” Jim asked. 

“Oh shit, why do I always miss the good stuff?” Blair said. 

“Man, that’s not what you said last night.” Jim said, laughing. 

Blair smacked Jim on the top of his head when he got out of the bed.  He went into the bathroom to get ready for his day, but not before Ellison was able to swat his ass as he walked away. 

“Rafe, are you okay with the idea of moving?  Because if you’re not, we understand.  We could stay.” Jim said. 

“I was torn, but it was over a woman and I asked her to marry me last night.  She said yes.” Rafe said. 

Jim grabbed his hand and shook it saying, “Congratulations!  When do we get to meet her?”

Simon grabbed Rafe’s hand next and shook it.  “Rafe, that’s wonderful news.  Tell us all about her.”

“Let wait for Blair because he’ll be hurt if I don’t tell him, too.” Rafe said. 

When Blair came out, Rafe told him and he hugged him immediately.  Rafe laughed and said, “Shit, I was almost afraid to tell you guys that I was bringing along a woman but you all seem okay with it.”

Simon said, “Well, Jim and Blair are considered a couple, so you won’t be the first.”

“Oh yeah, right.  I forgot.” Rafe said, laughing loudly. “Who’s the wife?”

“Fuck you, Rafe.” Jim said, laughing. 

“God, you guys are so mature.” Blair said, sticking his tongue out at Rafe and laughing along with the others. 

“Have you told Brown yet?” Simon asked. 

“Yeah, you know I tell my partner everything.  He knows her and likes her a lot.” Rafe answered. 

“This is great news.  I say we celebrate with Wonderburger for lunch.  What do you say?” Jim asked. 

“No way.  You just ate something from there the other day. Don’t press your luck, Ellison.” Blair said, kissing Jim’s lips. 

“Jim and I talked about a lot of things last night.  We’re all going to stay at the loft until we leave town.  Well, except for Rafe and his new lady.  But Brown and I will stay with Jim and Blair.  Remind me to tell Brown.” Simon said. 

“Sir, you might want to ask Brown about that cuz I think he’s going to ask his lady friend to marry him, too.” Rafe said. 

“I didn’t know they were that serious.” Simon asked. 

“Well, he’s crazy about her, but whether she’ll leave or not's another thing.” Rafe said. 

Jim walked over to the bed, laid down and fell asleep.  “Is he all right, Blair?” Rafe asked. 

“My guess is he was up talking with Simon all night long instead of sleeping.” Blair said giving Simon the evil eye. 

“Sorry, Sandburg.  He couldn’t sleep.  He’s afraid he’s not doing the right thing.” Simon replied.  “Now, if you’ll all excuse me, this old man needs to go and get some sleep. See you tonight, Sandburg.”

“Thanks for everything, Simon.” Blair called out as Simon was walking through the doorway. 

Blair curled up on the bed with Jim, pulled him into his arms and went back to sleep.  God he loved sleeping with Jim.  And he loved holding him.  It was Blair’s way of making Jim feel safe. 

When Jim woke for the second time, Rafe was sitting there alone.  “Where’s Sandburg?”

“He went to get us all some lunch.  Don’t panic, Brown came in early.  He’s not alone.” Rafe said, calming Ellison down right off. 

Jim picked up the phone and called Conner’s house and a stranger answered.  Jim asked, “May I speak with Megan Conner, please?”

“Who is this?” the male voice answered. 

“I’m a friend of hers and wanted to see how she was doing.” Jim replied without giving his name. 

“I’m sorry to have to tell you, sir, but she took an overdose of pills and commited suicide sometime during the night.”

Jim just sat there with a horrified look on his face and Rafe grabbed the phone and said, “What’s wrong with Conner?”

“I was just telling her friend that she died of an overdose.  I’m sorry to have to give you this news.  She left notes for numerous people. Do you happen to know who Rafe, Brown, Ellison, Sandburg and Banks are?”

“Yeah, that’s us.” Rafe said quietly. 

“Well, the letters will be at the police station.” he said. 

“We’ll have our lawyer pick them up for us.” Rafe said before he hung up the phone. 

Blair came walking into the room with Henry and said, “Well, okay, you guys are in for a treat now.  There's a new Chinese place and they have the very best food you’ve had in ages.” He walked around and set everything up for Jim to eat and finally said, “Jim, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.  Just missed you.” Jim said, smiling.

“Eat up, big man.” Blair said knowing damn well something was up because Jim had such a sad look on his face Blair didn’t know if he wanted to know.  “Jim, it’s not my mom, is it?”

“No, baby, your mom's fine.”

“Oh good.  Okay, eat up and we’ll talk after lunch.” Blair said. 

Rafe was amazed at how in tune he was to Jim’s moods and feelings.  Rafe also knew that Blair would be upset because no matter what he said, he and Conner had been best pals. 

They all ate lunch in silence seeming to know that bad news would be coming soon enough.   

Once lunch was done, they all sat down and Jim told the two men about Conner.  Blair just sat there with his mouth hanging open.  “Jim, I never meant for this to happen.” He rushed into the bathroom and Jim could hear him throwing up his lunch. 

“Man, I knew he was going to take it hard.  They were good friends.” Rafe said. 

“He’ll blame himself.  We’ve got to watch out for him now.” Jim almost begged. 

“We could do no less, Jim.  Don’t worry about Blair.” Brown said.  “Shit, I can’t believe she did that.”

“Well, she couldn’t live with her actions.  It’s too bad.” Jim said sadly.  Jim hadn’t rushed into the bathroom when his lover had started throwing up.  He knew Blair needed some space. 

After about an hour, Jim decided that Blair had had enough space and he knocked and walked into the bathroom.  Blair went right into Jim’s arms.  “God, Jim, I was so mean to her.  I was so fucking mean to her.” Blair said as he cried into Jim’s chest. 

“We both were, Chief, but she decided this on her own.  It was her actions she couldn’t live with, not ours.”

“How do you know that?” Blair asked sadly. 

“I don’t, but I can only imagine. I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if I had done what she did.”

Jim got a wash cloth and washed Blair’s face and said, “Come on, Chief, come out here.”

Blair followed Jim out, sat down and looked at the floor.  Rafe said, “Jim, I called and left a message for Simon on his machine, letting him know.”

“Thanks, I was going to do it but got sidetracked. You all know that she chose this road.  We didn’t pave that road for her, she did.” Jim said. 

Blair realized that Jim was trying to convince himself and he could hear the slight tremors in Jim’s voice. 

“Rafe and Brown, could I be alone with Jim for a short time?”

“Sure, Sandburg, we’ll be in the hall.” Rafe said getting up and moving out there as fast as he could.  Rafe could see Jim Ellison losing it, too.  He sure as hell didn’t want to be in the room when he did. 

They got out to the hallway and Brown said, “Shit, this is going to be bad, isn’t it?”

“It might be.” Rafe said and both men suddenly heard Jim’s sobbing.  Both men leaned against the wall and had tears falling down their cheeks.  They could hear Blair trying to comfort him.  It was so heartbreaking.  They looked up when they heard someone walking towards the door and there stood Simon.  He had tears in his eyes and said, “How's Jim?”

“Not good, sir.  He’s crying.” Brown said sadly. 

“Shit, she’s hurting him even now.” Rafe said. 

“The ultimate plan.” Simon said shaking his head and knocking on the door. 

He walked into the room without an invite and said to Blair, “I want to see Jim alone.”

“Simon, I don’t want to leave him.” Blair pleaded. 

“You know I’ll take care of him.” Simon said. 

Blair got up and moved towards the door and said, “Jim, you call if you need me.”

“I will, Chief.”

Blair walked out the hall and started pacing.  Before long, Rafe and Brown were doing it with him.  The nurse came up and said, “Is something wrong with Mr. Ellison?”

“No, we just had some bad news and he needs some time.” Blair said. 

“Okay, I’ll come back to do his vitals in a half hour.” She said. 

“You know what’s really weird, guys?” Blair asked.

“What?” Rafe asked.

“I was thinking of calling her this week and telling her that we’d try and work things out.  I really liked Megan.”

“We all did, Sandburg.  She did something stupid but this was past stupid.  This time she was trying to hurt all of us.” Brown said angrily. 

A man walked up to the door and Rafe said, “Can I help you?”

“Who are you?  And why would you stop anyone that goes in to see Mr. Ellison?”

“I’m his friend and he’s had death threats so no one gets in there without our okay.” Rafe said. 

“I’m Detective Morgan from Major Crime.  I wanted to ask you all a few questions.”

“Shoot.” Brown said. 

The detective sat down in one of the chairs and said, “We have reason to believe that Megan Conner was murdered for her testimony in the case at hand.”

“Murder?  I thought it was a drug overdose.” Blair said. 

“We did at first but the Coroner said it wasn’t.  She put up quite a fight.  We have four suspects right now.  We need to know if you know any of them.”

“Who?” Blair asked.

“They were the four wives of the men that are going to prison as of tomorrow.”

“I don’t know any of them, no.” Rafe said.  “Brown, did you know them?”

“Nope, I never ever met them.  I didn’t even know they were married.” Brown said. 

“I didn’t know them, either.” Blair said. 

“Well, I thought I would talk with Jim Ellison since this whole thing has to do with him and wondered if he knew the women and had any ideas.” the detective said. 

Blair took the detective into the room and filled everyone in on what was going on.  Needless to say, Simon and Jim were surprised, shocked and saddened to know that four women would now be going to prison, too. Jim answered all the questions he could and then they left him alone.  Blair looked over and Jim said, “Actually, I know this sounds weird but I’m glad that someone did kill her. I find that easier to take than her taking her own life.”

“Jim, I think she was going to take her own life and these women interrupted. “ Blair said. “Why else would she have written the notes?”

“Well, I for one, am not reading any note.  I’m just not up to it now.” Jim said sadly. 

Jim’s door opened and in walked the doctor and nurse.  Blair said, “I’ll be back in a few. “ Blair leaned in and gave Jim a quick kiss before leaving. 

The doctor said, “Well, Jim, we got all tests back quicker than we figured and I think you can go home today.  Would you like that?”

“Shit, yeah.  I want out. No offense.” Jim said, beaming at the prospect of being in his own home again. 

“Well, I’ll get everything done.  You have Blair go and get you something to wear home. I’ll need to see you in two weeks and then you’re free to go to any doctor you choose.”

“Thanks, doc.  You’ve been great.” Jim said and turning to the nurse said, “you've all been fabulous.  Putting up with all of my stuff daily must have driven you all nuts.  Thanks.”

The nurse was so pleased.  They rarely got the recognition that the doctors did.  But here was this kind man saying such wonderful things. 

Blair came back into the room and said, “The doc said you had good news.  Do you get to come home?”

“Yup, I need some clothes, Chief.  I don’t want to wear scrubs.”

“Not a problem.  I had Brown get your things last night to keep up here.  I’ll have him go down and get them now.” Blair said bouncing. 

“You excited there, Chief?” Jim asked laughing. 

“You bet your sweet ass I’m excited.  I’m telling you, Jim, you're mine when we get home.”

“Chief, I’m always yours.  I don’t need to be home for that.”

“Jesus, you're such a romantic.  I love that about you.” Blair said, hugging the man to him and kissing his lips gently. 

Blair walked out to ask Brown to get Jim’s clothes when Meg walked up and said, “Good morning, there must be good news.  You all look pretty happy, considering.”

“Jim gets to go home today. Is something wrong?” Blair asked worriedly. 

“No, not at all.  I just came by to give you all your paperwork. “ she said, walking into the room after Blair. 

“Hello, Jim.” Meg said. “Hear you get to go home today?”

“What’s up, Meg?” Jim asked with a look of fear on his face that scared the woman. 

“Nothing, I brought everyone’s paperwork.  You’ll have your checks in one month.  So, you’re almost there.  They can’t go back on it, either.  That was part of the deal.  No appeals or anything like that.”

“That’s great news.  We’ve all decided to move to New Mexico, well, I think.” Jim said laughing. 

“I think a move would be wonderful for you all.” Meg said. “Jim, I have some things I need to ask you.”

“So ask.” Jim said. 

“Well, since Brown and Rafe got smaller checks I only took ten percent out of theirs.  And same with Simon’s.  But with Blair’s I took thirty percent.  And of course yours will be thirty-five percent.  I need to find out if this is acceptable to all of you.”

“It’s acceptable to me.” Jim said. 

“It’s acceptable to me, too.” Blair said. 

“Well, I just needed to be sure that you didn’t mind that I took less out of theirs.  But I felt like they should have gotten more.  Not that it’s your problem but I just felt like this was my way of making things a bit better for them, financially.”

“Oh, I see,” Blair said, “you don’t think they got enough so you took it out of ours.  Man, that sucks.”  Then both men started laughing loudly. 

“Very funny.  I just needed to tell you that up front.” Meg said. 

“So everything's already done?” Jim asked. 

“Yes, they had to do this very quietly or they’d be front page news.  But now, they have their hands full because the wives all are suspects in a murder.  No way are they going to keep that quiet.” Meg said. 

“And this won’t affect the money, the case or anything else?” Jim asked. 

“No, it’s all finished, Jim.  Don’t worry.  Nothing will come out about you.  If they question the women and they talk about anything, they’ll be sued by the city and will lose all contact with their children.  Believe me, the city's right on top of this.  They’re going to call it a crime of passion.” Meg said looking out the window.  “It’s just so sad that they had to do that.”

“We’ve noticed that most people are sad.  Especially when they feel that they’ve been wronged.” Blair said. 

“Well, gentlemen, I’ll talk to you later.  Where should I send the checks?”

“To our loft unless we leave town.  In which case, we’ll let you know.  But I can’t see that happening that quickly.  Rafe wants to get married first and maybe Henry.” Jim said, smiling. 

So something good has come out of all of this.  Glad to hear it.  Bye, guys.” Meg called out on her way out.  Seeing the men in the hall, she talked to them for awhile before leaving. 

Simon, Brown and Rafe all came walking into the room and said, “You ready to go, Ellison?”

The ride home was pretty quiet.  They had a lot on their minds.  They were trying to figure out how to go to the funeral services without everyone talking about them. Then Blair reminded them that she’d probably be going home to be buried with her family. 

When they got inside the loft, they all sat down and talked about the upcoming move.  Jim finally asked, “So Rafe and Brown, do you want to get married before or after we move?”

Rafe said, “Before.  I want to take my wife with me.” They all looked at the beaming face and started laughing. 

“What?” Rafe asked. 

“It’s just that dopey love look.  Ellison and Sandburg have it, too.” Simon said laughing. 

“Oh, thanks for that, Simon.” Jim said.

“How about you, Brown?” Simon asked. 

“She doesn’t want to move.  I talked to her till I was blue in the face but she won’t listen.” Brown said sadly. 

“Brown, don’t feel like you have to move.  If you want to stay here with her that’s fine, too.” Jim said, trying to give his friend an out. 

“No, I want to go with you all. I think we could make a kick ass team.” Brown said.  “Someday I’ll meet someone new.”

Jim vowed to talk to his girlfriend, but first, he’d have to find out what her name was. Rafe was sure to know. “So Rafe, when do we meet your new wife-to-be?”

“Jim, her name's going to knock your socks off.” Rafe said, laughing. 

“Why?” Jim asked, wondering why it had anything to do with him. 

“Her grandfather’s name was Ellison so they named her after him.  Her name's Ellison Anne Parker.” Rafe said smiling brightly. 

“Now that is odd.  But I like it.  What do you call her?” Jim asked.

“Well, her family calls her Ellie but I call her Ellison or Elle.  You’re going to love her.  All of you.” Rafe said. 

Blair said, “Call her up and tell her to come for dinner tonight.”

“Okay, I will.” Rafe went into the study to make the call.  Jim followed him in and shut the door.  Rafe lifted his eyes up and asked, “What’s up, Jim?”

“Do you know Brown’s girl's name and number? I thought I would try calling her.”

“Yeah, I’ll give it to you later on tonight.” Rafe answered. 

“I’d like to call right now.  Maybe she’d come over and meet us and see we’re not so bad.” Jim said.

Rafe wrote down the number for Jim and Jim left the room while Rafe called his Elle for dinner. 

Walking up the stairs, Blair said, “Jim, want to lay down for a little while?”

“Yeah, I think I could use a short nap.  Chief, could you bring my cell phone up with you?”

“Sure.” Blair said as he grabbed it and went to tuck his main man in.  He climbed the stairs and then into the bed with Jim.  “Chief, I’m never going to nap if you lay here with me.”

“Who you going to call, Jim?” Blair said, knowing that Jim was trying to sidetrack him with the sex remark. 

“Brown’s girl.  I’m going to see if she’ll come for dinner tonight.  I’ll tell her to give us a chance.”

“Jim, Brown never said she didn’t like us.  She doesn’t want to move.”

“Yeah, but Chief, she might be afraid to move with perfect strangers.  That’s why I want to invite her.”

“Do whatever you want, man, but don’t get all pissed off when she says no.”

“I’ll try not to. Now go downstairs and make something wonderful for dinner.” Jim ordered, laughing. 

“Yes, master.” Blair said as he kept bowing in front of the bed and backed away to the stairs.  Both men were laughing by this time. 

Jim called the girl named Rae.  When she answered he talked to her for about an hour about how great Henry was and how badly he wanted to go with them but he wouldn’t leave with out his Rae.  Then Jim asked her to dinner to meet everyone and make up her mind for good.  After agreeing that it might not be a bad idea, she got Jim’s address and hung up.  Jim fell asleep and slept until Blair woke him up for a shower before dinner. 

Everyone was there and they all helped in the kitchen.  There was a knock at the door and Rafe opened it and let Elle in.  He introduced her and then she sat and watched all of the men do their thing in the kitchen.  She couldn’t believe how well they all seemed to work together.  Jim walked up to her and said, “It’s scary, isn’t it?”

“What?” She asked. 

“How well we all seem to fit in each others lives.  Sometimes it’s almost too good.  We’re so damn grateful to have each other.  All of us.” Jim said smiling at her.  “And we’re really glad that Rafe won’t be alone anymore.  Now if we can get Brown and Simon married off, we’ll all be happy.”

Laughing she said, “Oh god, could we have fun or what?”

Jim loved this woman.  She had a great sense of humor.  She accepted everyone and never questioned anything. 

There was a knock at the door and a gorgeous black woman stood there and he said, “You must be Rae?”

“And you must be Jim.” Rae said, smiling, liking this man instantly. 

“Come on in and meet everyone.  Jim made the introductions and Brown was thrilled to see her.  He kissed her hard and whispered, “I love you.”

“I love you, too, Henry.” Rae answered. 

The dinner went surprisingly well with all of the cooks in the kitchen.  The two women really liked each other.  They had many things in common.  They realized they had a lot in common with Jim, too.  They chose him as the wife.  Both women laughed when they talked about that.  Jim heard them and at first thought this was weird but someone had to be it, why not him.  He smiled at Blair.

“Listening to things you’re not supposed to be listening to?” Blair asked, going into his arms. 

“Yup, and I found out that the girls think I’m the wife in this arrangement.”

Howling, Blair said, “You’ve got to be shitting me?”

“Nope, they think that I’m the wife.  What’s wrong with that, Blair?”

“Nothing, I guess.  I just never expected you to take it so well.”

“Baby, I don’t mind being your wife or anything else you want me to be.” Jim said as he leaned in for a kiss. 

“God, you're so romantic.  I love that about you.”

After dinner, Brown asked Rae if she’d marry him again and she said yes.  Brown walked out into the living room and said, “Everyone, Rae and I are going to get married this week at the court house.”

Everyone got up and shook Brown’s hand and then hugged Rae. “Brian, I’d like you to stand up for me.”

“Sure, I’d be honored.” Rafe said.  “Now I have something to tell all of you.”

“What?” Blair asked, wondering how he could top the news. 

“Elle and I got married two weeks ago.  We didn’t want anyone to know right away because we’re having a baby.” Rafe said. 

“Holy shit, Rafe. You really know how to make an announcement.” Blair said, hugging him and then hugging Elle. 

Rae said, “Oh god, I adore babies.  Jim, do you like children?” Blair almost laughed at the way they were acting. 

“As a matter of fact, I love kids.  It’ll be nice if you’ll allow us to be the uncles in their lives.  We’d be honored to be that in all of your children's lives.” Jim said hugging Elle.

Blair thought to himself, * he is the fucking wife. *

As they sat there, Blair said, “I’ve been looking on my laptop for property and homes in Sante Fe.  I found some great places.  All not too far from each other.  If anyone's interested, I’ll show you on the computer. “

“Well, of course we all want to see them.” Elle said. 

The night went by quickly with talk about moving and such things.  Jim noticed that Simon was really quiet. Walking out the balcony, he asked  “What’s up, big guy?”

“Daryl doesn’t want to go with us after all.  He’s started school here and he’s happy.  So, I guess I’ll be staying here.  I talked to Joel today and Joel said that he’d really like me to stay here and move in with him.”

“Well, Simon, it’s not like you need a place to live. Right?” Jim asked.

“Actually, I sold my house when this whole thing happened because I didn’t want to lose it.  So, I just wanted to tell you that I won’t be going.”

“Simon, will you at least think on it some more? I can’t imagine this move without you.  I’ll even talk to Daryl.  Look how I sweet talked Rae.  Want me to try?”

“No, that’s okay.  Jim, it’s best this way.  Everyone's going to be starting their families and I won’t fit in.”

Jim looked over at his friend seeing the sadness and said, “Simon, what if we ask Joel to move with us?  We could easily make him a partner.  What do you think of that idea?”

“Well, I don’t think you should think about it until you talk to everyone else.” Simon said, looking hopeful for the first time. 

Jim walked in and asked everyone to sit down.  “Who would mind if Joel went to Sante Fe with us?  Hands up anyone?”

“Joel wants to go with us.  That’s great.” Blair said, smiling at Simon. 

Jim watched this and wondered what the fuck he was missing. 

Brown and Rafe both said, “All right.”

Then Rafe said, “We’d love for Joel to go with us.  Tell him to give his notice.  God, this is like a big family move.”

Jim smiled at Simon and said, “Satisfied?”

“Yeah, but I think you and I need to talk, Jim.” Simon said. 

“I thought we were, Simon.”

“Jim, I’ve been sleeping with Joel for about a year now.” Simon said. 

“No shit?  I think Blair knew already.  He kept smiling all night at the idea of Joel moving. Are you afraid that the guys won’t like it?”

“Well, yeah.  I mean, everyone loves Joel but not that way, you know?”

“So go in and tell them.” Jim said. 

Simon figured what could he lose? * Oh fuck, just the very best friends in the world is all. *

Simon called Joel over and asked him if they could tell everyone.  Joel drove over in record time. 

When he got there; they all were talking about the move and how exciting it was when Simon said, “Could I have your attention?”

Everyone stopped talking and Simon and Joel stood next together and Simon said, “I wanted to tell all of you that Joel and I have been a couple for about a year now.”

“We know that.” Blair said. 

“Yeah, who didn’t know?” Rafe said, laughing.

“Congratulations on coming out.” Brown said shaking both men's hands. 

Jim just stood there in shock and said, “Simon, I never had a clue.”

“Jim, you and I are almost always clueless.” Simon said, laughing. 

The talking continued until Jim tired and they were all reminded that Jim had just gotten home from the hospital.  They knew that they would have a lot of time to make all of these plans.  But at least they knew that they’d all be together. 

Life might be no bed of roses, but it was exciting, fun, filled with love and adventure. None of the huge family would ever give up any of it.  Jim and Blair knew that they had a lot of crosses to bear, but also knew that they wouldn’t be doing it alone.  They were loved and they, in turn, loved many back. 

This is what life was supposed to be. 


End No Bed Of Roses.  

Return to Patt's Stuff













 

 




Hosted by www.Geocities.ws

1