Conner's Quiz 6 - Why Dogs Are Better Than Men
Patt
Warnings: m/m This one has goofiness, but it's also
serious. So giving you warning. There be angst ahead. :(
Had to do it. The next one will be more fun. <g>
Conner: Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
Joel: Now this is just not true. I show affection in public.
Simon: Yeah, I do, too.
Jim: Me, too.
Blair: Jim, you could show a little more, if you know what I mean.
Jim: You don't think I'm affectionate?
Blair: Yeah, but we all have room for growth.
Brown: I think men show affection just fine. And, Blair, I think Jim
is affectionate in public, especially since this is all new to him.
Blair: And it's not to me?
Jim: I'll work on it, Chief. Okay?
Rafe: First, the reason bedrooms were made is so we wouldn't have to
show affection in public. DUH
Blair: Rafe, you're giving all of us men that dog reputation.
Rafe: Somehow you'll have to live with it.
Simon: Wow, Conner, this one is just breezing right by, isn't it?
Are we done yet?
Conner: Simon, you know damn well this is the first one.
Simon: Maybe this whole school thing was a bad idea.
Jim: You seem tired, Conner. Are you all right?
Conner: Jim, that's so damn nice. Thanks, I'm doing fine.
Blair: You know where I am if you need to talk, C.
Conner: Thanks, Sandy.
Conner: Dogs miss you when you're gone.
Joel: Hey, if I were dating someone, I'd miss her when she was gone.
Blair: I happen to know that Jim misses me when I'm gone.
Jim: I do.
Blair: I miss you too, big man.
Rafe: You guys are kind of cute.
Brown: Yeah, I agree with Rafe on that one.
Conner: The question is, would you miss someone, or would a dog miss
them more?
Rafe: Yeah, the person I'm dating is missed when she's gone.
Conner: You never wonder whether your dog's good enough for you.
Blair: Wow, does this one scream out Ellison or what?
Jim: What do you mean?
Joel: Well, Jim, you're just a tad insecure.
Simon: A tad? A tad? What the hell does tad mean anyhow?
Blair: Well, since you asked so nicely I can give you some examples.
A small piece, a bit, a fragment, a smidgen, a trace and a speck. Will
any of those do for you?
Simon: Sandburg, I know what it means. I was just being sardonic.
Blair: Hey, I was just being helpful.
Jim: Now can we get back to what you all started discussing?
Why would I not think I was good enough to be with Blair?
Blair: Well, do you?
Jim: Most of the time.
Blair: See what I have to put up with, y'all.
Jim: Hey, I'm working on it, Chief. I'm trying. I'm taking
baby steps.
Blair: Oh shut up, Bob.
Rafe: Okay, now Sandburg even lost me. Bob???
Conner: Could we get back to the question, guys? We'll be here
all night long at this rate.
Brown: Hey, I think you're all taking this the wrong way. I hear
do you think that your date's good enough for you. Conner, what do
you think?
Conner: Yes, Brown, you deserve a gold star. I didn't want to
point it out to them but they didn't get it.
Jim: See, Sandburg, you picked on me for nothing.
Blair: Okay, I don't think that I would ever sit and do that.
Jim: God, I hope not.
Rafe: Jim, he's joking.
Simon: I have to say I'm fucking confused now.
Joel: So am I. I think we should move on to the next one before
we're stuck here for life.
Conner: Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
Simon: Okay, this one's totally off base. I feel just as guilty
as a woman does.
Conner: Do you? How do you know?
Simon: I just do.
Joel: I agree with Simon. I feel bad when I've done something
wrong, so I'm just like a dog.
Jim: Joel, I'd never say that about you.
Joel: Thanks, Jim.
Blair: Guilt isn't that good a thing. Why do we have to suffer
through this and be proud of it? What are you all... Jewish?
Conner: I'll have you know, Sandy, you don't have to be any type to
have that guilt complex inside of you. My mother was a pro at it and
she wasn't Jewish.
Brown: My mom was, too. I love her to death, but to this day,
I suffer guilt for small things.
Rafe: Your mom would be smiling right now if she heard that, Henry.
Brown: Don't I know it?
Jim: I feel guilty.
Blair: When?
Jim: What do you mean when? I feel guilty all the time.
Blair: Again, I ask, when?
Simon: Okay, I see something brewing here. Let's move this along,
Conner. Now.
Blair: You don't suffer guilt unless someone tells you to, Jim.
Jim: That's bullshit, Chief. I feel just as bad as the next person
for dumb things I do. So, don't tell me I don't suffer guilt.
Simon: Conner, see? We're ready to move on. Go.
Conner: Dogs don't brag about whom they've slept with.
Simon: I never do this.
Rafe: Well, Henry and I have been known to discuss things. We
aren't bragging exactly. We're just really proud of ourselves sometimes.
Brown: Yeah, what he said.
Joel: I don't brag.
Jim: I don't brag.
Blair: You've never bragged about anyone you've ever slept with, Jim?
Jim: No.
Blair: Wow.
Jim: Well, I take it you have?
Blair: A few times.
Rafe: Way to go, Hairboy.
Simon: Sit back down, Ellison and keep your hands to yourself.
Joel, do you ever feel like you're a kindergarten teacher?
Joel: All the time, Simon, all the time.
Jim: Blair, I never used to hear you brag about anyone when we were
just roommates.
Blair: That's because I didn't tell you.
Jim: Why not?
Blair: Because you're a fud and have such a sense of fair play.
You'd probably call the person to see if they wanted to put in their two
cents.
Rafe: So tell us, Hairboy, do you still brag?
Brown: Good one, Brian.
Blair: Hey, I think we've spent enough time on this one.
Simon: I couldn't agree with you more.
Jim: Wait a fucking minute. You tell people about us????
Blair: I never said that.
Jim: You didn't say you didn't either.
Blair: Fine, I tell Conner some things.
Jim: Oh shit...
Conner: Settle down, Jimbo. I'm not going to spread any of those
delicious tales he weaves for me daily.
Jim: Chief, I'm going to kick your ass when we get home.
Blair: Conner, remind me to tell you how much I love these fucking
surveys.
Simon: Now are we ready to move on?
Conner: Dogs don't criticize your friends.
Joel: I try not to criticize my friends.
Simon: I try not to. either.
Jim: I don't do it.
Blair: Choke...Choke...choke...
Simon: Sandburg, you okay?
Blair: Jim, wanna retract that before we move on?
Jim: Fine, sometimes I criticize Blair.
Rafe: Blair? You criticize everyone, Ellison.
Brown: Okay, I have to agree on this one, Ellison. You need to
calm your act down and enjoy life.
Jim: Fine. I'll try to keep my opinions to myself from now on.
Blair: Conner, don't you love when he pouts?
Conner: He is quite cute with his bottom lip sticking out.
Jim: Fuck you, Conner.
Conner: Maybe later, if you let me brag afterwards.
Jim: Choke...Choke...
Simon: Would you and Sandburg learn how to drink and eat?
Jim: Sorry, Simon. It went down the wrong way.
Conner: Why do you all say that? It can only go down one way.
It goes down. It can't go up, it just goes down.
Joel: It's a figure of speech, Conner.
Conner: So do we all agree that no one but Ellison criticizes anyone?
Blair: Well, that's not true.
Simon: Fine, who else?
Blair: You, Simon. You criticize worse than Jim does. In
fact, I figured that it's where Jim took lessons.
Simon: Conner, could you explain to me again why this is supposed to
be helping you?
Conner: Sure, sir. I get to do a paper on your interactions,
your answers and your opinions of yourself and each other.
Simon: Move on, Conner, before I pull the damn plug on them all.
Conner: Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent because
they know the most important thing's that you're together.
Jim: Hey, I'm always happy with whatever Blair rents.
Blair: Right.
Simon: This one's just plain stupid.
Blair: Sir, the whole point is that you're spending quality time with
someone, not what video you chose.
Jim: There you go, I love you no matter what you rent, even if I hate
the damn thing.
Brown: I think this one's dumb, too.
Rafe: I think we should pass these by without wasting our time.
Joel: I agree with Blair on this one. It's important that you
spend quality time with someone and that's what you're not seeing here.
Conner: I love that some of you guys can figure these out by yourself.
Conner: Gorgeous dogs don't know they're gorgeous.
Jim: Was this one made for Rafe and Sandburg or what?
Blair: What do you mean by that, Jim?
Jim: Well, you're too gorgeous and don't pretend like you don't know
it.
Blair: And you know damn well that you're like a Greek god. So
where's this taking us?
Jim: I just get jealous sometimes.
Blair: Man, you're so fucking sexy when you're jealous.
Joel: I think it's made for the two of them, too.
Rafe: Wait a minute, how the hell was I drawn into this? I'm
not gay.
Jim: What does this have to do with being gay?
Rafe: Well, you're talking about gorgeous guys; why would you all notice
me?
Jim: Rafe, have Conner explain it to you.
Conner: Rafe, honey, I'll talk to you later tonight.
Brown: You're a little slow on the uptake, Brian.
Rafe: Blair, do you get it?
Blair: Yeah, Rafe, they're jealous of me and you getting most of the
attention in the bullpen.
Rafe: Oh, that. Okay, I knew about that.
Jim: See, that's what we're talking about.
Simon: I think you're all nuts.
Conner: Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
Jim: I imagine Sandburg'll have something to say about this one.
Blair: Yeah, I do. I'm never threatened by your intelligence.
Jim: Thank you, baby.
Conner: Jim, I think he was insulting you.
Jim: I know. I'm just making him feel bad now.
Blair: It worked.
Jim: God, I'm good.
Simon: Another stupid one.
Joel: Many folks are threatened by some of you guys being so smart
but I just tell them flat out, "don't worry, they're just as dumb as the
rest of us."
Simon: Thanks, Joel. That makes us all feel so much better.
Joel: You're welcome.
Brown: Hey, who was he calling dumb?
Rafe: Us.
Conner: Dogs don't need therapy to undo their bad socialization.
Joel: Is it just me, or does this one scream Ellison?
Simon: I see Ellison here, too.
Jim: I don't.
Blair: You wouldn't.
Jim: Shut up.
Blair: See bad social skills?
Simon: You're giving them more ammo, Jim.
Rafe: I see Ellison, but I also see Simon.
Simon: Shut up, Rafe.
Rafe: It was okay when it was just Jim, but now that it's you, you
have a problem with it? Bad social skills if you ask me.
Simon: Fuck you, Rafe.
Jim: You're giving them more ammo, Simon. <snickering>
Simon: Fuck you, too, Ellison.
Brown: Well, I see both of them, too.
Conner: I have to say this one's so Ellison it isn't even funny.
I just had to have my say on it.
Jim: Hey, you're not supposed to be answering these. You're just
supposed to be sitting in.
Simon: Yeah.
Jim: Good come back, Simon. Thanks.
Simon: Fuck you, Ellison.
Jim: Not today, sir. I'm busy and Blair's the jealous type.
Simon: Conner, could you move this along?
Conner: The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK,
the *really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a
vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.)
Rafe: Ewwwwww
Brown: Yeah, what he said.
Joel: This is a terrible one. Conner, where did you get this
survey?
Simon: I don't even want to think on this one.
Jim: Actually, I like this one. Wouldn't it be great if you could
put the person out of their misery that gave you a disease??
Blair: Nice thought there, Jim.
Jim: Hey, I was kidding.
Conner: I can't believe you, guys. This is a great one and you
all wussed out except for Jim.
Jim: Thanks, Conner.
Conner: Dogs understand what "no" means.
Jim: This reminds me of Sandburg. Do you remember when I used
to say, "Stay in the truck?"
Blair: Oh, those were the good ole days, weren't they, guys?
Not.
Joel: This reminds me of Blair, too.
Simon: Me, too.
Blair: What is this, pick on Sandburg day?
Simon: Yes, yes it is.
Rafe: Yeah, this has Sandburg written all over it.
Brown: It also has Conner written all over it. She's not into
listening, either.
Jim: I couldn't agree with you more, Brown.
Conner: This is supposed to be about you all.
Simon: Well, you're one of us all.
Conner: Thanks, Simon.
Simon: Don't let it go to your head.
Conner: You can train a dog.
Joel: Men are pretty hard to train.
Jim: I think I'm pretty well trained.
Blair: Yeah, you're pretty well behaved.
Simon: I don't want to be trained. I'm not a dog.
Rafe: Oh good one, Simon.
Brown: I agree with Simon.
Blair: I can't be trained, either. So I think it's safe to say
the only one trainable in the group is Jim.
Conner: Here, here.
Jim: Fuck you, Sandburg.
Conner: You're never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
Jim: Well, I have to admit that if I hear something out of the ordinary,
I get a little upset about it.
Blair: No need, Jim. We're cool.
Rafe: I've never had to deal with this.
Brown: Me, either. What do you mean, anyhow? You mean,
saying someone's name in your sleep or something? God, that would be
embarrassing.
Simon: I did it once after the divorce.
Joel: Did the woman get mad?
Simon: Yup.
Joel: Well, I've not done it that I know of.
Conner: Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for
a younger owner.
Joel: That's a funny one. I never understood why someone would
want someone younger than they are themselves.
Brown: Joel, Joel, Joel. We're going to have to teach you what
younger women do for a person.
Joel: I'm telling you, Brown, if you were ever with a woman my age;
you'd be dating them that age.
Rafe: Ewwwwww
Jim: Well, things are looking up; he's not saying that about us.
Blair: Cool, we're not the topic of discussion on this one. Way
cool.
Rafe: Well, actually, Sandburg, you're going to be the topic in just
a moment. Jim went looking for younger and found you.
Brown: Holy shit, I never thought of that. Yeah, Jim, why couldn't
you have dated someone your own age?
Simon: You know, now that they're talking about it, do you find you
have problems with your age differences?
Jim: Jesus, you all act like he's 17. He's only 9 years younger
than I am.
Blair: Yeah, so like, so there.
Conner: Oh Sandy you crack me up. You do sound like you're 17.
I bet Jim's blown away sometimes.
Rafe: Why do you want to mention blowing Jim away? Now Sandburg'll
have to say something.
Blair: About what?
Rafe: Oh, you know you were going to say something about blowing Ellison.
Blair: Why are you so fascinated with our sex life?
Rafe: Oh, come on, you know you were dying to say it.
Jim: Rafe, I take offense to what you just said.
Rafe: You're so full of shit, Ellison.
Blair: Jim isn't full of shit; we took care of that earlier.
Rafe: See, that's what I meant.
Jim: What? What did you mean?
Rafe: You know what I meant.
Blair: Well, I don't, so tell me.
Rafe: Man, you guys are going to pay for this. <giggling,
uncontrollably>
Blair: What you giggling about Rafe?
Rafe: Nothing. You guys are beginning to grow on me.
Jim: Simon, I really take offense to what he's saying. Now he
thinks we're going to grow on him?
Simon: Okay, guys, you've had your fun. Settle down.
Conner: So does anyone believe that you have to date someone younger
to enjoy yourself?
Jim: Duh.
Blair: Thanks, hot stuff.
Jim: No, thank you, sweet man.
Brown: Oh god, look what you started, Rafe.
Rafe: <giggling again> I can't help it; they seem cuter today.
Conner: They're always this cute. You just didn't notice before.
Conner: Dogs don't mind if you do all the driving.
Blair: Man, is this one screaming Jim to anyone else?
Jim: What are you talking about? I let you drive sometimes.
Blair: Sometimes, once a month doesn't constitute sometimes.
Rafe: Ellison, let the kid drive.
Jim: Rafe, why are you calling him kid? What are you, two days
older?
Simon: Yeah, what he said.
Rafe: Hey, you know I'm a lot older than he is.
Brown: Jim, you don't let Hairboy drive very often, that's true.
Joel: I hate to agree with everyone but they're right, Jim.
Jim: Fine, I'll see about letting Sandburg drive now and then.
Chief, how about when we go in Simon's car? Would that count?
Simon: No, it wouldn't count.
Blair: Simon, you're no fun whatsoever.
Simon: That's why I'm the boss and you aren't.
Conner: So does this say anything about anyone else?
Simon: Yes, I don't like anyone driving my car. Especially Ellison.
Jim: Simon, are you going to hold it against me for life about that
damn car incident?
Simon: Why, yes, I am.
Jim: Oh goody.
Simon: Conner, there seems to be a lull in the action, let's forge
on.
Conner: Dogs admit it when they're lost.
Joel: Okay, I'm just going to come right out and say this. What
the hell's this survey about? I mean, it keeps talking about men being
lost. Well, I'm not ashamed to say I'm fucking lost here. What
do dogs and men have in common, Conner?
Conner: Well, actually, Joel, these answers beg to differ with you.
Joel: Shit, I hate when I'm the only one who doesn't understand.
Rafe: You're not, Joel. I don't get it, either.
Brown: I haven't understood one of these yet.
Conner: Well, why didn't you ask?
Brown: Why? It's not like you'll help us. You're probably
taking notes to add a laugh track or something.
Jim: Brown, that sounded a little on the paranoid side.
Brown: I know. I've been with you all week.
Jim: What's that supposed to mean?
Blair: He was kidding, Jim.
Brown: Yeah, Ellison, I was kidding.
Simon: I'll admit when I'm lost. There you have it. That's
why I'm the boss and you aren't.
Blair: I also admit when I'm lost. Jim doesn't.
Jim: Why do you keep saying that?
Simon: They're teasing again, Jim.
Joel: Jim, face it, you're usually lost.
Jim: What is this? Pick on Ellison day?
Rafe: Man, do you think we could have a special day for that?
Simon: I'll see what's open on the calendar when we get to work tomorrow.
Jim: I almost forgot to laugh.
Blair: Jim, lighten up.
Conner: Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
Joel: I never kiss someone that I don't really care for.
Jim: I don't, either.
Simon: I don't think it would be wise to even get into this.
Jim: What?
Simon: You've never kissed anyone that you didn't care about?
Jim: Fine, before Sandburg, maybe.
Simon: Maybe?
Jim: Fine, I did a few times. But I don't now. That's what's
important.
Rafe: Okay, do we get to answer here? I don't kiss and tell.
<snicker>
Brown: Like hell you don't.
Rafe: So do you?
Brown: No, I guess not.
Blair: I believe that kissing's one of the sexiest things a person
can do with another person. I always mean it.
Jim: What do you mean by that?
Blair: Jim, I always mean it when I kiss you.
Jim: That's not what you meant and you know it.
Blair: Shit, now you're going to tell me what I meant to say?
Simon: Okay, I see this going downhill fast. Conner, we need
to step this up. What's next?
Jim: Chief, I'm not forgetting.
Blair: I already forgot.
Conner: You can house train a dog.
Jim: All right, here's one made for Sandburg.
Blair: What do you mean?
Conner: Oh Sandy, even I saw this one as you.
Blair: Why?
Conner: Because you're such a pig and don't like being told what to
do.
Brown: Yeah, Hairboy. This is you.
Rafe: Okay, so far, we're all agreeing. Does this call for a
newsflash?
Simon: This one screams Sandburg for sure.
Blair: Why don't I see it?
Jim: Because you think you're trained already.
Joel: Well, I, for one, think that Blair is trained, so this makes
no sense to me.
Blair: Thank you, Joel.
Jim: He just wants some of your cooking this weekend.
Blair: You're just jealous that not everyone saw it like you did.
Conner: Dogs don't correct your stories.
Joel: Oh wow. This is Simon.
Simon: What do you mean, it's me?
Jim: Simon, it is you. I've never said anything where you didn't
correct it for me.
Blair: Simon, I have to agree with Jim on this one.
Simon: I can't believe this is how you all see me.
Rafe: Yep, I see Simon in this one, too.
Brown: Well, Simon's nice about it though.
Jim: Good save, Brown. You're kissing ass big time.
Simon: Now, if you all want me to start correcting stories we could
start with one time...
Conner: Fine! We get it.
Conner: Dogs admit when they're jealous.
Joel: I'd admit that I'm jealous. Wouldn't you all?
Jim: Hell, yes! I would and do.
Blair: He does.
Jim: But you never get jealous, do you?
Blair: Yes, I do, I just don't let you see it.
Jim: Why not?
Blair: Because your head would be too big and not that head.
Rafe: God, I knew it. I knew he'd have to say something before
the night was out about Ellison's dick.
Brown: Good one, Hairboy.
Rafe: I get jealous sometimes.
Brown: I'm jealous a lot of times.
Simon: I don't know that I've ever suffered jealousy with a woman.
I'll have to get back to you on that one, Conner.
Blair: How about a guy?
Simon: Choke...Choke...Choke...
Blair: Simon, now you're the one that doesn't know how to drink. Want
to answer my question?
Simon: Where the hell did that come from?
Blair: You said, I've never been jealous with a woman before.
I just wondered if you'd been jealous of a man.
Simon: That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of.
Jim: Simon, it's okay if you have.
Simon: Jim, don't patronize me.
Joel: I've felt some jealousy at the office from some of the guys from
time to time.
Simon: Fine, so have I. Now could we please move on, Conner?
Blair: So what were you jealous of and how did you overcome it, Simon?
Simon: I'm not going there, Sandburg. So give it up.
Jim: Maybe this is one to come back to, eh Simon?
Simon: Not if you value your days off, Jim. Now move on, Conner.
Conner: Dogs do not play games with you -- except fetch (and
then never laugh at how you throw).
Joel: I have to admit, anyone that would make fun of Conner's throwing
arm would be an idiot.
Conner: Thanks, Joel. You're always so nice to me.
Joel: I try to be.
Jim: Quit sucking up, Joel, and just ask her out already.
Joel: Shut up, Ellison.
Blair: Wow! Did you all hear that? Joel just said, "shut up?"
Conner: Oh stop it.
Rafe: Hey, Joel, you have a thing for Conner:
Simon: This is getting stupid now. Why in the hell would Joel
have a thing for Conner? They've worked together for two years now.
They're too good of friends for that to happen.
Jim: So, Joel, is this true?
Joel: I wouldn't mind going out sometime, Megan.
Conner: Oh Joel, that's so darn sweet. Sure, you name the place
and the time and we'll make a date.
Blair: All right, Joel. I told you it would work.
Jim: You knew about this?
Blair: Anyone with eyes knows about this.
Simon: Excuse me, Sandburg, I didn't see a thing.
Blair: You weren't looking, sir.
Rafe: Conner, are you always that easy?
Brown: Good one, Rafe.
Conner: You having fun, men?
Joel: I'm sorry, Conner. I didn't mean to embarrass you.
Conner: Joel, don't worry about it.
Jim: So, Chief, are there other things you don't tell me, too?
Blair: Oh god. Get a grip, Ellison. What was the question
again, Conner?
Conner: Dogs don't play games with you.
Blair: That's true.
Jim: You think I play games with you, Sandburg?
Blair: Yeah, I do.
Jim: Sandburg, you're pissing me off.
Blair: Oh wait, should we call the news station. Late breaking
news. Jim Ellison's pissed off at one Blair Sandburg for having a mind
of his own and not sharing it all the time.
Jim: Fuck you.
Simon: Well, now that we're totally off this, someone want to bring
it back around? In fact, I'll do it. I don't play games.
People know exactly where they stand with me.
Joel: That's true, Simon.
Rafe: I agree.
Simon: What do you think, Ellison?
Jim: Who cares?
Conner: Jim, stop acting like you're four.
Jim: Fuck you, Conner.
Conner: Do you kiss Sandy with that mouth?
Jim: Not any more.
Blair: Well, shit! Could we get through one of these without
you getting pissed off at me?
Jim: No.
Conner: Simon, I think we should move on.
Simon: Shit! Maybe not, this is getting good.
Rafe: So what do you think about this, Sandburg?
Blair: Jim's a major game player. He never tells me how he feels
outright. I always have to guess.
Joel: Jim, is that true?
Jim: I don't know.
Joel: Jim, it either is or isn't.
Jim: Chief, I don't know what you want me to say.
Blair: The truth, Ellison, the truth.
Jim: Fine, I love you. Is that good?
Blair: I knew that you loved me. You idiot. I'm talking how you
feel about other things. Like sharing your life with me. About
other people knowing about us. Those types of things.
Jim: And we have to do this now?
Simon: No, actually, I think that might be a bad idea.
Conner: Well, maybe not. How about if we each ask Jim one question
and he has to answer us truthfully.
Jim: Why just me? Why not Blair, too?
Simon: Okay, Jim first. I get to start. Jim, how do you
feel about everyone at the station knowing about you and Sandburg?
Jim: I hate it.
Blair: See, I knew you did.
Jim: I hate it because now they talk about things. You'd never
understand, Chief.
Rafe: I'm next. Jim, what kind of things do they say at the station?
Jim: Well, you just want a few examples? Here goes. One
guy wondered if I could hold on to Sandburg any better than I did my wife.
Another guy wondered if I looked at all guys like I do Sandburg and wasn't
that enough to make them want to kick my ass? Let's see, yesterday,
the best one was a woman who wondered how I could possibly keep Blair happy
since he was the sexiest and most virile person she'd ever known. Then
everyone went on to discuss how fucking good Blair was in bed.
Joel: Holy shit, Jim, why didn't you say something. We could've
helped you through it.
Blair: Jim, I'm sorry. I had no idea this was going on.
Who said that about kicking your ass? I need to know, k?
Jim: Blair, you aren't going to kick someone's ass for me.
Blair: Jim, I'm really sorry. Okay, this part of the question's
over.
Simon: No, I think this might be good. Brown, it's your turn.
Brown: Jim, how do you feel about us? Do you still like us as
much as you used to?
Jim: Brown, where the fuck did that question come from. Of course,
I still like you all. In fact, I love you all. Geeze.
Brown: Cool, cuz we love you. too, Hairboy, too.
Blair: Thanks, H.
Joel: Okay, let's get this over with Jim. Have you had either
a male or female come on to you since you've come out?
Jim: Yes.
Blair: What? When?
Jim: All the time, Chief.
Blair: We will talk about this later on.
Jim: I'm sure we will.
Blair: I'm not mad, Jim.
Conner: Okay, Jim, we're almost done. Do you feel any differently since
you came out? I mean, do you feel like you have to prove things to
everyone and so on?
Jim: Yeah, I always feel like I have to be one step ahead of everyone
else. I have to be tougher, meaner and better at my job. God
forbid that they find out Blair and I are fighting or something. They
taunt me enough in the locker room as it is.
Simon: What do you mean they taunt you?
Jim: It doesn't matter, Simon.
Simon: It does matter, Jim. It matters a great deal. You
mean they're saying things to you? Touching you or what?
Blair: Jim, get back here. Now, I want to talk to you right now.
Jim: Why? Why the fuck do you want to talk to me. Just
talk to them. You tell them everything anyhow.
Simon: I'll go after him, Sandburg.
Blair: No, you all stay here. I'll go and talk to him.
Be right back.
Blair: Jim, come on, we need to go home. Right now. I want
to talk to you.
Jim: Chief, I can't do this anymore.
Blair: You dumping me?
Jim: Maybe.
Blair: No fucking way.
Jim: Baby.
Blair: Don't you baby me.
Jim: I'm sorry, Chief.
Blair: Get back out there and we'll discuss things when we're done.
Okay. It's time for the questions to me.
Jim: Fine, then can we go home?
Blair: Yes.
Simon: You two okay?
Jim: Yeah, Blair wants to answer his questions.
Simon: Okay, I have a good one for him. Sandburg, have you been
hassled at all since this all came about?
Blair: Yes.
Jim: What do you mean, yes?
Blair: I've been smacked around a few times. I've been called
names and I had one guy try to hold me down while they tried to take my clothes
off.
Jim: I'm going to fucking kill them.
Simon: I have a quick question, here. Where the hell were we
when this happened?
Blair: Simon, I didn't want to whine to you like a child. I wanted
Jim to think I could take care of myself.
Simon: And did you?
Blair: Well, I got out without being naked, so I guess I did something
right.
Rafe: Sandburg, that's such bullshit. I can't believe this is
happening at our station. I want names. I'm going to kick ass.
Blair: Why? You haven't wanted to hear about us or think about
us. Why does it make any difference to you now?
Rafe: I was always joking, Sandburg. Seriously. I was always
joking.
Blair: It doesn't matter.
Simon: Okay, I see a problem here. Sandburg and Ellison, you're
in deep shit with me. If you ever keep this type of secret again, I'll
kick YOUR ass.
Blair: Understood, Simon. Thanks.
Jim: Thanks? Thanks for what? Sandburg, you know they'll
go after them next.
Blair: Well, what do you suggest, Jim? Do you suggest we forget
about us? You want to dump me right here and now?
Jim: Well, I think we might have to put some thought into this.
Conner: Ellison, I'm going to kick some major ass here. What
the fuck's wrong with you?
Jim: Conner, you don't hear what they say. You have no idea how
it is. You don't know what it's like to have your friends look at your
differently now.
Simon: Jim, get your ass back here. NOW.
Jim: Sir, with all due respect, go fuck yourself.
Blair: Jim, calm down. Come on, baby, calm down.
Everyone stood there, quiet and motionless, for about ten minutes as Blair
just held on to Jim. No words were said but they all watched Blair
stroke Jim's back as he tried to calm him with feelings alone. Finally,
Jim pulled away and said, "I have to go."
Blair: We're out of here.
Conner: Want me to come along and help with things?
Blair: I'm pretty sure I don't need anyone's help. Jim's feeling
like he can't handle things right now. We'll be fine.
Simon: Okay, take him home, kid. He might let you drive tonight.
Rafe: Yeah, I bet you could talk him into letting you drive.
Brown: Ask him. We want to hear what he says.
Blair: Jim, could I have the truck keys?
Jim: No fucking way, Chief. Now get your ass out to said truck
so we can talk.
Blair: Bye, everyone. See you tomorrow.
Conner: Take care of him, Sandy.
Blair: I will, Conner, thanks.
Simon: Get out of here, Sandburg.
Rafe: Hey, Jim, if you need to talk to anyone, you know where I am,
man.
Jim: Thanks, Rafe. I'll see you tomorrow.
Blair: We're so out of here.
Jim: Come on, Chief.
The friends all watched Jim and Blair as they walked, hand in hand, out of
the building. This place was like their little meeting place, but for
some reason, it was ruined now.
Conner felt like someone had kicked her in the stomach.
Brown had one of the saddest looks on his face. He realized, for the
first time in his life, that his friends were getting a tougher life than
they deserved.
Rafe knew at this very moment that he wasn't going to make any jokes about
Jim and Blair anymore. From now on, he'd be the best friend they could
find.
Simon was sadder than he'd been in years. This was a tough call for
him but he thought he might have to call IA on this.
Joel sat down; shell shocked and waited for them to leave so maybe everyone
could decide what should be done.
Once the two men were outside of the building, the discussions started up.
Simon: Okay, first thing tomorrow, we start an investigation.
I don't care how we get the info but we're going to find out whoever did
this to these two men. Does everyone understand?
Joel: You don't need to say it twice for any of us, sir.
The doors to the room opened again. Jim and Blair walked back in and
they sat down with the rest of them.
Jim: I'm sorry. I should have told you, Simon.
Simon: Yes, you should have but I understand your reluctance.
Blair: Well, we talked outside for a second and decided we needed to
talk with our friends; not shut ourselves off from all of you.
Conner: Thank god for that. We were worried sick.
Joel: You guys know that you're always safe with us, right?
Jim: Yeah, we do. Thanks.
Rafe: Even me, Ellison?
Jim: Even you, Rafe. You might not approve of what we do all
the time but you wouldn't hurt us for anything.
Rafe: I'm glad you know that.
Blair: Well, Jim felt like he was trapped and would have to leave me
but he now knows I'd have to kick his beautiful ass.
Jim: I'd let you, hot stuff.
Conner: Does anyone mind a group hug?
Simon: I do.
Joel: I don't.
Rafe: If we have to.
Brown: I live to hug.
Blair: Bring it on, Conner.
Jim: I love hugging these days.
Simon: Have we told you lately that you've become a big wuss puss?
Jim: Yes and I don't mind it a bit. As long as I'm his wuss puss.
Blair: You'll always be my wuss, Jim. Always.
Conner: Group hug.
Jim: Thanks, Conner. We needed that.
Conner: So did we.
The end for now. <g>
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