Conner's Quiz 3 - Real Men Always Answer C
Patt
Notes: Thanks so much to Margaret in Arizona. <g> She sent these
just knowing I would do something with them. <g>
Blame her.
Warnings: m/m Silliness abounds. My Beta is away
right now, so you'll have to make do. I miss you, Mary. :(
"Guys, I'm going to ask you these questions, you each give me your answer
and I'll keep track for the end. Okay?" Conner said as she smiled thinking
about the torment she could cause with this one.
1.) Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and
you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship,
they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is
capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy,
wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and
violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to:
<> A: Present it to local Government Officials.
<> B: Present it only to the President of the U.S.
<> C: Take it apart.
Joel: Well, it's gotta be C because you can't give something to the
president if you don't know how it works or what it will do. Right?
Simon: I think C, also.
Jim: I agree. I wouldn't hand it over to them for anything.
Blair: Are you guys frigging nuts? You're going to take apart
something that was given to us by a superior species and destroy it?
I'd give it to the government. They'd know what to do.
Rafe: Sandburg, don't you watch X-files?
Brown: Yeah, we'd never see it again. Unless, of course, it made
money for someone in the government.
Blair: You all are much too cautious. I trust the government
to a certain extent.
Jim: Believe me, I don't trust them at all, with good reason.
Blair: But Jim, we're talking about another race. Another fucking
planet. We could trust them with that, couldn't we?
Jim: He's so young sometimes.
Conner: Okay, guys, we'll move on to the next one.
2.) As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you
miss the most?
<> A: Innocence.
<> B: Idealism.
<> C: Cherry bombs.
Joel: God, I haven't thought about Cherry Bombs in years.
Jim: They were always the coolest things. I say, C also.
Simon: Well, I think perhaps I agree again. I was never that
innocent and I never had any ideals.
Rafe: Man, we're all agreeing here. What's up with that.
I say C, also.
Brown: I'll say C, only because like Simon, I don't think I had the
other two to start with.
Blair: Well, you guys are nut jobs. I say I miss my Idealism
the most. B for me.
3.) In your opinion, the ideal pet is:
<> A: A cat.
<> B: A dog.
<> C: A dog that eats cats.
Joel: Oh, that's such a funny one. I'll go with C. I'm
not a big cat person.
Jim: Me, either.
Blair: Jim, what the fuck are you talking about? You are a cat
person. I'll say A.
Jim: Blair, this is my question and I say C. I like that answer
better than A.
Brown: Definitely C.
Rafe: C cracks me up. I'll go that way, too.
Simon: Well, I don't want to be in with Sandburg so I'll go with C,
too.
4.) You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive
and intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday
afternoon the two of you are taking it easy. You're watching a football game;
she's reading the paper. Suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, she tells you
that she thinks she really loves you, but she can no
longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going.
She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you
believe that you have some kind of future together. What do you say?
<> A: That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future,
but you don't want to rush it.
<> B: That although you also have strong feelings for her, you
cannot honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment
and you don'twant to hurt her by holding out false hope.
<> C: That you cannot believe the Packers called a draw play
on third and seventeen.
Jim: Only a woman would choose to discuss something like that during
a football game. I'll go with C.
Brown: I gotta agree with Jim here. C, all the way.
Rafe: C for me, too.
Simon: C, again.
Joel: Well, although I think maybe one of the others might have been
better, I can't believe someone would choose to discuss that during a game.
Blair: Hello? Is anyone home? You're all missing the fucking
point. She wants to know if there's a future. She couldn't give
a fuck about the football game.
Jim: See, that's why I date, Sandburg.
Blair: Jim, I don't agree with you. I say A.
Jim: I can't believe you would discuss this during football season.
Blair: I can't believe you wouldn't.
5.) Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and
you want to spend the rest of your life with her - sharing the joys and the
sorrows the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?
<> A: You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
<> B: You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, you say her
name, and when she turns to you with the sea breeze blowing her hair and
the stars in her eyes, you tell her.
<> C: Tell her what?
Joel: Okay, I'm totally lost here. I don't know what you would've
to tell her. If she's smart she'll know.
Jim: I say C, also.
Blair: I don't fucking believe this, Jim. I'm going to break
up with you if you don't straighten up.
Jim: Take a chill pill, Chief.
Rafe: I say, C also.
Brown: Hell, I forgot the question. But I'll go with C since
you all are.
Blair: Hello, I'm not. I'm going to go with B.
Simon: B? B? Sandburg, you act like a fucking fag. Oh wait, you
are. Sorry. Jim, I don't know how you can stand this touchy feely
crap all the time.
Jim: Chief, you know that you might go with one of the other answers.
Blair: Ellison, you're never getting fucked again. Do you understand
that one, big man?
6.) One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks
you to get your three children ready for school. Your first question to her
is:
<> A: "Do they need to eat or anything?"
<> B: "They're in school already?"
<> C: "There are three of them?"
Joel: God, you have to love that last one. That's funny.
Jim: Of course I wouldn't say C. I mean, I'd know that we had
three kids. So I guess I'd go with A.
Rafe: Ellison, you're such a wuss puss. I'm going with C.
It's funnier.
Brown: Yeah, it's funnier.
Simon: Okay, this one's past stupid. I mean, even I wouldn't
ask any of those questions. So I guess I'll go with A.
Blair: You're all fruit loops. All of the answers are stupid.
I wouldn't answer this one at all.
Jim: But Chief, we're supposed to answer all of them, Conner said.
Blair: And do you jump off a bridge when she tells you to?
Jim: You don't have to be so shitty, Chief.
Blair: You haven't seen shitty yet, hot shot.
7.) When is it okay to throw away a set of aged underwear?
<> A: When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed
new holes so large that you're not sure which ones were originally intended
for your legs.
<> B: When it's down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules
and has to be handled with tweezers.
<> C: It's never okay to throw away underwear. A real guy checks
the garbage regularly in case somebody, (and we are not naming names, but
this would be his wife) is quietly trying to discard his underwear which
she's frankly jealous of because the guy seems to have a more intimate relationship
with it than with her.
Jim: Man, I can't believe this question's on here. Chief, you
know I have to check to see if you do this.
Blair: Yes, you do. God, I'm so fucking depressed.
Jim: So, anyhow, my answer is C.
Joel: Mine is, too.
Simon: I think C, also.
Rafe: I never really thought about it but hate to be the only one not
saying C.
Brown: I don't believe I've ever thrown any out.
Jim: Chief, do you hear that. I'm not the only one that holds
on to his underwear.
Blair: Well, good, I hope you and your undies will be very happy all
alone, you fucking loon. What I can't believe is that there are this
many questions that you guys all agree with. Ellison, I still mean
what I said earlier.
8.) What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the
fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before
they finally got to the Promised Land?
<> A: He was being tested.
<> B: He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when
they finally got there.
<> C: He refused to ask for directions.
Jim: You know, everyone makes jokes about this but I hate to ask directions.
It's like giving in. And just think, if they'd have given in, they'd
be written up as wusses in the Bible.
Blair: Jim, I'm in total shock now. I mean, I can't believe I
thought I loved you.
Jim: Jesus, Blair, take a breather.
Simon: I agree with Ellison. It would have changed everything.
Blair: Hello, are you all nuts?
Rafe: Sandburg, they're right. It would have changed things.
The Bible might never have been written.
Brown: Yeah, I would say C, also.
Blair: You guys're nuts. I'm telling you. The correct answer
is A.
Jim: The correct answer's not A. Like you know. Blair,
you get lost all the time. How many times have you stopped and asked
for directions?
Blair: I wasn't in the desert and leading people to the promised land,
either.
Jim: You can evade a question like no one else.
Simon: Sandburg, quit pulling your hair out. If you lose it,
you'll look just like Jim.
9.) What is the human race's single greatest achievement?
<> A: Democracy.
<> B: Religion.
C: TV remote control.
Joel: Have you seen those new remotes that control all of your equipment?
That's what I want to invest in. One that runs the stereo, the VCR
and the television.
Jim: Yeah, C sounds good to me, too.
Simon: Well, I realize that to Sandburg it won't be much but those
remotes are nice. Very nice.
Brown: Okay, I have to go with C, too. I just got one, Joel,
and it's great.
Joel: Tell me later and you can help me pick one out and set it up.
Rafe: I have one, too. Henry and I shopped together that day.
They're great, Joel.
Blair: I don't fucking believe any of you. You're all insane.
The answer is A. To some it might even be B. But never C.
Jesus, what a bunch of losers, Conner, please tell us what these mean.
Conner: Well, what it means is Sandy's the only man among you that
has a mind of his own and can think rational thoughts.
Jim: That's fucking bullshit.
Joel: Yeah, what he said.
Simon: Conner, do you actually have something that says that?
Or did you just make it up as you went along.
Conner: I have the answer right here, Simon.
Rafe: Well, it's stupid. Blair's a wuss. That's what it
should say.
Brown: I think it should say that we all agree to disagree. But it
shouldn't say we don't have rational thoughts. We do, sometimes.
Blair: Conner, I can't believe that they don't see this as a bad thing.
God, it's fucking scary.
Conner: It's scary, all right. But it's going to be worse for
poor Jim. Want to stay at my apartment for a while, Sandy?
Blair: Yeah, that would be great. Thanks.
Jim: Chief, I'm sorry. I'll do it over again and do it right.
Like you want me to.
Rafe: Oh god, this is just depressing to witness.
Blair: Rafe, I won't be helping you fix your computer this weekend
and never again at work, either.
Rafe: Okay, I think you should start over again, Conner.
Brown: You are both wusses. He doesn't hold anything over my
head.
Blair: Yeah, that's right, Brown. I was going to introduce you
to our new neighbor that I was telling you about but that's okay.
Brown: Shit. Okay, I'll vote for starting over.
Joel: Blair? Are you still going to make chili for me this weekend?
Blair: No.
Joel: Okay, it will only take a few minutes to answer the questions
right.
Simon: Jesus, I can't believe the control this man has over all of
you. It's pathetic.
Blair: Oh Simon, I talked to that guy about the cigars but I'll tell
him to forget it.
Simon: Fuck… Fine, let's start over again, Conner.
Conner: Okay, once more from the start. Who's the wuss puss and
who isn't?
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