My Dearest Benson,
I am so furious I can barely type – not that I’m a very
good typist in general.
As you requested, I sent an email to Boulaby Theodore, and
he very kindly responded, telling me that I needed to wire money to a receiving
officer for the bank. So, yesterday
I trooped off to my lawyers – the indefatigable Gooderham & Worts – to
have them cut a cheque from my dear late husband’s accounts.
They are handling the dissolution of his business, another matter that
has caused me much sorrow which I trust I can tell you about presently, and
therefore have power of attorney over the funds.
Well, Mr. Worts (Plantar to his friends) (another one of
those moments where I wondered if I was stretching it a bit far, but if they got
the pun, they were too kind to comment) said that there
was no way he was going to do such a thing, and started talking about how he
would need to see more documentation before he would consent to cutting a
cheque. The nerve!
The sheer gall! I protested that your character was unimpeachable, and that
though we hadn’t met, you were a Godly man, and recondite in your actions.
However, despite all I told him, he was unmoved.
Any satisfaction I was to receive from Gooderham & Worts was not to
be found in their chequebooks. Anyway,
I did a foolish thing after that and got exceedingly drunk in my despair.
Have I mentioned that the family business was in rum distilling?
Well, one of the perquisites of being married to the president of the
company is the easy access to the products.
Anyway, I spent most of today in bed with a hangover that
did its narrow best to split my skull in twain. I have just barely recovered enough to send you this email.
I’ll be sending one to Mr. Theodore presently.
What this boils down to, my dearest Benson, is that it will
take a little longer for me to effect the transfer of your fund.
Perhaps tomorrow I will be able to speak with an alternate source of
funding – Glenlivet, Glenfiddich, Glenmorangie (three distillers of
single-malt Scotch).
They are an accountancy I have some connection with and they will get me
properly sorted out. Please don’t
lose hope. In the exceedingly short
time I’ve known you, I feel I have likewise plumbed the depth of your soul,
and know you for what you truly are (...conmen, that is). In
fact, there are a few personal questions I would like to ask you, if you don’t
feel it would be improper.
Yours truly,
Hazel
And simultaneously, Mr. Theodore was sent this:
Dear Mr. Theodore:
My easiest source of funding through my lawyers has hit a
stop – they are demanding more documentation from me to support the need for
the deduction from source fee. Could
you send it to me? I do not have
access to a fax machine at the moment, so if you can send a copy attached to
your return email, I would be eternally grateful.
Yours in trust,
Hazel Morgan