Dear Mr. Theodore:
As you have requested, I am staying away from both the
lawyers and accountancy. I have
contacted another individual who is in the business of lending money with no
questions asked.
However, he charges an extremely high interest rate on such
loans, and has a reputation for violence.
So, to minimize risk to myself, how quickly can I expect
the transfer to take, once I have wired the money to you?
Also, is the address you gave me previously still the one
you wish me to use?
Regards,
Hazel Morgan
and simultaneously to Benson:
My Dear Benson,
I am so sorry to keep you hanging like that, but I have
been a veritable eucalyptus of activity. Getting
the money for the transfer has not been easy, but I think I'll have it very
soon, if not today.
Both you and Mr. Theodore advised me to stay away from the
lawyers, and in general I totally agree with you. Like many people in this world, they are only interested in
getting your money. Gooderham &
Worts will only release money to me when all of Donald's creditors have been
paid.
I think that is why I am so fond of you.
You are obviously a person who trusts and depends on the general honesty
of other people (How else does a conman stay in business?). It is like when Jesus told Peter to be a fisher of men -
likewise, you cast your net wide, hoping to find those few individuals who truly
can help you.
Anyway, enough of a lonely woman's rustifications.
Back to our current situation. Glenlivet,
Glenfiddich and Glenmorangie have proven themselves to be unsuitable, and not to
my taste in general. So, I have
arranged a meeting with a Mr. Stolichnaya (A brand of Vodka).
He lends out money with no questions asked.
Unfortunately, he also demands a fairly high interest rate, which I'm
sure is usurious. Frankly put, he
is what we call a loanshark. I have
promised him a high return on his loan since we will be receiving such a
ridiculously large sum.
Once I have the money from him, I will be sending it by
Western Union to the address Mr. Theodore gave me. Western Union doesn't have an office here in Shill, so I'll
need to travel to Blackguard to wire the money.
Have faith, dear Benson.
Anyway, I'm off to have a drink in celebration.
Love,
Hazel
Benson was sent this the day after:
My Dear Benson,
Just a quick note - I'm about to head out the door with my friend Frangelico (A brand of liqueur). She will be driving me to meet up with Stolichnaya about the necessary money.
I hope to have good news for you soon.
Hazel