So

Patience, folks. We're almost at the end.

Hey, Big Adam:

Sorry for the delay in responding, but things have been really rough
over here. We had a huge blizzard that knocked out power all over the
place. Communications have been disrupted, many homes had no heat or
lights - just absolute chaos.

I was pretty lucky in that I had my sled dogs. It might have been
smelly, but at least I was in no danger of freezing to death.

>Hi, and how is it over there , hope no qualms, I have been longing to
receive your mail of the confirmation of the group pictures I sent you
even twice regards your most request. so as to know the next line of
action to follow. for the game my players are now out and alart.

Well, having finally seen the players you've rounded up, I'm impressed.
They look very fit - a solid team. So these are field hockey players?
That's good, they won't need as much training as a group of football
players. There's going to be a few adjustments for them in terms of
playing style - THL rules involve a lot more hard contact, and the extra
padding is a necessity.

>as you can bear with me that all this costs me money I mean cash to
execute them to this level for us to build the trust which is the key
for our forwards/ success.

No problem. Now that you have sent me the pictures, I can approach the
investors for the money. It'll be a couple days before all the roads
have been cleared enough for travel, but once that is done, there should
be no enchiladas.

>the expences has involved me into some debths which is quit unfair to
my own person/ reputation. SO THE BALL IS NOW ON YOUR COLT TO PLAY A
HEAD.

Hey, business is business. As they say, you have to spend money to make
money. Your hard work is about to pay off.

>Big Bobby , this is now a high time for you to send along to me the
CELPHONE for our easy communications as you have already promised.

Again, no problem. We will need to be in close contact from this point
forwards, so what I'm going to do is get you a top-of-the-line GSM phone
set. My recent problems with weather have convinced me we need to use
the latest technology.

>Remembere the man putting on the tracksuit is me the BIG ADAMU SO
RECORGINSE.

Good to finally put a face to the name. Later this month I will be
travelling to West Africa, specifically to Lagos, because of a team
forming there that is giving me severe headaches. Perhaps I can arrange
to visit you as well.

>N/B///// MIND YOU FOR YOUR EARLIEST INFORMATION ONCE AGAIN I DID NOT
RECEIVE ANY PARCEL/ SHIRTS OR WHAT SO EVER YOU CALL IT SO REFFER TO YOUR
LOCAL DELIVERY OFFICE FOR THAT SO THAT YOU CAN RECALL IT AND RESEND
THROUGH THE ADDRESS I GAVE TO YOU FOR EASY AND FREE COLLECTION DO NOT
INVOLVE YOURSELF INTO LOST OR UNNECESSARY DEPATCHES.

The crate was shipped to their central depot for pickup. I will contact
them and reroute it to your location.

Yours,

Big Bobby

This is something I keep intending to do more of - use nonsensical English, but I always metronome.

Adam really likes this phrase, and always typed it in CAPS.

Note this, it's coming up.

Adam looks for any reason to ask for money, but a Valentine's Day team celebration? I know coaches want their players to bond, but I think that's asking a bit much.

Dear Big Bobby,
How is today hope you are coping up with the situation of interuption as you complained to me in your mail of yesterday please take care of yourself.

Big bobby, I will like you to execise a very friendly/ brotherly understanding to this my mail/ request.
But am not mandiating you , rather it is out of my present financial unbalance to maintain thing precisingly this team player you should understand what it mean to manage a team of able bodyed young men .
I would want you to send to me any little sum of money today or morrow to enable hold a little Valentine celebration as I promise the players in other to keep them happy and of good sence of belonging ,
I want you to understand the worth for us to do so .
Bib Bobby, personally I could have not ask / request this from than to do it out of my own pucket ,
so do not fail me to main my / our reputations before this players as I have passed a very high vote of confidendience on you as the overseaer director
Thanks
Admu Idris

Determined to get to the bottom of where those damn shirts went, Bobby plans a trip.

Dear Big Adam:

I'm going to be flying into Africa next week, and I'll want to set up a
meeting with you, and hopefully with your players too. Among other
things, we are going to get the matter of your team shirts settled, and
get you set up with money for your players.

Anyway, please provide me with a phone number that I can reach you at.
I haven't finalized my travel plans yet, but it looks like I'll be
visiting Nigeria, the Ivory Coast and perhaps South Africa.

Let me know if there's anywhere else promising that I should visit.

Yours,

Big Bobby

Meanwhile, Big Ahmed receives some mail as well.

Hey Big Ahmed:

Just dropping you an email to let you know I haven't forgotten you. I'm
going to be visiting Africa next week, and wanted to see if I might set
up a meeting with you. Let me have your phone number and I'll see what
I can do.

My travel plans aren't finalized yet, but I'll tell you as soon as I
know what dates I'll be arriving.

Yours,

Big Bobby

You can see what's coming up, eh?

>finally I will like you us to meet at cotonou benin republic where
majority of this players are based I will also get myself a place of
stay in a hotel while for your arrival , but that is needed from you
most is some money for all this expences as you can bear with me that am
total out of cash with me regards some of the expences that I have made
on this issue please bear with me and put up a financial helping hand
at very pointing time for us to go on.

Patience, Big Adam. I am perfectly willing to travel wherever necessary.
I haven't looked into travel plans yet (my secretary will be handling
that), but what I figured we would do is you and I would meet at the
airport and book rooms at a good hotel. If some of the players can meet
us there, that would be nice but isn't essential.

Keep records of whatever costs you have outlayed on the team, and you
will be reimbursed in full. This includes money you had to use for
bribes or gifts.

I was going to keep this as a surprise, but because of your success in
setting up the Abidjan Babes, I will be bringing in a fairly substantial
cash bonus for you, as well as putting you on the official THL payroll.
We will discuss what your salary will be when we meet.

Anyway, I'll let you know about my travel plans. Do you have a phone
number I could use?

Yours,

Big Bobby

>If some of the players can meet us there, that would be nice but isn't essential.

Concerning the players meet us at the air port all depends on the expences issue that am always bouncing on because I need to get them organised ofr the meetimg of a thing which is money for any item that will be involved.

>This includes money you had to use for bribes or gifts.

I love your understanding regarding to word you used in this line underlined, because you suppose to know the involvements of such affairs here in africa

>I will be bringing in a fairly substantial cash bonus for you, as well as putting you on the official THL payroll.

very lovely if you DO.

>We will discuss what your salary will be when we meet.

OK,,,,

>Anyway, I'll let you know about my travel plans. Do you have a phone number I could use?

Totally NO even one but will arrenge for a hired one as soon as I receive your flight schedule so that we will be get in a good contact with each other till face to face
But I will like you now to send me your own phone number so that at my any convenent I can give you a call.
Thanks
Yours,

Big Adamu Idris

Can't you just hear Adamu salivating as he types? "Bribes," "gifts," "substantial cash bonus"...

Damn! He's hit the jackpot? I can only hope he went out and bought some extra track suits for the occasion.

However, even with all that, Big Adam still needs to make a play for a little pocket money.

>I'm going to be flying into Africa next week,

pls. get me informed on the specified date and your flight schedule.

you know that I must have to camp this players in a place of convence awaiting your arrival, that is the reason why am demanding of any little amount of money in cash from you to help me get things in place by organising the players a stay as you that we don`t yet has a permanent site of ours

remember to send any thing parcel according to the directives I gave to you including the little amount of cash as I have been pleading to you so as to enable me get things the way they should be.

finally I will like you us to meet at cotonou benin republic where majority of this players are based I will also get myself a place of stay in a hotel while for your arrival , but that is needed from you most is some money for all this expences as you can bear with me that am total out of cash with me regards some of the expences that I have made on this issue please bear with me and put up a financial helping hand at very pointing time for us to go on.

N/B SEND CASH VIA THE NAME I HAVE GIVEN TO YOU IN BENIN REP AND ANY PARCEL TO THIS NAME IHEKE CHUKWU IN COTONOU BENIN REP. this benin Rep. is the most safe and easy city in this part of africa of receiving cargos parcel or anything like that

waiting to hear from you on the possitives

Big Ahmed is a little surprised to hear from me.

>Hello Robert Clobber,should i say happy new year or merry xmas?i dont
know where to start from,i thought we dont have any conversation again,Well
happy new year to you and your family,hope all is well with you?just
want to let you know that i have spend alot of money in gathering a team
here in nigeria,like i said in my last mail,to gather any team here in
country cost alot of money,you dont even mind in sending me maybe a
little to refresh back the team coz we lose each other just becoz we
lack money and implement to follow up.bobby,now that you said u are
coming to nigeria,that will be a good thing for me to hear,but let me
know maybe you will send me some money to gather a team before your
arrival,pls let me know asap.

Sorry for not contacting you in quite some time. I was in the hospital
with a pernicious case of acute lepidoptra and out of contact with most
of my business.

Anyway, I'm back. I know you've had some tough times getting your team
together - I've been getting similar reports from other managers setting
up their teams too. That's part of the reason for my African tour.

Here's what I'll need you to do: meet me at the airport upon my arrival.
Are you in Lagos or Abuja? Either way, we'll meet at the airport, and
I'll book a few rooms at a hotel. That way, I can meet some of the
people you've been talking with about the team, and we can get to know
each other.

Don't worry about the cost, I'll take care of it all. In addition to
the money for the team to cover training and equipment, I'll also be
presenting you with a performance bonus and we will discuss your manager's
salary.

Yours,

Big Bobby

hello bobby,how was ur day?hope you have a nice day?,i just want to let you know that we need your picture so as to recognise you upon your arrival,pls i want you get it send to me today so that i can meet you at the airport here in LAGOS NIGERIA,also i want you to give the shedule of the flight you are coming with so that i can know the time that i will be in airport,pls bobby,i very chappy to see you in nigeria and that shows how seroius you are for me.
pls bobby,get all this done for us,and i also want you to call me any time you want,here is my phone # 2348023722919.feel free to call me.

Ahmed follows up with another email that same day

HELLO BIG BOBBY,AM VERY MUCH HAPPY TO SEE YOUR MAIL,NOW THAT YOU SAID YOU ARE COMING TO NIGRIA TO VISIT US,I WILL LIKE YOU TO TELL ME THE EXACT DATE YOU WILL ARRIVE,AND TELL ME THE AIRPORT YOU LAND IN.COZ WE ARE IN LAGOS AND WE WANT YOU TO COME TO LAGOS NOT ABUJA,COZ ABUJA IS A FAR STATE TO WHERE WE ARE,SO PLS WE WANT YOU TO COME LAGOS SO THAT WE REOGANISED THE TEAM.PLS BOBBY EMAIL ME ASAP.

The idea of Big Bobby coming to West Africa has all the scammers in a tizzy, and their typing is worse than usual.

Subject: FROM ADAMU IDRIS./ Your financial assistance is highly needed at this morement because I can not do otherwise.

My dear big bobby,
how is it over there I still strongly beleive that you are well along with other things concerning life .
Big Bobby am stillwaiting to hear from you regards tour last mailk , last week concerning the programme this week.

plesae try to play a nice game as to represnt the vote of convidence that has confided on you here before the players .
as can understand that today is the official begining of the week so am expecting the to hear from you as soon as within infact before the middle of the week so that it can be possible for mr to get things in other against your arrival.
finanally try to send me the small little amount as I have requested .
waiting to hear from you within the week.
Thanks the big,
Adamu Idris.

Dear Big Adam:

Sorry for the delay in replying, but you wouldn't believe how big a
headache it is to arrange these trips. And I haven't even booked all my
flights yet!

Anyway, here's how my travel plans are shaping up:

I will be visiting Lagos, Nigeria first, and will be arriving on
Thursday. You will be able to reach me at 2348023722919 in Lagos. Be
sure to ask for Big Bobby.

After I talk with you, we can finalize my plans to visit you in Cotonou
on Friday or Saturday, depending on when I can book my flights. What
would work best for you?

After you and I finish our work together, I am thinking I might take a
trip to Abidjan as well. What are your thoughts on this?

I will be leaving for the airport in a few moments, but I will be
checking email, so let me know if this is acceptable, eh?

Yours,

Big Bobby

Saaaayyy... that phone number looks familiar...

Okay, so the head is on Adamu's colt, or whatever the hell he always said.

Dear big bobby,
thanks for your mail and responds , and also am very sorry for the headache that this our transaction may have causing you likewise myself , but I beleive that we do all these for mutual benefits,friendly sake and at large for the sake of brotherly relationships,
and in acceptance of all you have said but to be finalized after our meeting on that day.

I will make it a point of duty to call you by that thursday unfailingly for the talks every decission and finanlizations shall commence itself after then.

Dear big bobby,
I think am / we are above hiding our fellings to each other, /// hope am right please try all your best to send to me a little sum of money for accomodiation bookings and other-wise as I / we can not hang on the street waiting for your arrival , pls. thing like a man as you have seen all my own effort and my very predicaments as of now in terms of finance send the money through this name for an easy collection IFEANYI IDIKA IN COTONOU BENIN. and send the control numbers and the question and answer to me tomorrow so that I collect it and make use of it from thursday to friday before your face to face arrival,

this will help me give you the specifed venue/ hotel of convence where we are to meet. not in any air port or along the road side , I think that is best we can do for ourselives.
beside send me your picture as I have given you mine if you are not cleared with my own personal picture do not hesitate to inform within so that I can resend to you my personal picture even the wear that I will put on that day for easy identifications.
I am so much in need of the cash as have requested from you .
Thanks,
Adamu Idris

A strange email from Adamu - it looks like he wrote one reply, and then a second, and smacked them together.

Either way, I think it is a glimpse into what is going through his mind. If Big Bobby goes to Nigeria first, it is very likely that he will be robbed, and there will be nothing left for poor ol' Big Adam.

Meanwhile...

Dear Big Ahmed:

Sorry for the delay in replying, but you wouldn't believe how big a headache it is to arrange these trips. And I haven't even booked all my flights yet!

Anyway, here's how my travel plans are shaping up:

I will be visiting Abidjan, Cote D'Ivoire, first, and will be arriving on Thursday. You will be able to reach me at 22507856996 in Abidjan. Be sure to ask for Big Bobby.

After I talk with you, we can finalize my plans to visit you in Lagos on Friday or Saturday, depending on when I can book my flights. I assume I would have to go to the airport in Abuja. What would work best for you?

After you and I finish our work together, I am thinking I might take a trip to Cotonou as well.

I will be leaving for the airport in a few moments, but I will be checking email, so let me know if this is acceptable, eh?

Yours,

Big Bobby

Hey Big Ahmed:

>HELLO BOBBY,HAPPY TO SEE YOUR MAIL,BOBY,I WILL LIKE TO TELL YOU THIS,
FOR YOU GOING TO ABUJA FROM YOUR COUNTRY IS A LONG DESTINATION,I WILL
LIKE YOUTO TAKE YOUR FLIGHT FROM YOUR COUNTRY TO LAGOS NIGERIA HERE SO
THAT WE CAN FINALISED OUR TALK OWN TALK,

I haven't booked my flight into Nigeria yet, but I had thought that the
main airport is in Abuja. Anyway, I'm sure I can get a flight in to
Lagos instead.

>BOBBY,IS THAT THE NUMBER OF THE COUNTRY YOUR GOING 1ST?I MEAN COTONOU.PLS
EMAILME ASAP TO SHEDULE YOUR TRIP FOR ME. AND WHEN ARE YOU LEAVING AND
WHEN WILL YOU ARRIVE HERE IN LAGOS.PLS LET ME KNOW ASAP.

Yes, Cotonou in the Benin Republic is my first stop. Feel free to call
the phone number I provided at any time - if I'm not in country yet, you
can talk to my assistant there.

Regards,

Big Bobby

Yes, indeed. We're trying to set up the scammers to call each other. It would be preferable to do it with people actually within the same city, so that there's the possibility of physical violence between them, but in the meantime, sowing confusion will have to do.

>I could have ask you to bath at COTONOU BENIN first before prceeding to
Nigeria due to some more security reasons. for us to arrenge very well
your movement from benin Nigeria, so that I can / may escort you to
the nigeria colleaque for more details and coperations.

I'm writing this from London, England, where I have a few more hours
stopover.

Your idea is just the kind of assertive attitude we need in the THL.
You are a real take-charge man, and I like that.

Therefore, I am altering my travel plans. I will be taking Air France
flight 814 out of Paris, and arriving in Cotonou at 8:15 pm on Thursday.
Hopefully you can meet me at the airport. You will probably recognize
me by my big moustache and curly hair, but if not, just hold up a sign
for the Abidjan Babes.

Must go, will write more later.

Big Bobby

Big Adam takes further measures to prevent his pigeon from escaping into the clutches of another scammer.

Again, one wishes to arrange the most inconvenient flight times possible for the scammers, but it ain't always possible.

Subject: from Adamu Idris. longing to see you by the time you told me ie 815pm

My dear big Bobby;
this is to acknowledge the receipt of your mail every contents being noted by me;
I will be waiting for your arrival at the airport on the excert time / hour you gave to i:e 815pm to take you to my stay ;

this phone number 00229-48 59 24; is a hired cell- phone number that you will be reaching me through along the way of your coming so that I can know your possition of location at any give secornd/hour .

I personally will be wearing a lightblue suit and the write paper of the abidjan babes witgh me.
I am waiting to receive your call of pure confirmation of your finanl arrival so that I can come along to meet you .
Thanks;
Adamu Idris.

Will this never end? For the love of God, take me to Page 12

I give up. Main Menu please.