It is two days before Christmas and David Beckham is on top of the main stand at Old Trafford ready to jump off after a nightmare first half of the Premiership and World Cup campaign. He's lost the World Cup for England by getting himself sent off and everyone and his dog hates him, Posh spice has dumped him for Michael Owen and Man United have put him on the transfer market for ten quid because he's playing rubbish.
As he's about to jump off Father Christmas taps him on the shoulder and asks "Are you OK David?".
David explains how his life is a mess and gets ready to jump!
"STOP!" shouts father Christmas "I'll grant you any three wishes on the understanding that you do me a favour".
"That would be top!" says Beckham. "Cheers Father Christmas, thank you, thankyou."
So Beckham lists his three wishes which are:
1) In the Argentina match he didn't kick the argy but shoots from the freekick and scores. ENGLAND go on to win the World Cup and he is a National Hero.
2) He marries posh spice and lives in happiness for evermore.
3) He is made best footballer in the world by FIFA and his wages go up to a million a week.
Father Christmas says OK all your wishes are granted. "Oh thank you, thank you!!!" says Beckham " What do I have to do?"
 Father Christmas tells Beckham to drop his pants and bend over.
After a brutal rogering, blood everywhere, Father Christmas asks Beckham how old he is.
"24" replies Beckham.
"You're a bit too old to believe in Father Christmas then!!" laughs the fat Man City fan.