Here is some actual dictation that the doctors I worked for did. I like to keep adding to my little collection to show to people.
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Silly Dictations... The patient�s blood pressure was 150/90, and she attributes this to her husband being home alone babysitting at the moment. The patient�s girlfriend states that the patient can only open his mouth wide enough to fit a cigarette or liquor bottle in it. It�s late at night, I am falling asleep, and I have to do two of Dr. Melo�s tapes before I go to bed. I put in the first tape and the first thing on it is him saying thank you for all my great work. I think I can now get through this evening. A mother brought in her son to have his testosterone level checked because he �likes to play with Barbie dolls and not with toys gender appropriate�. Dr. Shah pronounced the patient clinically fine, although agreed to have the testosterone level checked. He said he would then recommend counseling, not for the child, who appeared fine, but for the mother. She admits to symptoms of pica. She reports that she chews ice all day. Additionally, she reluctantly admits that she chews on soap. She has an intense craving for soap but only Zest, as other brands of soap will not satisfy her cravings. Medications: He is taking some type of alternative medicine supplements which claim to help the immune system ward off cancer. Social History: He is a three-pack-per-day cigarette smoker. (this guy has enlarged lymph nodes all over his body) The patient is on a study medication for memory loss. He cannot remember the names of any of his medications. Douglas Weston, O.D. 2234 Weston Road Weston, FL 33326 Doctor comments: That has got to be a joke. The patient urinates and drinks urine, er, I mean she urinates and drinks water frequently. At the end of a dictation by Dr. Greenberg, I hear a phone call notification (beep) in the background. One of the receptionists says, �Dr. Melo, line 3 � Lara�. Then Dr. Greenberg, dictating, chuckles and forgets what he was going to say. He was given new glasses a few days ago and says that he has no problems with erections. (So your mother was right!) Ms. Strong has been feeling rather weak. She is more anemic. Her hemoglobin is down to 8.5 gm%. RECTAL: There are no anal lesions seen grossly. (EW!) A doctor who frequently does dictations at home with his kids around him, and at the end of every sentence he is having his daughter say �period�. VI. FAMILY PSYCHIATRIC HISTORY: �We�re all nuts,� without further definition. Alcoholism negative. This one�s from my friend Rishi. She said her doctor�s kids steal the recorder and dictate. His 6-year-old took it in the bathroom and all sorts of sounds were recorded like squeezing and grunting noises, plopping, and flushing, all with narration. Physical examination reveals a loquacious, elderly, white woman with just non-stop complaining. She states that she is allergic to IV lidocaine, as it caused �facial numbness�.
