| Chapter Seventeen - A Plan, Part 3 |
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John, Lord of Darkness(Dum Dum Duuuuum!) sat at the head of the long table he used for his evil conferences. He had used it many times during the Crapomon Incident, and had grown fond of it. Therefore, it was one of the few peices of furniture he let Ian burn. John was in conference with Ian and Silent Jim. Ian looked like he'd rather be dealing drugs at Camp Milk and Cookies. Silent Jim looked like he'd rather be watching John Hughes movies. Don't ask me how I gather all this information from simply looking at them. I'm the freaking narrator! I know these things! I AM THIER GOD!!!!!!!
Ahem. Sorry. Anyway, the blue prints that John had gotten from DarkShadow were sitting in the middle of the table, and John was outlining his plan. "Ok, I originally had a long, drawn out plan involving Brian Boytonno riding a Razor Scooter over a hippo... but I couldn't get the rights to the hippo. So instead, I've come up with a very simple plan. "As you can see, there are alcoves on the ceiling of the chapel, and you will both be positioned there. When the rings are presented, you two will swing down, snatch the rings and we'll escape! Isn't that wonderfully EVIL???" He finished. Ian raised his hand. "Uh...couldn't I just stay on the ground and scream 'Fly fat @ss! Fly' as Silent Jim swings down?" "So, what are you saying? You guys aren't up to it?" John asked. "It's not that, man. It's Billy Jo! I mean, yeah, he's just a squirrel, but he's the most feared security guard around!" Ian said in a tone of reverence. "Well," John taunted. "I never thought I'd see the day when two such reknowned mischief makers as yourselves doused their drawers at the sight of a squirrel!" "Sh*t b**ch," Ian said in his usual crude way. "We're gonna bust up that wedding like a high school kegger! We're just gonna have to outwit Billy Jo X-Men style!" Ian and Silent Jim simultaneously crossed thier arms over their chests in the form of an X. "Anyway," John said, rolling up the blue prints. "I've been invited to the bachelor party, so I've gotta get my evil, black robes washed." "Hey!" Ian exclaimed. "I didn't know there was a bachelor party! Are me and Silent Jim invited?" Silent Jim gestured agreement. "Er... I don't know. They invited Goober so I guess it's possible you were invited..." "Aw man I hope so! Bachelor partied have food. Strippers. Dirty videos... sortof like my tenth birthday!" Ian said excitedly. "Er...sure..." John started to leave. "Hey, one more thing..." Ian said. John was starting to get annoyed now. "What?" "Just in case we fail, what're you gonna do?" John smiled evilly. "Simple." He whipped out a CD. Its case was labeled: "Crapomon: The First Movie Soundtrack." Ian and Silent Jim gasped in horror. "Seventy five minutes of pure Yoko Onomon music." He kissed the CD. "You guys may want to bring ear plugs, just in case. If you hear this when it goes off, you'll have one heck of a head ache... and no head since it'll explode. Now, if there's no more questions..." Silent Jim opened his mouth. "Oh shut up, will you?" John interrupted before he could speak. Then, John went off to prepare for the party. The Library Home |