Reality is what you make it...
(Wedge and Wes have kitchen duty, so they?re, duh, in the kitchen)
Wedge accidentally bangs two glass pans together.
Wes: OWWWW!!!
Wedge: What?
Wes: That hurt!
Wedge: Huh?
Wes: It hurt my ears.
Wedge: (Shaking his head)(Sarcastically) Oh, Wes, you poor, poor thing!
Wes glares at Wedge and Wedge pretends not to notice.
Wedge: Are your poor ears all right? You didn?t injure them did you? I wouldn?t want you to miss another extremely important mission briefing! No, that would be terrible, especially for the person who tries to defend you!
Wes: Shut up. Just shut up.
Wedge waits, looking at Janson, waits for it, waits for it?
Wes: (In a small voice) It wasn?t my fault...
Wedge: I KNEW IT!!!! I knew you would say that! Yes, it was your fault! You were the one sitting there sleeping during the mission briefing! I mean geeeeeeeeezzzzzz???I thought we had agreed after that incident with me coming back to get you on the doomed space station that you would no longer fall asleep during mission briefings!
Wedge continues muttering to himself. The two finish the dishes and realize that they only have 3 hours left until everyone had to wake up.
Wes: (Acting like a paranoid mad-man) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! Not 3 hours. No. I can?t stand this rinse and dry routine much more!
Wedge: (Acting the same way, just, well, worse----as in running around the room in circles and having to do things in threes) I know. I know. I know. I can?t stand it anymore. I can?t stand it anymore. I can?t-
Wes: (Interrupts) STOP IT!!! THAT?S ANNOYING!!!!!!!!
Wedge: Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
Wes: Oh, my. Wedge!
Wedge: Yes? Yes? Yes?
Wes: Wedge, Larry the Cucumber and Bob the Tomato just walked in. You know, from Veggie Tales?
Wedge: (Extremely surprised/confused) Huh? Where?
Wes: WOO HOO!! You stopped doing everything in threes!
Wedge: Yes, but where are Larry and Bob?
Wes: They were never here. I was just trying to get you to stop saying stuff in threes!
Wedge: Oh. Oh. Oh.
Wes: (Covers his eyes with his hand tiredly) No. Not again. I?m too tired to deal with this. Maybe I?ll make an anvil out of my bravery awards and drop it on his head.
Wedge starts to hop around the room, like a bunny rabbit.
Wes: Now what are you doing???
Wedge: Hopping. Hopping. Hopping.
Wes: Why? Ooh! Wait, I know what you?re getting at! If we tire ourselves out enough then it will be just like sleep, right?
Wedge: (Looks at Wes with and odd expression) Not exactly.... I was trying to grab that vine up there.
Wes: What vine? I don?t see-
Wedge points to a vine above their heads. Amazingly, there is foliage above them, and when they look down again, they are in a forest.
Wes: Uhhh?Wedge?
Wedge: Yeah?
Wes: Wedge, we?re in a forest?
Wedge: I see that. You?re supposed to follow Jar Jar.
Wes: (Confused)Huh? What?s a Jar Jar?
Wedge: Jar Jar isn?t an it, he?s a who. He?ll guide you to Otoh Gunga, where you will meet Qui-Gon.
Wes: What? Wedge, Who are these people??? You?re scaring me.
Wedge: Just do what I tell you!
Wedge goes into a series of convulsions and disappears in puff of insanity.
Wes: (Fearful) Uhh......Wedge?? Wedge??? Where are you!?!?
He gets no reply.
Wes: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! I can?t go on without my faithful friend and superior pilot! Wedge, come baaaaaaaacccccccccck!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wes crumples into a fetal position.
Jar Jar: UP HERE!!!! Yoo hoo!!!!
Wes: What the????
Jar Jar: It took a lot to get up here!
Wes: Who the duck are you?
Jar Jar: UP HERE!!!! Yoo hoo!!!!
Wes: Yes, I heard you the first-
Jar Jar: It took a lot to get up here!
Wes: Would you shut up and tell me who-
Jar Jar: UP HERE!!!! Yoo hoo!!!!
Wes: (Mumbles) That?s it, if you say that one more time?
Jar Jar: It took a lot to get up here!
Wes takes out his blaster and aims for the Gungan?s head.
Boom. The gun goes off.
Wes is satisfied and is about to do???something???when?
Jar Jar: UP HERE!!!! Yoo Hoo!!!!
Wes: WHAT!?!?!?! I JUST KILLED YOU!!!!!!!!! How come you?re still alive??
Voice of The Phantom Menace Game Designer: He?s programmed not to get hurt by anyone playing the game.
Wes: What?! You mean I can?t kill him?
TPM Designer: No. You can only kill other Gungans.
Wes: Oooh! Oooh! Where are they?
TPM Designer: In Otoh Gunga.
Wes: Can you take me there?
TPM Designer: No, but Jar Jar can.
Wes: You mean I actually have to travel with that?that?thing?
TPM Designer: Umm?yes. It says right here that there are no other ways to get to Otoh Gunga.
Wes mumbles incoherently?
TPM Designer: What? Hmm?
Wes: Nothing, nothing.
TPM Designer: Well, then. Have fun!
Wes: Right. Go away.
Wes follows the Gungan through the maze of trees and hedges, and the annoying thing keeps on running on ahead and losing Wes.
Wes: Why don?t you ever wait for me??
Jar Jar: Thisa way! Over here!
Wes: Grrrrrrrrr???just shut up?..your voice is so annoying?
Wes proceeds through the maze and before he knew it, he had found another human.
Wes: Oh, thank you, thank you! What is your name? How do we get out of here?
Qui-Gon: Obi-Wan! I?m glad you found your way here!
Wes: (looks around) Umm?who?s Obi-Wan?
Qui-Gon: We need to go to Otoh Gunga now, so we can warn the Naboo.
Wes: Huh? Didn?t the game designer tell me I needed to go to Otoh ? Ohhhh?no. No, no, no. You?re one of those people that are already in the game and are programmed to say stuff to the person playing it aren?t you?
Qui-Gon: Come on, Obi-Wan!
Wes stares in disbelief.
Wes: WEDGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wes closes his eyes, hoping that it?s just a dream, all of it, just a dream. But an even more unbelievable sight met his eyes when he opened them.
Wes is standing at the edge of a pool of water with five pillars in it. Neither Wedge, nor Qui-Gon, nor Jar Jar was present. He tried jumping across the pillars but he found that when he landed on them, they immediately started sinking.
Wes: Noooo??..I don?t think I can take much more of this!!!
Wes runs and jumps again, this time landing on the first one, jumping to the middle one, but landing in middle of the pillar.
Wes: What? How did I manage to land in this thing but not get hurt?
And with that, he swam back out of the water for the eightieth time, and tried again and again and again and again?
Meanwhile?
We see Queen Amidala stuck at a different part of the game.
Amidala: Grrr?I know there?s a way to get past this stupid fan without being cut to pieces?there?s gotta be?
She runs and jumps again. Oh look; her head flew all the way across to the other side of the fan. Hmmm?
(Cut to a scene of Wedge at a computer screen, playing a game. Coincidentally, he is playing The Phantom Menace Game. Hmmm?)
Wedge: WOO HOO! She got her head chopped off again! Yea! (saddening) But why can?t I have Wes kill Jar Jar? He?s so annoying.
Wedge hits backspace and types in ?I like to cheat? Wes now has all the weapons you can possibly have.
Wes: Hey! Cool!
Wedge: (Speaking into computer microphone) I thought you?d like having more things to shoot people with.
Wes: (Looks around) Wedge? Wedge! Where are you! Why can?t I kill Jar Jar?
Wedge: I?m playing the game that you?re in.
Wes: Well, get me out. This isn?t fun. There aren?t any starships to play with.
Wedge: See, that?s the problem. I don?t know how to get you out.
Wes: What?!?!?!? Oh, nononononononono. There has to be a way out of here. You can?t just leave me here. What happens when you quit the game? Do I just pause? Or do I continue fighting and stuff?
During the exchange, Wedge has mistakenly hit the backspace button on his keyboard.
Wedge: I don?t know! I?ve never been in a computer game!
Wes: Well, if that?s all you can give me, just KILL ME NOW!!!!!!
Unfortunately, the chat space heard Wes?s request and, well, killed him.
Wedge: Crap. I forgot to save. Oh, well. Back to the beginning!
Wes wakes ujp in a Trade Federation Battleship. He is dressed like Obi-Wan Kenobi and Qui-Gon is saying something to him.
Qui-Gon: Something, something, and something.
Wes: (Whining) Where ami I? Wedge? Where'd you go?
Wes starts to bawl, sitting on the floor in fetal position.
Qui-Gon: (Suddenly having a voice like Wedge's and still looking like Qui-Gon) Wes! It's ok.....I think....
Wes: (Peering up from his spot on the floor) Wedge?
Qui-Gon (a.k.a. Wedge): Yes.
Wes: YAY!!! I knew you would come and rescue me! Please take me from this place! I don't want to jump in a fan multiple times!
Wes appears to be praising the ground Wedge is standing on.
Wes: O, superior pilot, O, friend of mine, O, happy is the day you came to rescue a lowly and untalented pilot, such as myself...(et cetera)
Wedge is smiling patting Wes on the head
Wedge: But there is only one problem....I don't know how to get out....
Wes: What?? Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
At this moment, Corran Horn wakes Wes and Wedge up. It seems that the two had fallen asleep while washingdishes.
Wedge: What? Huh? Corran? What are you doing here? Oh no, you got pulled into the game too didn't you?
Wes: We have to figure a way to get out! Can you help us O, superior pilot, O, friend of mine, O, happy is the day you came to rescue a lowly and untalented pilot, such as myself...(et cetera)
Corran is smiling patting Wes on the head. Wait a minute! That's not supposed to happen! Wes is supposed to be praising Wedge! Where's the author at a time like this?
Author: (Bitterly) What?
Sorry, Ms. Author, ma'am-
Author: Call me 'sir'; it's more fun.
All right, Ms. Author, sir, it's just that Wes isn't supposed to be praising Corran and-
Author: GEEZ! Don't you people al least wait until the end of the story to ask questions? I mean, you're like those annoying people that want to know, "Does she get killed, does he get killed, blah blah blah...."
Yes, sir
Author: Yes, what Mr. I-Think-I-Need-To-Know-Everything-Narrator?
Yes, you're right, I should have waited until the end of the story to ask questions, sir.
Author: Very good. I'm going back to the story now.
Yes, sir.
Wedge stares dumbfounded at Wes.
Wedge: Wes! What are you doing?!?!?!
Wes: I'm kidding Wedge. Corran isn't a competent enough pilot to deserve that kind of praise. And anyway, we're not in the game anymore. We were dreaming.
Wedge: (Looking stupidly at Wes) Oh. I see. So what do you want to do now?
Wedge scratches his ankle. Wes and Corran both see the pink plastic socks.
Wes: I KNEW IT! I knew you owned those socks!
Wedge: What!? Noooo! I don't own these! It must be another dream! Oh, wake up Wedge, wake up....
Wedge pinches himself. Really, really, hard.
Wedge: OUCH!!!
Wes: Ummm, Wedge, it's ok. We won't tell anyone about your socks.
Wedge: Really? Oh, thank you....
Corran: (Smile maliciously) We won't tell anyone that hasn't already seen or heard about them, he means.
Wedge: What!? NO! You can't do that! I'm...I'm your commanding officer! I order you not to say anything about those pink socks!
Wes: Ok.
Corran: All right.
Later that day.....
Tyria: Hey Commander, those are some nice socks! Where did you get them?
Wedge: What!?!?!?!?!
Tyria: You know, the pink ones, Commander.
Wedge: Who told you that??
Tyria: Wes and Corran.
Wedge: Oh really? Hmmmm, I'll have to do something about that won't I?
Tyria: (Scared of the evil look in the Commander's eye) I......uhhhh.....guess so, sir.....bye now!
Wedge marches down the hall to Wes' room. He throws open the door and Wes is sitting playing with an Ewok doll.
Wedge: What is that? Oh no, it's Lieutenant Kettch isn't it?
Wes: Uhhhhh, no, sir, it's uhh just a dool. Ummmm, yeah.
All of a sudden, Corran walks by and erases Wedge's memory of the doll while Wes puts it away.
Wes: Soooo.....uhh......what did you want, Wedge?
Wedge: (angrily) Why did you tell everyone that I had pink socks?
Wes: (scared) Ummmm....I didn't sir. Really.
Wedge: (advancing on Wes) Oh really? Then explain to me how the entire squadron knows about them?
Wes: (even more scared) Ummmmm.....they....uhhhh....guessed?
Wedge: Really.
Wedge goes to choke Janson. But in that instant, Wes wakes up in his bed, safe and sound.
Wes: Whoa. What a weird dream.