*The Rules We Live By On Married Man Weekend*
Article I- Driving and golf. In years where the Married Man Weekend Golf Invitational is held, the finishing order shall help determine who is in charge of driving to any particular event during MMW. In all cases, the driver MUST be sober. It is the responsibility of said driver to remain sober for his duty. The winner of the golf tournament has one drink bought for him by each of the MMW participants, even if that person did not participate in the golf tournament. The winner also has no driving responsibilities for the weekend. This rule is based on there being three driving times during a weekend, to dinner Friday night, to pick up brunch Saturday, and to get dinner Saturday. If it is determined that dinner will be eaten at a place that serves alcohol Saturday night, then instead of driving to get brunch Saturday, this responsibility then becomes driving to dinner Saturday, and that role original role falls to driving home that night. Whoever finishes third to last in golf gets his first pick as to which driving leg he will take. Second to last gets next pick. Last place gets what is left over. If a member arrives at MMW after the start to the second half of the second afternoon game, then the third to last finisher gets to pass his driving responsibility to that late arriving person. All driving picks must be made prior to the start of the second half of the first afternoon game Friday to insure that whoever is driving Friday night is sober. No member of Married Man Weekend shall be required to drive to the same event back to back years. If he finds himself in the same driving position in consecutive years, he is allowed to switch with the person in the driving position ahead of them. Trading positions is allowed.
Article II- Adultery. Adultery will not be tolerated during Married Man Weekend. Adultery shall be defined as anything more than a "friend" kiss that is not broken in under 2 seconds, or any other questionable sexual physical act. If such an indiscretion should take place, the participants of MMW do swear not to tell of the guilty party's actions. However, no member of MMW will be expected or required to lie to a spouse or loved one to protect the guilty party. If a member of MMW is found guilty of his MMW peers of committing adultery DURING MMW, the guilty party, despite hopefully remaining friends with the rest of the MMW participants, will receive a life time ban for any and all Married Man Weekends. The guilty party may stay through the reminder of that particular weekend. Also, anyone who might be tempted to partake in an indiscretion, perhaps having his judgment impaired due to alcohol intake, should not count on or expect any intervention by any other participant of MMW. Simply put, do not expect someone else to cock block you for your own good. Any actions deemed as "cheating" that are not seen at MMW, but found out later through video tape or any other means, will carry the same punishment as if it was witnessed at the time it happened.
Article III- Participant requirements. All participants of Married Man Weekend must fulfill the following requirements. The first work of MMW is "Married". All participants must be married at the time of the weekend. By being married, the weekend becomes more about spending time with friends, and not trying to pick up women. If you have participated in at least three Married Man Weekends, and then become single, a vote shall be taken of all names signed to the constitution as to if you can join the weekend. A 3/4 vote is needed to allowed back to the weekend.
If a participant for what ever reason does not want to drink, he may not lecture or act condescending on those who do.
A participant is required to bring at least one kitchen item to be donated to the group for the weekend, such as beer, soda, bottled, water, chips, etc. It must be something that most would enjoy. For example, smokers can not bring packs of cigarettes for the group.
Article IV- Farts, party fouls, vandalism, etc. Part of the magic of Married Man Weekend is the fart. This shall be known as the Gene Rule. No matter who is around IN THE HOUSE at the time of passing gas, you must claim your own farts if it is asked who did it. Under no circumstances, may you blame someone else for your fart IN THE HOUSE. No matter who might be a house guest, if someone claims to smell a fart, and you did it, you MUST claim it. You may deny a fart outside the house. You may also blame someone else for it. However, if you blame a fellow MMW member, he must be able to hear your accusation and be able to respond to it. Blaming a non-MMW member does not require that person to hear the accusation.
A MMW member is responsible for his own party foul. If that person clogs a toilet, spills a drink, etc, he and he alone is responsible for cleaning the mess (others may help if they are so inclined). If a person was to vomit from or in front of the house, he is responsible for cleaning it before any neighbors can see what happened. This shall be known as the Dan Rule.
No vandalism shall be tolerated during MMW. This includes any acts done to cars or houses that you would not want done to your own. This also includes stealing. If you do steal something, it is not allowed into the house. It must stay in your car. If you are caught stealing something, it is an automatic one year suspension from MMW. This includes stealing things from any bar that others of MMW frequent outside of that particular weekend. This shall be known as the Braxton Rule.