First, I loved my former spouse. Even though she had a problem with violence, there was more to her than just the abusive behavior. I sought to work out the problem. She refused to admit that she "had a problem" (something many women's groups deny today, as well).

A man can't be just a good father in order to gain custody of his children, he has to prove the mother to be incompetent. 

By staying in an abusive relationship, I was able to assure myself that I would have access to my children and that they could see that there was a different way to have a relationship with a parent. 

Try talking as a male victim to others that you are a victim of this kind of behavior and you will get such reactions as this, or reactions that imply: "you wimp", or "why don't you take it like a man", or "you must be a controlling man or she wouldn't do that", or "you must be abusive too". 

Fourth, there are VERY FEW programs (if any) designed to help abused males.  All kinds of money for female victims of spousal abuse are given out by agencies and governments, but what about the men in this situation? By refusing to earmark monies to programs that are inclusive of men, we deny that a problem exists (that women can be abusive) and perpetuate an implicit message that it is perfectly OK to abuse men. 

THIS IS A SERIOUS PROBLEM. 
Familial violence, whether it is perpetrated by a male or female, on an adult male or female (or child, whether male or female) is wrong.

But in trying to ascertain why it is perpetrated and why individuals stay in abusive relationships is very complex. Most of the reasoning, research, help, and content is still blind to the issue of male victims. 

doug flor

Every success I had was met with derision. Daily my shirts were ripped....my face was slapped...I was kicked....I was locked out. There was nothing I could do to make a difference. [After I left] she has told me repeatedly, "You're the only person who really understood me." The face I see as she speaks is still the one who held the knife. 

I still don't understand why I stayed in that relationship as long as I did. I quess it was because she was such a great girl in every other way and I hoped she would change. I'm never going to go back into that kind of insanity again

Over the years, she had thrown things at me, including knives, slapped me, punched me, and shoved me on numerous occasions. I had always felt a sympathy towards her because of the fact that she had no one in her life that truly seemed to care for her. I was going to be her protector. 

The domestic violence involved mental cruelty also. I can remember no positive statements by her toward or about my father. This usually took the form of criticism or putting him down for the lack of ability of different kinds. She criticised as nothing special the string of Christmas lights he strung up every year on the house trim. She put him down as lacking mechanical/fix-it or monetary talents.

So I stayed in the relationship, constantly being bombarded with insults like, "you're worthless, you're a quitter, you're a loser, you're stupid, so fucking stupid". What was I supposed to do?

My brother lived in a home that was constantly controlled by his wife. She would throw him out of his home after a rage attack against him. Slapping him in the face, telling him he was no good, tearing up sentimental things by stepping on them or throwing them. He has been also now tormented by the court system. For two years, she has had all her living expenses paid and receiving child support. You see, she put him out the last time and then filed a protection order against him. He was unable even with his attorney to look at her at defend himself. She also took control of the children by saying that he molested the oldest child so that he has to have supervised visits now for two years. I hope soon the truth will come out and this case can come to a peaceful end for all involved. 

These people need help and I suppose the only to change things is to speak out and to speak out often and loudly. Tell every one you can and bring it to the worlds attention, so if this story helps please us it any way you can.