To WHO IT MAY CONCERN 

 by Mark Bretton Grewar

I have been forceably separated from my children for over two years, seeing them only as my ex wife Deborah allowed. Deborah has poisoned my childrens minds against me to the point they do not want to see me. Last I saw of them, she dropped off little drawings that Murdock did at school and she told me that Murdock asks for me but she tells him  'Daddy doesn't want to see him'. I have been and still are devastated at what has transpired and want to publish the facts because people need to know about the silent suffering of many men (and their children) in Australia.

On 3rd April 2003, five violence restraining orders were issued against myself in the Rockingham Court by my ex wife Deborah Lee Grewar on behalf of herself and three of our four children. My elder daughter Jessica Lee Grewar also had a violence restraining order issued against me.

On 1st May 2003, these orders were again reinforced by the court until a hearing date on 7th August 2003. 

 I have not even been allowed to present an objection to these restraining orders.

This means that I will not be able to see or correspond with my children for over four months unless I wish to serve a jail term of 18 months.

It is vital for me to clarify the truth as to the situation and the events leading up to the orders. I obtained the transcript documents from the court and was horrified to see what my ex wife had told the Magistrate in order to achieve her desire to stop me seeing my children again.

She stated that:

I had threatened her life
that she did not know where I lived in order to serve divorce papers on me.
That I abuse her on her mobile phone via text or voicemail 6 to 7 times per day.
That I stated I was 'going to shoot her and the kids'
That I suffer from a mental illness, that 'one minute he's alright and the next, he's threatening to kill us, He's not on medication'.
That I am 'violent all the time' that 'He pushed me, he punched me..Twice he's hit me'
That 'He has threatened violence against me in the last 2.5 years, every 6 to 7 weeks that  he gets these manias'.
That I used to beat our eldest son Benjamin  'all the time'.
That she has tried to keep the younger two children away from me and that I have not beaten Murdock because she has 'never left him alone' with me.
That I have 'about eight mobile phone numbers' and I 'keep changing them all the time'.

My elder daughter stated:

That I threatened to shoot the family
That I have 'very abrupt mood swings'.
That she has seen me 'violently abuse her younger brother Benjamin', that I 'would belt him till he was blue and black'.
That I never 'really sat down and talked to her'.

THIS IS THE TRANSCRIPT

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                        ________________________________

THE COURT OF PETTY SESSIONS OF 
WESTERN AUSTRALIA

RESTRAINING ORDER

			RO228-232/03

BETWEEN:

		DEBORAH LEE GREWAR & Ors

and -
		MARK BRETTON GREWAR

BEFORE : MR LAWRENCE. S.M.

TRANSCRIPT OF PROCEEDINGS

AT  ROCKINGHAM  ON  THE  3RD  DAY  OF  APRIL  2003

3.4.03				Verbatim Reporters

129/et			RO228/03

DEBORAH LEE GREWAR	sworn:

HIS WORSHIP: What is your full name, Mrs Grewar?---Deborah Lee Grewar.

Who is Mark Bretton Grewar?---Sorry?

Who is Mark Bretton Grewar?---My husband.

Are you separated from him?---Yes.

How long have you been separated from him?---Approximately 2 1/2 years.

Who is Murdock Grewar?---My youngest son.

Is that his son also?---Yes.

Benjamin Grewar?---Oldest son.

Natalia Grewar?---Younger daughter.

Why do you personally say that you need a restraining order against him?---Because he's threatened my life.

When did he do that?---On 28th March.

What did he say?---He texted me on my mobile phone to say he was going to cut my throat.

Is that all he did say?--- And also---I've got it on my mobile phone actually. He also said, _Well listen here, slut. I don't want to hear you interfering_.

Take your time?---And now he rings...(indistinct)...

So did you contact him prior to him sending that message?---On 28th? March I left a message at his work because I didn't know where he lived or his address for the divorce papers I've put through and then I got those messages on my phone.

Have you got more than one message to that effect?---I get abused six to seven times a day.

In that form?---Just abuse but he has...(indistinct)...me that he's going to shoot me and the kids.

So did you see the police about this?---I've only contacted them and they've said I had no proof.

Have they seen that?---They seen the text, yes.

What are they going to do about it?---They asked me to come in and..

HIS WORSHIP: Get a restraining order?---Restraining order.

Which Police Station?---I went to Mandurah to put the divorce papers in and the bailiff there suggested that I go to the JP down here in Rockingham to get someone to witness the text and then I went to Rockingham Police Station and they just said to come in here to get the restraining order.

So did you lay a complaint against him?---To the police I have, yes.

Have they given you a number or anything?---No.

Have they said they're going to do anything about it?---No, They just told me to get a restraining order straight away.

They're not even going to investigate it?---No.

In the days and weeks leading up to 28th of March, have you been in contact with him?---Yes.
One that my husband suffers from a mental illness; one minute he's all right and the next minute he's threatening to kill us. He's not on medication.

Has he ever been violent towards you?---Yes.

When was he violent towards you?--About 21/2 years ago, before we separated.

What did he do?---He pushed me, he punched me. He's just violent all the time. Just his abuse even.

How many times has he been violent towards you?---Twice he's hit me but it's just the abuse and the emotional torment I can't take.

In the last 2 _ years how many times has he threatened violence against you?---Every six to seven weeks that he gets these manias.

What about the children?, has he ever been violent towards the children?--- Yes. He used to beat his son all the time.

Which son?--- Benjamin.

What about the younger one?---I've tried to keep the younger two away from him.

Has he ever beaten Murdock or not?---No, because I've never left him alone with him.

Has he ever threatened to do anything to him?---He threatened to take him.

HIS WORSHIP: Apart from that, has he done anything else?---No We try- - I try to keep my oldest kids with him or myself, to keep an eye on - - so he doesn't do anything.

Apart from the last text message, has he ever threatened to do anything to them?---He threatened to shoot us all.

Are there any Family Court orders?---No. I've just done the divorce one at this stage.

How do you know that he sent the message to you?---Because he's got about eight mobile phone numbers. He keeps changing them all the time.

So what?---Because I know that's his mobile. He's involved with a girl as well, that he's abusing as well and I think that's what sent him over the top.

So does he know where you live?---Yes

Are you still intent on taking action against him?---Yes

Are you going to go back to the police station?---If that's what I have to do.

Well, they're not going to do anything - - if they weren't going to do anything yesterday or the day before, the only means by which they're going to do something is if you insist upon it. So if you want action taken, you're going to have to go back to them and say  - - at the police station, if they won't do anything, then you're going to have to go higher, to a higher authority _ one of their superior officers. Do you understand that?---I don't know how the system works.

Go back to the police station and insist - - lay a complaint and insist that they take action against him. Say you have got this evidence. If they won't do it then you go to the regional office which is in Fremantle, or ring them up and tell them. The superintendent's name is Pottinger.  Maybe if he gets enough phone calls he will start doing something about it. This happens every day of the week, on more than one occasion?---They just told me to wipe the text off. It wasn't worth anything.

Only because they don't want to do the work. Is it Benjamin Ray?---Yes.

Was it a police officer that you saw or someone just at the counter?---It was a police officer. He wrote it in his report book.

Well, it's entirely up to you, Mrs Grewar, but thats the only way you're going to get anywhere. You have to take it further. Okay. There will be orders in relation to yourself and the children in these terms: except through lawyers acting on your behalf and/or his behalf or at mediation conferences, hearings or proceedings under the Family Court Act or in compliance with Family Court orders he shall not communicate with you by whatever means; hes not enter upon 41 Charthouse Road, Safety Bay, or any other premise where you live or work or be within 100 metres of the nearest external boundary of those premises; he's not to approach within 20 metres of yourself or cause or allow any person to engage in those types of behaviour. Do you understand those conditions?---(no audible response)

Very well, you can stand down, thank you.

WITNESS WITHDREW

D.L.GREWAR

699/et			RO228/03

JESSICA LEE GREWAR

HIS WORSHIP: What is your full name, Jessica?---Jessica Lee Grewar

Mark Grewar is your father. Is that correct?---Yes

Do you live with your mum?---Yes

Have you spoken to your father in recent times?---Not recently. The last time I spoke to him was by a text message and I told him to stop texting me and my mother.

...(indistinct)...?---He said that he wanted to see the kids and he wanted to know how they were.

Has he ever made threats against you?---Not personally but as a family he has threatened to shoot us all. I have - - 

You have seen that text message, have you?---I have, yes.

On how many occasions has that happened?---Twice. One where he said he was going to shoot us and Mum showed me the one where he said he was going to slit her throat, or cut her throat.

When was that?---About a week or so ago.

That's in recent times - - ?---Yes.

Recent days?---Yes.

Has this all been brought about by the divorce proceedings has it?---I'm not sure. I haven't spoken to him but I don't think he knows but the bailiff would have only served him a few days ago. So this was before that.

Do you fear him?---Yes.  I don't know what he is capable of doing. As Mum was saying he has very abrupt mood swings; one time he'll be ok and the next he'll be very cold and harsh and I've seen him violently abuse my younger brother, Ben, Benjamin.

He has never been violent towards you?---No. He has once before he hit my Mum. He pulled my hair. That's the only thing he's done to me besides, you know, smack me but all his discipline was out of anger. I remember he's never really sat down and talk to me. He would just lash out and I saw  through my younger brother, Ben, worse - - worse things happen to him than my - - 

HIS WORSHIP: What happened to him?---He would belt him until he was blue and black and Ben is very fearful of Dad especially, even though he doesn't like to show it.

Do you work or at uni or somewhere? - - ?---Yes, I'm at uni and I also work casually as a cinema usher.

Does he know where you work?---Yes.

Does he know that you're at uni?---Yes.

He knows which uni you're at?---Yes

He doesn't try and contact you, apart from the text messages?---Only through phone he's tried to ring me. I have to tell him that I've changed my phone number but I haven't. I need to turn - - I just turn it off so he doesn't know it's my phone.

Okay. Well, there will be an order that he shall not communicate with you or attempt to communicate wth you by whatever means, enter upon 41 Charthouse Road, Safety Bay, or any other premise where you live or work or be within100 metres of the nearest external boundary of those premises; he's not to approach within 20 metres of yourself or cause or allow any person to engage in that type of conduct. Thank you.

Do you understand those conditions?---Yes.

Very well. You can stand down?---Thank you.

WITNESS WITHDREW
J.L.GREWAR
		
THE FOLOWING PARAGRAPHS ARE  VITAL IN DETERMINING CONTEXT OF THE CASE
I have been the victim of domestic abuse that started  over 6 years ago now. As a consequence of a sequence of events including my eventual eviction from my family home as a father, I have not felt empowered enough to gather control and regain  my children's confidence in  looking to me as a guiding force in their lives. The abuse I suffered have resulted in my children's present indifference to my being a source of influence and guidance in their lives now.  They may have a limited perception of my paternal qualities as a result. I wish to contribute in a meaningful way to my childrens' upbringing by spending time with them regularly in order that they may have valued and balanced input from both parents. I do not seek to run down or belittle  my ex wife's contribution to the children’s lives. I know only too well how it feels to be put down and abused as a partner in a marriage. 

In more than 10%, of cases of  spouse abuse, the female is the perpetrator and the male is the abused. Sadly, Female domestic violence often remains hidden because society finds it difficult to accept that a male can be abused and/or because the female abuser is far more discreet and manipulative than the male abuser. 

The female abuser uses crafty, cunning financial, emotional and mental manipulation. Often the male is unaware that he is being abused, he just slowly begins losing his self esteem, his resources, his ability to make decisions and to think clearly. Ultimately, he is often unable to communicate to others due to loss of self esteem. Probably the worst thing about being a male in this situation is that he has little or no support systems available in society.
The abused male often is not allowed to see his children because the female abuser  always finds a way to stop him. Thus he usually cannot go on a supporting parent pension or claim family support through Centrelink.  Often he will immerse himself in work knowing that the Child support agency will take most of his extra earnings – He has to work longer and harder to survive himself after the CSA gets their share. Thus he has less free time to spend with his children – if he is allowed to. 

In response to restraining orders RO228-232/03.

The instigation of restraining orders by Deborah Lee Grewar and issued by the court were motivated by malice and designed to legitimise the cycle of abuse that Deborah Lee Grewar  began on myself over six years ago.

The children of the relationship should not exposed to her cycle of abuse at any time, especially through unnecessary use of the court system to justify Deborah's selfish, destructive and vindictive course of action.

Deborah  always describes the children as 'us' or 'we''. Deborah could never see that her and the children are separate beings. She believes that her  and the children are one entity in all aspects including her decision making.

Deborah constantly accuses me of having a mental illness. This is totally untrue. I visit a psychiatrist because I am ADHD and need a psychiatrist to prescribe Dexamphetamine which is a helpful drug for people with ADHD as it assists memory retention and attention span.

I have tried to arrange to take my children out or have them stay with me so many times in the past two years but every time I arrange a firm commitment with Deborah, she always finds an excuse or reason for them not being able to be with me. Usually the reason she gives is that I set impossible times, I changed times, my behaviour was innappropriate and I didn't deserve to have them, I was untrustworthy, I could not afford to have them for the day/night or any other idea. 

My reaction to Deborah's abuse in all it's forms was in a defensive manner. For  every 30 or 40 abusive short message service (SMS) texts  and voice mail messages sent to my mobile and/or home phone by Deborah on a daily basis,  I would respond with an angry reply in text only once or twice.  She would document and collect my replies whilst I would delete her  messages because I despise violence, abuse or associated media of any kind. Since 1996 I have not  watched TV, except on rare occasions  because the violence upsets me. In the past six years I have suffered symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as a direct result of her abuse.

I was either evicted from the family home by Deborah or had to escape from her many times in the past 6 years and this meant leaving our children with her. Every residence where Deborah either knew where I lived or where she found me, was the focus of her prowling, stalking and driving by at all hours of the day or night at times she choose. This behaviour of hers was relentless, frightening,  embarrassing and soul destroying for me.

When Deborah found me at various premises, she would make a scene if people were about. She would use loud verbal references to my state of mental health or that the doctor wanted to see me, or that I needed more medication. If I was not about,  a note would be left in a prominent place where others could clearly read the writing on it. The note would draw reference to what she would have verbalised, had I been around. If I was alone, she would pull a knife on me or physically wrestle or hit me, or throw items around. Once she was about to hit me over the head with a golf club. This was after she broke in to my unit. The blow would have killed me but for me yelling a comment that she misunderstood to be an expression of love. At least on two occasions I had to call police in to assist me. 

My addresses were 1) Unit 3, 1 Frederick Street Shoalwater. 2) 27A Houston Street Rockingham. 3) Unit 2, 121 Kent Street, Rockingham. 4) Unit 4, Number 8 Hefron Street Rockingham. 5) 25 Victoria Street Rockingham.  Another address I had in Shoalwater for a few days, not to mention the countless times I stayed at my friends unit in Shoalwater and at three other work colleagues houses over a few weeks. (Jack Barriss, Debbie Graham, Allen Hyland) My phone numbers had to be changed more times than I care to recall because Deborah's  abuse would upset me too much for me to want to hear. I did not choose to change address as it cost me a fortune.  All the time I was living on the hope that the abuse would stop and that I would return to my family.

Throughout the entire time of my abuse, Deborah would ensure that she had in her possession some valuable goods of mine. These items ranged from digital cameras, computers, clothing, anything I needed for living. Naturally, these were used by her as a bargaining tool to make me 'behave' to her requirements. This would usually mean my being very sorry for having a mental incapacity or my accepting that I was inferior as a human being or giving her visible evidence that I was paying Child Support or HBF or something else. Very early in her abuse, Deborah arranged for the Child Support Agency to take money from my wages. The sole reason for her doing this was in order for her to gain a supporting parent pension and its associated benefits, hence disempowering my role as provider for my family.

The material possessions were often destroyed and as the relationship drew to a close, the destruction got worse. Clothing from work would be  ripped behind shirt pockets, or eppaulettes would disappear, buttons, 1 or 2 at a time would be removed, clothes would appear under my car or disappear from my clothesline. Sometimes she offered to wash my clothes and I would oblige hoping she was showing her love by offering, only to find the clothes  would become a bargaining tool. My employer had told me that legal action may need to be taken to recover the stolen and damaged clothes she had seized. I had 11 shirts in two years and didn't want to explain why.

Research has proven that abused men who leave the relationship leave behind children who will be abused by the perpetrator also. I am very concerned about my children now. I have seen her treatment of each child at times and noted the way she picks on one at a time for a few days until the child is very deeply sad and distressed. 

I did not nor have ever, threatened to shoot my family. (Deborah Lee Grewar, Jessica Lee Grewar, Benjamin Ray Grewar, Natalia Jane Grewar, Murdock Geoffrey Grewar)
I have however stated on occasion in the past three years to Deborah Lee Grewar that I wished she would be dead or killed or kill herself. These statements were made as a  direct response to the cruel and insidious cycle of abuse that she had been wielding against me for over six years.

 In relation to the text message that was sent from my mobile telephone to Deborah Lee Grewar's  mobile phone which effectively stated that 'I would slit her (Deborah's) throat'. 
 I did not think up or send the text message. 
I had given my mobile phone to my fiance Dianne  on many occasions and asked her to 'deal with' the abusive and threatening messages that were being sent to me at a typical rate of at least 20 SMS and at least 5 voice mails per day from Deborah's mobile phone and sometimes home phone. 

When Dianne told me of the SMS  she sent stating that 'I would slit Deborah's throat', I predicted correctly that Deborah would now have the written evidence she needed to obtain a Violence restraining order against me. She had been threatening me with this for some time with her reasoning being that it would legitimise her abuse against me and inhibit my rights to see my children.

Deborah had obtained malicious misinformation about Dianne and her past and had sent an SMS  to Dianne via my mobile phone offensively announcing that Dianne was unfit to travel on buses due to her medical condition and that she had been an unfit parent. These messages Deborah sent were written in a very cruel and defammatory manner and specifically designed to initiate a volatile reaction from both myself and Dianne.

Prior to Dianne responding with the text about 'slitting her throat'. Deborah was well aware  that she was communicating directly to Dianne via my mobile phone because they had already engaged in heated verbal exchanges in this manner.  Further and previous to the text sent by Dianne, Benjamin had  verbally threatened Dianne with assault and Jessica had abused Dianne in verbal exchanges to my mobile phone. 

So, contextually and in perspective, the SMS  sent from my mobile phone was insignificant both  in relation to the SMS  messages I had been receiving daily for years from Deborah, in that it was a response to abuse from three individuals,  and in that I did not send  that  SMS .

I have never violently abused or beaten Jessica's brother Benjamin Ray Grewar.  Ben has never been belted until he was 'blue and black'. I have not physically disciplined Benjamin since he was about 12 years of age. Prior to this time I smacked my children and spoke to them and grabbed them in a manner appropriate to the wrongdoing and mistakes they made. My metering out discipline was always done in a caring and loving manner and my temper was always controlled if at times raised.

I have rarely disciplined Benjamin in the past six years because Deborah began her cycle of abuse at about that time. Deborah's abuse of me involved my relinquishing all rights as a father  to discipline to any of my children. Deborah's abuse of me  involved threats, insults, blackmail, humiliation. and isolation from family and friends.  I was made to sign a written contract to behave in certain ways and to meet various requirements in order to stay in the family home. In short, my role as father was completely disempowered and diminished.

 PS Please take care of Murdock and let him know I love him  – I have done no wrong and I worry for him as he is very sensitive and we are very close – even though I am not allowed to see or communicate with him.

INFORMATION FOR MAGISTRATE

RESPONSE TO RESTRAINING ORDERS RO228-232/03

 by Mark Bretton Grewar

In relation to restraining orders RO228-232/03, the following statements are critical for determining context and perspective 

The instigation of restraining orders by Deborah Lee Grewar were motivated by malice and designed to legitimise her cycle of abuse. She started to abuse me in 1996 having decided that after 15 years of married life with me, I had not proven to be the provider and husband she had hoped for. Deborah presents an amiable public image that conceals her privately vindictive, dangerous and manipulative nature.

I have experienced fear, shame, bewilderment sadness, depression, humiliation and just plain exhaustion. I have tried everything and nothing worked.  I lost everything I had in the world, my children and material possessions. However, Deborah had no limits. Her outrageous behaviour escalated to unbelievable levels and she craves the pleasure that came from destroying me as a person. No one believes the male victim.

I was either evicted or had to escape from the family home many times in the past 6 years because Deborah was violent or extremely threatening in her behaviour. Why? I would commit a minor transgression, for example, make a comment or express an opinion and I would be evicted. Deborah began her cycle of abuse against me because she reasoned that I had not met her expectations as a provider. (The details are recorded in the appendices attached).

In the last two and a half years, whenever I wished to speak to my younger children or ask them to spend time with me, Deborah would claim that 'we' won't be available.
Even after arranging an agreeable time, she later would make an excuse for them being unavailable, reasoning that I set impossible times or I changed times or my behaviour was inappropriate or I didn't deserve to have them or I was untrustworthy, or I couldn't afford to have them for the day/night or any other excuse that put the onus of blame on me. 

Constantly being evicted meant leaving our children with her. By February 2003 and I had been separated from my children for over two years, seeing them only as Deborah allowed. Deborah has poisoned my children's minds against me to the point they do not want to see me. Just after the last time I saw Murdock sometime in February this year, Deborah dropped off little drawings to me that he did for me at school and told me that he asked for me but she had told him that 'Daddy doesn't want to see him'. 

My mobile phone numbers had to be changed often because Deborah's threats, intimidation and abuse would distress me immensely. I obtained a post office box which ensured a stable contact address for me. Subsequently when Deborah found out, she accused me of using my PO Box for devious purposes. 

Everywhere I lived, after Deborah evicted me was the focus of her interminable prowling, stalking, intimidating, driving by and breaking in. This behaviour was frightening, embarrassing and soul destroying for me.

Whenever Deborah found me at my various addresses, sometimes weeks after evicting me, she would make a scene if people were about, vociferously questioning my state of mental health or that the doctor wanted to see me, or that I needed more medication. 
If I was hiding or not home, she would leave a handwritten message with large text in a prominent place so that other people would also read it. If I was alone, she would pull a knife on me or physically wrestle or hit me, or throw items around.

For every 20 or 30 threatening, abusive and intimidating short message service (SMS) texts and voice mail messages sent to my mobile and/or home phone by Deborah on a daily basis, I would respond with an angry reply in text only once or twice. It was only when I would submit to her requirements that the abuse would settle for a short time.
She would document and collect my replies whilst I would delete her messages because I despise violence, abuse or associated media of any kind. 

Deborah would ensure that she had in her possession some of my valuables. These items ranged from digital cameras, computers, clothing, anything of value to me. They were used by her as bargaining tools to make me 'behave' to her requirements, and were often damaged, destroyed or disappeared. To recover them, I would have to prove remorse for being inferior, mentally ill or unworthy. This meant my humble apologies in front of our children, showing documental evidence that I was still working or paying HBF or Child Support. 

Deborah arranged for the Child Support Agency to take money from my wages long before I was evicted from home the first time. She did this when I began to get a reasonable income for the first time in years to gain a supporting parent pension and its associated benefits, hence disempowering my role as provider for my family.

I have seen Deborah's abuse and maltreatment of each child at times and noted the way she picks on one at a time for a few days until the child is very deeply sad and distressed. Her capacity to disguise this maltreatment from others is astounding and very disturbing. I always played a major and positive role in my children_s lives. I

In retrospect I recognise the critically important move of being the 'one to take the children'. If I had been the evicting parent with the children, I could claim child support, single parent pension and hold  the automatic bargaining power that having children in residential care brings a parent when the Family Court begins its rulings. 

Other Details

I regret not documenting the defamation and damage Deborah did to me when on at least two occasions, Deborah successfully hacked into my internet email account and send email messages to all my address book recipients that stated in effect that I was a 'fucking idiot and mentally unstable and so were they'. This message was sent to people who were important to me including friends and a university lecturer awaiting further correspondence from me. When I confronted her about it and the consequences I suffered as a result, she proudly admitted her deed.

My addresses since 1996 were 1) Unit 3, 1 Frederick Street Shoalwater. 2) 27A Houston Street Rockingham. 3) Unit 2, 121 Kent Street, Rockingham. 4) Unit 4, Number 8 Hefron Street Rockingham. 5) 25 Victoria Street Rockingham.  I rented a unit in Afon Street Shoalwater for a few days and there were countless times I stayed at my friend's unit in Shoalwater (Roger Vancouwan) and at three other work colleagues_ houses over a few weeks. (Jack Barriss, Debbie Evans, Allen Hyland). 

Deborah frequently offered to wash my clothes and I would oblige, hoping that this gesture was a genuinely kind offer. Usually the clothes would become a bargaining tool. Work clothes would be ripped behind shirt pockets, or epaulettes would disappear, buttons would be removed, clothes would appear under my car or disappear from my clothesline.  I had been issued 11 work shirts in two years and my employer had told me that legal action may need to be taken to recover the stolen and damaged clothes.

I am very concerned about the younger children now. Research has proven conclusively that children of abused men who are left with the abuser will be victims of the abusive spouse also. My children often missed school and had a poor nutrition regime due to Deborah's extreme laziness. It was the norm for the children to miss out on breakfast and to be eating potato chips after school on a regular daily basis. I was always around to assist my children with vital decisions and help. I always made sure all vaccinations and flue shots were given to the children. I doubt if they received them this year.

By 1996, Deborah made me relinquish all rights as a father to discipline any of my children. Her abuse of me involved threats, insults, blackmail, humiliation and social isolation. I was made to sign a written contract to behave in certain ways and to meet various requirements in order to stay in the family home. The contract was signed by myself and witnessed by two Elders of the church/congregation we were associated with. These men had no idea, conception or capacity to understand the plight of abused males.

My role as father was completely abolished and I was unaware of what was happening to me.

In defence of the allegations made against me as recorded in court transcripts of April 3 2003 and resulting in Restraining Orders RO228-232/03

I did not nor have ever, threatened the lives of my ex wife or children.
 On the contrary, Deborah had threatened to kill me many times and always when there were no witnesses about. I have responded to Deborah that I wished she would be dead or killed or kill herself. She had been wielding a cruel and publicly concealed cycle of abuse against me for over six years.

Regarding the alleged mobile phone text messages quoted in the transcript; 
I had handed over my mobile phone to my fianc_ Dianne Cowen and asked her to 'deal with' the abusive and threatening messages that Deborah was sending to my phone at a  rate of at least 20 SMS and  5 voice mails per day from her mobile, and sometimes home phone. 

Deborah had been communicating directly to Dianne on my mobile phone through voice and text whereby both parties had already engaged in heated exchanges as had my oldest daughter Jessica and oldest son Benjamin who verbally abused and threatened Dianne with assault. 

Deborah had obtained malicious misinformation about Dianne and had sent an SMS to Dianne via my mobile phone offensively announcing that Dianne was unfit to travel on buses due to her medical condition and that she had been an unfit parent. These messages Deborah sent were written in a very cruel and defamatory manner and specifically designed to initiate a volatile reaction from both myself and Dianne.

When Dianne told me she had sent Deborah a SMS with the text 'I will slit your throat' from my mobile phone as a response to one of Deborah's abusive texts, I recognised the implication of the message and predicted correctly that Deborah would now have the evidence she needed to obtain a violence restraining order against me. She had been threatening me with this for some time, reasoning that it would legitimise her abuse against me and inhibit my rights to see my children.

Deborah deliberately and calculatingly set myself and Dianne up, through calling my mobile phone and strategically getting responses from us that she required to establish verbal and textual evidence in readiness for her intended Violence restraining orders.

The SMS response messages sent from my mobile phone to Deborah's were insignificant in comparison to the abusive SMS messages I had been receiving daily for years from Deborah, quantitatively, perspectively and contextually.

I do not have 'manias' or mood swings 
Deborah relentlessly and publicly slandered me by accusing me of having a mental illness. This is untrue and I believe she has done this to conceal her own psychopathic nature. In Defence of my character and reputation in the community I am a qualified and Licensed Driving Instructor, Taxi Driver and a public transport Bus Driver which means I have state and federal police clearances. I also have two recently attained university degrees. Any of my work colleagues or friends would clarify these allegations as baseless.

I do take medication for ADHD
I visit a psychiatrist because I have ADHD and require a psychiatrist to prescribe Dexamphetamine which is a useful drug for ADHD as it assists memory retention, attention span and impulsivity.

I have never violently abused or beaten any of my children nor has Ben been belted until he was 'blue and black'. 
I have not physically disciplined Benjamin since he was about 12 years of age.  Prior to this time I smacked my children and spoke to them and grabbed them in a manner appropriate to the wrongdoing and mistakes they made. My metering out discipline was always done in a caring and loving manner and my temper was always controlled if at times raised.

I wish to apply to the court to request the following orders be made:

1) That, if the court wishes to continue the violence restraining orders against me for the two year time frame, then the orders be made for Deborah only and provision be made for me to have my two younger children stay with me at my home in Mandurah at least every second weekend. Even the Family Court would legitimise this action.

2) That, if the court wishes to continue the violence restraining orders against me for the two year time frame and does not provide for my children to have any reasonable and regular time with me, that I be exempted from paying any child support payments until such times do occur.

3) That the court orders Deborah and I to begin immediate and productive dialogue to negotiate adequate and reasonable time allocation for the two younger children to spend with me. This would also be in accordance with Family Court requirements.

4) That, if Deborah is not willing to enter immediate and productive dialogue, she be ordered to consult with a very experienced and competent psychiatrist to diagnose and treat her psychopathic condition.

5) That court costs be awarded in my favour as I have lost time off work to attend court several times now, and devoted many hours and dollars establishing this response documentation and in seeking professional assistance and I have suffered immeasurable grief at the loss of my children for over four months as a direct result of these violence restraining orders being issued against me by the court based on the denigrating verbal grievances of my ex wife.

APPENDICES

Mark Grewar
						PO Box 4009                 						Mandurah North
						WA 6210
						Ph 0403800195

These are details of events that have occurred since 1995 and the material was written between 14 September 1999 and 26 July 2003

I became aware that my oldest son was ADHD in about May or June 1998.  Shortly after, I realised that I too was ADHD. 

About 70% of ADHD people inherit their condition from their parent or parents. _ADHD is a biological, brain based condition which is caused by a minor difference of fine tuning in the normal brain, a slight brain dysfunction_ (Green, Dr Christopher 1997). When my ex wife Deborah learned that I was ADHD, she began a relentless pursuit to destroy my character. 
Firstly, she spent a great deal of time on the internet, becoming _empowered_ by a vast quantity of American based medical _knowledge_ about ADHD and its related conditions. Initially I was happy to see that she was interested in the topic and that she wanted to know all about it thinking that she was trying to gain some understanding in order to become a more informed wife.

 Secondly, I noticed that after 13 years of being in our relationship, Deborah had a distinct and very real personality change overnight. This change was directly related to her taking an antidepressant called _Arapax_, for a six month period, and another called _Zoloft_, for about three months. I believe these antidepressants permanently changed her personality from being a meek, gentle, person to a cruel and aggressive woman.

Thirdly, Deborah 'discovered' that, along with ADHD, I had a personality disorder. According to research, up to 50% of ADHD people yield co morbid conditions including personality disorders sometimes exhibited as behaviour disorders and symptoms mirroring various forms of mental illness. Deborah decided I had a disorder whereby the person afflicted would carry out calculated and cruel deeds in retaliation for some perceived unfairness committed to them.

Deborah began telling our friends and other people about this personality disorder that she _diagnosed_ me with. Initially, I was na_ve to her motives, believing that she was misguided by the material that she had been gathering from the internet.

I have all 12 of the criteria of ADHD according to the US manual for psychiatrists DSM4. Deborah insisted I visit a psychiatrist (I was happy to do this to confirm my ADHD). She told the psychiatrist that she believed that I also had a co morbid condition and confided to him that I had a personality disorder, being manipulate and capable of manoeuvring situations to my personal benefit. (Most people with ADHD cannot even think strategically let alone remain focussed on manipulating others!). 

The psychiatrist (Dr Paterson) recognised that there were marriage problems and that Deborah was probably trying to find something wrong with me in order to legitimise the growing marital discord. Psychiatrists deal with mental illness, not marriage problems, hence his diagnosis that I had marriage problems and probably a personality disorder. He was rather indifferent and I recognised that he was hoping to please both parties by coming to this conclusion. I did not see him again, even though he phoned me once to say that he was very concerned because Deborah had called him to say that I was going crazy and having manic episodes (this happened prior to Sept 2000).  

Deborah continued insisting that I had severe problems with my personality and this was why I was so _bad_ and was the reason for many cruel and strange things that I was supposed to have done in my lifetime. This situation was becoming out of hand and unbearable because but this time, even my friends were abandoning me because she had told them of this sinister disorder.

By September of 1998, Deborah had been abusing me verbally, insulting me and humiliating me for some months. She made me move into one of the children_s rooms in order to cease any physical marital ties between us. My recollection of this situation is that it lasted for nearly 6 months. Finally, Deborah had prompted me to buy a caravan. She reasoned that I could do my university study in the caravan away from the house, and also, I could live there if things got worse, according to her. Meanwhile, the insults and abuse from her continued.

Deborah resented my spending time at university or in study because to her it represented play and not physical work that she believed _real_ men should do.
 After a few weeks more of her relentless criticism, Deborah told me to live in the caravan, which was at the front of the house in view of a very busy road. Living there was demoralising for me as I felt, justifiably so, that people would notice this situation. Finally, one night when she and I had been arguing I reacted verbally to her abuse and she became particularly vicious and threw me out literally. I tried to return the favour _ to try to drag her out of the house to show her how it felt and she began getting extremely violent, punching me and threatening me with whatever she could.
I restrained her twice by holding her in the lounge chair thus stopping her from hitting me. I begged her to stop this nonsense, but to no avail. 

I went to the caravan and in the morning, I hitched it up to my car and left. When I arrived at the Baldivis caravan park and unloaded my belongings, I found food remnants all over the vans interior. For weeks I was finding rotten food, a result of her throwing this into the caravan for me as if I was a dog. Deborah would often break the lock on the van as a joke to prove how easy it was to break in. This used to distress me because I kept all my worldly possessions including my computer in there. 
I stayed at the caravan park for about two weeks. During this time, between my work commitments and my trying to see my children, she would come up and see me and I thought at the time, try to resolve issues. Meantime, blackmail regarding a small financial mistake I had made in the past and her threats to me that if I ever stopped work, I wouldn_t be allowed to see my children. 

Feeling powerless and lacking much self esteem, I returned to the family home for about six weeks of further criticism and verbal put downs before I mentioned that I was unhappy and that if I had $1000 I would leave. Deborah arranged a loan of $1000 from her grandma and threw me out again. I was to strictly adhere to the loan conditions. Deborah was constantly telling me that I had mental problems, that I needed further treatment, and more referrals to other psychiatrists. The only positive factor on my side was that I had a part time job bus driving and working often restored my self-esteem to the extent that I would verbally respond to Deborah only to be threatened with violence or retaliation in some other form.

By January 20 1999, Deborah had evicted me from the house again and I managed to stay at a friend_s house until I could find somewhere to rent. I signed up for a flat on February 20 but not before asking Deborah if we could have another attempt at retrieving our marriage. She insisted that I 'get my act together' and not return. All the while she would profess her love for me immediately followed by setting unreasonable and impossible conditions. One example of many was the abusive phone calls to my answering service. Everyday, at least 5 calls per day for several weeks would be made by her to my mobile phone. All of the calls were demoralising, threatening, abusive and most of all calculated to cause me terrible anguish and often despair. 

Often she threatened me with not being able to see my children unless impossible conditions were adhered to. During this period between January and April 15 when I rented a flat, for the first time in her life, she became sexually interested. For years she had low sexual interest and now, suddenly, she was aroused at my living away. This too was bizarre and unacceptable behaviour _ it should have existed in more stable times. 

In mid April, I thought things were better between Deborah and me so I successfully negotiated with my landlord for early release from the tenancy of the flat. I had worked long and hard in that time and had accumulated a few material possessions. Items such as microwave oven, lounge/bed, general household appliances, upgraded computer, etc.

Within three months of my return to Deborah's house, she had made me sell all of these possessions and I had used most of the money in paying her bills. Most of her phone bills were results of her many abusive phone calls to me! What was happening and what I was unaware of at the time was that she again was gaining power and control of me. This was done through disempowering my financial position and self esteem through put downs and verbal attacks on my character.  I continuously suffered feelings of impending punishment and hopelessness.

Finally on Saturday the 4th of September, I was thrown out again. This time I left with garbage bags of clothes and nothing else. I begged her to lend me a suitcase, but to no avail. Deborah's reasons for evicting me this time were that I had made more poor financial decisions and I was a burden to the family.

Just prior to this eviction, I was now no longer allowed to use the family computer (that my mother was generously helping to pay off) for my work and study. This effectively rendered my study as over. I would come home from TAFE and beg Deborah to let me use the computer, but the answer was always that the kids had to play their computer games and anyway, I had a computer of my own. The handheld palmtop I had was an excellent device but had limited efficiency without being docked in to a main computer system. 

I had asked Deborah to buy herself something with money I made from selling my possessions to keep her happy, however she insisted that I spend it on whatever I wanted. I finally brought myself this much needed palmtop computer for $369 and gave her $200 for herself. I resolved that I could no longer effectively study without use of a mainframe computer and so _ with Deborah's knowledge and tacit approval _ I decided to look at a laptop system that I could rent/purchase for a good sum. I went ahead with the laptop rental/purchase agreement and the wife threw me out when she got home that night. (As mentioned previously) 

Things were grim. I had nothing left to sell _ I had sold my golf set and computer and a radio scanner _ all to pay her accumulated bills. She was already on a reasonable pension income from Centrelink for the four children. Since I had moved back, I payed board and lodgings to her at $130-00 per week, along with half of all the bills. I was only on Austudy and supplemented my income with some bus driving. Centrelink was already paying for the children_s expenses, but the wife made me pay theirs also. 

Another problem was lack of discipline of the children in the home. Usually, the older children did little or nothing around the house, and this was encouraged by the wife who believed that the father should do everything. At the time and as was my usual thing over many years, I did virtually all of the cooking and dishes (in the dishwasher) which was a reasonable workload in itself. I did not complain or mind except that the children would be using the computer for playing games while I was busy working in the kitchen. 

One year later to the day, (4th of September 2000), I had to phone the police to help me leave another house that I had assisted Deborah to move into. I had been in several flats since last I recorded this story, and returned to her house once again. This time, in order to provide Deborah with a large house _ bond was provided by my selling my $1600 car which I had spent months and many dollars restoring, 

 Once again I left with few possessions of clothes and a computer I owned (Deborah had a better one). When the two police came they advised me to _take what I could as men don_t usually get much later_. By the time Deborah had finished talking to them, I was the _perpetrator_ _stealing_ my own computer and she was the _victim_. I was taken to my work place in the back of a police lockup van and dropped off (at least 8 workmates observed this) with the advice that I could be charged with stealing if the suitcase of clothes and computer were not mine! 

 Deborah's reasons for becoming violent this time was that I had hidden some financial decisions from her and I was a burden to the family and mentally ill. I had actually suffered some cruel verbal abuse and been totally ignored by her many times in the past year. My study load at university was high and she would often deliberately sabotage my attempts to study on my computer in many and varied ways with the excuse that my illness was making me paranoid. Deborah would withhold things from me including  my computer, my money, prescriptions and when I was evicted, she would steal my computer's cables and external hard drive which I needed to access my saved files. Once, I found a broken super floppy disk that had me vital data on it, jammed under my car's windshield wiper. 

I offered my tax return to Deborah that year, but she insisted that I spend it on a computer that I would need as I was not allowed to use hers, especially if the kids were playing games on it. 
Since I had moved back to the family home once again, I had relinquished ALL my possessions, my bank account and visacard in my own name and all right to any spending money, my pay slips, and my right to discipline my children, in fact, everything including my dignity to her, for the right to live with my children. 

Deborah's failure to discipline the children and her inculcating the children to disrespect me was a real problem. I was required to make meals and do the dishes while children were encouraged to watch movies or play computer games. Usually, the older children did little or no work around the house, and Deborah encouraged this. 

I sought another psychiatrist (Dr Dixon) as required by Deborah to comply with her newly written contract of living arrangement that I had signed. Dixon was touched by Deborah's tears whenever she went with me to _support_ me on my visits to get dexamphetamine.
Dixon had been doing research to 'prove' that ADHD people have some form of mental illness.  He prescribed lithium to me to _help_ me with _my_ mood swings, even though I explained that I was an abused partner, he totally ignored me. Meanwhile, Deborah was overjoyed and empowered in that I _needed_ medication and made it know to many that I was _bi-polar_.  The abuse perpetrator receives support and legitimisation for the abuse from an authority, a psychiatrist, in this case.

I had an urgent call from the Psychiatric Assessment team in Kwinana at this time. They had received worrying reports from Dr Dixon, the psychiatrist who was duped by ex wife into thinking I was mentally unstable. The reports suggested that I was unfit to work as a Bus Driver and the call was to inform me that was to visit them as soon as possible for assessment. A phone call to my workplace from Dixon was made to confirm my _mental illness_ 'He couldn_t drive buses in this condition', was the argument. The visit to the PET team had positive results in that the psychologist I spoke to was familiar with FDV (female domestic violence) and recognised the situation for what it was; Just another form of abuse to claim a spouse as mentally ill and incapable. 

Deborah_s phone calls and voice and text messages continued in at an alarming rate on a daily basis, firstly the abuse, then the odd bawling one where she wants me to feel guilty even though I have done no wrong, then the abuse again only minutes after, then the one where Deborah would make the kids cry, puts them on the phone and get me to hear. 

Sometimes when she evicted me she would awaken all of the children and yell _Come on kids, all wake up and watch daddy get kicked out, the useless bastard (as it often was- me crying my eyes out trying to tell the kids that I did not want this to be). 
She once said  to the children  _Your daddy_s been dipping his dick in prostitutes kids, he hates you kids, look at the waste of space, gets a degree and can_t even get a job'. 

SUMMARY
I have been an equal caregiver to all four of my children throughout all their lives until I was permanently evicted from the family home in November 2000.

I always played a major and positive role in my children_s lives. I was the parent who initiated and carried out visits to specialists, doctors, dentists etc. whenever the children were ill. I ensured they receive a flue vaccination annually.

I have been the victim of domestic abuse that started over 6 years ago now. As a consequence of a sequence of events including my eventual eviction from my family home as a father, I have not felt empowered enough to gather control and make a point of regaining my children's confidence in  looking to me as a guiding force in their lives. The abuse I suffered has resulted in my children's indifference to my being a source of influence and guidance in their lives now. They have been affected by the constant putdowns and abuse that I endured over this time period also, thus they may have a limited perception of my paternal qualities as a result.

 I wish to contribute in a meaningful way to my children's upbringing by spending time with them regularly so they may have valued and balanced input from both parents. I do not seek to run down or belittle my ex wife's contribution to the children_s lives. I know only too well how it feels to be put down and abused as a partner in a marriage.
 
 Deborah always maintained that I had a mental illness and an inability to handle finances. I wish to cease and be compensated for her slander about my state of mental health. Accusation of mental illness by one party against another is a common and unacceptable form of spouse abuse.

I did not need constant reminders of my past inefficiencies in running my family_s household budgets. I always provided for the family materially. I have learned from my past experiences. People are forced into bankruptcy due to a vast number of social, financial and economic circumstances.

On at least two occasions, Deborah successfully hacked into my internet email account and send email messages to all my address book recipients that stated in effect that I was a 'fucking idiot and mentally unstable and so were they'. This message was sent to people who were important to me including friends and a university lecturer awaiting further correspondence from me.  When I confronted her about it and the consequences I suffered as a result, she proudly admitted her deed.

Another problem over many years was Deborah's willingness to let the children stay home from school. Often she would not arise from bed till well after 0900 hrs and If I was not home to take the children to school, she would not bother. I believe the children each lost at least 3 days per school month from Deborah being too lazy to take or commit them to going to school. Many times, the children would not have any food for breakfast and I do not ever recall the family sitting for breakfast as a family.

Deborah always made sure that she got to know my friends _ both new and past. She always took an unhealthy interest in my work colleagues with her intended result of me believing that her and they were in collaboration over some deal or project and that I was not welcome in on it.

By February 2003 and I had been separated from my children for over two years, seeing them only as Deborah allowed. Deborah poisoned my children's minds against me to the point they do not want to see me. Just after the last time I Murdock, Deborah dropped off little drawings the children did at school and told me that he asked for me but she had told him that 'Daddy doesn't want to see him'. I was desperately heartbroken. She won't let me see them and I would have to go to court for access _ but she's already set up a process where she will claim domestic abuse _ from me. Deborah went to great lengths to inhibit my chances of visiting my children at all times in the past two years.

On April 3rd 2003, five violence restraining orders were issued by Rockingham courts to be served on me. These orders were issued on behalf of ex wife and our four children. This move enforced and legitimised her cycle of abuse in the ultimate form _ through legalisation. 

The next step she will take will be her further legitimising her control of myself and the children through the Family Court where she now can prove that I as the father has had little role in the children_s lives for over 6 years. She wont tell them why I had so small a part in their lives, that I was an abused partner in a marriage and as a result became powerless to stop the process.

Now, it is July 24th 2003. The court 'mention' held on 1 May continued the restraining orders enforcement until 7 August, thus stopping me seeing my children for four months without me even allowed to object. This court decision is a socially unjust and unacceptable decision by a magistrate who did not want, or try to hear my legal argument. Now, I intend applying to the court to compensate myself and my children for stopping our relationship based on the hearsay lies told to the court by the children's mother.

The children's attitudes and relationship toward me is inestimably damaged for their lifetime. The four month complete cutting off of the relationship of a father and his children is a tool so powerful for allowing negative influence on the children from the mother and other parties in respect to their opinion and feelings about their father. Hence, any attempt to retrieve the father/child bonds that existed six years ago before the cycle of FDV began against me would be futile.

I recognise the critically important move of being the 'one to take the children'. If I had been the parent to evict her or to take the children as a tool to get child support and pension I would have held the automatic bargaining power that having children in residential care brings a parent.

 Sadly, Female domestic violence often remains hidden because society finds it difficult to accept that a male can be abused and/or because the female abuser is far more discreet and manipulative than the male abuser. 

The female abuser uses crafty, cunning financial, emotional and mental manipulation. Often the male is unaware that he is being abused, he just slowly begins losing his self esteem, his resources, his ability to make decisions and to think clearly. Ultimately, he is often unable to communicate to others due to loss of self esteem. Probably the worst thing about being a male in this situation is that he has little or no support systems available in society.

When an abused person is removed from the threatening environment, the perpetrator feels a loss of power and control. Once the power is gone, the abuser tries desperately to get it back, often by asking the abused one back into the environment before, this is referred to as  the _honeymoon phase_ of the abuse cycle. In my situation, the perpetrator never once in her life ever apologised for the mistreatment and abuse inflicted. 

The abused male often is often prohibited from seeing his children because the female abuser won_t let him. Thus he cannot claim family support through Centrelink. As a result he may see no way out. Often he will immerse himself in work knowing that the Child support agency will take most of his extra earnings _ He has to work longer and harder to survive himself after the CSA gets their share. Thus he has no free time to spend with his children further disempowering him.

 It might be intimidation, emotional abuse, economic deprivation, sexual assault or stalking. It could be rages: throwing things and breaking furniture. It is often constant, belittling criticism of looks, domestic skills or intelligence, which is as corrosive to self-esteem as beating: tell a person they're stupid often enough and they can come to believe it. It might be acts of spite. 

If I was an abusive female...

If I was an abusive female and wanted out of a marriage for whatever reason, I could initiate restraining orders against my husband in a local court on behalf of myself and my children to begin the nationally accepted and automatic process. 

Naturally, once the police removed him, I would immediately claim a supporting parent pension and child support. If I was clever, I would have done this a little more strategically and discreetly over a couple of years or more, in that way, I could pretend to my husband that 'we are still a couple but just cannot live together_.

 I would claim the pension and child support and still keep a devoted husband who would foolishly believe that one day, things will get better. He would support me anyway even though he was annoyed that the CSA took his money from his wages before he got it. He finally would realise that he had to have his own address because that way, we could be seen to be separated in a legal sense.

 I would use the structures available in society to manipulate a chain of events that satisfy my every whim. My husband would be compliant enough if I kept reassuring him and allowed him to stay over from time to time. He would have to hide his car though as I wouldn't want to lose my pension and child support. That_s why he needed an address of his own. Meanwhile, I would work on my husbands parents, asking them for a bit of money and to continue hounding them to buy a house 'for the kid_s future'. My husband would remain silent about this, he would think the idea was honourable enough, if a little rude, and of course, he would be too embarrassed to tell his parents that I and he were no longer 'living' together.

When, after nearly six years of this behaviour, he gets tired of the treatment and I have the house nearly tied up, I would discard him by continuing my criticism and abuse of him so much that after he offers one of his many pleads to 'come home' to his children, he will give up and find a new woman. Then I could divorce him; use restraining order powers that remove his right to see kids for up to two years hence enabling me to instil deep hatred for him in the children with my clever lies and deception.

My restraining orders would claim spousal abuse and include allegations of death threats. If I was mean enough, I would also claim sexual abuse of children to get criminal compensation. I could claim the possessions and property of my partner as mine which wouldn't be difficult as I would already reside in the home he was evicted from that his parents brought which will soon be mine anyway.

My pension would be a free ticket to the Family Court to begin the automatic process of legalising divorce, residential rights of children, property settlement and maintenance. Every door of opportunity would open for me. If I wanted to, I could get my ex husband put in jail if I was a little bit unkind. Then I would find a new partner to further increase my wealth. I would not tell the relevant stakeholders about him though as I would have too much too lose. I would then begin the process again........................................................................................................