Janeway: Red Alert! [She's looking around frantically]
Chakotay: What the hell is it? [Panicking]
Harry: Mommy! [Sucks his thumb]
Tom: Don't tell me we are out of coffee again!
Janeway: Damn right we are! Call planet express and have them bring us more!
Tom: But they are 600 years in the future, you know, the time where people have evolved into cartoons?
Janeway: Do it!
Tom: Stupid Bitch!
Janeway: What did you just say?
Tom: I said um....Light Switch!
Harry: I wet my pants!
Janeway: not Again...
~Meanwhile in the Year 3000~
Prof: Good news everyone, I have decided that we will start making deliveries into the past again!
Fry: Now I can show you my world!
Leela: Fry, he didn't say we were going back to the year 2000
Prof: Your first assignment is to go back to the year 2000 to deliver a box of flashlights to agents Mulder and Scully.
Fry: From the TV Show?
Prof: No...Now get to work!
~Meanwhile at Boston Public~
Harry: I...I...I just can't....I can't do this....The Coffee...It's...It's too HOT!
Ronnie: Do you have to have an emotional breakdown every time something doesn't go your way?
Harry: Yes, Yes I do, Wanna watch the meteor shower with me tonight?
Ronnie: If I say no...
Harry: Oh...God...I can't...Why did I even...
Ronnie: FINE I"LL GO YOU JERK!
Harry: Cool!
Guber: Ronnie, I was thinking, since I don't have anyone to watch the meteor shower with tonight I would ask you,
and you will say yes because I know you feel obligated to say yes to the vice principal...
Harry: I...I...
Guber: The fruitcake can come too...
Harry: Then how am I supposed to make out with her?
Guber: No one is going to do any making out on my watch!
Ronnie: Damn it!
~Japan~
Hamtaro: Alright Ham Hams I heard Laura say that there were going to be meteors falling from the sky tonight!
Oxnard: Oh No where are we going to Hide?
Maxwell: No need to worry Oxnard the rocks can't hurt you they are like falling stars...I'm going to go watch them tonight
Bijou: oh this is going to be so romantic right Boss?
Boss: Uh [Has hearts in his eyes]
~Washington D.C~
Mulder: I've been doing reasearch, and a portal to the 24th century is supposed to open tonight!
Scully: Yeah and by portal you mean penis and by open you mean my legs, I'm not falling for that one again.
Mulder: No I'm being Serious! will you go with me? PLEASE????
Scully: Fine It's not like I have any life outside of this office anyway.
~Voyager~
Tom: Okay I put in the order for coffee to planet express they should be here in about 2 hours.
Janeway: Have we adjusted our matrix to accomidate cartoon characters?
B'Elanna: Check and check!
Janeway: Wait a moment, this report says that you only ordered 3 tons....That's only going to be enough for a few days!
Chakotay: Then we will order some more you dumb skank!
Janeway: What did you say?
Chakotay: Um...I said...I like to be spanked...
Janeway: oh me too
Tom: you are such a pansy
Chakotay: What did you say?
Tom: I said you are a pansy what are you going to do about it Cry?
Chakotay: [Lowers his head in shame] yes [starts crying]
Harry: Captain one of my dohikeys is flashing!
Janeway: Then press it you g-hole
[There is a bright flash and when it clears the bridge is filled with all sorts of new people] [The Ham Hams are on the piloting consol,
Smart Harry and Ronnie are laying on the floor making out with each other, Mulder has his hands on Scully's boobs, and Guber
Is on the floor in a fetal position crying]
Janeway: What the hell happened here?
B'Elanna: It looks like the thing glitched in the other thing and it made a thing appear and then the thing sucked the other things onto
our bridge.
Janeway: What?
B'Elanna: If I used the real terms would you have really understood it?
Janeway: Not really...
B'Elanna: Okay then.
Scully: Get your hands off of me! [Slaps Mulder]
Ronnie: Harry...Harry stop you're hurting me...HARRY! [Shoves him off]
SmartHarry: I...I'm sorry...Sorry Ronnie...I just...[Ronnie slaps him]
Ronnie: Give it a Rest already!
Chakotay: LOOK! A SLUTTIER WOMAN THEN 7 OF 9!
Tom: DOG PILE! [Chakotay, Tom, Mulder, and Scott jump ontop of her]
Janeway: Hey hey No Orgies on the bridge unless they involve the captain! [Grabs a cattle prod and starts shocking the men] [They all
groan with dissapointment and get off of Ronnie]
Ronnie: Thank you
Tom: Hey, where did those little gerbils go?
SmartHarry: Dude they were so obviously guniea pigs!
Harry: No they were totally mice on steroids....
Janeway: I'm the captain and I say they are a new species that wants to kill us and steal our technology [Everyone looks at everyone else
and screams]
Scully: They were just hamsters...
Janeway: Are you defying me?
Scully: But they were
Janeway: [Turns and points at Scully] WITCH!
[Scully grabs Mulder and pulls him into the turbo lift, the doors shut and they here a bunch of people slamming into the doors]
Mulder: AHHH A WITCH!
Scully: Oh Shut up!
Mulder: You put a spell on me...Must...Drop...Pants...
Scully: STOP IT! [Punches him]
Mulder: Ow!
~Later~
Mulder: It was Nice of the captain to let us use the royal suite...Espically since she tried to set you on fire...
Scully: Mulder she held a lighter to my face and asked me how I was going to get out of the situation and I blew the flame out...
Mulder: Well what ever...I wonder who is in the room next to us.
Guber: That would be me agents...Scott Guber...
Scully: Where's your girlfriend?
Guber: Um...she had a hook for a hand and to make a long story short...
Mulder: Say no more Buddy, I'm sure you can find some one on this ship huh?
SmartHarry: Hey Look we are right next to Mulder and Scully....
Ronnie: Yeah and a door away from Scott [They both shudder]
Guber: I'll be watching you two...
Ronnie: Go to hell! [They go into their room]
Guber: Screw you too [He mutters and goes into his room]
Mulder: That was weird
Scully: What are you gonna do? [they go into their room]
~Meanwhile~
[Fry is in the mess hall with Leela taking pictures of just about everything in site]
Leela: Fry, what the hell are you doing? And what the hell is this stuff? [poking at the plate of food Neelix gave her]
Bender: I don't know but it sure tastes good!
Fry: You don't have Taste buds, and Leela this is the ship from a tv show that I used to watch in the 20th century...Star Trek Voyager
Leela: Don't be stupid Fry this obviously can't be a TV show, because who would watch us sitting around?
Bender: Got that right [Burps and flames come out of his mouth] Well I'm gonna go find the hookers
Fry: There are no hookers on voyager...
Bender: Oh yeah? What do you call that? [Points to the replicator] Oh BABY!
Leela: that's just wrong...
Zoidburg: I'm going to go see if the Chef needs me to eat anything else! [Grabs his Empty tray and runs to the counter]
Leela: Only he could eat this stuff...Is that an EYEBALL?
Fry: COOL! [Takes a picture of it] I never thought I would get the chance to meet the crew of Voyager!
Leela: And you won't, we are only here until they can repair our ship....
Fry: Well I mean that could take all week [Looks around] Hey where's Bender?
[B'Elanna Over the Comm to Leela: The Planet Express ship is almost complete all we need to do is....] [There are a lot of Explosions
and loud noises in the background] [B'Elanna: Dear GOD! Oh LORD What is that? OH THE HUMANITY!....................You're ship will
be ready in a week] [Bender comes walking in and moves his hands like he is brushing them off]
Bender: Done and Done
Leela: BENDER! Did you sabotage our ship?
Bender: NO! I want to leave as much as you do [A rearview mirror and fuzzy dice fall out of his compartment] [Leela looks at him dissaprovingly]
Bender: What? those are standard Features on a Robot...
Leela: Damn it I don't want to be stuck here with these Weird....[Chakotay walks into the Mess Hall like his dick is too big for his pants] Hello Fry I'll be right back don't do anything stupid.
Fry: No Can Do Leela, No Can do [He heads out of the mess hall still taking pictures of things]
Chakotay: Hey there sexy lady...How you doing?
Leela: Oh...You know...Couldn't be Better [Laughs]
Chakotay: It could be, If only I could spend a night with you in my arms...
Leela: Oh How Sweet!
~Later~
Mulder: What ever happened to those hamster things...
Scully: I dunno, but I certainly don't think that they are here to steal the ships technology
Mulder: Hmm what if they are super intelligent?
Scully: No
Mulder: Have X-Ray vision?
Scully: No
Mulder: Faster then the speed of light?
Scully: Not a chance
Mulder: If...
Scully: No
Mulder: But what if...
Scully: No
Mulder: E...
Scully: Hell NO!
Mulder: Fine don't believe me
[Hamtaro comes running into the room with the Rest of the Ham Hams]
Hamtaro: I hope these humans don't think we are here to kill them
Boss: Who said we couldn't if we didn't want to? Let me at em!
Bijou: No Boss we need to find a way to ask them for help
Scully: Oh my god they can talk!
Mulder: HA! Told you So!
Scully: told me what? Just cause they can talk doesn't mean they want to take over the ship...
Mulder: What ever! [Crosses his arms and sits back in his chair]
Scully: Hello little guy, how can we help you? [Gets down to talk to Hamtaro]
Hamtaro: We seem to be lost and I have to get home before Laura does or else she'll be worried
Scully: Well...we want to go home too, and we are trying very hard to find a way to do that...But you can stay with us you are safe in here.
The Ham Hams: YAY! Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda
Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda
Badda Badda Badda Badda...
Mulder: Why they HELL are they all saying Badda Badda? They are just running around...
Scully: Beats the shit out of me...they're hamsters...who the hell knows.
Hamtaro: This is gonna be just like a party! Got any sunflower Seeds?
Mulder: No [Hides a bag of his behind his back, a shell stuck to his lip]
Scully: Mulder don't be an crack head!
Mulder: Fine [Dumps the bag out on the bed for them]
Oxnard: YAY! MORE SEEDS!
~Elsewhere~
Guber: All By my self...Don't wanna Be...All By My...[Bursts into tears] [There is a dingle ling on his door] Come in [Whipes his face off]
[An Ensign walks in] E.Monica: Hi I'm Ensign Monica and I was just coming here to see if you need anything. Complementary turn down?
Chocolate on your pillow, some one to bond with and then lose as soon as you have to leave the ship?
Guber: I'll take all of them.
E.Monica: Very well then [Sighs] What are some of your Hobbies?
Guber: Um I love Croceting...Oh....and dating women with weird mental problems.
E.Monica: Really? So do I!
Guber: REALLY?
E.Monica: No You idiot I'm just supposed to act like your friend remember?
Guber: Oh yeah...Then Lets KNIT!
E.Monica: DAMN YOU CAPTAIN JANEWAY!
~Another place~
Ronnie: And if you walk in on me taking a shower, or using the bathroom, or getting dressed, or brushing my teeth one more time I swear I
will punch you so hard in the face your nuts will feel it!
Harry: But...
Ronnie: No BUTS! I told you that you could watch me brush my teeth but then you got some odd fetish for seeing me do that so from now
on you can't watch me do anything okay ANYTHING!
Harry: But how am I not supposed to watch you if we are sharing a room?
Ronnie: Easy [Sprays him in the face with mace]
Harry: OH GOD MY OVARIES!
~Sickbay~
Doc: Well he Keeps complaining about his ovaries but I'm almost one hundred percent sure he doesn't have any...
Zoidburg: You can never be too sure with these Humans, they are tricky...[Looking at a computer monitor]
Doc: Well anyways...Seven could you get me that stuff that we have in the 20th century that cures everything.
Seven: Yes Doctor [She hands it to him and he injects it into Harry]
Harry: Ow what the FUCK!
Doc: That's not supposed to hurt...it's futuristic [Waves his hands around and goes WOOOOOO] [Harry's vision clears and he see's Seven]
Seven: Can you see?
Harry: Ronnie why the hell are you in a spandex suit? Well not that I'm complaining about it....
Seven: I'm not Ronnie I'm Seven of Nine tur...God damn it I'm not repeating all of that.
Harry: Hi Seven of Nine tur...God damn it I'm not repeating all of that.
Seven: Just call me Seven please...
Harry: Okay Seven Please
Seven: JUST SEVEN!
Harry: oh Why didn't you say so?
Doc: I can sedate him if you want me too....
Seven: no he's sort of cute [Assimilates him]
Harry: OW! [All these borg thingies start popping out all over him]
Doc: you aren't going to just use him for your pleasure and then harvest his organs for experiments to make a child again are you?
Seven: Not if he is able to please me....[Picks Harry up and throws him over his shoulder and walks out of sick bay]
[Scully walks in and looks around] Scully: Nice setup you got here...what does this button do?
Doc: Don't Push...[She pushes it and the doctor vanishes]
Computer: Medical Doctor's Ethical Subroutines now being Deleted....
Scully: Oops?
Zoidburg: oops is right! Whose going to take care of the Robits?
Scully: First of all it's Robots, and second of all he's a doctor not a mechanic...we should be more worried about him doing unethical
experiments on his paitents...And Secondly, The Engineer is incharge of the Computers.
Zoidburg: Listen to me Sir, I know a robit when i'm talking to one! Do I smell Food? [He runs off] [The Doctor appears but he doesn't look like
the doctor he looks like Cigarette Smoking Man]
CSMDOC: Hello...how may I help you?
Scully: Uh...I have to um....Go [She leaves whistling innocently not bothering to tell anyone what happend]
~later in the conference room~
Janeway: Okay who deleted the Doctors Ethical sub-routines again?
Scully: It's happened before? [Everyone looks at her] I mean...that BASTARD!
B'elanna: Where's Chakotay?
~Chakotay's Room~
Chakotay: Care for some Cham-Pagan?
Leela: Um It's Pronounced Champaigne....
Chakotay: What ever floats your boat baby
Leela: You know, you remind me of some one...
~Back at Conference room~
Janeway: Okay B'Elanna I'm putting you incharge of fixing the doctor.
B'Elanna: Why me? Can't you see I'm busy here? [She is working on a crossword puzzle]
Janeway: Well because we all know if I let Harry do it the Doc will end up in a dress
B'Elanna: Fine but you SO owe me!
Janeway: No i don't, I'm your superior officer i don't ever owe you anything if it's a direct order!
B'Elanna: Damn, that worked on Chakotay
Tom: That's cause he's a Pot head [Pauses] Wait what favor did he give you?
B'Elanna: A dime bag
Tom: and you didn't tell me?!?
Scully: Uh...Federal agent over here
Janeway: It's okay we are under different law here and are allowed to purchase weed now...
Harry: But you Said...
[Janeway backhands him]
Harry: MOMMY!
B'Elanna: Hey where's ensign Monica?
~Gubers Room~
Guber: And then I said "Ronnie I can't be your lover I'm just too much man for you to handel"
E.Monica: [Snoring]
~Mulder's room~
Mulder: So let me get this straight, you are little anime hamsters that have big adventures?
Hamtaro: YES! How many times do we have to sing that song?
Mulder: Sorry!...So which one of you can hook me up with Sailor Moon?
Dexter: Hey Back off she's mine!
Mulder: Damnit! Stupid hamsters...What about Sailor Pluto...
~Sick Bay~
[The doctor is sitting there in the dark in a big leather lounge chair smoking a holographic cigarette] [Ronnie walks in holding her finger
cause she got a paper cut]
Ronnie: Do you have an Band-Aids in here?
CSMDOC: It depends [Puff] What are you willing to do for them?
Ronnie: EWWW! You're Like 80!
CSMDOC: Actually I'm only 30, it's all this smoking and what not.
Ronnie: I still don't want to do you any favors
CSMDOC: I didn't mean sexual favors...
Ronnie: Then what did you mean?
CSMDOC: JOIN THE DARK SIDE!
Ronnie: that? for a band-aid? Screw that...the cut can heal it's self [She walks out of the room]
CSMDOC: Damn IT!
~Back at the conference room~
Janeway: Tom, I am putting you incharge of finding all those hamster things and killing them!
Scully: Doesn't that violate some directive...you know...like a prime one?
Janeway: Not in the delta quadrant...everything is legal here
Scully: Even Sodomy?
Tom: Espically Sodomy!
[Scully Sighs]
Janeway: Are you defying me again?
Scully: No Ma'am
Janeway: Damn Skippy!
~Gubers Room~
Guber: Then I was like "Shut up Mr. Senate, In my school you play by my rules!"
E.Monica: But you aren't the principal....
Guber: Yeah but I do way more work then Steven ever does
E.Monica: Really now....[Looking for a phaser so she can kill herself]
~Mulder's Room~
Mulder: What about that cute girl from Ranma 1/2?
Hamtaro: She's really a Guy
Mulder: Actually I was talking about Shampoo
Oxnard: BUT SHE TURNS INTO A CAT!
Mulder: So?
[Scully Comes in the room and locks the door]
Scully: Mulder! Captain Janeway just ordered Tom To Kill the Hamsters!
Mulder: So? Kill the little bastards I don't care
Scully: Mulder we have to help them HIDE!
Mulder: Too Tired
Scully: Fine I'll do it Myself Ass Hole!
~End of Part one~
Announcer: now it's time for commercial inturruption, we have to pay for this parody some how!
Monica: Espically with all the copyright infringements we made...
~Commercial 1~
Doggette: Have you seen this boy? [Holds up a picture of a Boy]
Reyes: Hi I'm agent Reyes and this is Agent Doggette and we are here to tell you that like people vanish um alot....
and we will flash a few pictures and if you have seen that person call the Number at the bottom of the screen...
[Pictures flash like a very old Pic of Micheal Jackson, William Shatner, Ben Folds five, Milli Vanilli, Ice Tea, and Pee Wee Herman]
Reyes: with your help we can um you know find some people...awe who cares [Lights up a Cigarette]
Doggette: Have you seen this man? [Holds up a picture of Tea Leoni]
Reyes: Please call....
~Commercial 2~
Announcer: If you Like Dana Scully
Scully: Shut Up Mulder
Announcer: and you like Xena warrior Princess...
Xena: Gaberille?
Announcer: And Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman...
[Um I never actually watched that show so I don't have something funny for it]
Announcer: Then You'll Love Dr. Scully Medicine Warrior Princess!
[Scully Jumps up into the Air off of her stallion in Xena armor, she decapitates 2 Aliens and one Gorgon, and Injects a group of people
with a cure to what ever disease they have]
Announcer: coming soon to UPN! the Net Work that throws Crap at a wall and hope it sticks!
~End of commercials~
~Beginning of Part 2~
Janeway: Any luck in finding those alien gerbil things? [She is getting food in the messhall]
Fry: OOO OOO Can I have your Autograph?
Janeway: Why? [Tom picks up some nasty peice of star trek food and looks at it]
Fry: Because I've been watching you on my favorite show for years....
Janeway: Tom...Evasive manuvering!
Tom: Yes Captain [Tom knees Fry in the Nuts] [Fry falls down crying]
Fry: Thank you...I'm Honored
[Janeway and Tom Step over him and sit down] [Leela comes over to him]
Leela: Isn't that the third time you've asked her for her autograph?
Fry: Yeah So?
Leela: But he kicks you in the nuts every time
Fry: So? Leela can you get her autograph for me?
Leela: Fine I'll get it, It'll shut you up right?
Fry: Uh Yeah.....right [Leela walks over to captain Janeway and Tom]
Leela: Captain can I have your autograph?
Janeway: TOM! EVASIVE MANUVERS!
[Tom stands up and Leela instantly kicks him in the nuts] [Tom falls down next to Fry]
Janeway: Wow you are the first person to try that, I'll sign your autograph
[Leela hands her the picture Fry was holding]
Tom: I hate that stupid cum job
Janeway: What did you say?
Tom: Uh I said....I like corn on the cob
Janeway: For your sake I hope that's what you said...
Leela: God I hate Men
Janeway: Me too...[They start making out]
Tom&Fry: WOO HOO!
Tom: I better stop wallowing in my pain and go look for those new ailens
Fry: Can I help?
Tom: Sure! LEts go get our alien hunting gear!
Fry: YEAH! [They Run Off]
~Meanwhile~
Hamtaro: Is it just me or is this man incredibly stupid? [They look over at Mulder who keeps running into a wall over and over]
Maxwell: I think he needs help...
[Mulder stops and looks at the wall]
Mulder: Wait a minute...that's not a door....
[The Ham Hams Run off]
~Sick Bay~
B'Elanna: Doctor I'm going to add in your ethical subroutines now
CSMDOC: Are you sure you want to do that B'Elanna?
B'elanna: Yeah....DUH...[Keeps working] Now just to push this button...
[The doctor comes up behind her and sedates her]
~Transporter room~
Dexter: With the modifications I made this should transport us back to earth
[Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda
Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda Badda] [They all Run to
the transporter pad and then there is a flash]
~Gubers room~
Guber: So then I said...
E.Monica: Wanna have sex?
Guber: Uh....
E.Monica: I mean you say you're such a bad ass...lets go!
Guber: Uh...
~Mulder's Room~
Scully: Mulder where did the Ham Hams Go?
Mulder: I don't Know, something about me being too stupid or something [Watching Holographic porn with his hand down his pants]
Scully: Mulder you idiot! They were talking Hamsters! We could have got a HUGE governement grant and then blown it on Marijuana
expereiments....if you catch my drift...
Mulder: DOH!
Scully: We have to find them before Tom does!
Mulder: Check [Gets up and walks into the wall again]
Scully: Mulder, the door is over there....
Mulder: I know that!
~Gubers room~
E.Monica: Wow I didn't think you were actually going to be that good [Smoking a cigarette]
Guber: I didn't know I was that good either, the last woman I had sex with had a hook for a hand
E.Monica: Eww!
~In a Hallway~
[Tom and Fry are decked out in some hightech alien gear]
Fry: Let's Kick some Alien ASS!
[Ronnie comes running down the hall in a tight shirt and tight jeans...Tom and Fry watch her and she stops her chest heaving]
Ronnie: Have any of you seen Harry? I'm getting worried about him!
Tom: Uh...
Fry: Err...
Tom: Duh....
Ronnie: Never mind [She runs off again]
Tom: WOW [Suddenly the floor starts shaking] What the hell is that?
Fry: I don't know
[Suddenly a giant mutated hamster comes into veiw and i mean it's HUGE!]
Tom: AHHH! THE QUEEN!
Fry: We need Better Guns! [They run off]
Hamonster: FOOD!
~Another Hall~
Scully: Here hammy hammy...
Mulder: I've got some nice sleeping pills for you!
Scully: MULDER!
Mulder: Oops I mean Sunflower seeds...
~Sick Bay~
Janeway: B'Elanna did you fix the doctor yet, it's time for my daily bunion scrubbing...B'Elanna?
[B'Elanna walks over to her dressed in a business suit]
B'Elanna: This is a restricted area...
Janeway: What the monkey?
B'Elanna: I'll have to use the amnesia ray [She pulls out a hand gun]
Janeway: Um won't that kill me?
B'Elanna: Probably, now hold still....
Janeway: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH [She runs off]
B'Elanna: Damn, and I really wanted to kill her too.
~Mess Hall~
Harry: Uh Oh...
Neelix: What?
Harry: It looks like it's the end of part 2
Neelix: What?? And I only had 2 lines that whole time? That's bullshit! I'm calling my agent!
Harry: Back after these Messages....
~Commercial 1~
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Consumer: Wow, I just had some Sex in a can and it's totally flat, tasteless and all around unsatisfying...Just like the real
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~Commercial 2~
Announcer: Are you tired of not having anything but ice cream come in a cone?
Kid: not really
Announcer: Sure you are...So now we have new LARD IN A CONE!
Kid: Eww I'm not eating that!
Mikey: I'll eat anything GIVE IT TO ME! [Takes the lard in a cone and starts eating it and then falls over from a heart attack]
Announcer: Now comes in 3 new flavors, Gravy, fish oil, and heart failure! Try yours today!
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any place above 60 degrees or below 59 degrees, to prevent E coli infection spray with special LARD IN A CONE disinfectant
before consuming, LARD IN A CONE is also not responsible for temporary blindness, loss of smell, or the success of N*Sync,
O Town, 98 Degrees, Backstreet Boys, or Britany Spears, Must be 18 years or have a fake ID to purchase.
~Beginning of part 3~
Janeway: This plot is going nowhere fast
Harry: I tottally agree with You Captain
Janeway: How the hell did you get in here? [Is taking a nice lavish bubble bath in her bathroom]
Harry: Heh heh [He leaves]
Janeway: Stupid writers forgetting where the scene is taking place [Suddenly Janeway's head turns into a dog's head]
That is So Not Funny! [Her head changes back] Thank you.
~Mess Hall~
[The Hamonster comes bounding in]
Hamonster: FOOD!
Chakotay: To bad they don't serve any of that here [Sips his coffee]
Bender: Got that right
Hamonster: FOOD! [The Hamonster eats Neelix in one big crunchy bite]
Bender: I say we should start running now....
Chakotay: I conquer....
[They get their sorry asses out of there]
Hamonster: FOOD!
~Ready Room~
[Janeway is sitting with her feet on her desk smoking a cigarette and sipping a glass of brandy]
[Bender and Chakotay come running in]
Chakotay: There's this HUGE hamster thing in the mess hall...
Bender: We had to RUN all the way here to tell her that? Screw this! [He leaves the room, whistiling happily]
Janeway: What do you want me to do about it?
Chakotay: Let it eat Harry?
Janeway: I meant after that...
Chakotay: Since when did you smoke?
Janeway: With a voice like this...since when did I not smoke?
Chakotay: Good point...[He sits down across from her] Should I order Harry to the mess hall?
Janeway: Good idea...brandy?
Chakotay: Of course!
~Mess hall~
[Harry walks in and looks around, the Hamonster is in the corner eating out of the trash can]
Harry: Hello? Commander? You said there was candy in here! [Walking around looking for candy, the Hamonster catches his scent]
Harry: Look a PUPPY! [He goes over to the Hamonster and hugs it tightly] I'm going to love you and feed you and pet you and call you George!
Hamonster: Help! [Can barely breathe, Harry is hugging him too hard]
Harry: Lets go! [Dragging the Hamonster towards the door]
[The Hamonster dies from lack of air]
~Guber's Room~
Guber: Wanna have sex again?
E. Monica: Are you going to ask that every 30 seconds until one of us leaves or dies?
Guber: Yes...wanna have sex again?
E.Monica: I'm going to go find Harry and Ronnie...
~Cargo Bay 2~
[Harry Senate has been transformed into a borg with a rather large crotch attachment]
Seven: you are looking like one good piece of ass right now...[Licks her lips] [Ronnie runs into the room, you know tight shirt chest heaving]
Seven: Are you trying to steal my raitings? ARE YOU? Cause if you are!
Ronnie: We all know that I am more sexy then you because I have more then one emotion...I have two...
Seven: What are they dumb and dumber?
Ronnie: No...Bitch and SUPER BITCH!
Seven: BRING IT ON! [They start to fight each other and Harry's large crotch attachment extends]
~Wherever Mulder and Scully are~
Mulder: Well I give up on finding those damn talking hamsters...
Scully: Me too...I'm hungry...wanna feed off of each other's sexual angst for a while?
Mulder: Sure...you wanna start?
Scully: Why not? [She walks up to him breathing hard, she starts to cry] Mulder you can't give up you just can't...not when we are this close...
Mulder: It's impossible now...they want to hide those hamsters from us...and they will...
Scully: I won't let you give up! I'm your backbone! Oh Mulder! [Hugs him]
Mulder: Oh Scully! [Hugs her back]
~Fry's room~
Leela: Hey! this isn't a time machine that will help us get back to the year three thousand! [Looks around, the room is decorated like they are about to have some hippy love fest]
Fry: But Leela...after you have sex with me...you'll be too happy to remember about planet express!
Leela: Fry...I hate to tell you this but...I've been seeing Captain Janeway for the past few days...
Fry: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
~Cargo Bay 2~
[Harry has poured chocolate pudding on Seven and Ronnie, Seven and Ronnie continue to fight but Seven obviously has the upperhand]
~Wherever Mulder and Scully are~
Mulder: Well I'm Full
Scully: That was fun...so we are giving up on finding those stupid hamsters right?
Mulder: Right.
[Harry comes walking down the hall past where Mulder and Scully are standing]
Harry: Look at my new pet! His name is George!
Scully: What the hell?
Mulder: It looks like a giant Hamster....
Scully: And...I think it's dead!
Harry: How do you know?
Scully: By the way the tongue hangs out of it's mouth and blood is dripping from the ears...and I'm a doctor.
Harry: Really? Cause I have this problem where it burns when I pee [Tosses the hamster carcass aside]
Scully: Have you had Sex recently?
Harry: I'm a Virgin
Scully: Then you are right...you certainly have a problem.
Mulder: HA HA you're a VIRGIN!
Harry: At least I turned down Diana Fowley...
Mulder: She came here?
Harry: That slut came EVERYWHERE! [They slap each other a high five and Scully rolls her eyes]
~In another Hallway~
Guber: Can we have Sex again?
E.Monica: NO!
Guber: Now?
E.Monica: NO!
Guber: Now?
E.Monica: GOD DAMN IT I SAID NO! [Slaps him upside the head]
Guber: ooo Baby like it rough! [Monica runs off screaming and Scott runs after her]