ER Top Ten Lists
Top Ten signs your obsessed with ER.
10. You’ve been to Chicago and in County General
9. Whenever you get surgery you write “Not this one Idiot” on your Arm
8. You’ve cried during at least one episode
7. You’ve learned sign language
6. You tell people to get you things…STAT
5. When Some one says that Carter is secretly Batman, you stop and think about it seriously for a moment
4. No matter what role he’s in George Clooney will always be Doug Ross
3. You’ve given all your money to Doctor’s with out Borders
2. You’ve legally changed your first name to Doctor
1. You talk about ER like it’s real and you actually work there
Top Ten Rap albums produced by Carter:
10. My Bitch Abby
9. Deez Nutz need an Exam
8. Who laid a biscuit in my Lexus?
7. Scrubs is Boss
6. The real John Shady
5. Because the patient got high
4. Endoscopic surgery is da shiznit
3. My bitch Kerry
2. This homey got a cap popped in his ass
1. This Burn, this burn, this burn victim’s on fire!
Top Ten least Likely Reasons Romano was late for work:
10. He stopped his car to rescue a wounded baby rabbit
9. He was feeding the homeless
8. He decided to walk to work to reduce pollution
7. His grandma was sick so he baked her cookies
6. He decided to ponder the sunrise and stopped to write a poem about it
5. He was wrapping gifts for the staff
4. He was in the burn victim’s unit just to cheer people up
3. He was meditating on the thought of world peace and lost track of time
2. He stopped to help Weaver change a flat tire
1. He slept with a med student and wanted to stick around to make her breakfast
Top Ten spin offs that will never happen:
10. Life with Carter
9. Leave it to Weaver: A lesbian Comedy
8. Romano’s Happy fun hour
7. Luka’s bible study hour
6. Lucy’s all Goth all the time review
5. Corday’s Malpractice show
4. Stand up comedy with your host Abby Lockhart
3. Heart Surgery in three simple steps
2. ER: Special Paper cut victims unit
1. The County General Bunch
Top Ten ER related books you’ll never see:
10. How to close a gaping wound in under 2 minutes with normal household supplies
9. Angioplasty and you: how to perform it with out a doctor
8. Who needs health care when you have Jesus? (No offense to Christians it’s just a joke)
7. Intubation for fun and profit
6. Run around Screaming: How to handle a fire
5. Which part of the blow fish is poison: and how to identify if you’ve eaten it
4. Benton’s guide to sign language
3. Who needs those paddles when you have an outlet and a paperclip?
2. The many uses of Lidocayne
1. Save money and go to a witch doctor
Top Ten inappropriate product tie ins with ER:
10. Burger King: The Triple Bypass Burger
9. McDonalds: Heart attack in a box
8. Stand Clear when I shock him…the home Game
7. Adventures of the lower intestine educational DVD
6. Who left with out being treated: The Match Game
5. Don’t get caught stealing the vicodin (For Playstation 2)
4. Kovach Condoms
3. The soothing Sounds of The Bone Saw: Two Disc CD Set
2. Do it yourself Lobotomy
1. Good Touch Bad Touch (The board game)
Top Ten Ways to tell that ER has run out of good ideas:
10. They do a very special show on infected splinters
9. One hour footage of Carter drinking beer and scratching himself
8. Flashbacks of other flashbacks of doctors having flashbacks
7. Somehow their coffee gets laced with LSD
6. A very special Episode where Romano does paperwork for an hour
5. The show cuts to a commercial and never comes back
4. The special guest star is the guy who came in with a bowel obstruction last week
3. Romano gets Corday, Weaver goes back to Kim, and Carter Marries Abby
2. An episode where the staff watches a previous episode while making fun of it circa MST3K
1. A surprising episode reveals that Carter really is Batman
Top Ten Game shows I have Parodied/Have left to parody
10. ER Match Game
9. Who wants to be an ER millionaire?
8. Survivor ER style
7. Jeopardy ER Style
6. Wheel of Misfortune
5. What won’t Luka Sleep with
4. The Weakest ER link
3. The price is ER right
2. Carter Sharks
1. Lets make a Dealer!
Top Ten Ways to Kill Sandy
10. Shoot her
9. Run her over, then back over her, and then run over her again.
8. Make her listen to Abby Complain
7. Put her in a room with a naked, drunken, horny, Luka Kovach.
6. When she glares at you hold up a mirror and she’ll turn to stone
5. Inject her with nutmeg or cinnamon, not only will it kill her it will drive her insane first
4. Tell her that Weaver wants to have another baby and she might just kill herself
3. Perform an autopsy, while she’s still alive
2. Intubate her when she is still awake, I don’t know if this will kill her but at least it will prevent her from talking.
1. Set her dumb ass on fire
Top Ten things Luka (Secretly and Not so secretly) likes to do on his time off
10. Sleep with hookers
9. Sleep with med students
8. Rescue fluffy kittens from animals shelters and find them homes
7. Finish reading the bible (He’s on page 3)
6. Learn how to turn easy American catch phrases into Croatian nonsense
5. Anger management classes
4. Moon lighting at a bulimia clinic
3.Yell at the homeless because they are lazy bums
2. Figure out how to raise his family from the dead
1. Work on a very long apology note to Weaver
Top Ten Bad TV show crossover ideas With ER:
10. ER: Friends Unit
Chandler: Yeah, could I be any more of a patient?
Weaver: Some one sedate him please!
~In Chairs~
Phoebe: Smelly cat, Smelly Cat, what are they feeding you?
Romano: The same thing I’ll be feeding you if you don’t shut up, MY FOOT IN YOUR ASS!
9. ER on Cops
Corday: Malpractice? I thought the only way to get on cops in this country was to get in a fight
With your baby’s daddy at a fast food restaurant.
Romano: Let me take care of this Lizzie dear [Obviously drunk] Officer, Take her the hell away
She’s BLOODY Annoying!
Corday: HOW DARE YOU! [She bitch slaps him]
8. X-Files: ER Unit
Mulder: So does your tumor give you super powers?
Greene: NO!
Mulder: Are you sure?
Greene: YES! [He’s working on a trauma victim] WILL SOME ONE GET HIM OUT OF HERE?
[Weaver walks in]
Mulder: Hello Foxy Lady!
7. Days Of Our ER
Carter: Wait…just tell me one thing, you didn’t realize that she wasn’t really your wife even when
She started talking with an English accent and also started to smoke.
Bo: THEY ARE IDENTICAL!
Carter: YOUR WIFE IS AMERICAN! THIS IS OBVIOUSLY NOT YOUR WIFE!
Gina: Dear lord give the man a prize, I have a date with Stephano Darling in five minutes.
Bo: See you at home Hope
Carter: ARRRRRRRG!!!
6. Punked: In the ER
Romano: If I so much as HEAR the name Ashton Kutcher heads will roll so if this is prank…
Carter: Um…Well
Romano: YOU IDIOT! [Slaps Carter] Where is he?
[Pull back to reveal that his fake arm can only stick up the middle finger and nothing else]
Carter: Um [Points to a closet] [Romano storms over to the closet, opens it, and jams his fake
Middle finger into Ashton’s eye]
Romano: WHO’S THE PUNK NOW??
5. South ER
Stan: Oh my god! You killed KENNY!
Kyle: YOU BASTARD!
Luka: No wait he still has a chance, I only hit him with my car if I get him to the hospital he might
Wake up! One more Law suit and Weaver sends me back.
Cartman: Stupid French Doctors!
Luka: I’m not French!
4. ER: Sesame Street Hour
Corday: Can you said ENDOSCOPY?
Kids: Huh?
Corday: Bloody American kids have their minds so warped with video games that they can’t even
Mimic a word that is coming out of my mouth… [Mutters]
~Trauma 1~
Cookie Monster: ME WANT COOKIES!
Weaver: That must be slang for drugs…[Leans over Cookie Monster] Some one help me get this
Suit off of him!
Carter: His pupils are dilated!
[Cookie Monster Crashes and a lot of the little kids cry]
3. Family Guy goes to the ER
Peter: I found a breast lump
Weaver: I don’t have time for this
Peter: On her [Points to Lois] [Weaver smiles really big and sprays some binaca in her mouth]
Weaver: Well now, that’s a different story all together isn’t it?
2. ER Public
Ronnie: I think my breast implant ruptured when I was having sex with that under aged drug addicted student on my desk during Lunch!
Carter: DAMN IT! Why couldn’t I go to that high school?
Abby: Carter a little help…we got a kid who thinks he’s Jesus in curtain one….
Carter: Did you call for a psych consult?
Weaver: This is the fifth time this week I’ve had to operate on a cross dressing minor…where the
Hell are these kids parents???
1. Jackass: On ER
Weaver: YOU DID WHAT?
Steve-O: Well after drinking ten beers I decided to get into a shopping cart with three wheels and
Coast down the steepest hill in Chicago!
Weaver: God I wish I could decide not to treat you for the sake of the gene pool…but unfortunately…
Steve-O: I got platinum health care service
Weaver: Can I get you anything to drink?
~Elsewhere~
Romano: He has a WHAT lodged in his WHAT because of WHAT?
Corday: A gerbil, in his ass, because it was on a dare.
Romano: What do you say we just leave it in there and let it eat him alive?
Corday: Fine with me
Johnny Knoxville: HEY WHERE ARE YOU GOING!?
Romano: here have more drugs [Injects Johnny with some morphine]
Johnny: Cool!