Hetrosexual women. A lot of male to females individuals simply prefer women. However, for the most part, straight women have little interest in being with a man that's assuming some part of what they percieve as 'their' role. I've found that some of my CD friends have been able to work deals with their wives, but none of the wives are 'into' it to any substantial degree. Women married to TG people will often put some effort into maintaining the relationship for the sake of children, or just plain love. But if you are a TG woman, and you plan to date straight women, my experience has been that unless you find a VERY RARE INDIVIDUAL, it just doesn't work.
Lesbian women. If you are m to f and want a relationship with a woman, I think finding a tolerant lesbian will be your best bet. Still, this will be no easy task. Lesbian culture is often very tolerant of difference (Kudos to lesbians!), and I've generally found lesbian women to be very understanding of men with gender issues. However, you must realize that they are phyiscially attracted to women. Lesbians have a distinct and complex culture that deserves respect and understanding. If you try to hit on a lesbian woman as you would a straight woman you will come off looking like an ass. Try being friends first.
Gay men. Most 'straight' people asume that we Transwomen are just having orgies with gay men. The reality is that for the most part, gay men place a premium on masculinity. In fact, there's an almost obsession in the gay male community with hyper-masculinity and 'straight acting.' So that kind of rules us out as potential mates. Darn, becasue gay men generally dress better, and are just more compassionate in general. This is not to stereo-type gay men either. I think the persecution they have dealt with them makes them more open to accept difference in others. On the other hand, I know of a few Trans women who have found happiness with gay men, but it's a rarity. One very beautiful TS friend of mine is with a gay man who loves HER, and they make an awesome couple b/c of their mutual affection. Yet, most gay men are not that open-minded when it comes to dating a Tranz. That said, I've found gay men to be nothing but supportive of my gender expression.
TRANNY CHASERS!!! If a man approaches you in a gay bar and seriously hits on you, he's most likely a tranny chaser. These types generally proclaim that they are 'straight' but nothing is further from the truth. Simply and crudely stated, they want to perform oral sex on you, or have you penetrate them. These type of men are not looking for a relationship and don't even realize or care that you are on the path to womanhood. They want you to become their sexual 'top.' The concept of a "chick with a dick" turns them on. Really, they are basically turned on by the 'dick' aspect. They can have homosexual relations without being "gay." It's all about their agenda and not us or you in particular. They don't even think that most of us are not interested in penetrating anyone. Tranny chasers tend to be promiscuous, often don't practice safe sex, and are not boyfriend/relationship material. The best of them will seek out professionals and hopefully not mess-up someone's lives in order to act out their homosexual desires. Many of the worst tranny chasers have gg girlfriends, and creep around gay bars to find people like us to use to satisfy their desire for gay sex.. Tranny chasers will not take you on a date if there's the slightest possibility of them being found out. I strongly suggest avoiding these types entirely as they are utterly worthless. Avoid tranny chaser sites like those listed above and also sites that feature transwomen. Just look for transgendered friends on these sites.
Straight men. I pass pretty well and have noticed at straight clubs, guys generally don't care about your extra equipment (nor will they want anything to do with it either) as long as their friends don't know. (If you are post-op you will have even less problems.) I have a gg exotic dnacer friend (she knew a LOT of people!) who in the past would act as go between with guys she knew at nightclubs that were attracted to me. They've all told her (pre-boyfriend days) they didn't care. Mind you, we are talking about one night stands or relationships of that sort. I don't think many-although some-are 'husband' material The younger they are, the more open-minded straight men, but less emotionally stable they will be. Still, this is your best bet for getting a relationship. Straight men do NOT hang in gay bars. If you come across one who claims as such, he's probably a Tranny chaser. Chasers lie and encourage each other to play a game with you--pretending they don't know. However, when you get 'her' home you will find out very quickly that you've got a nelly. To 'get' a straight man, you have to be passavle and capable of going to straight bars/establishments to meet them.
Bisexual Men. Worthless. They basically think you are the 'best of both worlds' and want to use your penis in ways that you probably will not like. From what I've seen is that bisexual men are basically gay men who haven't yet come-out.
Transgendered. Some transgendered people like to date other trans. This can work and you will have a better chance at not being exploited. Iff I wasn't involved, I'd probably be most interested in a female to male ts man. These guys are hot, very masculine and know how to treat a woman.
Dating Experiences from HELL. (A synthesis of friend's experiences) Ex. #1 'Greg; and 'Bryan' both wanted to date a TG woman. Girlfriend dated them both--several months apart, but they both did the same thing. They seemed really nice, and treated her with respect. Funny thing is that after the relationship became sexual they did a disapearing act. They probably became afraid that they were now 'gay'. EX. #2. Pete asked Girlfriend out. He showed-up an hour late, and then didn't have any money, and expected Girlfriend to pay for everything. Pete then got pushy about sex. Can you believe that? Ex #3. Girlfriend invited Mr. X home. He then spent the rest of the evening begging to try on her shoe collection. This was not what she had in mind. Ex. #4. Jon was with Girlfriend, but made all of her friends uncomfortable because he constantly leered at them. He ended up cheating first chance he got. Ex. #5 Racer X had met Girlfriend in a chatroom. She had chatted with him frequently, and was about to meet him. On a lark she asked him if he had been with any other TGs, he was honest and then began a litany of conquests including a few that were full-blown AIDS and were notorious for not practicing safe-sex. He insisted he was 'straight,' and seemed quite unperturbed about the risky individuals he'd slept with... #X.6 Mr. Niceguy dated Ms. Thing. No chemistry, but six months later, Mr. Nice guy shows up amongst Ms. Things friends in her drags. Want to talk about "Revenge of the Crying Game! This person is someone who I now really respect, and has quietly & successfully moved toward transition. The point is that a lot of people seeks us out because they have tranz issues themselves.
Bisexual Men. I don't want to be biased here, but there are actually few 'bisexual' men that are 'out.' The closeted ones will primarily want you for sexual purposes. The ones I've met or heard of seem to think that Twomen are wonderful for sex: ggs for relationships. A lot of bisexual men don't 'come out' because bisexuality is still equated with being a gay man. We know there's a difference, but the general public doesn't. Also, from their point of view, if you don't pass well, or 100% they will be the person at risk if there's a homophobic confrontation. I've recently had a bisexual man point out to me that a transsexual he once dated dressed inappropriately (gaudy) for every date, thus ensuring some level of unwanted attention.
TO SUM-UP
Our dating prospects are pretty dismal. Sorry, but that's the truth. I think just like hetro ggs (and anyone else looking for love for that matter) we will really have to work to find who and what we want. It's an uphill struggle for us. But be patient, love can come your way...
A few notes:
Please practice safe-sex. There's a hell of a lot of bad stuff out there.
Carry "Mace." You can buy it at ARMY/NAVY stores. I have a keychain bottle.
Avoid crowds of young straight men: particularly if they are drinking.
Watchout For:
Vice. On a road trip to Cleveland with friends. We were in a bar that is known for TG patrons. A gross-looking guy with a pony tail began hitting on me. He was compliementing me non-stop, and although I was not interested I was being polite. He abruptly asked me if I wanted to 'go outside and mess around.' I was rather stunned at the crudeness of his proposal and declined his kind offer and went to another part of the bar. Later, I notieced that he was working all of the women in the place. Later, a friendly drag queen informed us that he is a vice officer. What would have happened if he was cute and I went outside with him? I'd probably be in jail... So becareful. Police do entrap, and they do lie
Bouncers: At smaller clubs bouncers can out you if your ID doesn't match your gender presentation. Becareful as small clubs are harder for a Tranz to blend iinto the crowd.
Will I get picked-up in a:
GAY BAR. Maybe. Maybe not. Mostly likely not. My friends and I get hit on a lot at gay bars, but usually they are not the kind of men you take home to mother ie tranny chasers.. The stable gay guys are mostly looking for other men. Ditto the lesbians. Still, you do have a decent chance of meeting someone in a gay bar. More inportantly you will be safe and most likely accepted.
STRAIGHT BAR. Maybe. More likely than a gay bar. If you pass. I don't recommend this route unless you can pass and your friends (if you are going with other TGs can really pass). Also, try to go with only one other Tranz to minimize your chances of being clocked. Simply put, you might rarely get read on your own. But when you have a few Tgs it's way more likely that ONE of you will get clocked. Assess yourself and your friends. I'm just trying to warn you to know your flaws, strengths, and limitations. Being over-confident can get you killed. You might pass one night, and not the next. Becareful of straight men in packs and if one hits on you, and continues to interact with his buddies.. If a buddy starts closely examining you from afar, you could have an incident. Dress down, but age and style appropriate: this might not be the place to wear that micro-mini. Generally, you should dress as other women dress. Pumps, miniskirts, and 1980s style slut dresses are OUT!!! Nightclubbing women tend to wear jeans, tight slacks, sandals, tank-tops, peasant blouses are big this summer, and other sorts of clubwear. Stuff that women wore when you were growing up will only get you clocked and possibly create an incident!!! Also, be sure your hair style/wig is up-to-date if you are trying to pass. Just be very careful. Drunken men become violent very quickly Also, try to make sure the straight bar is one that caters to a more alternative crowd. Don't go to Redneck Heaven looking for Mr. Right: you will probably find Mr. Wrong.