It is difficult to distill an extraordinary life into a few short minutes. As most of you know, September 11th was our 8th wedding anniversary. Dave chose the date because he liked to tell people our anniversary was 911. It has been difficult to grasp how the happiest day of my life, could also be my saddest. Even though I am a firefighter’s wife, I never really imagined losing Dave. He seemed impossible to bring down, as solid, strong and indomitable as the towers seemed to be. More painful to bear is that Dave, like so many of his fallen brothers wanted so much to live. Dave had sculptures to carve, , children to father, places to travel, waves to surf, fires to extinguish, ropes to tie and innumerable memories to share with his family and friends. In spite of our grief, I want this day to be a celebration of David’s life. He would have been 38 today and he would have been deeply moved to see how many people loved him.
I met Dave when I was eighteen years old and in the wildest of my college days. He was 20—shy, introspective, charming and absolutely gorgeous. We both lived in the arts dorm at college at CW Post. On our first date, Dave told me it was love at first sight and that he wanted to be with me forever. So on our second date I cooked him an elaborate steak dinner and then broke up with him. It was when he got down on the ground, lay still and did his impression of a speed bump that I knew he might be the one. Falling in love with Dave was like taking a long, reflective walk on the beach and then finding that perfect shell or stone. His gentle nature, genuine sweetness, outrageous humor, loving soul and creative spirit won me over. The more I got to know Dave, the more walks we took, the more deeply I fell in love with him and in our seventeen years together I fell in love with him over and over again.
Dave was an amazing person who loved so many different things; rugby and Ireland, the ocean and history. He loved tying knots and fighting fires, kayaks and hiking. He loved pine trees and hawks, reading and yoga. He loved playing practical jokes, climbing mountains and helping people. He loved children and camping, fresh salmon, a cold pint of Guinness and a warm fire. He loved to laugh hard and work hard, riding waves and rowing boats. He loved welding steel, the smell of wood burning and starry skies. He loved his brothers and sisters, his mother and father, his nieces and nephews more than they’ll ever know and most of all he loved being a father.
Dave proposed to me during a noreaster in Prospect Park. With hailstones falling and lightening clapping he professed his love as he had ten years before. But it was 2 years later, when Dave became a father, that I learned to love him even more. I knew he would be a good dad but Dave embraced fatherhood with a zeal that surpassed my wildest expectations. He did laundry, changed diapers and he loved toys more than any child. Aidan was his pride and joy and he loved his son from the top of his head to the bottom of his big, flat feet.
I remember one night when Aidan was tiny and refused to fall asleep. After hours he finally nodded off and I tiptoed out of the room. A few minutes later, I caught Dave sneaking into Aidan’s room to make sure he was covered up with his blanket. I scolded Dave, fearful that he would wake him up. A little while later, I heard Dave in Aidan’s room again. I was furious. I threw open the door to find Dave leaning over the crib whispering “I love you” gently in Aidan’s ear over and over. He stood up; dimples folded in a wide smile. “I just want Aidan to know deep in his consciousness, how much I really love him.”
Aidan, love is the only thing that lasts forever, and even though Daddy’s gone. I hope you will remember how much your daddy loved you and keep that in your heart for the rest of your life.
I have tried hard to find the good to come out of losing the love of my life. This summer, Dave insisted on buying a hat that he saw his friend Jerry at the firehouse wearing. It read “Life is good” and for Dave it truly was, especially in his last months. Dave strove to live his life fully, to love his family and friends, to feel his feelings and be an honest and good man. I think he accomplished that. I hope everyone here will use Dave’s life as an example. I know I will. So tell the people around you that you love them, mend grudges, don’t stay angry with people and be kind. Dave did these things. His heart was as large as his frame and I feel privileged to have called myself Dave’s wife.
The Poem delivered at the memorial service
David Fontana,
Sometime After
September 11
By Ira Goldstein
For information about the October 28 Squad 1 benefit
go to www.twochicksandacasio.com
The New York Daily News ran three articles about Dave
"Thousands
Honor Vet, Historian" ,
"Brother-in-Arms
to Yesterday's Heroes"and
"House
of Fallen Is Still Standing"
The New York Times has been runninga series of
stories about Dave, Marian, and Aidan
Living On With a
Bitter Fact: 'Yes, Aidan, Daddy Is Dead'
All the Trappings of
a Funeral, With the Exception of One
The family requests that in lieu of flowers, please
make contributions to the Elasauer Fund to benefit the families of firefighters
who have died outside the line of duty.
The address is:
Elasauer Fund
204 East 23 Street
New York N.Y. 10010
The Elasauer Fund's phone number is
(212) 683-4832
For further information send email to [email protected]
