Travel Blues
Just
last week at this moment in time, I’m doing the pharmacology paper which
heralds the end of my third year in medical school and I find it quite hard to
believe that I’m now on the way to board a plane to Myanmar. The sudden twist
of events doesn’t surprise me for it has become quite common in the course of
evolution of this project that things don’t usually turn out as according to
plan and the least expected always happen in the most inappropriate time. During
last Saturday’s meeting, it was decided that a reconnaissance trip was
necessary to plan our June trip. I was very much reluctant to go alone given the
heavy responsibility and it was fortuitous that Alex was courageous enough to
accompany me in spite of his impending examinations. In other circumstances, I
wouldn’t have supported his decision in the capacity of a friend, but Alex has
always been unique in his thoughts and actions and I’m glad to have a reliable
companion to make up for my shortcomings.
It
soon dawn on me how agonizing and frantic last-minute preparations can be. We
managed to scour two MAI return tickets on Wednesday at $451 apiece. I balked at
the price given that it costs less than $400 last year, but there was little
choice; there are only two airlines flying from Singapore to Yangon, the other
being Silkair. The visa cost us another $65 each. We opted for the higher-priced
business visa to save us the burden of exchanging US$200 for the FEC. I can’t
fathom spending US$200 in Myanmar. It was Monday morning and our application was
not successful on the grounds that we need an official letter from our Burmese
hosts. Panic began to creep slowly into my already edgy conscience and I made
desperate calls to Yangon to fax us the required letter which I did not manage
to lay my hands on till late in the evening. The earliest we can collect them is
on the morning of our departure and incredibly enough, we were almost denied our
passports and visas because I forgot to bring the receipt along to claim them.
What an awful way to embark on an overseas trip!
We
took a train to the airport. It reminds me of last year’s trip, when we came
with a large group of people together and a hell lot of cargo to check-in. There
was so much commotion and cacophony all around plus the strain my cheek muscles
have to put up during the many group photo-taking sessions, it can be
exasperating at times. I feel a lot more relaxed and happier now with only two
of us.
The
year 2s in the project team were there to send us off at the airport in the
midst of their exam preparations. I was very moved by their kind gesture and it
gave me greater impetus to fulfill my obligations to the team and get the
project going as planned. We have come so far from ground zero to reach where we
are today. The present project traces its origins to the “Song of Apsaras”
project last year but was definitely not its sequel. Due to its success, our
Burmese hosts requested our assistance in the construction of a medical center
in the township of Bilin which will serve a population of 10,000. I had little
idea of where Bilin was or what to do. I didn’t give the matter any second
thought at all. I guessed at that time, I was moved by gut instinct rather than
logic. Some thought I was crazy while others jeered at me for my stubborn
idealism. I was told that it is impossible to operate a medical center by remote
control in Myanmar from Singapore and besides, I’m only a medical student. I
decided to go ahead anyway. Nobody understands what I’m doing more than I do.
I don’t really have any grandiose plans or ambitions. I simply want to do
things that I like to do when I can still afford the time. You cannot measure
every pursuit you indulge in by the gains you can reap at the end of it. True
enough, I did not know how to go about doing it or what to expect, that’s why
I have to do it first to find out! Jensen, Alex and Peiling were part of the
project team last year and they were keen to go to Myanmar again. Kareen was
somehow involved during one of our meetings and later, Yong Pey, Raj and Jinghui
joined us. I “recruited” Dr Ng Wai Chong as our advisor as he had
volunteered at a rural hospital in Hunsur, India. Next, Alexandra Hospital
donated some medical equipment to the Bilin medical center. The icing on the
cake was completed when we launched the project as a Special Study Module which
ensures long-term continuity.
On
looking back, I cannot imagine what gave me the drive to push so many things
through on top of my studies and hectic schedule. I had to skip a dozen of
tutorials and lectures to keep things doing, the stress compounded by the people
around me who not only do not understand my predicament, but sought to undermine
what I’m doing. A few year 1s pulled out after the SSM and questions were
raised about the legality of our fund-raising efforts. The bomb-shell came in
January when the Dean ordered us to register a society proper before we can
conduct anymore activities and publicity. Things are moving so fast and there
are times I must admit I have no knowledge of what is happening and simply
following and doing things blindly without much thought or analysis. Everybody
has different views of their own and it is difficult, if impossible to reach a
common consensus. There will always be somebody who feels left out, somebody who
is not happy, and somebody who wants things to be done his way. And I’m in the
middle of it all. The frustrations and pressure kept mounting and I was unable
to find any means to relieve them other than to pretend to be calm to keep
things under control. I would be the first to protest against my style of
management, but given the prevailing circumstances, I seriously cannot find
another possible way out.
I
was stuck in a quagmire, one which I can never extricate myself completely from.
Doubts began to flood my mind and many questions previously left unattended now
arise to prick my conscience. Why am I doing all these? Shouldn’t I be
spending more time on my studies? What have I learnt or gain in the end? Is it
worth all the time and efforts? What is the meaning of it all? I felt terribly
confused and isolated. It is as if you are alone in the world and nobody out
there understands or supports your beliefs and deeds. I used to have a lot of
faith in my own judgment and capabilities. Now, I no longer trust myself. I’ve
witnessed my own human vulnerabilities. In the depths of my agony, one image
from the past kept filtering through the clouds of gloom, one message kept
ringing amidst the groans of woe, and one promise stood intact in the shifting
sands of time. That’s enough to keep my feet planted firmly on the ground and
my sights set on the road ahead.