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Screenplay (End)
EXT. TONY'S RESTAURANT - DAY
Max's car arrives in the street outside. They pile into the
car.
MAX:
If anyone gets in our way -- we have
small nuclear devices.
BERNIE:
And we intend to use them!
MAX:
Where's Bella?
HONEY:
She's not coming.
MAX:
Sod that. Bernie -- in the back!
He shoots out of his door, rushes round and grabs Bella out of
the chair.
MAX:
Come on, babe.
EXT./INT. CAR. STANLEY CRESCENT/NOTTING HILL GATE - DAY
Max's car is shooting up Stanley Crescent. We are inside and
outside the car.
BELLA:
Where are you going?
MAX:
Down Kensington Church Street, then
Knightsbridge, then Hyde Park Center.
BELLA:
Crazy. Go along Bayswater...
HONEY:
That's right -- then Park Lane.
BERNIE:
Or you could go right down to Cromwell
Road, and left.
WILLIAM:
No!
Suddenly the car slams to a halt.
MAX:
Stop right there! I will decide the
route. All right?
ALL:
All right.
MAX:
James Bond never has to put up with this
sort of shit.
EXT. PICCADILLY - DAY
The car turns illegally right across Piccadilly the wrong way
down a one-way street and ends up outside the Ritz. William
sprints into the hotel. Bernie follows.
BERNIE:
Bloody hell, this is fun.
IT. RITZ LOBBY - DAY
WILLIAM:
Is Miss Scott staying here?
It is the same man.
RITZ MAN:
No, sir.
WILLIAM:
How about Miss Flintstone?
RITZ MAN:
No, sir.
WILLIAM:
Or Bambi... or, I don't know, Beavis or
Butthead?
Man shakes his head.
RITZ MAN:
No, sir.
WILLIAM:
Right. Right. Fair enough. Thanks.
He turns despondent and takes two steps when the Ritz Man stops
him in his tracks.
RITZ MAN:
There was a Miss Pocahontas in room 126
-- but she checked out an hour ago. I
believe she's holding a press
conference at The Savoy before flying to
America.
William jumps up and kisses the man on his cheek and Bernie does the same.
BERNIE:
We have lift off!!
A Japanese guest assumes this is the way to behave and the Ritz
Man gets kissed a third time.
EXT. LONDON STREET - DAY
The car speeds through London. It gets totally stuck at a
junction where no one will let them in.
SPIKE:
Bugger this for a bunch of bananas.
He gets out of the car and boldly stops the traffic coming in the
opposite direction. Our car shoots past him.
SPIKE:
Go!
They leave him behind. Honey leans out the window and shouts...
HONEY:
You're my hero.
Spike waves wildly -- he loses concentration and is very nearly
hit by a car.
EXT. THE SAVOY - DAY
They pull to a stop. William leaps out.
MAX:
Go!
INT. THE SAVOY - DAY
William rushes up to the main desk.
WILLIAM:
Excuse me, where's the press
conference?
MAN AT SAVOY:
Are you an accredited member of the
press?
WILLIAM:
Yes...
He flashes a card.
MAN AT SAVOY:
That's a Blockbuster video membership
card, sir.
WILLIAM:
That's right... I work for their in-
house magazine.
(mimes quotation marks)
'Movies are our business.'
MAN AT SAVOY:
I'm sorry, sir...
Honey shows into shot, pushing Bella's chair.
BELLA:
He's with me.
MAN AT SAVOY:
And you are?
BELLA:
Writing an article about how London
hotels treat people in wheelchairs.
MAN AT SAVOY:
Of course, madam. It's in the
Lancaster Room but I'm afraid you're very
late.
HONEY:
(to William)
Run!
INT. SAVOR ROOM - DAY
William runs, searching. At last finds the room, and enters.
INT. LANCASTER ROOM - DAY
Huge room -- full of press. Row after row of journalists,
cameras at the front, TV cameras at the back. Anna clearly
gives press conferences very rarely, because this one is
positively presidential. She sits at a table at the end of the
room, beside Karen: on her other side os Jeremy, the PR boss,
firmly marshalling the questions.
JEREMY:
Yes... You -- Dominic.
QUESTIONER 1:
How much longer are you staying in the
UK then?
ANNA:
No time at all. I fly out tonight.
She's in a slightly melancholic and therefore honest mood.
JEREMY:
Which is why we have to round it up now.
Final questions.
He points at a journalist he knows.
QUESTIONER 2:
Is your decision to take a year off
anything to do with the rumours about
Jeff and his present leading lady?
ANNA:
Absolutely not.
QUESTIONER 2:
Do you believe the rumours?
ANNA:
It's really not my business anymore.
Though I will say, from my experience,
that rumors about Jeff... do tend to
be true.
They love that answer, and all scribble in their note books.
Next question comes from someone straight right next to
William.
QUESTIONER 3:
Last time you were here, there were some
fairly graphic photographs of you and a
young English guy -- so what happened
there?
ANNA:
He was just a friend -- I think we're
still friends.
JEREMY:
Yes, the gentleman in the pink shirt.
He is pointing straight at William, who has his hand up.
WILLIAM:
Yes -- Miss Scott -- are there any
circumstances in which you two might be
more than just friends?
Anna sees who it is asking.
ANNA:
I hoped there might be -- but no, I'm
assured there aren't.
WILLIAM:
And what would you say...
JEREMY:
No, it's just one question per person.
ANNA:
No, it's all right. You were
saying?
WILLIAM:
Yes, I just wondered whether if it
turned out that this... person...
OTHER JOURNALIST:
(to William)
His name is Thacker.
WILLIAM:
Thanks. I just wondered if Mr. Thacker
realized he'd been a daft prick and got
down on his knees and begged you to
reconsider, whether you would...
reconsider.
We cut to Max, Bella, Bernie and Honey, all watching. Then back
to Anna.
ANNA:
Yes, I believe I would.
WILLIAM:
That's very good news. The readers of
'Horse and Hound' will be absolutely
delighted.
Anna whispers something to Jeremy.
JEREMY:
Dominic -- if you'd like to ask your
question again?
QUESTIONER 1:
Yes -- Anna -- how long are you
intending to stay here in Britain?
Pause. Anna looks up at William. He nods.
ANNA:
Indefinitely.
They both smile -- suddenly the press gets what's going on --
music -- noise -- they all turn and flash, flash, flash photos
of William. Max and Bella kiss. Bernie kisses a total stranger.
Spike finally makes it -- he's bright red from running.
SPIKE:
What happened?
HONEY:
It was good.
Honey hugs him. It's a new experience for Spike.
Cut to William's face -- flash after flash -- still looking at
Anna. They are both smiling.
/EXT. THE HEMPEL ZEN GARDEN WITH MARQUEEN - INTDAY
Anna and William at their wedding -- they kiss and walk into the
crowd.
Honey, a bridesmaid in peach satin -- she is surrounded by at
least four other bridesmaids, all under five.
Nearby, Tony standing, glowing, beside his fabulous,
pyramidical wedding cake.
William's mother is not quite happy with how he's looking. She
tries to brush his hair.
Max, dressed in the most devastating Bond-like white tuxedo is
dancing with Anna -- thrilled. He does a rather flashy little
move. Cut to Bella who is watching and laughing.
Martin, in an awkward tweed suit, is jiggling to the beat of a
song, entirely happy in the corner.
EXT. LEICESTER SQUARE - NIGHT
A huge premier -- screaming crowds -- Anna and William get out
of the car, she holding his hand -- looking ultimately gorgeous
-- he in a black suit that doesn't quite fit. He's startled.
EXT. GARDEN - DAY
A pretty green communal garden. Children are playing, watched
by mothers, one of whom holds a new baby in a papoose. A very
old couple wander along slowly.
A small tai chi group moves mysteriously. And as the camera
glides, it passes a couple sitting on a single, simple wooden
bench overlooking the garden. He is reading, she is just
looking out, totally relaxed, holding his hand, pregnant. It
is William and Anna.
THE END
