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| Its just one of those days.. where i just wanna break down and cry.. i miss her so much.. and i know she doesnt feel it back.. what am i going to do? this stupid feeling just wont fucking leave! im stuck here pinning over the one thing that i cant have.. of course.. as usual.. i always want whats difficult.. and if its not hard.. i make it hard.. what the hell is wrong with me?! Theres a whole list of people i could have at the snap of a finger.. but thats just not good enough.. sigh.. ima end up alone and i wont have to wait till im old to see it.. alas.. maybe its just meant to be.. im too picky for my own good.. its all part of some mystical divine intervention.. im never meant to be happy.. lol.. wouldnt that be funny.. hahah.. kinda.. actually.. that would be.. The scars on my arms are starting to fade.. much to my dislike.. i wanna bleed again.. but its summer.. and i dont wanna get questions for a while.. im so SO sick of questions.. god... please.. just stop talking to me.. its better that way.. im sorry i get moody.. im sorry ima bitch most of the time..just leave me alone.. thats all i want.. i wanna be left alone to stew in my own creative juices.. and enjoy the blank future i have.. Faith said something that sounded of great wisdom.. twas funny that it actually made sense.. since she doesnt put as much thought in as she has the potential to.. but regardless.. she said once that she saw no point in school.. or getting a job.. since those things build you up for a future.. but we dont have one.. well be dead by 30 at the most... i just wanna die now.. but i have to keep her company.. lol.. i have a feeling when i go.. shell be right there.. by my side.. like the best friend she is... shes already proven a great person.. this will be the ultimate test.. or rather.. ultimate release.. a reward for being such a good person.. shell get to die.. ill get to die.. ill get to die with the one i love so much.. shall be nice.. even if she doesnt share my feelings.. its important to me that i die with her.. or at least so she knows my final words.. i wish i knew what she thot of me.. she tells me when i ask.. but i think thats an auto repsonse.. one she spits out when i ask such a question.. since i ask it so much.. i doubt she has to think about it anymore.. just comes out like a robot when you ask the time... oh well.. could be worse.. i could never have met her.. that would suck.. god.. id be dead by now.. much like her.. so she says.. and for the first time in my friend group.. i beleive her.. |