I want to know why you and the others are so sexy.
-Love2Know
Dear Love2Know,
Well, it's quite simple, really. I'm sexy because I am everything your boyfriend, and/or object of affection, wishes they could be. I am buff, but not too much so, my hair is blacker than the night sky and silky-soft to touch, and my eyes blaze with such power and attractiveness, that I can't help but be sexy. I was born this way, you see. Obviously, I look nothing like the rest of my family. They're all ugly, evil, gits.
Oh, and the others? Well, hm...I really wouldn't call them sexy. I suppose James might be attractive to girls, in that sort of rugged and scraggly kind of way, and Remus may attract females because he's so sad and sickly. But, Peter? Hm, I dunno about him.
Oh well. What really matters is me. I'm sexy, and always will be. Even if I ended up in Azkaban for, oh, say 12 years...I would still be very sexy. I am the God of Sexiness. All bow down to ME!
Ahem. Did I also mention that I'm humble?
I have a complete B.O. problem. Sometimes I smell so bad, I often set off the smoke alarms in my flat! I've tried everything, including anti-bacterial spray and air freshener. Is there anything I can do? My landlord is about to kick me out of my flat, as the smell has now permiated the walls and has even killed wild life for several miles. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Smelly and Confused
Dear SaC,
Well, I could tell you to try taking a bath, but I have a feeling you are beyond that now. My best advice is to try a scouring spell, and then set yourself on fire and throw yourself from a cliff. At this point, you may be wondering why I've told you to scour yourself, if I just want you to kill yourself in the first place. Well, this is to make sure the wild life at the bottom of the ravine are less likely to try and eat your remains, as it might possibly kill them. Good day to you, sir! I look foreward to hearing about you in the Daily Prophet!
-Sirius
Me and my friends want to do a little prank on our school, but we can't think of anything really good. Do you have any advice on what is the best prank ever?
-Fawn
Dear Fawn,
Well, in my opinion, the best prank ever is to trick someone into going to the Whomping Willow and trying to poke the knot to have a glimpse at my 'pet werewolf'. However, I'm pretty sure you don't have the 'supplies' needed for that, and I'm also pretty sure you want to pull something on your entire school, I'm not about to suggest that. So! I have a few ideas for you that are quite muggle friendly.
1. Find a time when no one is in the school office, or wherever it is they do announcements. You may have to have some people distract the people in the office while you do this. Then, take over the loud speaker and in your best impression of your principle or some other authoritive figure in your school with the power to make this decision, announce that school has been cancled for the rest of the week, because they've found pesticides in the water.
2. Get a picture of your principle, scan it, edit it so that he's wearing a tutu or something else ridiculous, print off many copies, and distribute them to as many people as you can. If your principle is female, edit her so that she looked like a devil.
3. Get to school really early on a day that is obviously not a snow day, but could be called a snow day possibly. Try and get in the office and be able to use the phone alone. Then, call all of the local news stations and tell them your school is closed (they have caller id most likely and will know if you're just some kid calling in.) Afterward, call your mother and have her pick you up, and say you're ill. Tell her you threw up or something so she'll believe you. The adults will never know you used the phone for other purpouses, and will think you're just leaving because of the flu.
Well, hope I've helped! Pranks on individual people or groups are my specialty, but this was ok. Not using magic must be really difficult though...You poor muggle...