Disclaimer: RK is not mine but Nobuhiro Watsuki's.

Summary: In an era where trust is hard to come by, Okita Souji and 
Saitou Hajime have a binding friendship. Against the backdrop of an 
unfolding war and the threat of an unknown assassin, two friends find 
themselves at the point where sometimes, being just friends is not nearly 
enough...

Warning: This is a story centring around Okita and Saitou. Yes, it will 
be yaoi-ish. No, I will not apologise for it. If it offends you, then 
please stop reading now. As for my characterisations of Saitou and 
Okita, there will be OOCness although I will do my best to make things 
believable. Also, I've meddled with history and made up events. This is 
fiction, neh?

Notes: Once again, thank you to all reviewers. Susan, hmm, I didn't see 
the ova series (If that is what you're referring to) but I'm not 
surprised it happened. Skilled swordsmen do have a tendency to enjoy the 
challenge of battling one another. (at least that's what is always shown!) 
Kamorgana, I'm a rabid S/T fan as well, that's why there's no Tokio 
here. MsJadey, I'm afraid there will be no more fights, but this chapter 
has one more glimpse of Battousai. Midori, err..I think maybe a medium 
amount of angst, not 'unbearable angst.' I would be too exhausted 
cranking up that kind of angst level! Firuze, your comments esp. about the 
relationship between Okita and Saitou are a great encouragement. I was a 
little concerned about my portrayal of the relationship. Devil(?!), 
don't worry, there are at least two more chapters coming. April-san, I 
hope you enjoy this as much as the previous one. Mara, thanks for all the 
information. I knew that some details were obviously wrong...(ulp, 
there is more knocking in this chapter)..but I don't know what else to put 
in. As for Serizawa being a fool...well, not exactly a fool but still 
very pompous and silly in some aspects. But that's my POV. ^_~ And thank 
you for your offer. The answer is a definite yes. 


IV. If

Hijikata Toshizou and Kondou Isami both paced the corridor like 
ravenous wolves on a hunting prowl. There was anger, worry, and a deadly fear 
in the air around them. Nobody else dared to appear before them for 
fear of being the unwitting object upon which they could vent their 
emotions. No exchange passed between the two captains of the Shinsengumi. 
This was not a time when thought could be translated into words. 

The shoji was pulled aside and the doctor came out, his assistant 
hurrying away with a tray full of bloodstained equipment. Hijikata waited 
until the door was closed again before asking in a low terse voice, "Will 
he make it?" Kondou said nothing, a silent forbidding figure with his 
lips tightly pressed into a thin line and his eyes narrowed, as though 
daring the doctor to give an unfavourable diagnosis. 

"He has an even chance. I've repaired all his injuries but the blood 
loss is what worries me. If he pulls through the next five days, he will 
survive."

"Any permanent damage done?"

"None. That's what amazes me. He must have somehow dodged the worst of 
the attack at the last minute."

Sheer luck and talent, Kondou could not help thinking. "You may go," he 
said, dismissing the doctor who looked visibly relieved. "So what do we 
do now?"

Hijikata released a long sigh and looking down, shook his head. "Where 
Souji is concerned, we pray and wait. As for his duties, I'll take over 
his unit temporarily."

"What? And risk having that accursed hittokiri come after you as well? 
Souji is something of a legend among the men and their confidence has 
been badly shaken by this. I can't afford for anything to happen to you 
as well. The entire organisation will fall apart and Serizawa will no 
longer be held in check. As it is, he'll eventually hear of what 
happened tonight sooner or later. No, I will not permit you to go out there 
and look for revenge. Don't think I can't tell what's on your mind 
Toshizou."

Hijikata was just about to retort when the sound of footsteps made them 
turn around, bringing the disagreement to an end. In private they could 
thrash out their differences as freely as they wanted. But in front of 
their men, they presented nothing less than a united front. It gave the 
men confidence and also discouraged dissension in the ranks. 

It was Saitou Hajime, the reason why Okita was lying on that bed. Of 
course Hijikata and Kondou were not emotional enough to get carried away 
and lay all the blame at his door; Okita should have remained focused 
on the fight no matter what happened. But they were also very much aware 
that to an extent, Saitou's appearance, no matter how unintended it had 
been, was also responsible for Okita's condition. 

"Goku And Takumi found this. Battousai left it behind." In Saitou's 
hand was a crumpled letter. Okita's name was written on it. It was a death 
sentence. "According to my sources, this was delivered to the assassin 
an hour after Okita left headquarters."

Both men froze, their expressions as different as day and night. While 
Hijikata showed no visible outward signs of anger or disbelief, 
Kondou's face twisted into a mask of rage, his nostrils flared in anger and 
his jaw clenched so tightly that a vein bulged at the side of his temple. 

"We have a traitor in our midst living with us," Saitou said quietly. 
"I have channelled every resource available to discovering who the 
culprit is. Okita will need someone watching over him to ensure his safety."

"Find the bastard. And make sure his death is a long and painful one," 
Hijikata ordered in a voice like steel. Saitou bowed and stepped back, 
taking his leave. 

"This is the last thing we need," Kondou muttered. "First Serizawa, now 
a traitor. And then there's Itou..."

"Itou? You can't be serious." Hijikata stared at Kondou. "What do you 
mean Itou? I've known him since the days when we were both students 
training together. He would never betray us."

"That's just your loyalty to him talking. You know perfectly well what 
he's done. If you wish, have a word or two with him and tell him to 
curb his ideas or at least keep them to himself. I'll not take any action 
against him. Yet."

....... ........ .......... ............

Okita slept through the first two days, unwilling to wake up. Each time 
he neared the surface of consciousness, pain greeted him and sent him 
plunging back into the sanctuary of oblivion. It was better not to wake 
up, to float always in this dark stream. And as he spiralled deeper and 
deeper into sleep, dreaming dreams of slanted amber eyes and things 
that had never been, he was unaware that beside him sat a man who never 
moved from his side unless it was to fulfil his duties. 

With infinite care, Saitou brushed back the soft brown locks from 
Okita's pale forehead before taking the latter's hand in his own once more. 
He traced the delicate knuckles with his thumb, turning the palm over 
and following the pattern of lines stretched over it. They both had 
sword calluses from training in almost the same areas but how different 
they were physically. Okita was fair, his bones small and graceful; he 
would have been positively dainty if not for the tough training that 
turned him into a deadly killer. With his hair spread out on the pillow, the 
covers tucked up about him to prevent him from catching a chill, he 
looked not a day over seventeen. Innocent. Untouchable. Unreachable.

Saitou suppressed a fresh surge of terror at the thought of Okita never 
waking up again. "This is why I didn't want to have anything more with 
you," he whispered bitterly. If they had been lovers, things would have 
been infinitely worse. As it was, his world was close to falling apart 
now; only work saved him and kept him functioning, operational.

Okita had no idea how much he cared, how many times he had wanted to 
put his blade in Kanryuusai's heart for harassing him, the fleeting 
jealousy he felt when other men and women sidled up to Okita, the silence in 
which he ached with painful longing and the rigid control he exercised 
over himself. Saitou was no stranger to desire. He knew what it felt 
like, what it tasted like, the exquisite satisfaction of satisfying its 
hunger. But this side of desire was new to him and almost frightening in 
its intensity. 

There was a soft knock and immediately he replaced Okita's hand beneath 
the covers before going to the door. 

"We have found the traitor, Saitou-sama," Uitsu pronounced in a 
triumphant whisper.

"What's his name?"

"It's Takeda Kanryuusai."

...... ....... ....... ........

"Harada-san, can you please tell me where Saitou-san has gone? Every 
time I ask the men all they tell me is that he is busy. When I press for 
details, they say Kondou has forbidden them to say more. What's going 
on?" A month had passed since he regained consciousness. At first he had 
been too weak too do more than sleep and eat. But his healing had been 
rapid and given a little while more, the stitches could be removed and 
he would be able to move around without assistance. But in all that 
time, not once had he seen Saitou or heard any news about him. "Nothing 
has happened to him, has it?" he asked sharply. "Is that why no one 
will-"

"Okita you can't get out of bed!" Firmly but gently Harada pushed him 
back down. "Nothing has happened to Saitou, for goodness sake."

"Then where is he? Why hasn't he...I mean, I haven't seen him at all. I 
just want to know if he's alright." 

For a minute Harada considered telling Okita that Saitou had in fact 
been to see him many times, only that Okita had been unconscious then. 
But it was not his place to meddle in their affairs. As things were, he 
was not too clear about what kind of relationship Saitou and Okita 
really had between them. It was obvious now to him that Saitou did 
reciprocate Okita's affections but to Harada's knowledge, they were not lovers 
yet. 

"Saitou is fine. He's off on a mission, tracking down Takeda."

"Takeda?!"

Harada nodded grimly. "Takeda was a spy for the Ishin shishi. He 
switched his alliance to them about a year ago. Unfortunately he had warning 
that we had discovered his treachery and fled. Saitou went after him. 
Okita, Takeda was the one who told the Ishin shishi that you had left 
the headquarters by yourself."

So it hadn't been a coincidence that night, his encounter with the 
Battousai. There was no doubt in Okita's mind that Saitou eventually would 
hunt down Takeda. The other man would really have been better off just 
committing suicide. It would be less painful than whatever Saitou would 
have in store for him. "Has he sent any word back?" 

Harada looked uncertain for a moment and Okita pounced on that. "So he 
has sent word! Harada-san-"

"Can't tell you anything Okita. Kondou would have my head," Harada 
snorted. "Just get better faster and then nobody will have an reason not to 
tell you anything. Relax, you know Saitou. Nothing will happen to him."

....... .......... ........... ..........

Iizuka was here again. Himura Kenshin, otherwise known as the Hittokiri 
Battousai, felt a sharp stab of despair at that knowledge. How long 
more before the war ended? How many more black letters was he to receive? 
The rise and fall of an era in a sea of swords. Kenshin ran a light 
hand over his katana. He wondered what his master had been thinking of 
when he had purchased this sword for his pupil. 'This was definitely not 
what he had had in mind.' Hiko Seijuruu's disappointment and anger would 
always be engraved in the memory of his ex-pupil. 

"Himura." 

Wordlessly, Kenshin reached out and took the letter from the other man. 
Flipping it open, he read the name silently and then folding the letter 
up, shoved it into his gi. 

"Have you heard? Our mole inside the Shinsengumi died this morning. Bet 
you'll never guess who it was." Without waiting for Kenshin to even 
guess, something that the latter had no intention of doing anyway, Iizuka 
blurted out that it was Takeda Kanryuusai. 

"What?" Kenshin knew that the Ishin shishi had a network of spies. But 
what was surprising, even slightly shocking was that they had managed 
to recruit a Shinsengumi Captain. That was quite a feat. "Who killed 
him?"

"The body bore traces of Saitou Hajime's signature Gatotsu."

"Saitou Hajime." That was a name that Kenshin knew well. Saitou had 
also witnessed his fight with Okita Souji. Kenshin would never forget the 
look in those blazing eyes that night. It was the first time he had 
ever found himself the object of such pure rage. 'And hatred. Yes, there 
was hatred too.' Not many things could shake him, but he found that 
recollection particularly disturbing. The next time he met Saitou Hajime, 
and there would be a next time, he would have to be especially careful.