Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin. AN: This story takes place before the Kenshingumi. And please excuse my grammar error, cause it wasn't my language and I'm not good at it. If you want to help checking my errors please tell me. Now into the story: *:: The darkness and the light :: * *Chapter 2* Sometimes it's just hard to say I love you. In other time it's hard to say good bye. 1 month later... 'Why ?' That question was always in his head lately, it was like an untold question since Tokio acted strangely that day, when she... when she kissed him. He didn't know why he didn't asked her, he didn't know why he felt uneasy around her, He didn't know why... He didn't know why he felt attracted to her. 'Attracted?' He must be crazy. Yes, she really drove him crazy. And it scared him... Wasn't it funny? He, Saito Hajime, the leader of the Shinshengumi's third squad was scared of a woman? A woman who used to be his wife, a woman who was nothing to him, actually was something to him. It was the craziest joke he ever heard. +++ She sighed deeply as she finished cleaning the backyard, the sky was so clear and it made her feel so sentimental. It's been a month since that day, since she totally lost her mind, since she felt she was insane. And since that day, she started to avoid Saito, she always forced a smile on face around him, even she felt an untold feeling. And it stabbed her like a sharp blade. But she couldn't do anything about it... She was... she was too afraid to be hurt by anyone, especially by Saito. Then she closed her eyes as she felt tears trying to escape the corner of her eyes. 'Am I this weak? Am I too weak to reach you?... Am I nothing to you?' +++ The next day... Tokio was serving the breakfast as she heard the bedroom was opened. 'Weird, he shouldn't wake this early.' Tokio thought then walked toward the bedroom and found Saito, with his cop uniform and his usual katana. "A... anou... Saito-san, aren't you supposed to take a break for another week?" Tokio asked, to her surprise Saito just looked at her, like he was looking at her soul, her now tortured soul. "Anou... Saito-san?" She started to feeling this unwanted feeling again, and she didn't want Saito to know about it. "I think it's better for me to go to Osaka as soon as possible, I have nothing to do if I remain here anyway." He said coolly, but the truth was, he was scared, scared if she could influence him more than now, scared if she could melt his heart and make him awake and see the reality. He was also scared he couldn't give her the feeling she wanted. He was scared... to be with her. He was scared... to hurt her. And that meant that he had to run away from her again... "A... I see. I know the aura in this house isn't suiting you." She forced a smile on her face, even when her heart was broken. His sentences were true, even when they were husband and wife, but they never acted like a couple, they were like a strangers to each other. And at least she knew Saito didn't like being with her. It was only a political marriage anyway... No love, no warmth, nothing... She hated him at the beginning, but suddenly she found something about him that made her feel something, something that changed her into a real woman, into someone. But something about him also made her feel she was no one... she was nothing... "But... but at least you could eat breakfast before you go, right?" Tokio pleaded, at least for the last time she wanted to make him taste her cooking. Because she never knew... She never knew when he would die, his job was always bringing him in dangerous situations, he could die anytime, anywhere... And she could only pray for his safety, */is that what she wanted?/* She knew she was not a samurai, she couldn't use sword or other equipment, she couldn't stand blood, so what could she do besides praying... and waiting until he came home and acted like nothing happened, or another policeman told her something horrible happened to him, like before? And she could only wait, and wait... "No, I really have to go right now." With that he walked through the front door, while Tokio looked at the floor, and opened her mouth. "Do you... what do you feel about me?" She whispered, then Saito stopped his move. "What do you mean?" Saito asked, his voice sounded dry and cold, like he was hearing an unfunny joke. "Do you ever think about me? Do you ever had that feeling?" "..." "Do you ever loved me?" He didn't dare to answer the question, why? Because he was too scared? Because he was too stupid? or because he was scared of the answer he could give? But... his mouth moved uncontrollable. "No." He whispered softly. *But sometimes* *It's easier to say I hate you* --------------------------------------------------------------------- AN: Hi minnasan! It's me again, I just want to say thank you for all the reviews I get. I love you guys! And it really motivate me for writing. So what do you think about this chapter? Please tell me what u think! Ja ne!