Disclaimer: RK is not mine but Nobuhiro Watsuki's. All original plot 
and characters belong to me though.  

Author Notes: Thanks to my incredibly patient beta-reader, Firuze 
Khanume. I would be meandering hopelessly without you...

For faithful readers of this fic, I know who you guys are. I am so 
sorry for the long delay, I didn't mean to leave the story hanging but 
circumstances and writer's block for this particular story made it so. At 
any rate, I hope you all enjoy this. 


Chapter Five: Moonlit Phantom

  I remember that man. I don't mean that I have ever forgotten him; I 
could never forget him. But there have been things that I have forced to 
the back of my mind, which I had consigned to forgetting when I am 
awake. It has been seven years. During that time, I have never once watched 
the moon in its ascent or descent. I prefer it when the sky is 
completely black or simply shining with a smattering of stars. That way it 
makes it easier to forget that I ever once lay in the moonlight with a 
phantom in whom I lost and found myself with.  

   Foolishly I broke the silence, calling out to my daughter whose 
image is thankfully a mirror of my own. My son, Kenji, looks absolutely 
frightened of me. Instantly I know what has happened. He must have snuck 
out to the roof to watch the moon once more. Ironically, his fascination 
for the moon is as strong as my adverse reaction to it. Keishi has 
never cared for watching any of the celestial objects. Actually, she has 
not the patience for watching anything that does not at least have some 
form of animate life. This trait, I suspect, might be something that she 
shares in common with her father...

   He stops at the sound of my voice, holds himself perfectly still. At 
first it is shock that renders him motionless, and for a moment, I 
sense a powerful rush of emotion that fills him and which dies down as 
suddenly as rain in the hot summer months. He remains there, standing so 
perfectly still, as though the slightest movement might send him flying 
apart, flying from my presence. He whispers my name. Kaoru. It has been 
seven years since I have heard his voice, countless nights that recede 
into the deep past that I have dreamt of him calling my name. Now in 
the moonlight, under its deceptive rich fleeting glows, he calls me once 
more and I cannot help but to remember what we once shared. We are 
standing metres apart, miles apart with a chasm of years and forbidden 
boundaries between us. Yet I remember, I remember. And in that moment, the 
absence of him in my life is filled with this present moment. Enishi. 
He has come back. 

   I remember when he left me, one bright day on a sandy beach. Crowds 
of uniformed policemen streamed around us, past my friends and I, past 
me and the man that I loved and whom I could barely look in the eye now 
that everything was over. I felt relieved, yes. But also there was this 
aching emptiness and as I looked around at the swarms of people that 
filled the beach, at the friends who meant so much to me, at Kenshin who 
was being attended to by Megumi, I realised I was missing the private 
world of the night that Enishi and I had shared together. For almost a 
month this island had been silent, quiet and almost without the sound of 
a human voice. It had been my prison, and then it had become a refuge 
where I could hide from the rest of the world, especially after that 
night. I did not come to this place willingly, but now that I was free to 
leave, I found that a part of me was unwilling to go, to return to the 
world as I knew it. Only a small part, but still, it was there...

  The crowd of policemen parted, a soft wave of murmurs. Enishi. I 
watched him go as in a dream, not knowing what I should do, what I should 
say, whether or not I should say something. In the end, I remembered 
Tomoe's diary. He had to have that, he needed to read that to understand 
the truth of how things had happened. As I passed it to him, our fingers 
touched and I almost cried then. I remember thinking that this was the 
last time I would ever see him. After this, he could not mean anything 
to me, not if I wanted my life back as I knew it. But only three days 
ago...it had been a small lifetime before. And although he had put me 
through two days of hell after that, what he had said to me on the beach 
had proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that he cared for me at least. He 
took the diary, continued to look dully at me as though I were not 
there and simply walked on. Watching him walk away down that beach, I knew 
that he wasn't there anymore, that he was now in a place where I could 
not reach him. He would have to find the strength to help himself. 

   Later when I received the news of his escape, I was both glad and 
fearful. Not knowing much about the law, I had secretly worried over how 
he would be treated in prison. At the same time, now that he was free, 
I was afraid that he would take his own life. I said as much to 
Kenshin, when we visited Tomoe's grave together. He didn't ask me to follow 
him all the way to Kyoto but I had told him that I would like to go. 
There were some things that I felt I needed to say to her, to ask of her, 
to thank her for. Thank you for your sacrifice. Thank you for saving 
Kenshin. I'm sorry that I could not stay to look after Enishi, please 
understand. Please take care of him for us. Thank you. And Kenshin's 
reassurance that Tomoe would always watch over Enishi somehow made me feel 
better. 

  I did not want him to be alone. But I could not have followed him. I 
would not because....

  "Besides, it's about time that we should be setting off for home, 
isn't it?" He smiled, his eyes lighting up as he stretched out his hand 
for mine. It was a simple gesture and so much more. With tears in my 
eyes, I reached out and grasped his hand, touching his warm skin through 
the bandages. I had waited so long for this, for him to come to this 
point. This was why I stayed. Because I loved Himura Kenshin. 

     No more than a few seconds, minutes at the most could have passed 
while these recollections pulled me back into what had been the most 
difficult period of my life. And yet I come to my senses to find Keishi 
and Kenji tugging at my hands, asking me how is it that the strange man 
knows my name. Is he a friend? Why does he have such weird hair? He 
doesn't look very old, Keishi observes astutely, puzzled by his youthful 
demeanour and the white hair that she associates with people like 
Genzai-sensei and Okina. All this while, Enishi has not moved at all, 
although he will not turn around to face me. What should I do? 

   My first instinct, the one that had caused me to speak without first 
thinking, had been to get the children away from Enishi. Go back 
inside, I tell them firmly. Keishi begins to whine but I give her a look that 
tells her that I will tolerate no nonsense this time. Her little face 
crumples with surprise; it isn't often that I scold her. Yahiko tells me 
that I spoil her too much. How do I explain the reason why, that from 
the moment she was born I owe her a debt that cannot be erased. The only 
other person to whom I owe an even greater debt to is Kenshin. 
Realising that Keishi is on the verge of tears, Kenji tucks his arm around 
her, wishes me and the 'oji-san' goodnight before dragging his sister back 
to the room. 

  I wait until I hear the slamming of the shoji, Kenji's way of telling 
me that they are safely in the bedroom. I should say something. What do 
I say? I am not the wittiest person, unlike Megumi who usually always 
has something to say. But neither am I the silent type like Aoshi who 
simply refuses to say more than necessary. Yet I find myself struggling, 
trying to find the right words. What do you say to a former lover whom 
you should never have had, and who could cost you so much more than 
even he can imagine? 

  "Enishi..." I grip the column beside me for support, subconsciously 
aware that the my flesh hurts from pressing so hard against the wood. 
"Enishi..." Finally he turns around and I can see him fully. He looks the 
same, thinner than before but almost untouched by time. I cannot see 
his eyes though; his glasses shield them from me. This is not easy for 
him either I realise and suddenly I know, although he has not said a 
word, I know that whatever reason that brought him here, it is not me. He 
did not come for me. 

...... ...... .....

   "You won't tell anyone?"

 'I swear on Tomoe's memory I will keep this a secret..."

...... ...... ......

  And I believed him. I find that I still do. He has kept his promise 
all this while and I know he won't break his word. I know that much of 
him. "Why-?"

   He exhales and looks away, a shudder ripples through his frame and 
for a moment his shoulders slump, as though he has been carrying a great 
weight on them. "I'm sorry," he says, the words faint but carried 
clearly on a warm balmy night like this. "I didn't...." And then he breaks 
off. "I mean, would you please tell y...Himura that I am here?" 

    I can't answer him. My limbs are frozen, my mind is a whirlpool, 
spiralling down into a void. "What...why?" I finally manage to drag those 
words from my lips. 

    "I don't mean any harm. I didn't want to let you know I was 
here...but ...just tell Himura that I am here and he will understand."

  But Kenshin is dead. 

  "What?" This time the question comes from Enishi and a storm of 
tension rises from him. "What did you say?" he repeats, his voice terse.

   I had not meant to blurt out my thoughts. Panicked, I stare at him, 
trying to work out the consequences of my sudden revelation. But my 
mind is a mess; it's almost impossible to think. What am I saying? If I 
had been able to think properly I would not have said what I had just 
said. 

  "Kaoru! What do you mean he's dead?" Enishi advances a step and I 
retreat. "He can't be dead. He-" 

  A yell and a crash from the street just outside the dojo stop both of 
us. "Yahiko!" I whisper. As though to confirm it, a flurry of curses 
erupt, some of which I recognise since he had picked up from Sano in 
spite of my efforts to beat them out of him. "You have to leave," I turn 
back to Enishi, "He must not see you here." But I need not have spoken, 
he is already moving. Swift and silent, he heads for the back of the 
dojo. A graceful leap takes him effortlessly to the top of the wall. As I 
watch, he turns back and for a long moment, we stare at each other. And 
then he slips down over the other side, disappearing from view. 

  But I know he will be back. Still, at the moment, it is impossible to 
comprehend or even examine the significance of what has just passed. 
Enishi acted as though Kenshin had been expecting him, as though he had 
been expecting Kenshin to be around. And why not? He might not have 
known that Kenshin had passed away a year and a month ago. But what he 
said...it was as though Kenshin had led Enishi to believe that he would 
still be here. That is not possible, I tell myself, shaking my head hard. 
Just then, the gates open and by the skin of my teeth, I make it around 
the corner unseen. I have to go to the children first and keep them 
quiet, tell them that they must not tell Yahiko or anyone about the man 
who was here tonight. If Yahiko hears about it, then Sano will too and 
then the news will make its way to Kyoto and before I know it, Misao and 
maybe a reluctant Aoshi might be on my doorstep. I don't want to have 
to tell any more lies. Enishi's visit tonight must be kept a secret. I 
will deal with the situation myself. 

....................................

    From his vantage point on the roof of the opposite house, Saitou 
waited until Yahiko had gone back to his room before he dug into his 
pocket for another cigarette. Putting it between his lips, he lit a match, 
touched it to the cigarette and took a long deep drag. He threw the 
matchstick into the shallow hollow where he had pulled out a roof tile in 
order to toss it onto Yahiko's head as the boy had passed below. As he 
had reckoned, the boy had reacted fast enough, although the side of his 
head had been bruised, as evidenced from his furious rubbing of 
aforementioned area. Still, it hadn't killed him, Saitou thought. And it had 
worked to keep Yukishiro's presence concealed from Yahiko. For Saitou's 
purposes, the longer Enishi remained in Tokyo, the better. In good time 
Mibu's Wolf would reveal his presence to the latter but for the moment, 
he was content to let Enishi stay here where he could keep an eye on 
him. 

   Besides, things definitely looked interesting, especially the 
meeting between Himura Kaoru and Yukishiro. The wind had not been in his 
favour tonight and he had only managed to hear snatches of the 
conversation. But there were more ways to eavesdrop than simply listening on 
words. Body language was another subtext. And what luck that it had been the 
tanuki facing him; reading her had been almost too simple. Yukishiro had 
been rather distracted as well; Saitou had been half-expecting him to 
sense his presence. And then there had been his volatile reaction to 
Kaoru's presence. Saitou's eyes narrowed. Yes indeed, things had taken a 
very interesting turn. And as always, he would remain in the shadows to 
observe and see how he could make use of the situation to his own ends.

.....................................

    Blindly he stumbled back to the inn, almost unaware of his 
surroundings. Up the stairs he met a drunken trio who blocked his way as they 
clumsily tried to descend the steps. Enishi helped them by shoving them 
aside and sent all three crashing down to the bottom step where they 
promptly lost consciousness or fell asleep. 

  ... "But Kenshin is dead..." 

  Kaoru's words echoed in his head, drowning out everything else, 
mocking him. And she had not been lying; she had meant it. Battousai really 
was dead. Safe in his room, Enishi leaned back against the wall, 
sliding down until he was seated on the ground. Closing his eyes he forced 
himself to concentrate, calmed the furious churning of his mind and 
played back the scene in his memory, trying to make sense of it. Everything 
had happened so quickly, so fast. Nothing had gone according to plan. 
If it had, they would not have met. 

  He could see her again, in his mind's eye. Her posture rigid, her 
smooth skin ash-white even as she stood partially in the shadows. She had 
grown up, was no longer the eighteen-year old ingénue that he 
remembered. She was now a mother of two children, a mature woman in every 
sense. Still lovely, but both familiar and unfamiliar to him when he finally 
brought himself to look at her. They had known each other in the most 
intimate way possible, and had led separate lives until that moment of 
reunion. He knew her and yet he did not. 

  He had tried to apologise, tried to tell her that he had not meant 
for this to happen. In the end, while he cursed her husband silently, all 
he could do was ask that she inform Battousai of his arrival. To hell 
with secrecy, Enishi had thought. This was Battousai's fault and the 
responsibility for explaining the incident to Kaoru should fall on his 
head. 

 And then she had spoken the words that had pulled the rug out from 
under his feet, leaving him grasping for balance that could not be found. 
Battousai was dead. 'I know I'm late but...' And then a dreadful 
thought occurred to Enishi. Battousai had said in a year's time. True, he had 
not specified or placed any emphasis on the time limit but...Enishi had 
waited a year and two months before finally deciding to come to Tokyo. 
If Battousai had died in the last two months, then the fault would lie 
with Enishi for procrastinating. And this journey would have been for 
nothing.

  "Why didn't he ask me to come earlier?" Enishi swore harshly even as 
despair seeped in. This might be his fault. Himura might probably have 
waited until he could not hold on any longer. And what about Kaoru and 
the children? It must have been difficult, more than difficult for 
them. If only Yahiko had not interrupted at that moment. There was so much 
to ask Kaoru...Instead of dwelling on his own misery, Enishi quite 
forgot about his own predicament as he wondered how she had coped with 
losing Battousai and raising two small children by herself on top of 
running the dojo. 

  It did occur to him to pack up and leave tonight. Escape beckoned 
like a welcome option. But now Enishi found himself resisting the idea. It 
wouldn't be right; he could not just run the moment his plans went 
awry. And there were questions that needed answering. When did Battousai 
die? And how? The man had seemed well enough when he had visited Enishi. 
And of course, he would have to explain the reason for his appearance 
to Kaoru. He owed her that much for invading her dojo at night and 
giving her the shock of her life, not to mention destroying any peace of 
mind that she had. 'I hope she doesn't think that I'm going back on my 
word.'  He had made her a promise and he always kept his promises since he 
never made them lightly. 

  Enishi considered sending her a note asking for a meeting but decided 
against it since there was a chance that the note might end up in 
Yahiko's hands, especially after today's debacle. No, there had to be a 
safer way.  She knew he was in Tokyo now and she would be on the lookout 
for him. It would be better to wait for nightfall, when it was late and 
when the rest of the dojo occupants were asleep. Then he would go to 
her, knowing that she would be awake waiting for his inevitable visit. She 
might not be looking forward to it; neither was he but this was 
something that had to be done. Still, try as he might, Enishi could not deny 
the tiny nervous thrill at the idea of meeting her and having a proper 
conversation, no matter how awkward or painful it might be for either of 
them. "Don't be stupid," he growled at himself. "You have to meet her 
only because it is necessary to get some answers and explain yourself." 

  And with that mantra firmly in mind, Enishi closed his eyes and 
willed himself to sleep. Needless to say, he spent the rest of the night 
tossing and turning in sleepless frustration.






------------------------------------

Extra Notes: Concerning the use of the first person point of view I 
thought it would be best to utilise this approach...and the style I hoped 
conveyed Kaoru's emotions. Sorry to those who do not like it, I really 
tried my best. And as for any questions, please email and I will reply. 
As always c&c are welcome, just be gentle please.