Standard disclaimers:
I don't own Rurouni Kenshin. Watsuki and some big name companies do.
Author's comments:
I love this chap! It is a strong one!
Oh, the whole story has 14 chapters =^^=... and an epilogue
I am just writing... I hope to get it up before Christmas =^^=
ON WITH THE STORY:
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She had a heartful of love and devotion
She had a mindful of tyranny and terror
Well, I try, I do, I really try
But I just err, baby, I do, I error
So come find me, my darling one
I'm down to the grounds, the very dregs
words by Nick Cave (Do you love me?)
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CHAPTER4: MARRIAGE AND GIFT
After setting down his breakfast in a deadly silent room, I decided to stay
away from sake and Saitou till the wedding day. I knew, I would not be able
to
control myself and things would escalate again. He must have thought the
same,
I did not see him around the next days.
I started to make myself a home, helping in the kitchen, arranging flowers.
I am a talented cook and my mother had been a good teacher. I love cooking.
It is like a tea ceremony. Washing the rice, heating it, preparing the fish.
It kept away the horror I had seen and experienced.
I had been an outsider from the day of my birth. Of course, my parents had
had
some friends left, but other children kept away from me. To be honest, I
had
never been really interested in other children and I had never opened up
to
them. I think I had scared them, for being a girl and 'dark-minded'.
I can respect and accept rules and tradition to a certain point. Don't get
me
wrong. I did had a strict education. But I had always had my freedom in
some,
special ways. My parents had been rather unconventional, and Kondou was
right.
I had their spirit.
There was no way out. A promise was a promise. An obligation was an obligation.
Always respecting and living the way of a samurai.
Duty and honour. Passion and obsession. It was a small path I was walking
on.
Would I be able to master it? Did I WANT to master it? To find the right
way
in between? WAS there a path in between?
Between love and hate, devotion and domination, life, death, fear, horror?
***
Next day I waited, busy in the kitchen, till most inmates left. Only the
two
girls were left and a woman lying upstairs, she was seriously ill.
It was time for training. Kondou had told me to stop fighting, but he did
not
told me to stop training.
For about two hours I was in the training hall and I trained hard. I went
through some katas of my father which I hadn't been able to master yet.
I was
getting better, but not perfect.
Time to try something. I grabbed the katana at the very end, in the left
hand,
trying the technique I had seen Saitou using.
It was not working, something was wrong. I changed the position of my hand
slightly. Still not working. To stay realistic, I had not seen enough of
the
style to find out what was wrong I would have to see more of it. No need
to
push things, Tokio! I reminded myself. End of training for today!
I headed in my room, changed back in my kimono and went into the kitchen.
The
girls were still there, I joined them, pretending I had been reading in
a book.
I continued training during the next days, when the house was empty. I knew,
it was only a question of time when I would be discovered, but I had to
take
the risk.
On my third day of training I was discovered.
I was going through a difficult kata and was so concentrated, that I blocked
the entire world outside.
"You need to improve your speed during the first step!"
HEART-ATTACK! I froze in the middle of my kata, in the middle of the air
and
landed on my bottom. I needed a few seconds to re-gain control and to get
my
brain functioning. I put on a small smile and turned.
"Good afternoon, Okita-sensei. What a surprise!" Bowing deeply. Kondou must
have told him about me. And he must have told him, that he wanted me to
stop
fighting. What would Okita do? Betray me? Stop me from training? My brain
was
functioning again, my fears hunting me.
"Interesting style!" He stated.
"It is my father's school." I kept my head lowered, I felt like a small
kid
being discovered after doing something stupid. What described exactly the
situation.
"It is based on offence." His answer made me looking up, obviously he was
not
here to stop me from training. Would he betray me?
"My father changed the original style. Actually it is even more offensive,
but
my father decided to add defence. But by changing it and adding more defence,
it was not working as good as the original one. We were improving it."
"I see, you are still improving it. Good work." That was surprising. He
wouldn't stop me and he was obviously interested in my father's style. There
was hope he would not tell Kondou. By looking at him I realised he was
watching me as if he wanted me to ask him something. Could it be?
"Thank you very much!" Looking for a good beginning, I hesitated.
"Someone told me you are the best swords-man in the Shinsengumi, Okita-sensei."
He chuckled "Ma, I would not say that."
"With an attitude like that, you will be killed someday."
He chuckled more "Come on, Tokio-san. You know there is more to it than
that.
You have to judge your opponent and not to overestimate yourself."
He was right. I knew that. I decided it was time to ask him.
I bowed. "Okita-sensei, would you give me a favour, please?"
"What?" I bet he already knew what I was up to. I bowed even deeper.
After all, I was a woman, in addition to that, he was a master of his school.
"Would you show me your style, please?" I could almost feel the wide grin
in
his face.
"Yes." I raised, faced him, we were both grinning like small children.
"Starting now?"
"Yes." He drew his sword.
We continued the training till the wedding day, always in the afternoon,
when
most inmates were out and always about two hours.
I figured out quickly, during our first session, that his style was not
fitting mine and I would not be able to master it in a perfect way.
Okita had realised it too, of course, but we continued. I showed him more
of
my father's style, we would improve it some time later and he showed me
more
of the "Miburo style".
The three following days past quickly filled with training and finally the
wedding came.
***
I dressed in my formal kimono, the girls helped me with the kimono, hair
and
make-up again. I finished my hair by putting the silver butterfly hairpin
of
my mother in it.
This hairpin would always remind me of the wonderful smile and love that
she
had held for me and my father until they had been slaughtered. There had
been
no smile left after she had been killed, there hadn't been even a face left,
but the butterfly pin had been stillin her hair. It had been there all the
time during her suffering and death. I shuddered, remembering the sight.
"How beautiful!" One girl clapped her hands admiring the hairpin. I frightened
up of my nightmares and smiled warmhearted at her. She was so sweet!
"That's a remembrance of my mother. It was made in France."
"Kawaaaiiii!" they both squealed. I laughed from the bottom of my heart.
THEY
were sweet.
I hoped they would find peace and love in their lives, they deserved it.
Still
laughing I left my room and headed to the ceremony room.
As I entered, I saw about 10 Shinsengumi, some with their wives, sitting
around. It had to be the other squad leaders, this was not a marriage for
a
low-ranked member and despite the dishonouring of my father I was a member
of
the Kobayashi-family. Saitou was sitting on the right side of a small table,
Kondou beside him, giving him guidance. I had no family or friends left
to
give me company.
But during our sessions, lasting only a few days, Okita came close to me.
He
was the brother for me I never had and he had offered to support me during
the
ceremony. He waited till I entered and escorted me to the table, kneeling
down
beside me, opposite of Saitou and Kondou.
The ceremony was short and finished as we drank the three mouthful of sake
from the three cups.[1]
All guests congratulated and gave us gifts, we had to drink sake with
everyone. It was not enough sake to get Saitou or me drunk, but a violent
temper already appeared in his eyes.
Just as the last time we drank in the pub. It was time to go.
"He, wild night, buddy. Have fun!" They all laughed and had dirty expressions
on their faces. Men could be so stupid when they were drunk. How embarrassing!
Saitou had already punched his fist into the man's face and the laughter
abruptly stopped. They had enough brain left, to know when they had to shut
up.
The man spat out a teeth. Saitou was really violent sometimes, there was
a
sadistic grin in his face. The blood only turned him on. Mou, I'm tired
and
exhausted after all this ceremony stuff! I didn't want this right now! All
I
wanted was to escape the celebration and rest!
I laid a hand on his shoulder.
"Not here, not yet, please. He is not worth it." I whispered in his ear.
He
sheathed the sword, that he already had been pulling out a few centimetres.
I
was surprised, my eyes nearly bulged of their sockets. He followed my request?
What kind of game started here? Was he playing with me? What did I miss?
I was wide awake, not sleepy at all.
He left the celebration, me high on his heels, following him to his room
upstairs.
He closed the door of our room behind me, staying at the spot. His head
was
bowed but I could feel his amber eyes on me.
"What is wrong?" I addressed him, standing in the middle of the room. I
raised
my right hand and pulled my mother's pin out of my hair, one strand falling
down. He took a step forward and gazed at me, head still lowered.
"Let me do that." I let my hand drop. He stood in front of me, now lifting
his
head. I looked directly in his eyes. He was damn sexy. He pulled out the
pins,
all my hair fell down to my hips. He let the hair flowing through his hands.
"Beautiful" He stated, retreating his hand.
"You had a choice", I replied smiling back.
"No, I didn't have." Maybe he was right. I had not been around when Kondou
had
talked with him. Or was he really attracted by me as I was by him?
He stepped back, revealed a cigarette, lightened it. "I bought you something"
His eyes glanced for a brief second at a corner of the room.
The 'something' had to be in that corner, I figured out. Why couldn't he
say
'gift' or hand it to me? What mattered, it was the idea behind. I went over,
on a table was a flat packet wrapped in white silk. I knelt down in front
of
it, he leant against the paper-wall beside me, a bored expression on his
face,
smoking his cigarette.
I touched the silk, it was heavy. "What? That looks so expensive!"
He gained his bored expression "That's the wrapping!" Idiot, I knew that!
I reached my hands out, touching the silk, hands shaking, remembering the
last
present that had been given to me. I unwrapped the silk and it revealed
a kimono.
It was an expensive one, dark blue, heavy, with silver blending and some
small
silver butterflies woven on one side. Perfect, not 'over-decorated' as most
kimonos. And a fitting obi. I let my hands wander over the shimmering fabric.
*****flashback*****
My parents smiling happily giving me a package. My 16th birthday! Opening
it,
what a surprise! A poetry-book! Being happy. My parents smiling warmhearted.
"Happy birthday my dear! With all our love for you!"
My mother embraced me. She whispered in French in my ear.
"I wish you a wonderful next year! Stay healthy and happy!! And remember:
don't marry suchan idiot as I did!"
She smiled widely. I knew, she loved my father with all her heart, she just
wanted to tease him. My father was standing beside her, smiling. Proud as
he
watched us, but suspicious about what she told me.
One week later they were dead. I found them. My mother's face. Only a bloody
pulp left. Pinned to a wall, abused in all imaginable ways. My father pinned
to the opposite wall. Forced to watch her being abused and seeing her die
before his own cruel death.
I knew the assassins were still around, waiting in the darkness for my return.
Hidden, watching me.
I remembered what my mother told me one week ago.
I remembered my father during our sessions "The way of a samurai!"
"It's a believe, Tokio! You have to live for it!" "AKU SOKU ZAN!"
Intestines hanging out, my parent's blood spilled everywhere, my father's
sword lying on the floor...
This was the first time I really believed in his words. My first fight with
the real spirit, not like my fights before.
No!
*****end flashback*****
I closed the silk over the kimono. Determined.
"I can't accept this! It is too expensive."
He raised an eyebrow and flicked away some ash. "Don't be silly. I ruined
your
yellow kimono. You said you want a new one."
"The yellow one was not of THAT quality!" I didn't want to have such a
wonderful present. The last had ended in a disaster, the most important
persons in my life had been killed in the most horrible way I could imagine.
"What matters, I bought it." He still looked bored.
"Saitou-san, that's romantic. I thought that's boring."
"That's not romantic, that's practical. It is the replace for your yellow
one."
Hopeless. He was completely hopeless, he wouldn't admit it.
I decided to have a second look. It was too wonderful, too exquisite. He
must
have figured out already how attracted I was by this kimono or he would
be a
bad sword-fighter. And he must have figured out how disturbed I was by this
present. I had not been able to mask my ki enough.
I remembered my parents.
Fighting for their love.
Suffering for their love.
Finally dying for their love.
There was no way out, I was trapped and I felt tears raising. NO! Not in
front
of HIM.
Since the death of my parents I had never been disturbed so much. I never
felt
this devotion before, I was attracted by him again, but in another way as
last
time and I decided to give him something special.
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Author's comments:
I know, I'm not correct with this family stuff. Honour, duty, blabla. I
have
no idea how it really is. But it has to fit to the story.
Author's notes:
[1]
This is a Shinto ceremony. I only know today's weddings, for one
of my friends married when I was in Japan and he invited me.
Believe me, it was a torture =^^=. SOOO, this is not 100% correct,
I hope you forgive me. Still, a marriage was supossed to take place at
home and there is no priest necessary. At last it was this way in former
times. Today, it is a total fuzz...
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TBC...
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TO CHAPTER 5
BACK TO
CHAPTER 3
MARA'S
FANFICTION
RUROKEN
FANFICTION
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