May 22 - November 17, 2000 

~*~*~
I can taste, more then feel
This burning inside is so real
I can almost lay my hands upon
The warm glow that lingers on
(Move...) Lifted higher...
(Move...) My soul is on fire...

"Higher Love" 
Songs of Faith and Devotion
Depche Mode 
~*~*~

Brain Elves 4: Misao

"I think we should go back to my room now." I whispered playfully 
in his ear, giving his nipple a final tweak before withdrawing my 
hands from his shirt.

He opened his eyes then, and I saw... for the first time I saw 
emotion there! It burned in his eyes from under the shiny black 
curtain of his bangs. I couldn't help but be shocked and a little 
afraid of sheer strength of it. 

"What's wrong with right here?" 

OHMIGOD. I was so shocked that I couldn't decide if I should faint or orgasm.

("Neither! Answer his question!")

"Nothing. Nothing wrong with it at all." I couldn't help but 
smile. He changed so much so quickly! Not that I'm complaining 
or anything...

("See I told you this would work, didn't I?")

("You did indeed.")

Gods, I didn't even know where to begin now- this was something I 
had dreamed of for so long, now that I had it... I wasn't quite 
sure what to do. And it wasn't just having my Aoshi-sama with me 
and *willing*. That he was opening up, and letting me see his 
emotions... and such passion! How had he kept it locked away for 
so long?

But how didn't really matter now. I had come in here with a 
purpose, and I was damn well going to see it through.

("Ughh. You think too much! You have this beautiful man in front 
of you. Do something with him!") 

And now to continue where I had left off. I wanted to feel his 
skin against mine; that shirt had to go. Once again, I slid my 
hands under his shirt, and down his chest. Only briefly toying 
with his nipples, my fingers continued to dance down his stomach, 
drawing my fingernails over his skin lightly. I felt the hard 
muscles there jump and twitch at my touch. Pushing my fingers 
just under the waistband, I un-tucked his shirt. Obligingly, he 
shrugged out of it.

As soon as the shirt was gone, and his arms free again, he deftly 
untied the obi of my yukata. It fell open, hanging limply from my 
shoulders. I wasn't prepared for my nervousness. Something about 
being laid open to his gaze... As his eyes ran the length of my 
body, the dark heat that had been forming in my belly flared 
brighter, causing me to bite down on my lip.

I'm not sure how long I paused; perhaps it was just a few 
seconds, but it felt like forever that he was looking me that 
way. I couldn't stand it anymore. I felt like he was stalling.

As unselfconsciously as I could manage, I shrugged out of my 
yukata, letting it slide to the floor. I watched him watch the 
garment fall, and a sneaking suspicion hit me. He seemed even 
greener at this then I am. I found that thought comforting, even 
if it probably wasn't true.

I had stepped back to remove my yukata, and now I let the lantern 
light be my only covering. He hadn't moved at all, and if not for 
the change in his eyes, I would almost think that he wasn't 
interested after all. But that new light in his eyes was still 
there- as was the impressive bulge in his trousers. Realizing 
then that he was waiting for me to act, I smiled.

What a delicious site he made- his nipples still delightfully 
erect, he'd leaned forward and crossed his legs, as though 
attempting to mask his arousal. I took the initiative again, this 
time, kneeling in front of him, and nuzzling that fascinating 
bulge. I pressed my mouth against it, and blew hot air directly 
into the fabric. 

I heard as well as felt the started gasp he released. And to 
think, I wasn't even directly touching his skin yet! The 
fastenings of his trousers came undone quickly under my nimble 
fingertips. And there it was, and my mind choose that instant to 
freeze up.

("Uh, it's ugly!")

("I think that's every girl's first thought in this situation.")

("And you know this how?")

("It came to me through the Collective Unconscious, of course.")

("Ack, you're making her read those weird German books* again.")

("We're not helping her arguing like this!')

Aoshi had noticed my hesitation, and took it for reluctance. He 
leaned forward again, taking my chin in his hand with gentle 
fingers. "If you've changed your mind, I'll understand..."

("Of COURSE he'd think that!")

("Bleah.")

It took a few minutes for the wheels in my head to start turning 
properly again, and I shook my head adamantly before replying. 
"Nonononono!! That's not it at all!" Although I'd steeled myself 
for this event for weeks, I couldn't help but blush at my next 
statement. "I've just... never done this before. And instinct can 
only guide a girl so far, you know." I said matter-of-factly.

Aoshi blinked a few times, and nodded, face blank. Apparently, he 
didn't quite know what to make of that. I chuckled to myself even 
as I leaned forward and took the very tip in my mouth. I'm not 
sure what I was expecting, but I was still a little surprised 
when the taste of him was not so different from skin on any other 
part of his body, only a little stronger.

("That's the spirit! Even if it IS ugly, it's still his, ne?")

Encouraged by this observation, I pulled the rest of the head 
into my mouth. A groan of the like I've never out of Aoshi 
before, or ANYONE for that matter, told me I must be doing 
something right.

("Go Misao! Go Misao! It's your birthday! Go Misao!" White fans 
with the red of Rising Sun flashed brightly.)I caught myself 
before I could smirk.

Inspiration struck- I hollowed my cheeks, pulling him in more 
deeply, swirling my tongue over the broad, smooth surface. My 
eyes were only half-mast, but I still saw Aoshi's mouth slowly 
slip open, and his beautiful pale grey-green eyes flutter softly 
closed. How wonderful it was to see him so... relaxed isn't the 
right word. FREE. That was it. He looked free.

How surprised everyone would be to see him like this- emotion so 
obvious and beautiful on his face, so real it was almost surreal. 
True- he had always been beautiful to me- he was even beautiful 
to those who hated him- but it added an entirely new dimension to 
who he was for me.

I re-angled my head, and pushed down, so that his length slid 
down my throat deeply, past my gag reflex, and the strong muscles 
there massaged him. Strangled was the noise that escaped him; 
there is no other way to describe it. His fingers slid through my 
hair, tangling tightly and pulling, while his head rolled around 
on his neck as if his spine was broken.

("What abandon!") Pride winked at me conspiratorially. Once again, 
I could hardly keep myself from smirking. I pulled back, once 
again swirling my tongue over the broad mushroom-like head, 
before diving down deeply again, taking him to the root. This I 
continued to do, and quickly, and it wasn't long before his hold 
on my hair became too tight, painfully so, and he tore me from 
him.

"Misao..." Aoshi's eyes were hooded, and darkened. They narrowed 
in a way that made my hormones sit up and take notice.

("What, what?? What's going on?? What did I miss?? SWEET FANCY 
MOSES!!! When did THIS start??")

("Don't worry, you didn't miss too much... In fact, you came in 
right as it was getting really interesting.")

("Ah, I see... No really! I SEE!") The cackling echoed loudly 
through my head.

His face had become unreadable again. I think perhaps that it was 
not an effort on his part to hide, as it normally was, but that 
his thought process, and mine too, had become far too primal, and 
something as high-functioning as emotion was beyond us. Now there 
was only that mystical draw...

("She means the "FUCK ME NOW!" attitude. Mystical draw? What 
nonsense.")

("Although the goal itself is admirable, the act is still 
disgraceful and disgusting...")

("You only say that because you don't know any better.")

("Oh? And you do??")

(A flash of white teeth and a twinkling of the eye, "But of 
course I do!")

("Really? I'm sure then that you won't be insulted if I ask you 
to prove your jesting is not simply that." Pride glared down her 
nose at my Hormones, daring her to compete.)

("I certainly will. And I'll make you eat your words like Misao 
just ate...")

("Must you be so disgustingly VULGAR?" Pride screamed.") 

("My Hormones winked at Pride, before turning back to me. "Okay 
Misao- Let's do it.")

I couldn't agree with her more. I took Aoshi's hands, pulling him 
to standing. We disposed quickly of the rest of his clothing, 
although I doubted we'd be able to find it later. I'd flung his 
trousers away so randomly, they might have even gone out the 
window for all we cared.

("Don't worry- he won't be needing them anytime soon!" Rabid 
cackling echoed through my head.)

I found myself pushed up against his desk, and he was gently 
urging me to recline. I laid back, various important Oniwabanshuu
report, maybe even government documents, the only padding 
between me and the hardwood writing surface. I raised my arms 
above my head, offering myself up like a sacrifice, and I curled 
my legs around his waist preventing escape.

Oh...when he entered me, it was unlike anything else. To be 
completely full of a man you've loved and wanted so long... 
Nothing, absolutely NOTHING can compare. And although it hurt 
terribly, it was a good kind of pain. Like sore muscles after a 
demanding workout. All of this was lovely, but nothing prepared 
me for his hand gliding down my stomach and between our bodies, 
touching me so perfectly that the pain of his entrance became a 
pleasure all it own, blending wonderfully with the sensations his 
nimble, callused fingers created.

My spine arched like a drawn bow, off the desk, my arms sweeping 
around from their hold on the edge above my head, sending 
parchment paper, writing implements and a single black hardbound 
book cascading onto the floor. I clamped onto his shoulders and 
twisted my neck so I could lap at the erect buds of his nipples.

It caught me so suddenly, I could hardly understand. I was so 
lost at that moment of simply him and me that nothing existed. I 
dug my nails mercilessly into his back, and my teeth into my lip 
to keep from screaming as my first real orgasm, that is, one 
caused my someone other then myself, tore through my body and 
blinding me to all else. Aoshi's free arm clamped around me, 
pulling me tightly against him, while his own body wracked with 
those amazing sudders.

("Do you believe me now?")

("Why...yes. I rather think I do...")

My Hormones winked at me again, and just as secretly, I winked 
back. 

~*~OWARI!~*~