January 8, 2003

This guy gave me an article to read way back in the beginning when I wanted to join the wonderful world of blogging/online journalling/mental masturbation for the world to see.

It was an article about what not to do with an on-line journal. It listed various pieces of practical advice. And one piece of advice made the most sense to me. Know why you are writing a journal. Have a strong purpose in mind.

I started this thing with a rather vague purpose. I had quit my job that I didn't like (but the people were good), I moved out of my apartment, and my girlfriend broke up with me. Now what? I wanted to write, learn a little HTML, and understand computers and the Internet a little more. I wanted to remember the odd things in my life that affected me one way or another, things I hadn't thought about.

I mean, the question I was asking myself was what got me to where I was? All those stupid mistakes, can I laugh about them? Why is it that I fall for girls who are unattainable for one reason or another, for example. Why is it that I set myself up for disappointment each and every time, even when I should know better?

So all this questioning leads to now. The past two years was about what I had done. For example, why did I work for a small art gallery on Divisidero? Did I want to be an artist? I tried painting for a while, and I even got a chance to show at the gallery, but I didn't have any real training. Maybe in ten years, but that's not what I was aiming for. So why did I get the notion to paint?

I've gotten a little disenchanted with looking backward. I'm more interested in the present these days, about what I can do right now. Year 2K3 feels like some crossroads. Not because I predict some change to happen, but that I want make some change to happen.

If you have read this word vomit up to this point, I apologize. I have no intention of sitting in a circle around a fire singing "Kum Ba Ya" (although we did that in music camp, kinda fun, if you are in that hippie shit), but things might be a little more fun around here. Maybe. I guess.

And that's all I wanted to say.