September 15, 2002

In T.H. White's The Once & Future King, Sir Lancelot, the greatest of King Arthur's knights, admits to himself that he doesn't do good for its own sake, but because he feels so rotten inside. He does good to atone for his own sins, and becomes one of the most holy of knights.

However, he never truly comes to peace with himself.

I find myself drawn to that character. It is much easier to fight "evil" that to do good. You are rewarded for the sin of anger.

It is so easy to think that you can gain the love of someone if you rescue them from "evil." Hoping that your heroism masks the unhappiness within.

And what happens if you can't save her? What happens of she doesn't need saving? What happens if she needs saving from herself?