Smack!

May 14, 2002

I was obsessed about brain damage as a kid. I studied the consequences of a concussion. I watched PBS specials about neurological disorders.

Why? I fell on my head a lot.

For various reasons, I stopped being an active kid, so that left my brain as the only asset I had left. So, I was extremely concerned about any damage it might suffer due to my inability to fight gravity.

The sudden fear the moment you slip, then the quiet floating as you fall, the crack as your head hits the group, and the pissed-offedness for being such an idiot.

Since I didn't know any curse words, the pain was that much more embarrassing.

I remember standing on a wooden playset in a park right after a rain. There was the earthy smell from the ground, the dark shade on the wood and dirt, and the heaviness of the air.

I remember standing on the platform thinking, "This thing's wet. I bet I'm gonna fall."

And climbing down, I slipped. I watched the ground come closer in stop motion. Each blink of an eye, I thought, "I'm such an imbecile. Stupid stupid stupid. Bang!"