Not a flawless victory...

March 17, 2002

I spent a lot of time at the UC Berkeley Underground back in college, where the arcade, pool tables, and bowling lanes were. Why? Because I hated school, because I hated myself, because of escapism? Because I had nowhere else to go? Because what few friends I had also hung out there? Because of a (couple of) cute girls there?

I was really into those competitive fighting games, like Mortal Kombat and such. I don�t know why. Maybe because I got adrenaline rush when playing against someone else? Because I could learn new moves? Because it felt like there was a direct payoff if I won, unlike other things in my life?

But, like anything else, I was getting frustrated. I had an inverse bell-learning curve. I could pick up new things pretty quickly, but after a while, I�d plateau. And then it becomes a struggle to improve. People who I surpassed early on passed me after a while.

So, I was playing against this asshole one day. He was talking shit; calling me a pussy, calling me a coward, telling me to play like a man. Of course, the angrier I got, the worse I played. So I lost to him, and I just lost it, kicked the video game booth, almost tipping it over, kicked the change machine, threw my coins onto the ground, and then stormed out.

In the corner of my eye, I saw the asshole�s friend holding him back. I really wanted him to come after me.

From then on, I refused to play against other people. I sucked, and I just kept getting frustrated.

Then, I got my computer...