May 4, 2001

The ghost in the apartment rings the doorbell every-so-often. Most of the time I ignore it, but last night I checked the door each time. Was I expecting someone?

It dawned upon me that perhaps it was lonely, and just wanted to get my attention. The moment I realized this, the doorbell stopped ringing.

It's nice to know that someone wanted my company.

Is it the same spirit that turns my computer screen blue?

Does that mean the ghost is sad?

I feel like an apparition sometimes. To have a need to communicate something but without the means to do so. I often feel like an invisible presence, given form only when other people acknowledge me.

I used to feel like a poltergeist. A manifestation of rage driven by teenage desires and fear. I threw a lot of things when I was a child. I owned so many destroyed backpacks, binders, and lunchpails.

In China, to ignore a ghost is to starve a ghost, which is why you leave food at family graves.

See, even the dead need some attention.