if only...

December 26, 2001

On Christmas Day, I met a old friend that I had not seen for a year, drank coffee, ate desserts, drove by her horrible high school, won $200 playing blackjack, and wished I could stay longer.

It was the best Christmas Day I've ever had.

mutter "peace, love, and tranquility". Repeat as necessary.

December 24, 2001

From the advice of friends, family, a therapist, and a total stranger, I helped my brother try to chop wood with a sledgehammer, jammed with him on his guitar (noting the old fracture from when he smashed it in anger years ago), and resisted his attempts to get me to "invest" in his newest money making scheme, I mean...idea.

Proof positive that my medication works...

Taken back from Lisa O's site. I'm sure she doesn't mind.

December 23, 2001

Try this experiment: Start in the Bay Area, either San Francisco or Oakland. Pack your car for a long drive. Fill up the gas tank. Hop into the car when it hits, say, 8pm, and drive down the I-5 South at about 80 mph. Do not bring music. Do not bring a companion. Do as many stimulants you think is mentally and physiologically safe for driving. Drive for more than five hours. For a more enhanced experience, start the drive near midnight.

Imagine as you are driving that you have died, and are on a boat to Purgatory. Note how there are other people in their own boats on this river to Divine Punishment. Note how you can't talk to them. They hardly move, and stare straight ahead. You might see them speaking, but you can't hear a word. Notice how you are moving at inhuman speeds, yet you're also sitting still?

Turn on the radio. There's nothing but static. There is no contact with the human world on this road. You think you might hear something, but then it's gone in a wash of white-noise.

Remember as you are driving that you can't just pull off to the shoulder and rest. Common sense tells you that another driver who gets the same idea cannot stop (going at 80mph) in time to avoid hitting your stationary car. You are stuck on this road until it reaches the end.

After six to eight hours, you will see a pale orange glow reflecting off the bottom of the low cloud cover. It's an unnatural aura, straight out of a post-atomic war scare movie. It's not a meth induced hallucination. It's your destination. Welcome to Los Angeles.