This is the time when I was in Kuwait. I was there for a month for my industrial training with an oil company. The trip was very educating. I learnt oil-drilling technology, learnt how they live in a modern desert city and for the first time I came face to face with loneliness. I had a driver, a car, a big flat or whatever, I needed a companion to talk to. This feeling became too strong.
The practical work was on the oilrigs in the desert. All the huge machines were placed here. When I came here for the first time, I felt as if I was on moon. In the middle of a huge desert with vast planes of sand and sand dunes all around, with a handful of people working on the rig, I never felt at home. There were all kinds of facilities on the rig, but loneliness never left me. People say that scenery in the desert changes, but with vast sand planes all around, I felt it was always the same.
One evening, after whole day of work, I was feeling very sad. I thought of my land, my people, my ways and how dearly I wanted to go back home. I walked a few steps away from the living cabins towards the empty desert. Looked at the endlessness of sand. Sun was setting in the horizon. It was orange, like a flare. The sand too was orange. There were dark clouds of smoke near the horizon. The scenery was vast but empty. It was colored with black, orange and loneliness.
I had tears in my eyes. I wondered if in this hot dry landscape anything other than man lived. I buried my hands in the sand and picked up a fistful of it. I picked it up and let it fall slowly. I saw how a small amount of sand dissolves in the huge sea of sand underneath.
As I was watching this, a small spider came out from under the sand. It came up and waited, probably it was afraid of me. And then, it ran away from me and disappeared. Its small footprints were there on the sand. They were small but significant. They were like small marks of life.
This place, which I thought of as completely barren and lifeless, too had a loner living in it. The spider is alone but is trying to survive and live of its own. I wondered whether this spider thought the way I do. Whether it felt its loneliness. I don’t know. But something happened. My mood of sad loneliness disappeared. I laughed at myself for a moment, went to my cabin, washed my face, and went to sleep.
Manuj Naman.
20th December, 1998. Hostel
Room.