I have yet to make out what I want to do in
my life. IIT taught me one important thing. It gave me a question
to answer. The question of what is it that I want to do achieve.
Is it money and fame and more money and more fame that I am
looking for? Or is it something more. Since I was small I wanted
to own a Mercedes Benz. But IIT gave a question of is it really
the only thing that I want? Do I want something more than just a
good car?
The answer of what is my goal in life is what I do not know. But one thing is for sure. I am looking for something more than just material satisfaction. I need love and respect. Probably, the kind of respect that one gets when you become a doctor. But I know I am not a doctor and probably never will be. One gets the kind of satisfaction by helping people. The twinkle in the eyes of kids that one sees when their eyes tell you they love you. Probably I want that.
These holidays are important in this respect. They are important for me to provide me a window to know what I am looking for. My first preference is to go to work for some NGO, for someone other that myself. I want to see if this urge to help someone is strong enough to motivate me to keep working without getting any personal gains. How long can I sustain this sort of a commitment? My second preference is to work in BHEL and try to understand how the company works. How a huge organization like BHEL works. What are the grievances of the employees and what makes them arise. Why is it that the problems arise. What can be done for them. I am sure that answers to these questions and some understanding of functioning will give me an insight into human behavior. This, I think will be a right step in getting to know what I want to do in my career.
The professional career bothered me for
a long time. What should I do after IIT. The two broad fields in
which I could step in were the academic- research line or the
management line. The decision had to be taken in between GRE and
CAT. This was a tough decision. GRE opens up the line for
research and still further technical studies. My academic
position in IIT would have allowed me to get a scholarship in
some foreign university. But is this what I want to do? The
second choice is to get into IIM. This people primarily get into
because to others do it. Or because, it serves as a salary
multiplier. Or because, of the rosy-stud impression which a
manager gives with power in hand. Or may simply because it is in
fashion to become a manager.
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I personally like doing technical projects
and academic research. But I find that a field bores me very
quickly. After my BTP, I do not want to design any further
electronic circuits. After the project on genetic algorithms I
got bored of coding and only coding. After designing GUI for now
so many programs even the windows program writing feels very
trivial. On the other hand, I have yet to make sense out of MBA.
People do MBA for all the above reasons. I feel, not everybody
knows what an MBA is and what it gives you. I do not want to do
MBA till I come to know what it stands for. Probably you get to
know this by working in some corporate environment. Why
otherwise, do foreign universities ask for 2 to 3 years of
experience.
It was all this that led me not to sit for CAT once I had a job with D&T. This job would give me enough time and experience to finally decide what is to be done hence. I am still open to MS or MBA. I just want some experience with the world to get to decide what line ultimately to get into. The best thing is, D&T sponsors the MBA which otherwise is very expensive.
What troubles me is the guilt of leaving my country. Whatever a got, I got it from India. Now when the time has come that I am capable of returning, I am going to America. This guilt shall always remain. I took a pledge that I will return after some time to India. Probably when my urge to conquer better and better professional milestones will get toned down, I will return. I can’t say now, whether this will happen or when this will happen or this is the only condition, which will bring me back. All I can say is, urge to do something for my country and its people is there and I will do it. But how and when I have to find out.
Manuj Naman.
27th May 27, 1999. Home,
Hardwar.