by Saler
Garrison spoke the words they dreaded while they were still settling themselves into the chairs that fronted his desk.
All four cons looked at him with undisguised annoyance. "How come you always manage to find us a mission on a holiday?" Casino asked in his usual hostile tone.
Ignoring the interruption, Garrison continued. "This time, it's not exactly a 'mission', more a training exercise. You have been getting a bit sloppy lately, you must admit."
"This time you will not need to leave the Mansion grounds, except for Actor, who will be performing a special task for me. Actor, it will take all your make-up skills to pull this one off convincingly."
The Italian showed surprise that his talents should be doubted.
"Chief, I know you're not a tracker, so you need to get some training. It will be your job to follow an unknown quarry on a cross country search."
Chief looked uncomfortable that he would have to use one of the skills he admitted wasn't his best.
"Casino and Goniff, you two will be in charge of transporting certain fragile objects carefully back to base."
The two looked at each other, and then at the Warden - "Like what?" they asked together.
"You'll see when the exercise begins."
"And how about you, Warden?" Casino asked. "What'll you be doin' while we're out there crawlin' through the undergrowth?"
"Well, I, of course, will be overseeing the whole operation," their CO replied. "You don't expect me to get my nice clean uniform dirty, do you?"
The cons looked at each other, but nobody dared to voice the thought that they shared.
"Actor, you need to leave now for your fitting - this one requires something special in the way of a disguise. Casino and Goniff, see the Sgt Major for your equipment, and be in the foyer ready to go at 0700 tomorrow."
~*~*~
The next morning, the motley crew assembled in the foyer of the Mansion. Garrison had already sent Actor off to collect his disguise, and, if things went to plan, they would meet up with him later.
The other three received a thorough briefing on the 'dos' and 'don'ts' of the exercise, like "Do NOT leave the Estate", "Do NOT let me catch you going to the Doves", then Garrison turned them over to the Sgt Major to be delivered to the starting point.
The Sgt Major drove them to a point on the far side of the Estate, then, after they were all out of the jeep, pointed to a stand of trees on the horizon. "Right, then, that's the way you go. You should pick up the trail before then if you're as good as you think you are," he told them.
Chief scowled at this put-down, but Goniff and Casino just exchanged a look - they'd get even in their own time.
"Off you go, then. We'll see you back at the Mansion this evening, I expect." The Sgt Major climbed back into his jeep and drove off smiling grimly to himself. This would test them! Meanwhile, he would be enjoying a beer or two with his fellows in the Sergeants' Mess.
With an air of resignation, the 3 cons set off on their 'mission'.
"What're we supposed to be looking for, then, Chiefy?" Goniff wanted to know.
"They didn't say. The Warden said we'd know it when we saw it, whatever that means."
"Well, I think they just wanted us out of the way for the day," Casino said with a shrug. "I reckon the Warden just wanted a bit of peace and quiet."
'Oh, well, I guess we'd better get started," Chief suggested, beginning to head towards the distant trees. Before he'd gone half a dozen steps, he'd disappeared into the landscape.
"Where'd he go to?" Goniff asked as he looked around.
"You know Chief, he blends into the countryside," Casino reminded him. "He could be in that bush over there and we wouldn't know it."
The indicated bush looked for all the world as if it were shaking with laughter.
A few minutes later, Goniff yelled, "Hey, Casino, what do you make of this?"
"It looks like an egg - a blue egg!" Casino said, surprised. "And here's a pink one!"
"That sneaky Warden," Goniff laughed, "'e's sent us on an Easter egg 'unt!"
"Sure looks like it," agreed Casino, holding up a yellow egg. "So what's he got Chief trackin'? Oh, my! - I wonder?"
"What do you wonder?" Goniff wanted to know.
"Well, just think about it, who's missing from this little scenario?"
"You mean Actor?"
"Uh huh. And who had to go for a costume fitting?"
"Actor."
"And who leaves Easter eggs?"
"Oh, no! I can't see Actor doing that. Not even for the Warden. No way!"
Just then, Chief materialised next to them. "You guys'll never guess what I just saw," he panted.
"The Easter Bunny?" the other two chorused.
"How'd you guess that?"
"Pure deduction," Casino grinned, waving his basket with its collection of brightly coloured eggs under his nose.
"So, where is 'e, then?" Goniff asked - wanting to get a closer look at the vision of his imagination.
"Over by those trees," Chief pointed. "Let's get goin'."
Now that they knew the object of their 'mission', they made much faster time, even though they did pause to collect all the painted eggs they spotted hidden under bushes, in trees and on ledges. By the time they caught up with their quarry, their baskets were brimming full and getting rather heavy to carry. Goniff, as usual, was beginning to complain.
As they topped a small rise and peered through a hedge, they saw a large furry figure in the near distance. It was carrying a large basket, and every so often it reached into the basket and dropped a small coloured object. As they watched, it turned the basket upside down - obviously, it had used up all its stock.
Back in the bushes, the three guys made plans for their rabbit trap.
They split up - Chief circled around to get in front while the other two came up on the flanks. As the bunny figure passed down a narrow hedged corridor between two fields, they sprang their trap.
Suddenly, Chief was blocking the end of the passage and, when the pink furry figure turned, there were two other figures behind it.
"My, my, what big ears you 'ave!" Goniff intoned in his best pantomime style.
"Yeah, and what big teeth you have!" Casino added. "All the better for bitin' off more than you can chew?"
"You didn't really think you could fool us, did you?" Chief asked in his quiet, menacing way, closing in on the worried rabbit.
The Easter Bunny looked from one to another of them in a panic. Trapped! And no way out! He hadn't expected anything like this. It was just supposed to be a bit of fun - at least that's what he'd been told.
"I don't think pink is really 'is colour, do you?" Goniff asked Casino, conversationally.
"No, but I do like his fluffy cottontail," Casino replied in the same tone, like women discussing the latest fashion trends.
While their quarry's attention was fixed on the double act, Chief crept up behind him and wrestled him to the ground. The others leapt to his aid and, grabbing the ears, pulled the headpiece from the figure on the ground with a whoop of triumph, which died on their lips when they realised that the person inside the rabbit suit WASN'T Actor!
"Who're you?" they demanded in one voice.
The stranger they were holding down managed to squeak out, "I'm John Carlin. 'E never told me there was going to be violence."
"WHO never told you?" they asked, belatedly moving back and helping him to his feet.
"The gent who paid me a fiver to do this," he explained, brushing the grass from his pink fur.
"Tall bloke, with an accent, was 'e?" Goniff asked, not really needing confirmation.
"Yeah, that's 'im. 'E said it was a surprise for some kids - at least I thought 'e meant kids, what 'e actually said was 'the boys'."
"Just wait till I get my hands on that Italian," Casino threatened. "I'll give him 'boys'! Come on, let's get back."
~*~*~
A little while later, there was a commotion in the Mansion. Garrison came out of his office at a run, to see what was happening.
In the Library, Actor was sitting in his favourite chair, a copy of 'Great Jewel Collections of the World - Volume 3' in his hand, and a glass of brandy on the table at his side.
He looked up as the other three burst into the room, closely followed by the Lieutenant.
"YOU!" Casino started, as he came through the door.
"Yeah, what's the idea of sending us off on a wild goose chase?" Goniff finished for him.
"You weren't even out there, were you?" Chief finished.
The suave Italian put down his book and looked around at the hostile faces - and at the Lieutenant standing quietly in the background, obviously also waiting for an explanation. He took a sip of his brandy before beginning.
"You didn't seriously expect me to dress up as a RABBIT?" he asked with a straight face. "And pink is simply NOT my colour."
