(If you have your sound on, you are listening to "You Are My All In All" which is what I'm listening to, only with words, heh)
I guess I'm still feeling a little depressed because I really like this girl from work, and I think it might even be possible that she likes me, but I am too afraid to ask/do anything about it. I'm scared, I don't know if I'm ready yet. I really like her, and I hate being alone so much. I am done going after girls who are "physically" attractive because all they're interested in is having a hot guy to "do/show off"...I'm not getting played like that anymore (haha, by that I meant I'm not chasing a false hope, not that a girl has actually ever "played" me because of my looks, heh ;-) ).
Today was pretty good, worked 3-10, but got some productive stuff done beforehand. Cleaned my room, the bathroom, and washed the dishes. I know it doesn't seem like much, but if you knew me and how much I hate to do work around the house, heh, that's a lot! I put 15 dollars worth of gas in my car using my debit card, and come to find out (later when I went to balance my check book) that I forgot to deposit my last check and 30 extra dollars I had in my bank, so I went OVER 1 dollar...now I'm gonna get charged a substantial overcharge fee! haha, works out great doesn't it? Work was actually enjoyable (praise the Lord). I don't know if they had a change in heart or what, but they haven't put me in the spot I hate most in a long time (and when they do, it isn't for very long). Got out at 10, we were really slow and not busy, so I got to catch most of the Piston's game in the manager's office, heh.
Well, I'm sure you're wanting to know more about this girl from work. Well, I can't say much, heh, because there is probably some people from work reading this. But if anything develops, I'll let ya know. She is very nice/kind. She has a light/energy I could only hope to find in a girlfriend. I think she's a Christian, I will have to ask, but as I mentioned before, religion is important to me. She has a "child-like" spirit, like mine, but she's also serious when she wants to be. Who knows...I have her sn, that's a start. I think, heh. All you ladies out there can tell if I'm after ya because I usually do it by way of asking for your sn and talking to you online, heh. I'm not exactly the kind of guy who spills his guts out in the open. At first anyway.
Lord please bless me with someone special.
I really don't mean to make fun of myself, or insult myself (for those who know what I mean, when I call myself "fat" and insult myself in other ways). I know putting oneself down can be unattractive to girls, and I think that might have scared a few away before. I'm trying to stop, really, but it is sort of a habit. How you say? well, to try and make a long story short, I had to start laughing WITH others at me in order to get them to stop laughing AT me. I didn't exactly have a very happy childhood (no, my parents were great, I meant my school life). I was bullied more in school than anyone else, and not for my weight either! But it was very depressing and sad, and by the time Middle school rolled around, I started eating with my depression...:-(. It's like Fat Bastard said in the movie "Austin Powers" : "I eat because I'm sad, and I'm sad because I eat...it's a vicious cycle." Heh...
My point being, I need to start thinking positively about myself, but it gets really hard at times. Whenever I start to actually think I might be good looking or worth something to somebody, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and suddenly flashbacks of all the girls who've turned me down or got rid of me stir in my head, and my "vision" of myself gets worse.
Ok, haha, I'm done with that depressing rant now, sorry. I could go on but I won't.
I have tomorrow off from work (WOO HOO!) and I plan on getting some stuff done (hopefully, more severe weather is predicted :-) ). I really desperately need a hair cut...and I might dye my hair back to it's brown color. It's obvious that my dying it blonde didn't help me pick up chicks, heh, so going back to my dull brown won't change anything. Thursday is my thyroid test, I really really hope something turns up, because I can't understand why I can't lose weight even when I stick to it rigourously (sp?). I had spent an entire summer at a camp up north and didn't eat hardly anything (who could with the food...at camp...heh) and drank a lot of water and got a lot of exercise...I got home...and NOTHING! I hadn't lost any weight! NO WAY will I buy that it was my own fault...I have a desperately slow metabolism and really bad thyroid. I have to, I don't know what I'd do if it wasn't that. I hate to think (it really kind of sickens me) I have to lose weight before I can get girls to notice me. That's just not right, they have no clue what they're missing. Girls want nothing more than physical pleasure and instant gratification and satisfaction ( a trophy to show off in front of their "friends").
It's sad, but a sad fact of life.
Well, until then, I think that about does it, heh. Hasta lluego!
P.S.: 8 more days until my 20th Birthday!!!