It started out alright, went to the supervisor's meeting which went well, but unfortunately it would seem I'm going to be working Easter Sunday... I'm going to try and work it out so I only have to work either 6am - 2pm or 2pm - 10pm so that way I can spend some of it with my family...and possibly go to church.
Then, I sit at home watching some tv, and a friend calls asking if I want to go with them to dinner. That's cool, I thought, Angie will be there, so I can hang out with her. She's very attractive, not just physically, so I was looking forward to the evening. I got to sit with her in the booth, we had a good dinner with conversation, we all went back to Jill's house, I massaged Angie's shoulders since she had a sore neck, and then she sat on the couch next to me. I was feeling very good about myself at this point...
...until...
a car pulls up...Oh goody! It's her sort-of-ex-but-not-really-since-they're-still-friends-with-benefits Jared...so, as usual, I get tossed aside like yesterday's newspaper, and she races to the door to greet him. Luckily it was time for the rest of us to go anyway, I don't know how much I could have taken if I had to stay with "him" there...
So, if anyone out there who keeps telling me I'm so down on myself can't understand why, let's just say that whenever I start to boost my self-confidence and ego, I get hit by a semi hauling a load of bricks and so I figure, why bother?
It's easy for everyone else to think good about themselves, and to think I'm crazy or weird for being so down on myself, but I have to say, I haven't been given much reason to think of myself any other way. Compliments are few and far between (not from my friends, they always cheer me up, I'm talking from females)...and sure, there are some that say the obligatory generic catch phrases such as, "You're a great guy" or "You have a great personality" or "You're funny"...yeah...too bad personality and humor don't quite measure up to looks, eh ladies?
I know, I'm ranting, and I apologize. It just gets so frustrating sometimes, especially when I feel like I'm being used as I said above...I have been used a lot in my life, and for someone like me that's the LAST thing I need...
Keep on Truckin' eh?
On a semi-lighter note...Me and matt go out "house-hunting" tomorrow...I'm happy about that. Tom's coming too. It'll be just the guys...like always, heh.
Ah well, I suppose in one sense I'm envious of Matt, because he has a girlfriend who is cool to hang around and his friends often do so...not to mention, like me, she's very...spontaneous shall we say? Ha...but, there's also the OTHER side of her which I am NOT envious of, and ultimately am glad he is the one who ended up with her and not me (sorry Matt ;-) ). Don't get me wrong, she's a great girl and everything, but she's very contradictive and double-standard...she has issues which she can't get over or at least tolerate, and she is very very sensitive about things. I'm sensitive too, mind you, but I don't know how a relationship would work with to extremely sensitive people...it probably wouldn't. That's why Matt is the strong one in the relationship.
Well, I suppose that's it for the night...Goodnight and Sweet Dreams...I shall try myself...
