AND I AM BORED TO TEARS.
What a loser I am! Heh...
So I got to listening to some Savage Garden [which is what you are listening to now if you have your volume turned up], and of course as a lot of music does, it stirred up some emotions in me. I was thinking to myself, why haven't I found someone yet? Is it really because of the way I look? That might account for some of the reason, but that can't be all. I could have had someone by now if I so choosed, I had a couple ask me already. So what am I afraid of, committement? Am I holding out for the perfect person? If so, isn't that a little silly? Am I holding my standards too high and just destined to fail? Yes, lots of questions...
...little/few answers.
I know of one particular girl who is hurting really badly right now...
I want so much to be there for her, to comfort her. I could do so much good for her (is that vain?)...but she pushes me away. If I could only be given a chance by the women I love, I just know I could prove myself to them.
I am extremely empathetic to others' feelings. Especially women; If I see someone I know and care about cry, I am prone to do the same. It's hard, to have these feelings that I do welling up inside with noone to give them to.
I didn't do much of anything today. Woke up to a nice little thunderstorm, was lazy most of the day, and went over to a friend's house for a little while.
And now for a little lesson in love:
My friend Matt is hurting really badly right now. His fiancee and him broke up, and I can only imagine how much that hurts. I know the feeling almost all too well. It hurts when you have noone to love, but it hurts more when you have someone and lose them.
Picture dying...no I don't mean a horrible death. You're lying in a hospital bed...suffering from some horrible illness that causes you pain everyday. You close your eyes, and there you are. You're standing in front of the gates. You walk in, and it's more than you've ever dreamed of. You get a sensation of warmth wrapping itself around you. You feel such an amount of love that you can't believe it's possible. Light is all around you, and you are too much in awe to even move. You want to drop to your knees and prasie God for the beauty and love you are experiencing. You feel warm, loved, like nothing bad will ever happen again. You feel completely and utterly in bliss.
And then the doctors revive you...ripping you away from Paradise. One moment you were there, the next, you're back in reality and in pain.
Yeah, that's only sort of describing the feeling, but I've been there...as many others have I'm sure. It's indescribably hard when you've acheieved paradise only to be ripped away from it. I had someone who made me feel that way once upon a time. She thinks I should get over it. Tell that to the patient who just saw Heaven and was ripped away from it.
You never get over your first love.
Who knows...I hope I find another out there that makes me feel the same way again. Only this time, I hope I'm able to stay in Heaven for a little longer than just a couple of weeks...
The first step should be courage...confidence. Looks (despite what I've always believed in) ISN'T everything...personality and confidence are key as well. A girl will most likely not want to go out with a guy who's hard on himself, and shy.
So the moral of today is: Women are like predators; They can smell fear.