Simply, the importance placed upon it that it should be the topic of conversation, ads, programming, etc these days.
I use to have meaningful conversations with my friends. Those were the days. We'd talk about a wide variety of things from sports to cars to hanging out on the weekends.
Then we grew up.
Adulthood has complicated everything. Work, college, relationships, they all seem to get in the way of what really matters. There's never enough time to just sit and chat about everyday life.
I was suppose to watch a movie and hang out and stuff tonight with my friends. I was actually looking forward to it. Of course, things don't always go as planned. I ended up spending most of the night by myself while the rest of them went "elsewhere" to "reproduce."
It kind of made me sick...not "ew, gross" kind of sick, more like, "ugh, this is what I gave up my free time for?"
I was feeling a great many emotions this evening. Anger, for their putting self-satisfaction above a friendship; Jealousy, for not having what they take for granted; Sadness, for not being able to hang out and do what we had planned; and some others.
I know you probably won't read this, but Tony, I'd like to apologize to you. I have let you down as a friend, as a confidante, as a kindred spirit. I left you when you were entering the best time of your life (your first girlfriend now fiancee)...I was jealous because you had a girlfriend, and for that I'm truly sorry. I see now that you, out of all of us that were part of the original "group" in high school, were the only one who stayed true to not only yourself, but stayed committed to one girl. That girl, whom you loved and cherished and gave yourself to, the one you proposed to.
I guess I hate feeling like celibacy is a "bad" thing. I know they [my friends] don't always mean it, but I definately feel that way sometimes.
It's ridiculous. Why should I feel like I want to shed any tears over something so stupid?
I miss Tony. I miss hanging out and talking the night away. Talking about things that REALLY mattered. Talking about life. God. I can't even remember the last time I went to church.
I don't mean to make excuses for my own lazyness, but I often wonder if the reason I never get out of the house is because this is where I feel the most appreciated/comfortable. Here I don't feel judged, I'm not left by the wayside for "convenience of self-satisfaction."
Will a girlfriend solve everything? Probably not. Matter of fact I really don't see the point in having one right now.
Eh, there's a lot of other stuff on my mind that I'd like to talk about, but I'd just rather go to sleep and try and forget about it all.
My moral for today's lesson: If you are young, hang on to that innocence. If you are older, try to relive it. This world, this life, it's all way too important to get concerned with self-satisfaction, sacrificing the moment for pleasure, etc. What's important is the people you go through life with. Friends, Family, and loved ones. I mean truly "loved" ones. Not some one-night or two-night stand.
Goodnight.
