A lot has happened since my last post. The details would be too long and boring to recount, so I'll just recap the main points:
- Graduated from Mott Community College with Three Associates Degrees in Science, Art, and General Studies.
- Continued working throughout the summer as a security guard at GM.
- Transferred in the fall to Central Michigan University in Mount Pleasant. I am now currently living on campus in a dorm, persuing my major of Meteorology.
That about sums it up. Oh yeah and I've lost yet another love of my life to someone else whom has taken her hand in marriage, but meh, I'm not bitter. I'm happy for her. I prayed continuously for her to find happiness and someone to love and take care of her even if it wasn't with me, and God came through. I have a feeling that I won't be able to find someone while here at college like I had originally hoped. I'm just too shy, and I can't overcome this shyness. I try, I really do, but I'm too scared of rejection, scared of what people think when they see me (an overweight person). I want to lose weight but even if I started now I wouldn't get it all off in time for me to meet anyone anytime soon, that I should have to change in order to find someone, but people tend to look at you a little differently when you look healthy and have a six-pack -rolls eyes-
I just want happiness. I want love. I want to be loved and to love someone else. Not the kind of platonic love that friends or family have, but the intimate kind you share with someone whom you care about so deeply and passionately that just being with them makes you feel like you can do anything. The Lord blessed me once with this feeling, and it was so intoxicating and addicting that I want it again. During that time I felt like I could fly, and for the first time in my life, I felt like nothing bad that ever happened to me ever mattered. What's ironic also about this is that before hand I was going through a really bad depression, being really down on myself, but even after it was over and I was hurting more than ever, when the pain finally subsided, I was actually a lot better for the experience.
I guess what's painful now is that I have so much love seeping out of every pore of my body, and I feel like I'm going to burst if I don't say "I love you" to someone. Oddly enough, being out here, by myself in Mt. Pleasant and on my own, I don't feel so bad about being away from home (normally I would be very nervous and scared and such). I don't know why and I can't explain it. I guess I'm just ready (finally) to be on my own. Maybe it's my own pre-occupation with finding someone, or maybe it's something else, I don't know. I see someone beautiful eating by themselves or sitting on a bench, I just want to sit next to them and talk, but I find myself walking by because I'm afraid. I've put myself out there, out on the line before and have been struck down. I just don't want to expose myself like that again, at least not without being sure that I'll be received warmly...
Well anyway, that's enough ranting from me. Hope everyone is doing well!
