Three guys in a bar.

Davy
So I was like "Hey girls what's a happenin'"
and they were like "Hi, wanna go make out or something"
and I was like "sure, whatever." Man it was so awesome!

Mickey
Yeah, it really sounds like it.

Peter
You my dear friend are
such the mack daddy.

Davy
Dude, I know! Sometimes it's just,
you know I wish I could make out
with myself you know.
(seeing a pretty girl walk by)
"Hey Vivica! Remember me...
that's right come here baby.
(runs off stage)

Mickey
Go get him tiger.
(waits till Davy is offstage)
Man I hate that guy, I really,
really hate that guy.

Peter
I swear to God if he says one more word
I am going to punch him in the throat.

Mickey
He's just so incredibly obnoxious.
And all those asinine stories,
you know he makes them all up.
Like the time he said he seduced those
three Swedish coeds into his apartment
for a round of "pass the salami",
he's a vegetarian for Pete’s sake.

Peter
I hate vegetarians.
Stupid hippies.

Mickey
I wouldn't go that far,
but remember the very next week
he told the exact same story
except it was three Japanese schoolgirls.
And both times he said
(mocking voice)
Man, it was sooo awesome, nothing like
that has ever happened to you guys huh?

Peter
Well, just look at him,
I could so easily just...
wait, here he comes.

Davy walks back in strutting his stuff, but limping a little

Davy
Man she was HOT!!

Peter looks at Mickey, clenches fist, Mickey shakes his head no

Davy
I don't know what her problem is though,
she was acting all coy and crap,
She was like "I don't know who you are"
and I was like "Oh yeah,
well do you remember this"
(does some sort of pelvic dance
and makes ooga- chaka sounds)
Uh huh, that's right baby.
Last week at the Chug Uh huh Uh huh...

Mickey
Right on, did she remember you.

Davy
She kicked me in the crotch.
(rubs crotch...nicely)

Peter
Bummer.

Davy
She was loose anyway.
(sees another girl)
Yo Tiffany, baby wassup.
(exits again)

Peter
You know I could just rabbit punch him
in the face. It would be over quickly.

Mickey
Lets not resort to murder just yet.
It's a lot messier than you think.
Trust me on this one.

Peter looks at him very strangely

Mickey
What

Peter
It's just that for a moment you really
reminded me of Christian Slater.

Mickey
(angry)
What did I tell you about mentioning
his name around me,
that two timing low down yella belly...

Peter
All right I'm sorry,
just forget the whole thing.

Davy enters again

Davy
That's right, call me sometime,
we'll shack up.
(shoots the guns at her)
sometimes they call me
the cowboy of love.
Look she gave me a note.

Peter
What's it say?

Davy
I can't tell for sure, it's sort of scribbily.
She was walking away from me when she wrote it.
I think it says "Luck you, Casserole"
hmmm... cryptic, alluring...
she wants me oh yeah.

Davy passes the note towards Mickey

Peter
(snickering)
Does this say what I think it says.

Mickey
It sure as hell doesn't
say Luck you casserole

Davy
Perhaps you boys should take a few tips.
I'm one lucky man. I'm feeling good,
feeling really good. Like I was one
of the most powerful men in the universe...
this is how Christian Slater must feel.

Mickey punches Davy in the neck, Davy falls down goes boom

Mickey
What, he'll wake up.

Peter
Yeah, let's go get another beer.