Living room setting. Jesus is seated at the coach reading a book with his feet on the coffee table. We hear an applause track and, then a loud, booming voice.

Announcer
Jehovah and Son was taped
before a live, studio audience.
(Thunder crackles.)
Let there be light.

Stage lights come on and Jehovah enters, mumbling to himself.

Jehovah
Boy, what are you doin?

Jesus
Well, gee Pop, I was
just readin’ the Book of Job.

Jehovah
Book of Job???
Ya oughtta be readin’ the
book of job.

Jesus
Oh, come on Pop.
You know how many hours
I put in down at the missionary?

Jehovah
Boy, by the time I was
your age I had the whole
universe created, and I was
already on the Seventh
Commandment.

Jesus
Now what’s wrong
with trying to feed
a bunch of hungry people?

Jehovah
Nothing’s wrong with
feedin’ the hungry, as
long as I’m one of em’.
Now get in the kitchen,
and make me a sandwich.
Go on, boy... let there be lunch.
Doorbell rings.

Jehovah
(To Jesus)
No, no, don’t
get up... I’ll get it.
(mumbling as he walks to front door)
Lazy kid, doorbell ringin’,
house is a mess... gotta get
some Cherubs around here;
clean up the place...
room looks like Hell.

He opens the door to reveal Satan, audience groans

Jehovah
Speak of the Devil.

Satan
Hello, Jo. You’re
looking fit as usual.
(to Jesus)
Hello Junior.

Jesus.
(rolls his eyes)
Hi Satan.

Satan
(holding up Nerf ball)
Your Apostles left this in my yard.
(tosses it to Jesus.)

Jesus
Thanks Satan.

Jehovah
Boy, what have I told you
about playin’ ball in the house of God?

Satan
Consider yourself lucky.
I was going to let my boy
keep it.

Enter Damien at doorway

Satan
You go play son; Daddy’s
got shop talk with God.

Damien runs to Jesus and begins pulling on his beard as Jehovah and Satan walk into kitchen.

Jesus
Goddamn you, kid!
Knock it off!

Kitchen

Jehovah
Coffee?

Satan
Oh, no thanks.

Jehovah
No, make me some coffee.

Satan
You know, we’ve had our differences
in the past. You say good, I say evil,
I say potato, you say pototo, I like to make
people kill each other, and you
like to do it yourself.

Jehovah
Man, what you gettin at? I may have
created the world in a week,
but it wasn’t last week.

Satan
No, I just think we should let
bygones be bygones and start a clean slate.

Jehovah
Uh-huh... and?

Satan
I think you should let George W. Bush
and Dick Chaney win the election.

Jehovah
What?!

Satan
Now don’t say no just yet;
I even have a great campaign slogan:
“Bush and Dick... A perfect fit.”

Jehovah
I ain’t doin’ you no favors. You already
had Hitler, Sadaam Housane, Carrot Top, and
you still haven’t returned my Buns Of Steel tape.

Satan
Come on, Big “G”. I haven’t had running
water in my place for an eternity.

Jehovah
I’m your lord, not your damn landlord.
Now, get outta my kitchen, smokey.

Satan
Man, you make me sick!

Jehovah
Yeah, yeah. I haven’t heard that one before.

Jehovah and Satan walk back into living room as lights go on to reveal Jesus playing N64 with Paul while John splashes holy water on Damien, who is tied to a chair and trying to break free.

Jehovah
Jesus H. Christ, what
in my name do you think
you’re doin’?!

John
(joint in hand) We’re
exorcizin’’ his ass!!!

John chuckles uncontrollably and Paul chokes on his smoke as Satan grabs Damien, duct taped to the chair, and storms out.

Satan
(to Jesus)
Well, you can
say good-bye to your
baby-sitting job!
(to Jehovah)
And as for my barbecue
next Saturday, you can
just find some alternate plans.

exit Satan

Jehovah
What’re y’all still
doin’ here? Go on... get!
You people treat this place
like a homeless shelter. This
ain’t no damn YMCA.
(laughter. Exit Apostles) Now, boy,
what’ve you got to say for yourself?

Jesus
Come on, Pop. Damien
started it. Besides that kid’s
a little...

Jehovah
I don’t wanna talk about it.
You go on up to your room. You
can clean this place up later.

Jesus pouts a little, then slumps up the stairs and stops halfway, looking at Jehovah with a puppy dog face.

Jehovah
Go on... all the way up.

Jesus sighs and continues up to his room

Jehovah
Boy can walk on water,
but he can’t get up
the damn stairs.

Jehovah stands alone in living room and picks up the joint, inspecting it, then cracks a smile and laughs to himself

Jehovah
Yep... every God has its day.

Big laughs and applause. Lights out.